The Resolution for Men

  That’s the raw power of God’s provision.

  We Work, God Provides

  Work is a wonderful thing. Even though part of the consequence of sin is that work now involves “painful toil,” “thorns and thistles,” and “the sweat of your brow” (Genesis 3:17–19 NIV), the diligent worker is honored throughout Scripture, and the lazy man is not.

  Poor is he who works with a negligent hand, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. (Proverbs 10:4)

  He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. (Ephesians 4:28)

  For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. . . . For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:7–8, 10 NIV)

  In cultures that offer welfare or subsidized income to the unemployed, a man without a job may be forced to temporarily accept this as a way to fulfill his obligations to his family. But when work becomes available to him, an honorable man will choose to earn his food and provide for his own household. This trait separates the diligent man from the lazy man. Laziness, theft, and gambling are all sinful and dishonorable ways to try to get things you want without really earning them. These are never God’s plan.

  Even if it means doing menial work for a while until a better job opens up, any work to a diligent man is preferable to him than sitting around, dodging opportunities, and waiting for his ship to come in.

  Men work. Men provide. And when those men are children of God who call on Him as their Father, they can be sure that God will always meet their needs. They will eventually be able to say as King David did, “I have been young and now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread” (Psalm 37:25). God Himself will honor the work we do because He is a “rewarder of those who seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6).

  When we get prayerfully busy trying to provide for our families, we find ourselves cooperating with the One who created it all, owns it all, and can make more of it whenever He wants. By laying our best before Him, we can be absolutely sure that He will “give us each day our daily bread” (Luke 11:3). He is Jehovah-jireh—the God who provides.

  After thousands of years of faithfulness, He will not ruin His reputation on us.

  One thing we need to acknowledge soberly is that God does not promise to provide for the needs of those who are not His children. He may, but He is not obligated to do so. When Jesus promised God’s faithful provision, He was talking about those who called God their Father (Matthew 6:25–34). Those who have rejected God or are worshipping false gods may starve (Deuteronomy 28:15–48; Isaiah 8:19–22; 65:12–13). Their gods do nothing for them. This is another reason why it is vital to tell them about the living God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and can fill the hungry soul with what is good (Psalm 107:9).

  However, Jesus taught believers to pray in confidence because “your Father knows what you need before you ask Him” (Matthew 6:8). Christian men who worry at night about their job or not having their needs met do so in vain.

  The question for believers is never, “Will God provide?” but “How is He going to do it?”

  God provides in His own way and in His own timing, but He is always faithful to His role as Provider. If you need transportation to get to work, God may provide a car to you free of charge as a gift from someone. Or He may provide the money to buy the car. Or a way to earn the money to buy the car. Or send you a bicycle. Or change your job so you can walk to work or even work from home.

  But you can rest assured that He is on it and in the end will deliver what you need so you can get food on the table. And in the meantime, you need to walk by faith and stay busy asking, seeking, and knocking until He reveals what He has provided. But He will; you can rest on it.

  The Bible is filled with amazing stories of how God provided His children exactly what they needed, exactly when they needed it. Sometimes He waited until the very last second, but He timed things perfectly to maximize His glory and maintain His reputation.

  And that’s what we can expect from Him, too, as we’re obedient to pursue our calling as men who work hard to provide for our families and resist any temptation toward laziness.

  Motivation at Work

  For some men, however, the “working hard” part is not the problem. Truth is, they’re working too hard and too much—because their work is not motivated by the right things.

  Some men are driven by fear. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the cause of providing that you become fearful you may not be able to make enough, and you start looking to money and work as your god. Jesus warned His followers not to let worry slip into our lives:

  “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” (Matthew 6:26).

  If you are seeking Christ and His kingdom above all, He will make sure you never fail to have your basic needs met. Never.

  Some men are driven by greed. Our goal in working can go far beyond provision and responsibility into materialism and covetousness. Instead of working for our families, we’re working for better stuff, bigger awards, or recognition that we don’t need. Instead of trying not to live in want, we just want more.

  But if a man is not grateful for what God provides through reasonable, honest work, he will never be happy no matter how much he works and earns and accumulates. “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income. This too is vanity. When good things increase, those who consume them increase” (Ecclesiastes 5:10–11). Many claim that they aren’t making it financially, but what they really mean is that they lack the money to keep up with their appetites. They reach for a standard of living out of their reach. Or they eat more, buy more, accumulate more, and are entertained more than they should. Or they are impatient and rush into needless debts instead of waiting for purchases. Then they must work more to keep up with their creditors.

  And this just never stops.

  And so neither do they.

  The resolution to provide for your family actually comes with a companion resolution: to accept contentment, not allowing yourself to fall in love with money and advancement and competition with others. It’s a man with an “evil eye” who “hastens after wealth,” the Bible says, not knowing that “want will come upon him” (Proverbs 22:28). Therefore, “if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content” (1 Timothy 6:8).

  And here’s why, as Paul went on to say:

  Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. (1 Timothy 6:9–10)

  Clearly the Bible does not say it’s a sin to be rich. But to love money—to long to be rich—eventually brings a lot of unnecessary stress, pain, dissatisfaction, and worry into our families. We cannot serve God and money at the same time (Matthew 6:24), and we cannot take anything with us into eternity except deeds that please the Lord. Working for status or selfish gain is bad business.

  After all, once your obligations are filled, God’s design for your work is not to line your pockets with profits. He tells you to honor Him with your tithes and offerings (Malachi 3:10), to share with others who are in need (Ephesians 4:28), and to help further the work of the gospel with the fruit of your labor (1 Corinthians 9:14). In addition, the context of 1 Timothy 5:8, which speaks of providing for your “household,” includes taking responsibility for others outside your immediate nuclear family, such as your widowed mom or grandmo
ther who is without a husband to care for her. The motivation to work can never be greed but love—love that motivates you to go the extra mile, to use His provision to bless those around you and advance His kingdom cause.

  Therefore, think of any extra income you receive from your work as being temporary and available for God’s use—in whatever way He directs you to dispense it. It’s noble to save for the future, but don’t hold it too tightly, for it already belongs to Him and is ultimately meant for His glory.

  Your motivation to work is actually a test of who you are serving. If you are serving money, you can expect to feel anger and frustration anytime things don’t go as planned. But if you are working “as unto the Lord and not unto men” (Ephesians 6:7), then you will have greater joy, and even menial jobs will become fulfilling. You can then honor the Lord and reach worthwhile, spiritual goals no matter the status of your job or income.

  Spiritual and Emotional Provision

  Another danger for men to avoid—besides the twin extremes of laziness and overwork—is the belief that financial provision is the extent of your responsibility as a husband and father. Bringing home a paycheck and keeping your family clothed and fed are not where provision stops. As the shepherd-leader of your home, you’re also responsible for providing spiritual and emotional sustenance for your family to feed on.

  We’ve looked already at what it means to be the spiritual head of your home, but it cannot be emphasized enough that a child’s primary view of God begins with his view of his earthly father. This is why it’s so crucial that every father resolve to prioritize the spiritual health of his home—not only by maintaining his personal walk with God, not only by praying and reading the Bible with his family, but also by orienting his work schedule (as much as possible) to make sure he has the time, brain cells, and margin to keep his spiritual goals for his family protected.

  You must stay active in church, for example, rather than letting work continually interfere with your regular involvement. Scripture tells us not to “give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing” (Hebrews 10:25). Making the Sabbath a day for worship, rest, and family togetherness, rather than just another day for working and catching up, helps you keep “first things first” with God and at home—and keeps your working life in healthy balance. Taking Sundays off prevents burnout and actually sharpens you to get much more done at work in less time.

  But in addition to spiritual matters, providing for your family’s emotional needs must also remain a priority. One reason to avoid constantly coming home drained and depleted from too many hours of work is so you’re not as likely to be touchy, impatient, and irritable around your family. Part of their emotional well-being depends on the pleasantness of your conversation, your ability to give them your full attention, and your quickness to be understanding and forgiving.

  Your children need to keep seeing that they’re still important to you. They need to feel confident that other, less crucial concerns won’t routinely and repeatedly take their place.

  And don’t fall for the logic that says you can make up for a lack of time with your family by appeasing them with gifts. This should be done sparingly—and only when your separation from them is necessary. Gifts are certainly thoughtful and can demonstrate love, but they are no match for your personal time and attention. Anything we give our children is a poor substitute for ourselves.

  The term affluenza was coined to describe the unhealthy tendency of busy parents to smother their children with pricey possessions. This saturation of gifts leaves an extremely materialistic mind-set in children, who grow up constantly expecting freebies they haven’t worked for. This ungrateful attitude breeds a laziness and self-centeredness that leads to a lack of responsibility as well as depression and anxiety.

  Make time for them instead, and teach them the necessities of life. Model for them how to keep work in its rightful place. Your children will not remember what you did for them as much as what you did with them. And the example you set will likely be the path they display for their kids.

  Too many Christian men love their wives and children, yet they overwork to be able to afford a beautiful house, expensive pleasures, and enough money for the children to go to college. Their children grow up with plenty of material things but without their father at home. Don’t let your work—even the noble ideals of being a good provider—steal you away from your family so that you fail them spiritually and emotionally at home. If it means not taking a promotion, not winning an award, or making less money in order to spend needed time together, then do it. Many men need to pray for a new boss or a new job. But they should not keep sacrificing their lives and families for people who won’t cry at their funeral.

  Men never lie on their deathbeds and wish they could have spent more time in the office. They always long to go back and spend more time with their wife and kids. If you prioritize God’s priorities, He can give you greater favor at work, bless you in ways your job never could, and stretch out the income you do bring in.

  What Providing Looks Like

  If you want to find out how you’re doing as a provider in your home, why not ask your kids? “Do you feel like your needs are met? How can I do a better job of taking care of you? What makes you feel safest and most secure? Are you confident that I love you and will always be there for you?”

  This also applies to your marriage. You don’t have to read twelve books to learn what wives need from their husbands. Just walk up and ask her. If she doesn’t have an answer, or if you have to pick her up off the floor, then tell her to think it over and make a list to share with you. This is gutsy leadership on your part. Your family feels things and thinks things about you anyway. You may as well know what they’re thinking. Don’t find out after it’s too late.

  When you take seriously your responsibility as a provider, you feel an inner joy that comes from pleasing God. In addition, your family will naturally grow in their respect and appreciation for you. This is just a by-product of dads doing what they’re designed to do. If you’re divorced, you need to make sure you’re still providing for your ex-wife and kids. The fact that you are no longer married doesn’t relieve you of responsibility for obeying God in these areas. If you’ve fallen behind in supporting your family, start praying about how you can sacrifice to catch up. Don’t deny it or fight it. Just trust God and do it.

  Circumstances are irrelevant when it comes to being a provider. Even in times of high unemployment and a poor economy, God expects us to fulfill our obligations, and He will help us to be found faithful if we will seek His help. Sometimes He will intentionally allow difficult financial circumstances to force us to our knees so He can turn them around as a platform to show us His power and love. But in every season, in every situation, and in every sense of the word, men of courage are men who provide for their families.

  Resolve to provide well for yours!

  COURAGEOUS CHALLENGE

  Begin the practice of doing weekly family devotions.

  MEMORY VERSE

  My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

  If you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.

  Matthew 5:23–24

  CHAPTER 12

  RESOLOVE TO RECONCILE WITH YOUR PAST

  I WILL forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

  How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered!” (Psalm 31:1). If you want to see a happy person, look at someone who has just been forgiven! They have a refreshing humility and joy that’s hard to deny. Regret doesn’t have the power to haunt them anymore. They sinned or failed others, but they’ve been forgiven and set free. It’s a beautiful thing!

  But there’s another joy worth pursuing—the liberation you
feel after forgiving someone who has deeply hurt you. When wounded people finally forgive, the dark clouds part in their emotions, and a breath of fresh air and sunshine rushes into their hearts.

  Bitterness can hold any good man down. Guilt can turn the mightiest men into cowards. Both of these spiritual burdens result from failing to respond wisely to failure—bitterness from not forgiving those who have wronged you, and guilt from sinning against God and others . . . without making it right. But you cannot be a faithful man of resolution who walks closely with God unless you release the baggage from your past—both the bitterness and the guilt. If you don’t, life will be like running a marathon with bricks in your pocket or driving your car with the parking brake on. Bitterness and guilt add unnecessary weight and waste our time and energy.

  As men are embracing responsibility today, they must let go of yesterday. It’s hard to have a vision for what’s ahead when you’re constantly haunted by what’s in your rearview mirror. That’s why God is passionate about reconciliation and is in the business of bringing good fruit out of rotten situations. We fail and He restores. We confess and He forgives. The entire Bible is an unfolding saga of how God is powerfully redeeming mankind to Himself.

  Reconciliation—Past and Present

  God is at perfect peace within Himself. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are in complete unity within the Godhead. No bitterness, anger, guilt, or lack of harmony. Only intense love, joy, and peace. And each of us has been created in God’s image, called to know Him and follow His example.