Faithless

by Amanda Bennett

  "Tristan, I don't think it sounds crazy. I think it sounds like you loved your sister a lot."

  "I did, I mean I do. She was my world, Riley. I would've gone to the ends of the earth to protect my little sister, but obviously I wasn't capable of even doing that."

  "I don't think she blames you, Tristan. How could she?"

  Riley kneeled down next to me, taking my face into her palms. "It sounds to me like you were an amazing big brother. And I can tell just by you talking about Grace, that she loved you so much. You can't blame yourself for something that you had no control over."

  I turned my face out of her palms, "Yes I can Riley, because I knew the guy who took her. I was the one who let him into our house and our lives. I brought him around thinking he was a good guy. Me, it was my fault."

  "Tristan?"

  "Just let me finish, please?"

  "Okay." She grabbed my hands and clutched them tight.

  "My partner died in the line of duty. I took it really hard, and after the whole dead sister coming to see me thing, I wanted to die too. I had followed you up here so many times before, and always wondered what it was about this place, that kept you coming back. When I got up here that night, I saw you standing at the edge. You looked so peaceful, so calm, and I envied you. I envied that feeling you had. I wanted that feeling. I had already been following you for awhile, and I knew how I felt about you, but I also knew that nobody would ever love someone who lost so many good people in his life, one of which still came back to talk to me. I was going to wait for you to jump and then I would take my turn. I know how morbid that sounds, but it's the truth. But something inside of me shifted when I saw you put your arms out to your side. Something told me that you were a life worth saving, and if you would just give me a chance, I could show you that a life with me was worth living for. So I saved you. I took away the one choice you were making for yourself, as you so eloquently put it. I'm sorry for that, Riley. But I can't apologize for saving you. Saving you brought us together. I know I went about it the wrong way, but it did. You gave me a reason to live. You made me believe in love again, and you made me unafraid of what that love might do to me. You gave me faith, Riley."

  I turned towards Riley and cupped her face in my hands. "I love you Riley with all of my jaded heart. I can't imagine a world without you in it, and I don't want to. I just want you, all of you, every single broken faithless piece. I want it all."

  "I do too." She sobbed.

  I gently pressed my lips to hers and my heart took flight. There wasn't another feeling in this world that felt as good as feeling those lips pressed against mine.

  "When did Grace come back?" She spoke against my lips and I pulled back enough to answer.

  "It was after our first little fight. When I got back from surfing the next morning, she was on my porch waiting for me. She's been here ever since."

  "I wish I could've met her. She sounds amazing."

  "She is. She likes you, she's already told me that much. She's the one that has been forcing me to go after you, to make things right. She came back because I was lost without you. She helped me find my way. She helped me find you, Riley."

  "And I will forever be in her debt. I have a question, Tristan. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but I'm curious now. Who killed your sister? What happened to her?"

  I hung my head in shame. I knew she was going to have questions, but I guess I just wasn't ready to answer them.

  "It's okay. You don't have to tell me." She turned her head into the wind that had picked up and I let out a heavy sigh.

  "I always want to be one hundred percent honest with you Riley. No secrets anymore."

  She looked back up at me. "No secrets." She pressed her lips to mine again and I pulled her in so close that I was almost certain I would suffocate her. When I pulled back, the words flowed freely from my mouth.

  "It was my best friend, David. He had been my best friend since fifth grade. They were secretly seeing each other and that night she went with him for a walk out on the pier. Apparently she had fallen for her boyfriend and she wanted to tell David in person. She says he flipped out, ended up strangling her. When he realized that she had stopped breathing, he threw her over the pier and took off. I went to my lieutenant to tell him, but he told me that there was no evidence to prove that, and seeing as David wasn't willing to confess and had an alibi, I ended looking like the crazy one. After that, Grace told me to drop it, so I did."

  "God, Tristan I'm so sorry. I know that's all I keep saying, but I am. I couldn't imagine losing someone so close to me like that. I couldn't imagine not being able to do a damn thing about it afterwards. You're an amazing person, Tristan Hayes."

  "Too bad my mother doesn't think so, huh? She introduced me as her nephew tonight. I think I have my closure with her though. She will forever blame me and my father will forever blame her, and Gracie, well she blames herself. It's a vicious cycle that will probably never end, but I'm ready to start fresh. I need that closure in my life to move on."

  Riley stood and pulled me to my feet. "Take me home, Tristan."

  I was confused but complied with her request. When we pulled up outside her house, she didn't make a move to get out of the car.

  "Wait here while I go pack a bag."

  "A bag? For what?"

  "So I can come stay with you, unless you'd rather me stay here?"

  "No, no I'll wait."

  "Be right back."

  And she was. Minutes later, she was back in my car and we were headed to my place, just her and me. I wasn't sure if I would see Grace again, but I hoped I would, so I could at least say good-bye this time.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  Riley

  I would be lying if I said I didn't worry about what Tristan had told me, but I also knew that people dealt with loss in different ways. If seeing his dead sister made losing her easier to deal with, then so be it. I have never judged another human being and I wasn't about to start. My love for Tristan superseded all else that felt unreal in this world. I loved having him to myself and I never wanted the feeling I was feeling at this very moment to ever end.

  We walked up to his condo in a slower than normal fashion. He held my hand the entire way and I was practically bouncing in my shoes at the anticipation of finally seeing where he laid his head at night. The place was impeccable and I was almost in shock. I never pictured Tristan as a super clean person, but it was a pleasant surprise.

  "You're really clean." I giggled.

  "Honestly, it's not me that keeps this place clean."

  "Oh." I was starting to get worried a little bit at his admission.

  "I pay someone to come clean once a week. You really thought my dead sister cleaned my house for me?" He let out a loud laugh and I couldn't help but laugh right along with him.

  "Come on, I'll show you the rest of the place."

  Tristan walked me through the entire condo. It had two bedrooms, three bathrooms and it was quite spacious compared to what it looked like from outside. The last place he led me to, was out onto his balcony. From the second I stepped outside, and the crisp night air hit me, I was in awe. His view was amazing. I could see the ocean for miles and miles in either direction. Now I understood why he lived here. It was definitely smaller than my mother's house, but his condo was definitely more my taste.

  "Do you like it?" He whispered from behind me as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

  I leaned back into his chest and slipped my fingers through his. "Like doesn't quite explain it. I love it, Tristan. It's so, you. This is exactly how I pictured you from the first day I saw you. I just knew you lived by the water, and I have to admit the smell of the ocean on you all the time, only made me think this even more."

  Tristan kissed the top of my head and bent down to rest his chin on my shoulder. "You getting tired?" His voice was thick and smooth as velvet and it had me feeling warm and secure.

  "A little."

  "You want to go lay
down?"

  I nodded my head, wishing he had asked sooner. He led me into his bedroom and I didn't even bother with being modest. I pulled my shirt over my head, discarding it into the corner of his bedroom and then my pants soon followed. Tristan had already jumped under the covers and he watched me like a cat stalking its prey, as I made my way over to him in nothing but my bra and underwear.

  "See something you like?" I whispered in a sultry tone as I crawled under the covers with him.

  "Yes, yes I do, but honestly I just want to hold you tonight, if that's okay?"

  "Absolutely, love. I couldn't ask for anything more."

  Tristan slid his strong muscular arms between the sheets and me and pulled me into his bare chest. My head came to rest on his arm just below his collarbone and I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss him. I lightly pressed my lips to his collarbone and the moan that escaped between his lips, made me yearn for more. I knew we were both physically and emotionally exhausted and I didn't want to push anything with us. We had time and as far as I was concerned, we had forever to get to know one another on the inside and the outside. Tristan kissed the top of my head and I slowly began to fade into one of the best sleeps I had ever had in my entire life. This was where I was meant to be, and this feeling I was feeling, only proved me right.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Tristan

  I woke up from the best nights sleep I had possibly ever had, with the woman of my dreams still tucked tightly into my chest. I lay there staring down at the amazing woman that lay beside me. She was overwhelmingly beautiful and one of the strongest people I had ever known. I felt blessed that this girl had come into my life when she did.

  I didn't want to wake her, and as much as I wanted to stay tucked in beside her, the ocean was calling my name. I was also secretly hoping that my sister would somehow show up again. I slipped out of bed without Riley moving at all, which I was thankful for. She needed sleep more than me and she looked so damn peaceful and so damn cute. I quickly changed and headed out down the back stairs to the water. I glanced around a few times, keeping an eye out for any sign of my sister, but when I noticed next to no one out at this time of morning, I ran straight for the water to catch my first wave.

  I was about to catch another wave, when I saw her beautiful blonde hair flying up around her face. I nearly lost my balance when I saw her, and began paddling into shore as fast as I could. By the time I reached the sand, my arms were burning from all my exertion. I stabbed my board into the sand and ran for my baby sister, picking her up in a deep hug and twirling her tiny self around and around. I placed a kiss to her temple and pulled her down next to me on the sand. When she still hadn't said anything ten minutes later, it hit me like a wrecking ball, full force as to why she was here.

  "You're saying good-bye aren't you?" I aimlessly drew shapes in the sand below me so I wouldn't cry.

  "It's time, Tristan. You don't need me anymore."

  "I'll always need you, Gracie." I knew she couldn't stay, but part of me wished she didn't have to go.

  "Yeah, but that girl up there, needs you more." She pointed up at Riley, who was sipping on a cup of coffee out on the balcony.

  "I miss you, Gracie. So much."

  "I miss you too, big brother. We'll see each other again one day. I'll be waiting for you, I promise. Remember to love that girl with all of your heart Tristan, and not just part of it. She's a keeper. I like her spunk. I wish I could've met her." She nudged my shoulder playfully as I turned and looked at the sidewalk leading up to my condo, when I caught sight of Riley making her way towards us. I looked back at my sister with sorrow.

  "I love you, Grace. I'll look for you too."

  "Just not anytime soon, you hear me?"

  "I hear you, Gracie."

  "And I love you too, Tristan. Live your life the way I should've been able to. Live for the moment, and let her love you back, all of you."

  "I promise." Grace stood and gave me a brief hug before she started making her way up the beach in the opposite direction of my house.

  "Grace?"

  "Yeah?" She shouted as she turned slightly towards me.

  "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how your life ended."

  "Thanks, but it wasn't your fault Tristan. Stop blaming yourself. You've showed me what it means to be loved whole-heartedly. Thank you."

  I glanced down at my feet with pride, and when I looked back up to tell Grace a final good-bye, she was gone. A small tear formed in the corner of my eye, but I held it back. Riley's hand slid across my bare back as she wrapped her arms around my waist. My arms instantly pulled her around in front of me and hugged her to my chest, as I let out a sad sigh.

  "Did you say good-bye?"

  I looked down into those bright ocean blue eyes and couldn't help but smile. "Never good-bye, always see you later." I bent down and sealed my lips over hers. I had found my peace in this life, and knowing that my sister got to witness that made me smile even wider. "I love you, Riley Turner."

  "I love you too, Tristan Hayes. I always will."

  I swept her up into my arms and ran for the water. She squealed the entire way and kicked a few times to try and break free from my tight grasp. The cold water splashed beneath us, and I could taste the salt on her lips as mine claimed hers. This time I didn't stop. There were no more words to be spoken. Nothing else to overthink or dissect. It was Riley and I against this life, and I had every intention of making sure that her life was worth living.

  EPILOGUE

  Sometimes it takes death for you to appreciate life. I had gone through my life believing I didn't deserve life, and wishing for death. Now I know that in the darkness is where you find the light. For me, that light was Tristan and London. Both of these men showed me what it meant to be loved and how to love. I'll always miss London. What he did was wrong and I'll be the first to admit that, but he was a good man who never got the chance to find his light in this life. I like to believe that I was a glimmer of that light before he died, but who’s to say?

  Even though Tristan may never understand why I still care for London, despite everything he did, he has found it in himself to forgive London. Being the amazing man that he is, he even visits his grave with me once a month.

  We haven't been back out to the cliff since that dreadful night, but I still dream about it every once in a while, and some days when I'm feeling really low, I want to go back. That cliff is where my demons hide now and I don't need, nor want to face those demons again in this lifetime. Although that place has a whole new meaning to me now, it just felt like it was time to move on. I still have never heard from Blake, and not a day goes by when I don't wonder what she's up to and hope that she's safe.

  My life with Tristan may just be beginning, but I know in my heart that my life will also end with him. I found my reason to live, and he has always been by my side. I'd like to say that Tristan and I now had the perfect relationship, but how can any one person even say that? What we have is special and nobody can ever take that away from us, but we still have our issues. Now we deal with them together as opposed to running away and trying to deal with them on our own.

  I wish I could've met his sister to say thank you to her. She was there for her brother when no one else was, and she made him see that it is okay to move on with your life. As for Tristan and his mother, well that'll take some time too, but they're both finally learning how to communicate with each other and put in the effort.

  I've never had a single regret in my life and will continue to never. Tristan has opened up my heart that I had forever sealed, or so I thought. And as we take everything day by day, I can't help but be thankful that on that cold dreary night, he saved me, in more ways than one.

  Looking out over the moonlit ocean, I realize just how different my life could've been had I chosen a different path. My heart no longer hurts for the mother I never knew and lost, and the pain of my past has almost completely disappeared. Life's funny that way. Once you feel true love, forgiveness
becomes easy and almost effortless.

  Tristan may have found me faithless and alone, but now I'm comforted knowing that the one person, who always had faith in me, is the one man I could never live without. Dream big and see where the journey takes you. Tristan had instilled this in me and everyday I strive to enjoy wherever that journey may take us. As of now, in this very moment, that journey has led me into the warm, comforting arms of the only man in this life, who has ever loved me irrevocably and unconditionally.

  I don't have dreams of a white picket fence, marriage, kids or any of the normal things most people do. No, I just have one dream, and I'm living it.

  As I make my way back down the beach to our condo, I catch a sight that I know so well. The moon lit his toned, shirtless torso as he headed towards me. I can't help but swoon. This gorgeous man is all mine and I can't help but thank my lucky stars. As he reaches me, his arms reach out and pull me into his hard body. Neither one of us speaks as we watch the midnight waves break on the shore. My eyes flutter shut at the pure bliss that I am feeling in this moment. Tristan moves his chin over to rest on my shoulder and I catch a whiff of his minty breath. The smell is intoxicating and all too familiar, and I love it. I can feel his breath move across my neck and his soft tender lips make their way over to my ear.

  "Thank you, Tristan." I whisper into the night air.

  "What for?" He turns me in his arms, and now I'm facing him.

  "For saving me. For teaching me to have faith. For letting me love you on my own terms."

  "That's what love is, sweetheart. If I had to do it all over again, I would. In a heartbeat."

  "Yeah?"

  "I would, no questions asked. If I still ended up with you at the end, I would most definitely do it all over again."

  I stand on my tiptoes and gently kiss his lips. He could have never said another thing for the rest of our lives, and I could be perfectly content with what he had just said.

  "You want to keep walking?" He asked as he playfully nudged my shoulder.