Susan shut the dishwasher and grabbed Parker in a hug. “I wish I knew what to tell you, but I have no way to help.”
Clinging to his mother’s thin frame, Parker felt like a young child for a few moments, and the safety in Susan’s embrace was wonderful. It was also something Sierra never experienced with her own mother. He understood why she was so fearful of not being able to give this kind of love to Ryan, but Parker truly believed she could... if she’d just let herself try.
He finally pulled away and patted Susan’s arm. “Thanks, Mom. I know you’d fix this if you could. You’re already doing so much. I appreciate you watching Ryan while I work and everything.”
“Of course.” Susan wiped crumbs from the counter. “I know you offered to hire a nanny, but Ryan should be with family, not a stranger. By the time your dad and I are ready to start traveling, Ryan will be old enough for the island’s daycare. Everything will work out.”
Parker nodded, not wanting to worry his mom by admitting he feared he would never be happy without Sierra. He had the child he’d always wanted, but it wasn’t enough without her to share the joy.
Chapter 23
Sierra left Dr. Taylor’s new office, enclosed in the relaxing spa section of the island, deep in thought. It had been a good session, and Dr. Taylor urged her to go see Parker in person and let things flow naturally. That was something Sierra had to work on, being okay about letting whatever happened happen. She could take some lessons from John and Parker in that department.
As she passed a door in the hall it opened, and Larissa Benner walked out. She smiled when she saw Sierra. “Hey, there. Haven’t seen you out at the McCallister’s house lately. How you doing?”
Larissa seemed like a sweet woman, and Sierra knew she’d been through her fair share of trouble in fighting breast cancer, but she melded seamlessly in the McCallister clan. She was probably on Parker’s side, thinking Sierra was ridiculous for being afraid of Ryan. Still, Sierra could sure use a friend.
“It’s been a rough few weeks,” she admitted.
Larissa nodded. “I don’t know what all is going on with you and Parker, but he’s been just miserable without you. I guess it’s hard on you too, huh?”
“Hard doesn’t begin to describe it.”
Larissa’s green-blue eyes softened. “Look, I was just headed to get some iced tea. I have about twenty minutes before my next massage client. Do you want to talk?”
Almost pathetically grateful, Sierra nodded.
Larissa led the way to the staff break room, and Sierra was glad to see the room completely empty. After they grabbed some cold tea from the fridge, Larissa chose a table and Sierra sat across from her.
Going straight for what she wanted to know, Sierra asked, “Are Parker and Ryan doing good? I mean, he’s not having any trouble with the baby or with...”
“Vanessa?” Larissa supplied, wrinkling her nose in distaste. “They’re fine and Vanessa is in the wind. It’s all for the best, really. She’s the massage therapist that I replaced last year, and from everything I heard, she’s a real piece of work.”
“So, Parker would never be interested in getting back together with her?”
“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Larissa reached across the table and squeezed Sierra’s forearm. “Parker loves you, Sierra. I know from experience that even if they make mistakes, once a McCallister man loves you, he doesn’t let a disagreement stop him from staying committed.”
Sierra pushed out a long breath, feeling some of the tension drain from her. It wasn’t as though she’d been obsessing over Parker and Vanessa, but a small part of her was preoccupied with that concern. “That’s not the only problem Parker and I have, though.”
“I know that. You’re afraid of hurting Ryan.”
Probably the whole family knew why she and Parker split up. It was strange. In her family, no one admitted they had problems, let alone talked about them. She was getting better at communicating though—a skill she worked to develop.
“I really want to be with him,” she admitted to Larissa. “The therapist John hired is helping a lot, but I still have a ton of work to do. She wants me to go see Parker today, and just see what happens.”
“I think you should,” Larissa said. “Quinn told me his parents were going to Kona this afternoon to get some baby supplies. Parker and Ryan will be alone out at the house. It would be a good time for you to talk with him. Also, I think you should hold Ryan.”
Sierra gulped. “Hold him?”
She nodded. “Once you fall in love with that little boy, just like the rest of us have, you’ll know that you’d never do anything to hurt him. I promise. Go to Parker today. Everything will be okay.”
* * *
Parker gave his parents both a hug. “Thanks for doing this. Ryan’s growing so fast, he needs more stuff. Especially toys. Don’t spend too much time shopping, though. This is supposed to be a romantic date for you two.”
Susan laughed and bent over Ryan’s swing to give the baby a kiss. “Don’t worry, Parker. Your dad has big plans after the shopping’s finished.”
John’s eyes sparkled with happiness as he looked at Susan. “Only the best for my beautiful wife.”
As they bustled out the doorway, Parker slumped onto the couch and sighed. It was wonderful to see his parents still so in love after all these years, but it made him all the more aware of his loneliness.
Ryan fussed from his chair, and Parker stood and turned the electric swing on. The soft lullaby it played while rocking back and forth soothed the child and his eyes immediately became heavy.
“Nap time, huh, buddy?” Parker brushed his hand against Ryan’s soft foot as he swung past but didn’t disturb him further, deciding to let Ryan sleep in the chair just this once. He knew it wasn’t good to do often, but right now he didn’t want Ryan all the way upstairs in the crib.
Parker grabbed an electronic tablet from the end table, tapping the app for Minecraft. He had to do something to keep his mind occupied while Ryan slept. Anything to stave off the loneliness.
Just as he put the finishing touches on a building in the game, the doorbell rang, startling Ryan awake. The baby let out a wail, and Parker hurried to pick him up before heading for the door.
“Shhh... Hush, buddy. It’s okay. Daddy will keep you safe.”
Ryan quieted quickly, and Parker hurried for the door before the visitor could ring the bell again. Seeing Sierra standing on the porch made his mouth nearly fall open with shock. “This is a surprise.”
She made no movements to come in, shifting from side to side as though nervous. “I know I missed breakfast, but I’d hoped the invitation to visit was still good.”
Parker stared at her, hardly believing the changes in the past two weeks. Her skin was a darker color than before, but new freckles scattered over her cheeks and the tops of her bare shoulders. Her red hair seemed a touch lighter, as though she’d spent a lot of time beneath the sun. The hair curled in ringlets that she’d gathered in a low ponytail on the left side of her head, and Parker’s only thought was to yank the elastic from her hair and plunge his hands into her tresses while he kissed her breathless.
Gulping, he took a step back. “You’re always welcome wherever I am. Come in.”
She hesitated but then crossed the threshold, rubbing her palms against the white Capri pants she wore. Swinging the door closed behind her, she then pressed her back into it, as though unwilling to go any further into the room.
“I’m going to put Ryan back down,” he said. “Come on in.”
Without waiting to see if she followed, Parker turned to the living room. His urge to wrap her in his arms was so strong, it was probably a good thing he had Ryan when he answered the door. At least until he found out why she was here and whether she’d appreciate a hug from him. If she gave any encouragement in that direction, nothing would be able to stop him.
The timer for the chair swing had run down, and Parker set Ryan back inside and turne
d it on again. His little eyes didn’t close this time, but he looked over Parker’s shoulder and smiled, then reached his small hand out in a grasping motion before letting it drop.
Parker chuckled, realizing Sierra must be standing behind him. “Like father, like son.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Parker stood upright and stepped back so he was shoulder to shoulder with her. “Smiling because he’s happy instead of gassy is new the past few days. He definitely smiled and reached for you. My son knows a beautiful woman when he sees one. I think he wants to be in your arms.” Parker paused and turned to stare into her eyes. “Just like I do.”
She let out a soft gasp and then turned to him, wrapping her arms around him. “I’ve missed you so much, Parker.”
The tight band of anxiety surrounding his chest ever since he opened the door lifted. Parker returned her embrace, nuzzling his face into her hair and breathing in the smell of her perfume.
“This is heaven,” he murmured. “Please don’t leave me stuck in hell again, Red. I don’t want to scare you away, but I need you.”
Sierra’s cheek pushed against his and she held him tighter. “I’m trying to get better, Parker. I really am. I want to be with you. I’ve been in hell too.”
Her hot tears splashed against Parker’s skin, making him want to weep as well. She was back, and she still wanted him. That was all that mattered. They could work anything else out.
“I’ve been so afraid of losing you,” he admitted. “Especially now that we know Ryan is mine. I’m a father, and I know that frightens you, but I want you to be Ryan’s mom.”
A soft hiss sounded in his ear, and Sierra’s arms loosened.
He kissed her cheek and then stepped back, not wanting to panic her. Gently, he brushed away the tears on either side of her face. “I’m not saying you have to become a mom today. All I want to know is you’re working toward that—working toward being with me and Ryan forever.”
A few more tears slipped over her lower lids, but she nodded. “I’m trying.”
She slid her hands around his neck and pulled his head toward her face. Parker didn’t need more of an invitation than that, and he greedily took her mouth in his, kissing her deep and long. Sierra was as responsive as he could have hoped, and as her body brushed against his, desire stirred below Parker’s waist.
Sierra’s hand slipped down, stroking against the fabric over the bulging jeans for a second before she pulled away. “Um, we have to stop.” Her voice was breathless, and the tips of her hardened nipples were clearly visible through her light tank top. “Ryan’s watching us.”
Parker looked over to the swing to see his son’s eyes trained on them. He wanted to argue that Ryan was a baby and wouldn’t understand, but he had to be a responsible father now. They couldn’t do it here. Not with Ryan wide awake.
“My parents are off on a romantic getaway for the night,” he said. “Maybe Larissa and Quinn would like to babysit.”
To his surprise, Sierra shook her head. “I want to spend time with Ryan.”
“You... you do?” Once the shock of her admission wore off, happiness bloomed in Parker’s chest like the sun peeking from behind a dark cloud. “You want to know him?”
“Yes.” Her hand gripped his. “I’ve been having a dream that we all lived in that house you said you planned to build. I was a good mother, and you and Ryan were my family.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, but her eyes focused on Ryan. “I really, really want that life.”
Whooping with happiness, Parker grabbed Sierra by the waist and spun her in a circle. Unfortunately, the coffee table got in the way and tripped him up, and they fell to the couch, her landing on top of him.
Parker still cheered and Sierra laughed, silencing his boisterous celebration with a kiss.
“I take it you like that idea?” she asked after a few minutes of making out.
“I love it,” he replied. “Just like I love you.”
She kissed him again. “And I love you. Now, let me hold that baby.”
Chapter 24
It surprised Sierra how quickly her confidence rose. Larissa had been right. From the second Parker placed Ryan in her arms, Sierra was captivated. The baby cooed and grabbed at her hair, smiling all the while.
Her heart melted. This was where she belonged. Here with Parker and Ryan. True, she wasn’t healed yet from the trauma Cece created. Maybe she never would be completely better, but with the help of Dr. Taylor, she’d be able to have the life she wanted. She had coping skills now. Sierra knew what to do when she was frustrated or angry, and she knew, without a doubt, her anger would never lead to laying a hand on Ryan. Even if she was afraid, she could promise herself that much.
“He’s so wonderful, Parker. I think I’m in love with him already.”
Parker chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, snuggling her into him from their position on the couch. His lips pressed into her forehead.
Sierra gave a contented sigh and leaned against his chest. It was just like her dream. She held Ryan, and Parker held them both. A happy family.
“Of course you’re in love with him,” Parker finally said. “It’s because he’s so damn perfect.”
“Perfect?” Sierra’s shoulders tightened and she shook her head. “Never expect him to be perfect, Parker. That’s too much pressure for a kid. I should know. Love him, mistakes and all.”
Parker slid his hand over the top of hers beneath Ryan’s back and he nuzzled into her neck. “I’m sorry, Red. I didn’t mean it that way, but I can understand how that would be upsetting to you. I’m just a proud poppa, but I’d never expect him to actually be perfect. He’s perfect just the way he is, that’s what I meant.”
She forced herself to relax. Of course that’s what he meant. She knew Parker. He’d be a wonderful dad and would never lash out at his son for making mistakes.
“I’m still struggling with everything,” she admitted. “I’ve been doing a lot of journal exercises and meeting with the therapist every day, but I have a lot of work to do. Are you sure you want to hang in there with me while I figure this all out?”
“There’s nowhere else for me to go, Sierra.” He kissed the shell of her ear. “You’re the only woman for me, so you take all the time you need and know I’m in your corner. I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do, whether that is hold you like this, or give you some space. You’re all I want.”
The last bit of tension drained completely from her. Sierra had been so afraid that the weeks apart would make Parker realize he’d made a mistake with her, that he didn’t really love her. All the while, she’d become more and more convinced that she did love him.
It was nice to know they were on the same path and in agreement about their future.
“Now,” he said, “let me tell you all about this amazing little boy we have.”
We have. He already forgave her for all her weirdness and included her in his and Ryan’s life. Sierra didn’t know how she got so lucky, but she rested in his arms gratefully, listening as he told her about all the baby books he’d been reading and how Ryan was a couple weeks ahead of most babies his age as far as smiling and grasping at things. He told her how Ryan could now sleep mostly through the night and was getting a lot stronger when he exercised his neck, back, and legs while lying on the floor.
It sounded like she missed out on a lot in Ryan’s life over the past few weeks, but she would do what it took to be around for the rest of it.
* * *
Parker had Sierra put Ryan on the ground, letting him get a workout in before his last feeding of the day. It felt right, doing these things together.
“I have something to show you,” he said. “Be right back.”
“Wait!” She looked at him sharply. “You can’t leave me alone with him.”
Parker crossed through the back of the room and into his father’s office, pretending he hadn’t heard her. The sooner Sierra realized that he trusted her completely,
the sooner she could start trusting herself. Rummaging through the center drawer of the desk, Parker found the folder he wanted.
He stepped back into the room. “What do you think, Ryan? Should we should show Red the house plans?”
Sierra was still on the ground next to Ryan, which was a good sign. Parker worried she might get up and move away from the baby, as afraid as she was to be alone with him.
She looked up. “House plans?”
With a grin, Parker sat on the floor next to her, cross-legged. He spread the folder across the carpet and opened it up. “I’ve been working with a contractor by email the past week. I tried to pick out things you would like, but now that you’re here, you can tell me what you want in our home.”
She bit her lip. “You want me to pick out things for your and Ryan’s home?”
Understanding her confusion, Parker shook his head. “Our home, love. I mean, if you’ll live with us.”
Instead of replying directly, she lifted the pages and sifted through them. “You’ve asked for a kitchen just like your parents’. That’s nice. I love that breakfast nook and the center island. It’s a good set up for a family.”
He didn’t know if she were agreeing to living with him or not, but he’d go along with what she wanted. “I also asked them to install a jetted tub big enough for two in the master bath. There’s a full walk-in closet for all your clothes with a built in vanity for your makeup. That’s all on the first floor. The kids’ rooms are upstairs, in addition to a play room.”
“And how many kids’ rooms are you making?” Her tone was almost too casual.
“Four.” He held his breath, awaiting her reaction. She hadn’t even wanted one kid, so this might be too much for her to handle right now.
Diving Into Love (McCallister's Paradise Book 2) Page 19