“I felt like dressing up. Do you have a problem with that?”
“No. You look nice,” he said as he brushed past me into the apartment.
“Thank you.”
Damien didn’t look so bad himself, wearing a brown leather jacket and distressed jeans that hugged his ass.
He looked down at my five-inch heels. “You sure you want to wait in a long-ass line in those shoes, though?”
“How long are we talking?”
“There’s a half-hour wait on average just to get in the door. That’s how good these burgers supposedly are. The long wait is part of the experience.”
“Jeez. Maybe I will change my shoes, then.”
After heading to my room to swap my heels for some black ballet flats, I returned to the living room.
“There’s my shortie,” he said.
“How come I don’t hear the dogs?”
“Jenna came back early from wherever she was, so I asked her if she’d take them. I dropped them off at her place after the morning walk. It works out better, since we could be gone for a while today. There’s some place else I want to go if we have time after lunch.”
“Where?”
“It’s a surprise.”
The thought of getting to spend the whole day with him filled me with excitement.
It was a sunny Sunday with virtually no traffic on the 101. Damien had the windows to his truck rolled down, and my hair was blowing all over the place.
He looked over at me and spoke loudly through the wind. “You want me to roll up the windows?”
“No. I love this,” I shouted.
“Me, too.”
“You love the breeze in your hair? You’re wearing a beanie.”
“No. I love your hair all crazy like that. I love that you don’t give a shit that it’s a wild mess. You don’t have a prissy bone in your body.”
Throughout the entire ride, I had the urge to reach over and put my hand on his knee, but of course, I restrained myself.
When we arrived at Bad Boy Burger, the line was out the door and around the corner.
“You weren’t kidding. This place is mobbed.”
“The burgers better be worth it.”
After forty minutes, we finally made it to the part of the line that was inside the restaurant. It was cafeteria style, so once the order was placed, you either found a seat inside, took it to go, or sat on one of the benches outside.
We were just about ten people from the cashier when I glanced out to the seating area. My throat felt like it was closing up, and I felt dizzy.
I blinked.
No.
I blinked again.
It couldn’t be.
He’s in New York.
No, he’s here.
Elec.
My ex was sitting with his mother and the woman he left me for—Greta.
He didn’t see me.
Oh my God.
I had to get out of here.
“Chelsea, what’s wrong? You’re turning white.”
I grabbed his arm for support. “It’s Elec.”
“What about him?”
“He’s here.”
“What?”
“Behind me and a little to the right.”
Damien’s head whipped toward Elec’s direction. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
“His mother lives here in Sunnyvale.” I blew out a nervous breath. “He must be visiting.”
“What are the fucking chances, seriously?”
“With my luck? Pretty good, apparently.”
He glared at them. “That’s her?”
“Yes.”
“She ain’t got nothing on you.”
Too nervous to appreciate those words, I said, “I don’t want him to see me.”
“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you he’s looking over in this direction.”
“Do you think he knows it’s me?”
“I can’t tell. Do you want to just leave?”
“I do. But I also don’t want to turn around.”
“You think he’ll say something?”
“I don’t know. But I guarantee you his mother will. She loves me.”
Damien glanced in their direction again before placing his hands on my shoulders. “Okay. Don’t freak out, but he’s definitely looking over here.”
“Shit.”
Damien looked like he was pondering something. “You trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Just go with it, okay?”
Not having a clue what he meant, I nodded. “Okay.”
Before I could question anything further, Damien’s hands were on my face, bringing me into him. He pressed his lips into mine and began to kiss me harder than I’d ever been kissed in my entire life.
My heart was pounding so fast, and I didn’t know whether it was because I knew Elec was watching or because of the sheer shock of it all or simply because I knew this was going to ruin me.
It’s all for show.
Even though I kept telling myself it wasn’t real, it sure as heck didn’t feel fake as Damien pushed his tongue in and out of my mouth. His hot, wet lips on mine were without a doubt the best I’d ever felt.
Upon the recognition of his taste, all of my senses weakened. My legs felt like they were ready to collapse, like the only thing holding me up were his hands still wrapped around my cheeks.
I opened my mouth wider taking in every one of his breaths as if they were my only oxygen. I kept expecting him to pull away, but instead he only kissed me harder, pressing his entire body into mine. I didn’t care where we were anymore or that we were still in a crowded line.
He moved his hands from my cheeks and began threading his fingers through my hair, slightly pulling it. We were making a scene. Even though putting on a performance for Elec was his initial intent, I wasn’t sure it was just for show anymore.
The low moan that escaped into my mouth was proof that he’d gotten carried away and lost in it, too. The kiss that started out calculated, calm and collected was no longer that as I felt his heart pound against mine. It was the most beautiful feeling because it was proof that I wasn’t crazy, that this chemistry I’d been experiencing wasn’t all in my head.
I was sure the people behind us in line were cutting right in front by now, but I was too immersed in the kiss to notice. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the first to break it, because I knew once that happened, I would have to face the fact that my life would never be the same. Because I couldn’t erase this. I could never undo knowing how this felt.
He slowed the pace before reluctantly pulling away. I leaned in, trying to continue the kiss, but he turned his cheek and muttered, “Fuck” as if the realization of what he’d done finally hit him. He didn’t have to explain. I knew exactly why he was angry with himself. That was exactly how I felt.
Totally fucked.
Dazed and confused, I asked, “Are they still here?” I wasn’t sure I even cared anymore to be honest. I just needed to say something.
Damien looked behind me. “No. He’s gone.”
“Good.”
We’d totally lost our place in line. People were just bypassing us completely.
I no longer had an appetite, and the smell of fried ground beef was making me nauseous.
“Would it be okay if we didn’t go back in line? I’m suddenly really not in the mood for a burger.”
“Of course. Let’s get out of here.”
Once back in the truck, the ride was quiet and tense. Damien wouldn’t look at me as he kept his eyes straight ahead. My body was in a confused state. My nerves were shot, but at the same time, I was so painfully aroused. My panties were wet. My nipples were hard. My brain and my body wanted two different things.
My body wanted nothing more than for him to pull over and fuck me into oblivion on the side of the road.
But my brain wanted an explanation as to why he kept fighting his feelings for me, why he couldn’t just take a chance and see where thing
s went. It kept wondering why I didn’t matter enough to him to take that risk, when he was all that mattered to me.
I wanted to cry for the sheer reason that my heart was still beating just as fast as it had when I first spotted Elec. Except now I knew that it had nothing to do with my ex. My heart was no longer hurting for Elec; it was hurting for Damien. I was afraid Damien was going to hurt me far worse than Elec ever did.
“Where are we going?”
“Someplace where we can both blow off steam. It was where I’d planned to take you after lunch anyway.”
“You’re not gonna tell me?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“You’re just full of surprises today, aren’t you?”
While he didn’t respond, his face turned uncharacteristically red in reaction to my attempt to address the kiss. He just kept driving.
Forty-five minutes later, we were in Santa Cruz, and I’d figured out where he was taking me.
I grinned. “We’re going to the boardwalk.”
“I haven’t actually been back here in years. You?”
“Not since I was a teenager.”
“My dad used to take Tyler and me here all the time. Many of the best memories from my childhood took place here.”
“What made you want to come here today?”
“I don’t know exactly. I just knew I wanted to come here with you.” His admission gave me butterflies.
After we found a parking spot, I vowed to try to shake off what happened back at the burger joint.
“What do you want to do first?” he asked.
“Well, I’m starting to get my appetite back.”
“Let’s go get you fed, then.”
Damien let me choose the food, and I picked one of the concession places right on the boardwalk. He ordered pizza while I opted for a giant corn dog on a stick that looked obscene. Some angel of perversity must have been laughing down on me because this thing even had a sprouted tip that looked like a crown. It was unfortunately not the best choice for today, given the sexual awkwardness that was still lingering in the air around us.
After we carried our food over to an empty bench that overlooked the Pacific Ocean, I was hesitant to even put the thing in my mouth with Damien watching me. It just seemed wrong. Way to go, Chelsea.
“I don’t know whether to lick this or bite it.” I laughed.
“Out of everything you could have chosen, you had to order a giant dick?”
“This would only happen to me. Can you like look away or something while I take a bite?”
“No fucking way. I want a front row seat to this.”
“Seriously, this has got to be up there as one of the strangest days of my life.”
“Whatever are you talking about?” he joked.
“Thank you again for that diversion at the burger place.”
“The pleasure was all mine,” he said sincerely.
“It brings me great satisfaction to know that instead of making a fool out of myself in front of him, I had the upper hand today. He left believing that I was happy and had moved on, even if that’s not the case. It was the best possible scenario.” As Damien just continued to stare at me, letting his pizza get cold, I had an epiphany when I said, “You changed the story.”
His mouth curved into a grin. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Seriously. This could have been the most devastating day. I could’ve humiliated myself or lost my words in front of them, but instead, I didn’t have to deal with all of that. I’m at an amusement park instead.”
“About to eat a giant dick,” he added.
“Like this?”
When I exaggeratedly flicked my tongue slowly along my corn dog’s obscene crusted tip, Damien looked away. “Okay…um, fuck. That’s too much.”
“Sorry.”
“The fuck you are, you evil bitch.” He laughed.
Holy shit.
When I looked down, his erection was apparent.
“Wow, it doesn’t take much, huh?”
“Not today, it doesn’t.”
I reached my corn dog out to him. “Corn dog, meet Horn Dog.”
He handed me his pizza, took the corn dog and ate it.
***
After lunch, we hit the amusement park, and every effort was made to combat the remaining sexual tension between us as we rode nearly every single ride in the place. Well, we went on every ride that didn’t involve heights; I couldn’t handle those.
It had felt so cathartic to intentionally crash into Damien on the bumper cars. I would mentally shout at him with every collision.
“This is for saying you only want to be friends.”
“This is for bringing that redheaded whore back to your apartment.”
“This is for kissing me today.”
Each crash into him felt better than the last.
“We can’t leave without going on the Giant Dipper,” he said.
“No way. I don’t do roller coasters.”
“Come on, Chelsea. I’ll hold your hand.”
Was it sick that I was considering it just so I could touch him again?
“I really don’t want to.”
He stopped walking and faced me. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Yes.”
“One of the last memories I have of my father was riding that coaster with him. We came here the week before he died. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to come back. I hadn’t been able to return here since. I felt it was time. Coming back here was on my bucket list, but I didn’t want to do it alone. I wanted you with me, because you comfort me, Chelsea.” He pointed up to the giant coaster. “Tackling that thing is sort of the final step today. I really don’t want to go up there without you next to me. So, see…I might need you to hold my hand just as much as you need me.”
How was I possibly going to say no to that?
On the verge of tears, I said, “Okay.”
He was beaming. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Let’s go before I change my mind.”
Just like many things in life, the anticipation was far worse than the actual fall. I chose not to take Damien’s hand, instead opting to hold on tightly with both of mine. The anxiety that escalated on the way up unraveled when we plunged down for the first time. It turned out to be exhilarating, and I was really glad that I’d experienced it. I guess the ride was sort of like Damien: I knew it was probably going to end, that it wasn’t really going anywhere, but I was still enjoying the ups and downs of knowing him.
A little dizzy when we stepped off, I said, “Wow. That was actually really fun.”
“Thank you for going with me.”
“I guess we’re even today. We helped each other out in different ways.”
He moved a piece of hair away from my face. “The sun is setting. I used to love watching all of these lights from a distance on the beach. Wanna take a walk before we head home?”
A walk on the beach with Damien sounded exactly like how I wanted to end the day. “Sure.”
We grabbed some cotton candy and made our way to the beach, which had emptied out. It was a cool evening. Damien took off his jacket and threw it over my shoulders. The wind was blowing my hair into my face and into the cotton candy. He surprised me when he took off his beanie, too, and placed it over my head.
“That should hold it back so you can eat.”
I loved the warm feel of the knit fabric on my head.
“Thanks.”
He looked even more handsome with his hair flattened from the hat. I was having a hard time preventing myself from looking over at him instead of the magnificent amusement park lights in the distance.
The beauty of this night was making me emotional. It was quiet aside from the sound of the waves crashing. With each step, the realization of everything that happened today was starting to hit me. At one point, I suddenly stopped walking and just stared out into the lights in the distance.
His voice from behind startled me. “Say it, Chelsea.�
�
I turned around to face him. “What?”
“I can sense all of the thoughts spinning around in that pretty little head. I could feel them for the past several minutes. You need to get something off your chest. Do it.”
“Why did you have to kiss me like that today?” I finally spit out.
“I thought it was clear why I kissed you.”
“I know why you did it…but why did you have to make it feel so…real?”
His chest was rising and falling as his breathing quickened. He was struggling before he whispered, “It was real.”
“I’m confused.”
“Every part of that kiss was real, but it still shouldn’t have happened.”
“There’s supposedly nothing more than a friendship going on between us, right? So, why does being around you hurt so badly sometimes? I think I might’ve figured it out tonight. It’s because you tell me one thing, but your eyes tell me another, your heart tells me another. Your heart was beating faster than mine today. Why won’t you open it up to me?”
His eyes looked pained when he raised his voice. “My heart is broken, Chelsea. Alright?”
“Who broke your heart? Did she hurt you?”
The girl in that video?
“Who are you referring to?”
“Did someone hurt you? Is that why you’re so afraid of commitment? What happened to you to make you this way?”
He looked up at the starry sky before speaking. “It’s just who I am, how God made me. I can’t be what you need for the long term.”
“I don’t even care about the long term.”
“You say that, but you don’t mean it.”
“You’re what I need—what I need today.”
“And you have me…as a friend…always. I failed today, though. I wasn’t being a very good friend when I let that kiss get out of control. I got carried away, and I’m so sorry. But it won’t happen again.”
No, it won’t.
God, that hurt. It was like he’d closed the door on us and threw away the key. He might as well have just thrown a pile of sand in my eyes, too.
But I finally heard his message loud and clear.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
DUCKING DRUNK
Things changed after the night in Santa Cruz.
Neighbor Dearest Page 9