APPENDIX 5
RESOLUTION GROUPS: ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MEN
All men need accountability. When we know that others are supporting, encouraging, and praying for us, it helps us walk faithfully before God. No man is meant to do this on his own. As members of the body of Christ, we are given different gifts and insights to help us grow and sharpen one another. This is why we urge men to form their own Resolution Groups for continued accountability. The idea of small groups is not a new idea. John Wesley used them more than two hundred years ago. Members of a small group were expected to agree to six common disciplines or commitments. These are recorded in The Works of John Wesley. We share them to help you develop your own.
JOHN WESLEY’S RULES FOR GROUPS
1. To meet once a week, at the least.
2. To come punctually at the hour appointed, not missing without some extraordinary reason.
3. To begin (those of us who are present) exactly at the hour, with singing or prayer.
4. To speak each of us in order, freely and plainly, the true state of our souls, with the faults we have committed in thought, word or deed, and the temptations we have felt since our last meeting.
5. To desire some person among us to speak his own state first, and then to ask the rest, in order, as many and as searching questions as may be, concerning their state, sins and temptations.
6. To end every meeting with prayer suited to the state of each person present.
We encourage you to form a small group of three to seven men with whom you can meet weekly or monthly for encouragement, accountability, and prayer. This may be at your church, home, office, or at a restaurant. The meetings should start and end in prayer, and each man should feel free to share openly and honestly in this safe circle of believers. The goal must be to support, encourage, and strengthen each other in the faith, to help you become faithful men of resolution. Times of accountability should always be motivated by love, and yet be firm and direct when necessary.
Be sure to allow time for others’ input and for expressing your thanks to God for the things He is doing. Consider memorizing Scripture and going through good books together. Take time to pray for each other. Once in a while you may want to spend the whole time in prayer. This is where sensitivity to God’s guidance is needed.
Choose a leader or someone to get you started each time you meet. Certain ones will need to share more than others on some weeks. But be sure that each man has ample opportunity to speak. Stick with your purpose—you’re not here just to socialize but to help each other grow and live for Christ.
If someone is unusually quiet or missing your meetings, it may be his time of greatest need. When we don’t feel like sharing or answering questions, that’s often when we need help the most. Reach out to each other, especially when you sense someone drawing back. Use the list of questions below and on the following page as a guide for keeping one another accountable.
QUESTIONS TO ASK INITIALLY, THEN PERIODICALLY
1. What are the biggest barriers to your relationship with God?
2. What are the biggest barriers to your relationship with your wife?
3. What are the most serious temptations you’re facing right now?
4. What are your greatest points of vulnerability?
5. How can your Christian brothers help you the most in this group?
QUESTIONS TO ASK EACH OTHER REGULARLY
If there are more than four or five men involved, keep your answers honest but brief. The point is to regularly bring up each area and thereby give opportunity for sharing and following the Lord’s leading. (You may wish to add questions of your own.)
1. What has God shown you recently from His Word?
2. What happened this week/month that put you to the test? How did you respond?
3. How are you doing in your relationship with God? (Be specific—time in the Word, prayer, sense of obedience and dependence on the Lord, etc.)
4. How are you doing in your relationship with your wife? (Be specific—communication, spiritual sharing, conflict resolution, etc.)
5. How are your relationships with your children or other family members?
6. How are your relationships with others at work, school, or church?
7. How are you doing with your thought life? Did you keep your thoughts and actions pure before God this week?
8. What kind of a ministry did you have this week? Whom did you share Christ with? How did you use your gifts and resources to help and serve those in need?
9. Is there anything else God is convicting you of right now? Have you been truthful?
10. How can we pray for you and support you this week/month?
MY RESOLUTION ARMY
The following is a list of the men I am locking shields with to help me fulfill this Resolution. I can call on them when I feel like I’m falling or failing, and they can call on me.
For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again. (Proverbs 24:16)
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
Name _______________
Address _______________
E-mail _______________
APPENDIX 6
SCRIPTURES TO MEMORIZE WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Of all the things you want in your children’s minds and hearts from now into adulthood, the words of Scripture offer the best guarantee of providing them consistently trusted guidance for every possible situation in life. Especially when introduced at an early age and then reinforced through the years, these verbatim statements from God’s Word will stay with them, always available for the Holy Spirit to apply at just the right moment.
Scripture memory scares a lot of men. One reason we don’t make it more of an emphasis in our homes is because we don’t feel capable of doing it ourselves. But like anything, if you put your mind to it, you can be more capable of memorizing than you realize. When people say they can’t do it, they’re really just saying they’re not willing to work that hard. Set your goals high and make it a priority, and you won’t believe how much God can accomplish in you.
So resolve to show your children how seriously you take the biblical challenge to hide God’s Word in your heart (Psalm 119:11). Start enjoying the unity it can grow in your family as you commit verses like these to memory together. Let them become what you choose to think on as you drift off to sleep at night, or as you’re driving to work or running errands. They’ll do a lot more good for you than oldies music and sports talk. And you’ll know you’re giving your children a trusted inheritance of truth, knowledge, and lasting wisdom.
Important Topics
Obeying Parents: Ephesians 6:1–3
Valuing God’s Word: Psalm 119:11, 105
Trusting God: Proverbs 3:5–6
Surrendering to God: Romans 12:1; Luke 9:23
Redeeming Your Time: Ephesians 5:15–16
Doing Justly and Loving Mercy: Micah 6:8
Walking in Wisdom: Ecclesiastes 12:1, 13–14
Avoiding Wrong Friends: 1 Corinthians 15:33
Fighting Temptation: 1 Corinthians 10:13
Empowered by Christ: Galatians 2:20; Philippians 4:13
Confessing Sin: Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9
Forgiving Others: Ephesians 4:32
Avoiding Worry: Philippians 4:6–7
Thinking Pure Thoughts: Philippians 4:6–8
Knowing Jesus: John 3:16
; 10:10; 14:6; 15:5
Longer Passages
The Ten Commandments: Exodus 20:1–17
The Romans Road: Romans 3:23; 5:8; 6:23; 10:9–10
The Greatest Commandments: Matthew 22:36–40
The Great Commission: Matthew 28:18–20
The Model Prayer: Matthew 6:9–15
The Armor of God: Ephesians 6:10–18
The Nature of Love: 1 Corinthians 13:4–8
The Fruit of the Spirit: Galatians 5:22–23
Whole Chapters
Psalms 1, 15, 23, 91, 139
Proverbs 3
Romans 6, 8, 12
Ephesians 4
Philippians 4
Colossians 1
2 Timothy 2
APPENDIX 7
HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY
When you think to pray for your wife and children, do you sometimes not know what to say? After you’ve asked God to bless them and take care of them, do you often just let it go at that?
Yet deep down we know that general prayers are lazy prayers—better than nothing perhaps, but not exactly the kind that show how much we love and care for our family and how dependent we know they truly are on God’s grace and power.
The prayer themes on the following pages capture more than two dozen specific requests that come straight from Scripture. We encourage you to look up the accompanying verses and to pray their promises over your wife and each of your kids, inserting specific situations from their lives into your praying, tailoring them to what they’re facing or handling at the time. Choose just one line a day maybe, sprinkled throughout each month, rolling them forward into a continuous stream of daily prayer that keeps your heart wanting nothing but God’s best for each of them. And as He gives you new things to pray about, add those to your list and keep track of how God responds and answers each one.
Not only does God promise to reward the man who prays persistently with believing faith (Matthew 7:7–8), the heartfelt habit of praying for each member of your family will draw you closer to them, helping you keep your wife and kids at the top of your priorities.
HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR CHILDREN
Pray that they will . . .
1. Love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, and their neighbors as themselves. (Matthew 22:36–40)
2. Come to know Christ as Lord early in life. (2 Timothy 3:15)
3. Develop a hatred for evil and sin. (Psalm 97:10, 38:18; Proverbs 8:13)
4. Be protected from evil in each area of their lives: spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. (John 17:15, 10:10; Romans 12:9)
5. Be caught when they are guilty and receive the chastening of the Lord. (Psalm 119:71; Hebrews 12:5–6)
6. Receive wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and discretion from the Lord. (Daniel 1:17, 20; Proverbs 1:4; James 1:5)
7. Respect and submit to those in authority. (Romans 13:1; Ephesians 6:1–3; Hebrews 13:17)
8. Be surrounded by the right kinds of friends and avoid wrong friends. (Proverbs 1:10–16; 13:20)
9. Find a godly mate and raise godly children who will live for Christ. (2 Corinthians 6:14–17; Deuteronomy 6)
10. Walk in sexual and moral purity throughout their lives. (1 Corinthians 6:18–20)
11. Keep a clear conscience that remains tender before the Lord. (Acts 24:16, 1 Timothy 1:19, 4:1–2, Titus 1:15–16)
12. Not fear evil but walk in the fear of the Lord. (Psalm 23:4; Deuteronomy 10:12)
13. Be a blessing to your family, the church, and the cause of Christ in the world. (Matthew 28:18–20; Ephesians 1:3, 4:29)
14. Be filled with the knowledge of God’s will and fruitful in every good work. (Ephesians 1:16–19; Philippians 1:11; Colossians 1:9;)
15. Overflow with love, discern what is best, and be blameless until the day of Christ. (Philippians 1:9–10)
HOW TO PRAY FOR YOUR WIFE
Pray that she would . . .
1. Love the Lord with all her heart, mind, soul, and strength. (Matthew 22:36–40)
2. Find her beauty and identity in Christ and reflect His character. (Proverbs 31:30; 1 Peter 3:1–3)
3. Love God’s Word and allow it to bloom her into Christlikeness. (Ephesians 5:26)
4. Be gracious, speaking the truth in love, and avoiding gossip. (Ephesians 4:15, 29; 1 Timothy 3:11)
5. Respect you as her husband and submit to your leadership as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22, 24; 1 Peter 3:1–2)
6. Be grateful and find her contentment in Christ, not her circumstances. (Philippians 4:10–13)
7. Be hospitable and diligently serve others with Christlike joy. (Philippians 2:3–4)
8. Bring her family good and not evil all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:12; 1 Corinthians 7:34)
9. Have godly older women to mentor her and help her to grow. (Titus 2:3–4)
10. Not believe lies that would devalue her roles as a wife and mother. (Titus 2:4–5)
11. Be loving, patient, hard to offend, and quick to forgive. (James 1:19; Ephesians 4:32)
12. Have her sexual needs met only by you, and to meet yours. (1 Corinthians 7:1–5)
13. Be devoted to prayer and effectively intercede for others. (Luke 2:37; Colossians 4:2)
14. Guide her home and children in a Christlike way. (Proverbs 31:27; 1 Timothy 5:14)
15. Give no occasion for Satan to accuse and reproach her. (1 Timothy 5:14)
APPENDIX 8
AVOIDING PORNOGRAPHY
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Pornography is idolatry. It creates an addiction of lust that leads a man to surrender his mind, body, money, time, and purity in service to it. It becomes his god and perverted master.
When God created sex for a man and his wife alone to enjoy, He permanently linked its pleasure to marriage, love, intimacy, and lifelong commitment. Each of these keeps the sexual relationship meaningful and reinforces a couple’s union in marriage. In holy matrimony, sexual pleasure is grounded in love, freely shared, and maintains its priceless meaning and many healthy benefits. There is no cost. No shame. No guilt. No regrets.
Pornography is the opposite. It strips sexual fulfillment of all its purposes. It disconnects sexual arousal from its foundation of love, marriage, and lifelong commitment, and reattaches it to lust, vanity, irresponsibility, and the perverted thrills of sin and shock imagery. Instead of sexual enjoyment being a reward from God, it becomes an undeserved, unearned, unholy, illegitimate pleasure with no purpose. It is like sexual cocaine that lures a man into a trap and then rapes his mind and conscience, leaving him addicted, numb, and demoralized. He begins caring less about the people he loves. He quits rejoicing over good things and grieving over sin. He feels guilty, dark, and dirty, spiritually distant from God and emotionally disconnected from his wife. Not only that, he also gives Satan a foothold and permission to torment him now with condemnation, lies, and accusations. He’s much worse off than when he started.
All addictions create a momentary spike in adrenaline that temporarily feels good but then leaves behind an even deeper void that causes more dissatisfaction than was there before. Because of this, pornography begs you to pursue its short-term thrill again, repeatedly lying to you that its “high” can pull you out of this pit. Lust just keeps breeding more lust. Then you get caught in a cycle that spirals downward and never seems to end.
If you ever feel a ravenous hunger for pornography, realize this: it is the last thing you need, and it will never satisfy you. Run. It is trying to use cheap lust to quench your thirst for genuine love. Satan always tempts you to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways. What you are actually hungering for is intimacy with God Himself, the only One who can fill the emptiness in your heart. Any lust in us reveals that we have not been feasting on the
love from our heavenly Father (1 John 2:15–17).
Countless men have defeated pornographic addictions by learning to walk intimately and obediently with Christ in His Word and in prayer each day. Jesus told the woman at the well, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13–14 NIV). His Spirit can fill and satisfy you in countless ways that pornography never can. So be courageous enough to recognize pornography for what it is: moral sewage and a pit of lies.
It lies, telling you that your sexual pleasure is of higher importance over everything else.
It steals, robbing you of marital intimacy, honor, and future pure enjoyment of the marriage bed.
It pollutes, coarsening your mind, numbing your conscience, and darkening your thoughts.
It belittles, turning people made in God’s image into prostitutes, mere sex objects of your lust.
It enslaves, making you feel like you are powerless to stop or control your impulses.
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