Becoming her Salvation (Zanetti Famiglia Book 7)

by Hayley Faiman

  He’s going to make me say it, and I don’t blame him. If the tables were reversed and I saw images, if I lived with those images for months, I would do the exact same—probably more. Ermanno is patient and kind, he is too good for me, always has been.

  “You’re to be the Boss of the Trevisani famiglia,” I say. He nods his head, but he doesn’t say anything, as if silently instructing me to continue. I do. “And you found out, I’ve been sleeping with someone else and six months ago you had Salvatore draw up divorce papers.”

  He hums, though he doesn’t verbally respond immediately. He makes me sweat and I do. I can’t eat, even though I’m starving. All I do is stare at him, waiting for what is going to happen next, what he’s going to say, and more importantly, what he’s going to do to me.

  “You’ve got the gist of it then,” he murmurs.

  “What happens now?” I ask.

  He doesn’t speak right away, his eyes connected to mine, and he doesn’t shift them away. Even when I feel like everything is overwhelming, as if there is an elephant sitting on my chest, what a sense of relief I feel by saying everything out loud.

  “What do you want to happen, Valentina? If I take this position, we cannot file those papers,” he explains.

  Licking my lips, I wonder if we can make this work again. Can we get past the miscarriages, can we get past the hurt? Can we move forward? Can we forgive?

  “I can’t give you children,” I confess, as if he doesn’t already know this.

  He nods his head once. “I know.”

  “Maybe you should just be with a woman who can, a comaré,” I breathe.

  ERMANNO

  Everything inside of me screams to throttle my wife. I’ve never told her that I need children to be happy. I’ve never said a fucking thing to her about us not being able to have them. That shit doesn’t matter.

  Standing, I walk over to her and stop directly in front of her, tilting my chin down to look into her eyes. She tips her head back, her eyes wide as she watches me for a silent moment. Wordlessly, I reach down, gripping her beneath her armpits, and forcibly stand her up to her feet.

  “Ermanno,” she breathes.

  Shaking my head once, I dip my chin and shift forward so that my lips are almost touching hers. I don’t kiss her, I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready to feel her lips on mine, not anytime soon—maybe not ever again.

  Keeping my grip tight around her, I spin her around and pick her up slightly, placing her ass on the edge of the table.

  “You want that?” I bark. “You want me to fuck someone else, make children with her, keep her in an apartment near my office? Then you’ll do the same, yeah? Keep that man you enjoy fucking so much at the ready?”

  “Don’t,” she cries as tears start to fall down her cheeks.

  “Don’t what? Tell the truth? Say it out loud?” I ask.

  She shakes her head a couple of times, her tears still falling down her cheeks as she looks up at me, her expression showing absolutely nothing but devastation. Good. She should feel like fucking shit.

  Moving my hand, I grip the neck of her shirt and rip it open, tearing the fabric completely in half. She lets out a gasp, no doubt shocked by my move. Shaking my head from side to side, I look into her eyes.

  “You don’t want to hear the truth, because it makes you feel bad. But I need to know why you did it. Why you thought that I was stupid enough not to figure it out,” I growl.

  “I feel dead inside,” she whispers.

  Reaching for the hem of her skirt, I tear it in half the same way that I did her shirt, leaving her in only her bra, panties, and high heels.

  “Let’s fix that part then.”

  Chapter Four

  VALENTINA

  Lifting my hands, I unclasp my bra and toss the contraption to the side at the same time Ermanno rips my panties to shreds, leaving me in just my heels. “Spread,” he demands.

  A thrill of excitement slides up my spine as I do just as he’s demanded. Spreading my legs, my breathing comes out in heavy pants as I stare into his eyes. He doesn’t look away from me, his focus is on me and me only.

  He drops his pants, then divests himself of his shirt and closes the distance between us.

  I arch my back, pressing my aching breasts against his chest, licking my lips as I silently beg him to kiss me. He smirks down at me, two fingers slipping between my legs and filling me. My head falls back between my shoulders, and I lose eye contact as his fingers move.

  Spreading my legs a bit wider, I scoot my ass to the edge of the table and whimper. Gripping the edge of the table, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip as I welcome his touch. I feel him lean forward, then his lips are at the side of my neck.

  “Do you still feel dead?” he asks on a whisper.

  “No,” I exhale.

  I don’t, either. I feel like I’m on the edge, my body begging for release. He doesn’t give that to me, he continues to work me, his thumb pressing and rolling against my clit as he brings me to the edge, so close, and yet so far away.

  “Please,” I whimper.

  He chuckles but doesn’t give me what I want. Instead, he pulls his hand from between my legs and takes a step backward. Opening my eyes, I lift my head and look into his eyes, my heart slamming against my chest as I watch him, unsure of what he’s going to do—or not do—next.

  Ermanno wraps his hand around his length, and I flick my gaze down and watch as he strokes himself. Licking my lips, I reach out to touch him, but he clears his throat and makes a tsking sound.

  He reaches for me, tugging me off the table, then spins me around. I feel his chest against my back, his skin pressing against mine as his lips touch the side of my ear.

  “What do you want?” he breathes against my ear.

  “You,” I exhale.

  Then, I feel his hand slide up my spine, stopping in the center of my back before he applies pressure to push me over so that my chest is flat against the warm wood of the table. Then I feel the head of his cock against my center.

  In one slow thrust, he fills me.

  ERMANNO

  Once I’m fully seated inside of her, I close my eyes and grit my teeth. This is where I belong. I just wish to fuck that she felt the same way. I can feel her pussy pulse around me, silently begging me for more.

  Burying one of my hands in her hair, I hold her head down, the other hand I have wrapped around her hip to steady her body.

  Then I fuck her.

  My patience is gone, so is my control. Closing my eyes, I try not to imagine the picture of her being fucked by someone else in the same position, but I fail.

  Gnashing my teeth together, I pound into her as hard as I can. I can hear her cries in the distance, but the blood is roaring throughout my whole body, pounding in my ears. I hear her scream, her hands flat against the table as she pushes back against me, but I can’t stop.

  Whatever control I once had, it’s completely vanished.

  I don’t just fuck my wife, I fuck my wife.

  All of the anger, all of the betrayal that I’ve felt toward her. It comes out right here and right now. I don’t stop. I continue even after her body has turned still into a motionless pile of flesh and bone. I still pound into her. I grip the back of her hair just as tightly as my fingers dig into her hip.

  Then, I still and come deep inside of her.

  All of the anger that I felt, it bubbles back to the surface and if I thought that she could get pregnant, I would have pulled out and jacked off onto her back. I’m just that goddamn pissed off at her.

  Once I’ve come, I step backward, staggering before I reach down and pull my pants back up. Walking away from her, I head upstairs to my bedroom. I don’t know what to do, what I’ve done. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do, either.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, I bury my face in my hands. I feel so goddamn stupid. I need to just man up. Tell her to stay or go, make the decision for both of us, but I don’t want to lose her. At the e
nd of the day, I do love my wife. I’m just not sure that I can ever forgive her.

  “Ermanno,” she calls out a few moments later.

  Standing, I don’t look behind me as I walk over to the window and stare out at the grounds. Money. It’s what makes the world go round. It’s what gives us a comfortable life, but it doesn’t make us happy. It doesn’t complete us in any way.

  I feel her hand press against my bare back, and I can’t stop my muscles from tensing from her touch.

  “Is your anger out now?” she asks on a whisper.

  Looking over my shoulder, I tip my chin and look down to her. Valentina’s hair is a fucking mess, her face is streaked with tears and her skin is pale. I should be proud of how she looks thoroughly fucked, and also a bit punished. But I’m not.

  “It’s not,” I admit.

  She nods her head once, her sad eyes meeting mine. “I understand,” she whispers, then she turns from me and walks away. I don’t stop her. I let her go.

  Once the house is quiet, I make my way downstairs and I find that folder. Taking out the contract for Gavino, I walk into the kitchen and grab a pen. I sign it. I agree to the terms, those terms include a wife. I’m just not sure if that wife will be Valentina or someone else. But I will agree to be married.

  Chapter Five

  VALENTINA

  Lifting my hand, I knock on Nicola’s door. We’re friends, but not really. I squashed that almost immediately. Getting close to people is not something I am very good at, in fact, it would seem all I’m good at is hurting people. I could blame my genes for that, blame my father, the tyrant, but I don’t. This trait is all on me.

  The front door opens, but it’s not Nicola who answers, it’s Benicio who stands in front of me. Taking a step backward, I start to turn and run when he reaches out and wraps his hand around my forearm, stopping me from fleeing.

  “Not so fast,” he barks before he tugs me into the house and slams the door behind me.

  I thought that he would be gone, somewhere at work, doing whatever it is that bosses do. I thought he would be like Ermanno and not be around. I forgot that Ermanno is that way because I’ve done nothing but push him away for months.

  Benicio doesn’t announce my arrival. In fact, he drags me into his office, flinging me toward the sofa before he leans against his desk, crossing his arms, and looks down his nose at me.

  “Ermanno texted me, said you’d run off. I didn’t think you’d really come here,” he says with a snort. “Don’t tell me, you want to leave him, ruin his chances at becoming a boss? Fuck him up some more?”

  “That’s not fair,” I whisper.

  Benicio snorts as he leans forward. “You’re nothing but a zoccola,” he sneers. “You ruin him, and I’ll fucking make you disappear. Should have done it the second you started fucking someone else anyway.”

  “It’s complicated,” I cry.

  He shakes his head. “It’s not. You’re making it. You’ve both suffered. You think you’re the only one who lost babies? Huh?”

  “It’s not that simple. He disappeared,” I breathe.

  Benicio clears his throat but doesn’t continue. Instead, he stares at me for so long in silence that I lift my gaze to look into his eyes. He’s disappointed. I can see it in his face, feel it as he looks at me.

  “Don’t fuck him over for this opportunity. Don’t keep ruining him, over and over.”

  He’s not wrong. It seems like I can’t help but hurt Ermanno. No matter how much I don’t want to, how much I don’t intend to, I continue to do it. Licking my lips, I open my mouth to say something, but I decide against it. Doesn’t matter, nothing does, not right now.

  “I’ll support him being a boss, I promise,” I whisper.

  Benicio nods his head, his gaze never leaving mine. “Take your ass home and play good wife. Don’t think about going to your lover. You have a detail on you now and they’ll report to Gavino.”

  “Gavino?” I ask on a choking breath.

  “Gavino,” he confirms. “What he wishes to do with the information your detail gives him is all up to him.”

  Without another word, I leave Benicio and Nicola’s home. I don’t bother trying to talk to Nicola. I go straight back to Ermanno. I don’t know what I’m going to say or what is going to happen next, but it doesn’t matter either. I need to be a good wife. I need to show the famiglia that I am a good wife.

  ERMANNO

  Benicio texts me to tell me that my wife is at his home, then ten minutes later he sends me an update that she is on her way back to me. I don’t know what he said to her, but I’m not sure that I want to know either.

  A few moments later Valentina is standing in front of me, her face streaked with dried tears, her clothes still disheveled. She looks like she’s a broken shell of herself, she looks the way that I’ve felt for months.

  “Do you love me?” I ask her.

  She blinks, her eyes rounding. Then she takes a step toward me. “I do,” she exhales.

  “You love me enough to end whatever it is you have with him, to be mine—only mine?”

  “I do,” she murmurs.

  “You fuck anyone else, I’ll kill you both. The only reason I didn’t was because I knew you were hurting from losing the last baby.”

  “I love you, Ermanno. I won’t ever touch another man, I promise. But I can’t give you a family. That doesn’t change,” she murmurs.

  Nodding my head once, I reach out and wrap my fingers around her biceps before I drag her body closer to mine. Dipping my chin, I look into her eyes and I clench my teeth together before I speak.

  “You think I give a fuck about that? You think I care so much?” I demand. “I would have left long ago if I did. You’re mine, Valentina. My wife,” I say, shaking her and watching her head fly back and come forward, knowing that I’ve jostled her too hard, but my control is gone.

  “Okay,” she whimpers.

  “No fucking more. You want to take out your hurt and anger? You take it out on my dick. You want me to fuck you until you’re crying, I can do that too. Whatever the fuck you need, I’m the only one you get it from.”

  Her eyes fill with tears and I watch them fall down her cheeks. Then, I pull her close to me again and I do something that I haven’t done in well over six months.

  I kiss my wife.

  Today we start over. We don’t forget the past, it’s something that can never be forgotten. But today, we forgive.

  Epilogue

  ONE YEAR LATER

  VALENTINA

  One year.

  I didn’t think that I would still be alive a year into Ermanno being the Boss of the Trevisani famiglia, but here I am and here we are. I watch as he walks across the grass toward me.

  I’m lying by the pool, the noise from the kids splashing and playing, not bothering me one single bit. I love having family over.

  “Things are good?” a male voice asks.

  Looking over, I realize that Benicio has sat down next to me. Giving him a smile, I nod my head. “They are, thank you.”

  He hums as he lifts his drink to his lips and takes a sip. “He loves you, it’s clear. Still, I don’t know how you feel, Valentina. You are a closed book.”

  “I am not overly, outwardly, emotional,” I inform him.

  “Which makes you the perfect wife to a Made Man, but still, I’m suspicious.”

  Laughing softly, I reach out and wrap my fingers around his forearm. He looks down at my hand, then lifts his gaze to meet mine, arching a brow in question. I only reached out to him to get his full attention. I smile now that I have it.

  “Always keep them guessing, I suppose,” I say as my lips curve up into a smile. “Everyone except Ermanno.”

  Benicio smiles. “Good. I only ever wanted my best friend to be happy, my cugino.”

  “I know,” I agree.

  ERMANNO

  “Today was fun,” I say as we pull back the sheets and climb into bed.

  Valentina comes close to me, p
ressing her front against my side as she wraps her arm around my middle. Dipping my chin, I touch my lips to the top of her head. But don’t say anything, just enjoying the moment.

  “It was,” she whispers. “I love you, Ermanno.”

  “I love you too,” I say.

  I mean the three little words, too. I do love her. I thought that we were lost forever. I thought that I would never be able to forgive her, to move on from what she’d done, but surprisingly enough it wasn’t as hard as I’d imagined.

  It was hard.

  But it was not so hard that I couldn’t do it.

  Love is what got me through it all, my love for her but more importantly and more significantly, her love for me. Our relationship was over, a shell of what it was supposed to be, what we’d envisioned it being, but I think it’s better now than it ever was.

  “Did you get your test results back from the doctor today?” I ask.

  Infertility.

  It’s such an ugly word. A painful one. It’s also something we decided to start working on. I would be fine with not having any children, but Valentina wants to continue to try. I just don’t want it to ruin us again—not when we’re stronger than ever.

  She lifts her head, looking up into my eyes. “No, he wants us to come in on Monday morning.”

  “Sounds bad,” I grunt.

  She laughs softly. “Probably, but we’ve been through worse.”

  “We have,” I agree.

  She crawls over me, straddling my hips as she tips her head down so that she can look into my eyes. Her hair is draped on each side of her face and I can’t help but smile at just how gorgeous she is looking down at me.

  “If it doesn’t happen, you know we will be okay,” I say. It’s a statement. We will be okay. Both of us.