This should disgust us. Look up and study the following verses that tell what else lust does to you. It chokes out the Word in your heart (Mark 4:19); leads you to destroy yourself and degrade your mind (Romans 1:24); causes inner struggle and strained relationships (James 4:1); creates a state of ongoing frustration, anxiety, and dissatisfaction (James 4:2); blinds you to what is most important in life (1 John 2:16–17); and invites the judgment and punishment of God (1 Corinthians 10:1–6). With these truths and grave warnings in mind, you must resolve before God to walk in complete honesty and purity (1 John 1:7), in full repentance and victory. Scripture shows us how to walk in freedom through the following ways:
Do not allow lust to rule you anymore. (Romans 6:12)
Put it completely out of your life. (Ephesians 4:22)
Set your mind instead on things above. (Colossians 3:1–5)
Remember that you now belong to Christ. (Galatians 5:24)
Remember that God’s grace empowers you to say “No!” to lust’s demands and deceptions. (Titus 2:12)
Run away when it tries to draw you back in. (2 Timothy 2:22)
Be like Jesus, willing to suffer rather than sin. (1 Peter 4:1-2)
Trust the Holy Spirit to fill you, empower you, and help you resist faithfully. (Galatians 5:16-25)
Escape by believing the promises of God that He will meet your needs and never leave you. (2 Peter 1:4)
God has provided all you need to be completely happy and successful in life (2 Peter 1:3–4). And His plan involves you living free from pornography. If you have been enslaved to it in the past, you know firsthand how low it takes you. God never wants you again to see anyone undressed other than your spouse. Admit this. Human willpower isn’t enough. You need God’s grace.
So if you are addicted to pornography, confess it to God and someone else in your life who can spiritually hold you accountable (James 5:16). Begin memorizing His Word (like 1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Peter 1:3–4, 2 Timothy 2:22, Philippians 4:6–8, and Titus 2:12) and using it to fight off temptation. Feast on God each day. He is your source of satisfaction (James 1:17). Get radical about removing things that cause you to stumble (Matthew 18:9). During times of battle, shift your focus to praying for others to distract you from lustful thoughts (Ephesians 6:17–18). Stay accountable to godly friends, and never stop pursuing victory in Christ!
APPENDIX 9
FINAL SPEECH FROM COURAGEOUS
While writing the screenplay for the movie Courageous, we decided to end the movie with a challenge that would inspire men with a portrait of what strong fatherhood looks like. In the movie, one of the main characters, Adam Mitchell, a sheriff’s deputy in Albany, Georgia, discovers that he has failed to grasp the vital importance of his role as a dad. After he and his friends commit together to become strong leaders in their homes, they verbally sign the Resolution for Men points in front of their families, and then frame and hang it on their walls to help them keep their new commitments. Adam is then invited to speak in front of a thousand people at his local church. He boldly shares the following message that burns in the hearts of the men who hear it.
As a law enforcement officer, I’ve seen firsthand the deep hurt and devastation that fatherlessness brings on a child’s life. Our prisons are full of men and women who have lived recklessly after being abandoned by their fathers, wounded by the men who should have loved them the most. Many of these children now follow this same pattern of irresponsibility that their fathers did. While so many mothers have sacrificed to help their children survive, they were never intended to carry the weight alone. We thank God for them, but research is proving that a child also desperately needs a daddy. There’s no way around this fact.
As you know, earlier this year, my family endured the tragic loss of our nine-year-old daughter, Emily. Her death forced me to realize that not only had I not taken advantage of the priceless time I had with her, but that I did not truly understand how crucial my role was as a father to her and our son, Dylan.
Since her passing, I’ve asked God to show me through His Word how to be the father that I need to be. I now believe that God desires for every father to courageously step up and do whatever it takes to be involved in the lives of his children. But more than just being there or providing for them, he’’s to walk with them through their young lives and be a visual representation of the character of God, their Father in heaven.
A father should love his children and seek to win their hearts. He should protect them, discipline them, and teach them about God. He should model how to walk with integrity and treat others with respect, and should call out his children to become responsible men and women who live their lives for what matters in eternity.
Some men will hear this and mock it or ignore it. But I tell you that as a father, you are accountable to God for the position of influence He has given you. You can’t fall asleep at the wheel, only to wake up one day and realize that your job or your hobbies have no eternal value, but the souls of your children do. Some men will hear this and agree with it but have no resolve to live it out. Instead they will live for themselves and waste the opportunity to leave a godly legacy for the next generation.
But there are some men who, regardless of the mistakes we’ve made in the past, regardless of what our fathers did not do for us, will give the strength of our arms and the rest of our days to loving God with all that we are and to teach our children to do the same—and whenever possible, to love and mentor others who have no father in their lives but who desperately need help and direction. And we are inviting any man whose heart is willing and courageous to join us in this resolution.
In my home, the decision has already been made. You don’t have to ask who will guide my family—because by God’s grace, I will. You don’t have to ask who will teach my son to follow Christ because I will. Who will accept the responsibility of providing for and protecting my family? I will. Who will ask God to break the chain of destructive patterns in my family’s history? I will. Who will pray for and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do? I am their father—I will. I accept this responsibility, and it is my privilege to embrace it.
I want the favor of God and His blessing on my home. Any good man does. So where are you, men of courage? Where are you, fathers who fear the Lord? It’s time to rise up and answer the call God has given you, and to say . . . I will, I will, I will!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
INTRODUCTION and CHAPTER 1
1) How have you seen the lack of strong fathers affecting this generation? 2) Which of the resolution “I Will” commitments challenges you the most? 3) How has your relationship with your father affected your life? Your view of God? 4) In your opinion, what factors are undermining the influence of fathers? 5) How do you hope this book will help you the most?
CHAPTER 2
1) What in the parable of James and Timothy meant the most to you personally? 2) In the story, how did James’ relationship with Christ affect the direction of his life? 3) How did the story affect how you view your influence as a dad? 4) What ideas did you learn that you plan to implement with your kids? 5) What does it mean to “be like James”—to break the chain and leave a new legacy?
CHAPTER 3
1) What chains have been in your family tree or your own home in the past? 2) Have there been any specific sins in your life that your father committed as well? 3) Did your dad deeply love you or deeply wound you? Or both? 4) How does the cross of Christ enable us to break the chains of our past? 5) How can a man break the chain of sin? Hurts? Lies? Bad traditions?
CHAPTER 4
1) When did you become a man? How did you view manhood as you grew up? 2) What aspects of manhood meant the most to you in this chapter? Why? 3) What areas of childishness have been the hardest to let go as you have matured? 4) How does this chapter affect how you view responsibility? Accountability? 5) How can a father help prepare and call his son into manhood?
CHAPTER 5
1) W
hat four things did God give Joshua to help him be a successful leader? 2) How does the world’s idea of men leading women differ from Christ’s servant model? 3) Why is a personal, daily walk with God fundamental in helping a man lead his family? 4) What are some things dads would do differently if they took their role seriously as protectors? 5) Did your father lead with love? How will you lead your family with love?
CHAPTER 6
1) What does it mean to be holy? How does making something holy affect how we view it? 2) What is the difference between “falling in love” and becoming a channel of God’s love? 3) Read the consequences of adultery in appendix 3. How does seeing its dangers listed this way help you? 4) How does it help a man be faithful by first loving God intimately? 5) What boundaries will you put around yourself to guard against pornography and adultery?
CHAPTER 7
1) What do worldly fathers view as success for their kids? What about godly fathers? 2) What are some things fathers can do to help their children fall deeply in love with God? 3) What are some things your father did that caused him to win or lose your heart? 4) What are the factors of a father’s blessing? How did God the Father bless His Son, Jesus? 5) What will you do this week to communicate attention, affection, and affirmation to your children?
CHAPTER 8
1) How can fathers already be teaching and influencing their great-great-grandchildren? 2) What does it mean to fear the Lord? What are the benefits of fearing the Lord? 3) How does God use imperfect authorities in our lives to guide us? 4) Why is it important for fathers to lovingly discipline their children? What are the keys? 5) What tips help fathers teach their children to live responsibly?
CHAPTER 9
1) What factors cause men to be passive and avoid standing up against evil? 2) What story of a historical justice fighter challenged you the most? 3) How does showing mercy for the hurting go hand-in-hand with fighting for justice? 4) What evils need to be confronted in our day? What battles need to be fought? 5) Close your time together by praying for discernment, hatred of evil, and the courage to act.
CHAPTER 10
1) How does demonstrating love affect a father’s influence in his children’s lives? 2) What are the top three “locks” of prayer that have held you back the most? 3) What “keys” of prayer would you like to practice more? 4) How did Jesus reach out to people who were different from Him? 5) Share about a man in your life you greatly respect. Why do you feel that way about him?
CHAPTER 11
1) How well did your father provide for you physically, emotionally, spiritually? 2) Why do believers never need to worry about having their needs met? 3) Share a story about how you have seen God miraculously meet someone’s need. 4) How does work draw a man away from his family? How can men guard against this? 5) What are some things men do to spiritually lead their families?
CHAPTER 12
1) How do guilt and bitterness hold a man back from being a godly man? 2) Why is it important to forgive every person who has sinned against you? 3) Read Ephesians 4:26–34. What are the consequences of bitterness? 4) What truths help us to more fully forgive people who have wounded us? 5) Read Matthew 5:23–24. Who do you need to go back to and reconcile with?
CHAPTER 13
1) What is the difference between how a wise man and a fool respond to failure? To counsel? 2) Why are some things sinful? What are sin’s consequences? 3) What is the difference between true and false repentance? 4) What does it mean for a man to resolve to walk in total integrity? 5) What are the rewards of walking in integrity? Close by praying Psalm 19:12–14.
CHAPTER 14
1) Read Jeremiah 9:23–24. Why do men tend to take glory in the things listed? 2) Why is it important to honor God and not ourselves? 3) What are the four keys to being successful in plugging into a church? 4) How has God’s Word impacted you personally? Why is obeying it so essential? 5) Describe the “will of God” in your own words. How does someone discover it?
CHAPTER 15
1) What is your vision for leaving a strong legacy to your children and grandchildren? 2) Why do some men, like Peter, make commitments but fail to keep them long-term? 3) What does it mean to be poor in spirit? 4) See Luke 14:26–33. Describe the type of commitment that Christ is calling us to? 5) What are the seven reasons a man should surrender his all to the lordship of Christ? 6) Close in prayer and invite men to surrender their lives completely to Christ.
NOTES
1. Glenn T. Stanton, FocusFamilyInsight Global Development Family Research memo, June 19, 2009.
2. Bryan Davis, “Father Facts,” All Pro Dad, http://www.allprodad.com/playbook/viewarticle.php?art=375
3. “Turning the Corner on Father Absence in Black America,” Morehouse Research Institute and Institute for American Values, The Medical Institute for Sexual Health Update, Fall 1999, Vol. 7, Number 3.
4. “The Consequences of Fatherlessness,” Courtesy of the National Center for Fathering, http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=391
5. Josh McDowell, The Father Connection (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 1996), 4.
6. Alex and Brett Harris, Do Hard Things (Colorado Springs: Multnomah, 2008), 55.
7. Robbie Low, “The Truth about Men and Church,” http://www.fisheaters.com/menandchurch.html
8. http://thinkexist.com/quotation/alexander-caesar-charlemagne-and_myself_founded/262117.html
9. Josh McDowell, “The Vital Role of Fathering,” audio message, Focus on the Family Radio Broadcast Ministry, 2005.
10. S. M. Davis, “Winning the Heart of a Rebel,” sermon. Delivered at Park Meadows Baptist Church, Lincoln, NE.
11. Allen L. Nell, “The Responsibilities of a Father,” http://www.brfwitness.org/?p=565
12. Roland Bainton, Here I Stand: A Life of Martin Luther (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1950), 185.
13. http://thinkexist.com/quotation/cowardice_asks_the_question--is_it_safe/339725.html.
14. Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love (New York: William Collins & World Publishing, 1963), 33.
15. Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, December 28.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
We praise God for the following people whose prayers, counsel, encouragement, feedback, and loving support helped make the Resolution for Men a reality: our wonderful wives Jill and Christina, our world-changing children, our parents Larry and Rhonwyn Kendrick, our pastor Michael Catt, our Sherwood church family, our book agents and dear friends Bill Reeves and Jim McBride, our faithful and enduring editor Lawrence Kimbrough, our new friend and partner Randy Alcorn (Eternal Perspective Ministries), our friends Ed Litton (Pastor of First North Mobile), Mike Young (Noble Warriors), Jason and David Benham, Trent Pruett, Priscilla and Jerry Shirer, our assistants Kim Sancinito and Marie Keefe, our great B&H partners John Thompson, Thomas Walters, Jeff Godby, Selma Wilson, Cossy Pachares, Thom Rainer, Brad Waggoner, Kim Stanford, Amanda Sloan, and the countless prayer warriors who continue to lift us up and the projects we are working on, and everyone else. We love you and appreciate you!
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