by S. E. Law
So much for taking my mind off of him, I groan.
As I organize the books and try to avoid staring at the cover, I cave and let myself think about the illicit affair. I want to tell Hadley, but part of me feels like it could mar the precious memories. Plus, it’s just so taboo.
So maybe it’s a good thing he hasn’t called?
The thought hits me like a ton of bricks, and I nearly gasp aloud at the emotional pain.
I love him. To my surprise, a few, heavy tears drip from my eyes. I wipe at them quickly, determined not to be caught crying by Hadley or a customer.
Is it love? Or lust? No. I shake my head. It is love, despite that fact that it sounds wild and absurd and completely forbidden. Those few days with Matt at the cabin were fueled by sex, sure, but it’s also when I realized just how amazing he really is.
What we had was real, I admit, but maybe he doesn’t feel that way.
Frustrated, I shove a box of books with my foot. What the hell am I supposed to do?
“You okay back there?” Hadley calls from the front of the store.
“Yep, fine, just a box in the way.” Trying to control my breathing, I sit down on the offending box and prop my chin on my fists.
Ow. Something sharp is poking my elbow through my jeans pocket. I lean back and fish around for the offending object. What the hell could be in there? What would be so sharp and pointy and …
“Oh my god.” I can’t help but say out loud as I look into my hand.
It’s the missing engagement ring.
I examine the delicate piece of jewelry carefully, worried it may be damaged. But the pearls are luminous, and the antique gold a perfect, subtle shade of deep yellow.
And like that, my tears begin again. Suddenly, I remember. I hadn’t taken the ring off in the kitchen like I’d thought, right before the fire.
No, I shake my head. I’d taken it off well before the fire, when I’d changed from my jeans into my sweatpants when I first go to the cabin. I remember now because I kept catching myself staring at it on the drive up, and by the time I got there, I couldn’t stand to be wearing it.
Happy tears mixed with sadness pour down my cheeks.
We didn’t find it in the kitchen because it was never there.
But my tears aren’t really for my good fortune. Rather, they’re because of something Matt said the first night we had made love.
“I know we didn’t find the ring,” he’d murmured to me, “but I think we found something much more important here.”
Now, holding up the dainty heirloom in the midday light, I know that I have to find a way to get it back to Matt.
Quickly, I scramble to my back office and grab a padded envelope from my desk drawer. I carefully place the ring inside it and seal it tightly.
“Hadley,” I call out, trembling a little. “I need to go out for a bit.”
“A bit like an hour or a bit like two weeks?” Hadley calls back sassily.
“Like an hour. Close up whenever you need to for lunch,” I yell back as I dash out the back door. I clamber into my car, my hands shaking with anticipation.
You don’t know what’s going to happen, I try to calm myself. Besides, you’re just going to go give him the ring, that’s all.
“Don’t cave.” I assert out loud as I whip the hatchback out of its parking spot and begin the drive to Matt’s house.
But as I make the trek across my sleepy town, I feel my resolve ‘to play it cool’ start to wane. For one thing, I’m completely nauseous and it’s not helping. For another, Matt might be mad that I show up out of the blue. And finally, what if Marky is at home? That would really make things awkward.
A few blocks from the Harrison mansion, I pull the car over and weigh my options.
I have no doubt that I have to return the ring – it’s a priceless heirloom and I wouldn’t take something like that from their family. It belongs to Marky, and by extension, Matt.
But I also have no doubt that if I run into Matt, I won’t be able to keep myself together.
I glance at my face in my rearview mirror. Ugh, why did I have to cry? I poke at my splotchy cheeks but they remain slightly red. My hair, as usual, is all over the place, spilling out of its topknot in little wisps.
At least my outfit is somewhat cute.
I look down at my signature tank top and jeans ensemble and shake my head. Yeah, super cute, Cora. I roll my eyes. Matt is used to elegant women who dress impeccably.
So maybe I try not to see him?
I smack my hand to my forehead. Idiot, I chide myself, it’s Monday afternoon. Like every normal person out there, he’s working. Of course he’s not home.
Reassured by this fact, I get out of the old hatchback, trying to look casual. Grabbing the envelope with the ring from the passenger seat, I slowly start to make my way toward the block where the Harrisons live.
As I walk towards the house, my heart starts thudding. I feel completely out of place in this ritzy neighborhood. Each street is lined with stately mansions and manicured lawns. The houses are spaced well apart and the lush trees provide privacy from any prying eyes. I try to act like I belong, nonchalant and airy, but inside, my heart thuds.
Finally, I reach the block that boasts the Harrison’s family home. Like the other mansions in this part of town, the house is large and beautiful, but also grand and somewhat intimidating with its white portico and stately columns. Dainty early spring flowers pour out from clay pots on the front porch, and large dogwood trees line the front walk.
I stand outside the wrought-iron gate staring at the house for a moment, caught up in its beauty.
Why didn’t things work out?
I shake my head quickly, saddened by the thought. I’m relieved that Marky and I are no longer together, but my heartbreak isn’t about him
No, I think as a single tear slides down my cheek, it’s not about Marky at all. Standing in the afternoon sunlight, taking in the stately mansion, large windows, and vibrant garden, I feel a different kind of loss. Because I think I know now just what it is to be truly in love and have it snatched away. Matt isn’t mine, and clearly, he never was. He’s retreated to the walls of this house, while I’m stuck on the outside.
Quickly, I wipe away my tears and stand up straighter.
Just put the ring in the mailbox and get out of here.
I walk along the vine-covered fence and then back again. To my surprise, it swings open easily. But where is the damn mailbox?
I squint down the walkway toward the front door. Dammit. On the front door, I can see what appears to be a mail slot. I look wistfully in the general direction of my car, thinking to just leave and have someone else come drop off the ring. Or better yet, maybe I could mail it.
But it’s a Monday, I repeat as I push open the pretty iron gate. He’s not home. As I make my way to the door, I crouch a little, as if I’m on a secret mission. I don’t expect anyone to be watching, but I feel incredibly awkward coming to Matt’s house like this, especially after everything that’s happened.
I stare up at the ostensibly heavy door, wondering if I should just knock. And risk someone being home? I lean over so I’m eye-level with the mail slot and try to push the envelope through.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
I thought I was being sensible when I put the ring in a padded envelope, to avoid scratching it in any way. But now the damned envelope won’t fit through the slot. The padding is thick and resistant, and I shove it a little harder.
This time, I manage to jam a little more of the envelope into the thin opening. Holding the envelope with both hands now, I twist it back and forth, leaning against the big door for balance. Just go in, you stupid package.
Just as I nearly finish shoving the ring through the slot, the door opens suddenly, and I find myself unceremoniously thrown onto the entryway floor. I sprawl there like an idiot, my face pressed to the cold marble floor.
Ow. I sit up and rub my leg where I fell on it.
“Cora?”
Oh no. I look up. Matt’s handsome face is looming over me, his expression confused, and suddenly I feel all peace leave my body.
“What are you doing here?” I manage to stammer out, completely caught off guard.
“What am I doing here? This is my house. What are you doing here?” Matt glances quizzically from my face to the envelope lying next to me.
“Well, I… I just meant, right now. What are you doing here in the middle of the afternoon, on a Monday? Don’t you have to work?” I start to stand up and Matt reaches down to help. I brush his hand away, wanting with every ounce of my being to touch him, but knowing if I do that it’ll be the end of my composure.
“I just got back from a business trip.” Matt cocks his head to a side, studying me. “That doesn’t explain why you’re trying to stuff mysterious envelopes through the mail slot.”
“Right! Sorry. Here.” I thrust the envelope into Matt’s hands and take a solid step back, wanting distance between me and the alpha male.
“What is it?” Matt asks as he starts to open the package. He shakes the envelope and the ring pours into his hand. “My great grandmother’s ring.” Matt looks at me, a stunned expression on his chiseled face.
“Yeah,” I say, hoping I sound relaxed. “Funny story. I guess I thought I’d had it on when the fire started, but it turns out I’d forgotten I’d taken it off earlier. I guess it’s been stuck in my jeans’ pocket since…” My voice trails off, but I finish the thought in my mind: since we were at the cabin.
Matt’s still looks somewhat shocked as he eyes me up and down, silent and foreboding. I pat my hair, embarrassed that I probably look like a complete mess. I touch my hands to my cheeks – they’re flaming hot with consternation and I can only imagine their bright red color.
So much for playing it cool, I tell myself sarcastically. Matt remains silent as he examines the ring absently. I shift foot-to-foot, unsure of what to do or say. Finally, I can’t take the awkwardness any longer.
“So anyways, I just wanted to bring that back as soon as I found it, because, well because of the insurance policy you have on the ring. And because it’s yours.”
Plus, I secretly hoped I’d run into you for the past two weeks.
But still, silence.
“Okay, well, I better get going. I may not travel for business trips but I have to get back to the store. We have this romance writer coming on Saturday and we have a lot to set up and organize, plus apparently she’s very particular about – ” I babble.
“How have you been?” Matt interrupts me.
“How – how have I been?” I stare at Matt, incredulous.
“Since…the last time we saw each other?”
Well, at least he looks uncomfortable.
I bite my lip, unsure what to say. On the one hand, I’ve been miserable, lonely, and continually nauseous for the last two weeks. On the other, I’ve been embarrassed about our tryst and unsure what to do about the situation. Worst of all, I’ve realized that I’m in love with Matt and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
And now, standing in the elegant foyer of the Harrison mansion, I burst into ugly, uncontrollable tears, overwhelmed by emotion.
Matt immediately comes to my rescue, wrapping me in a tight embrace that only makes me sob harder. We stand this way for several moments – me blubbering against Matt’s broad chest while he strokes my back and murmurs soothing words into my ear. And for the first time in two weeks, I suddenly feel safe again.
More than safe. Complete.
Finally, I work up the courage to look up at his face, unsure what I’ll find or even what I’m looking for.
To my dismay, Matt looks troubled, his blue eyes dark and moody. I once again rest my head against his firm chest, wanting to cherish this embrace for as long as I can. Because I know, from his eyes, that any minute he’s going to tell me that what we did was wrong, and we will never be together.
Overwhelmed, my sobs start up anew, and I hold the man I love tighter.
17
Matt
I’m doing what I can to calm Cora down, but the woman is sobbing like her life is over.
I know the feeling, I think miserably while I stroke her back and try to soothe her. In response to my comfort, Cora only cries harder. I had thought she was going to stop for a minute there, but instead she’s holding me tightly, as if this is finally goodbye.
My own eyes mist up at the thought. Is this goodbye?
It can’t be, I think angrily. After everything we went through, after our time at the cabin. I shake my head and pull the curvy girl even more firmly against me, never wanting to let her go.
But unfortunately, Cora ends our intimate embrace. She takes a deliberate step backward and watches me warily. We stand like this for a moment, each of us trying to read the other.
Finally, Cora speaks.
“Why didn’t you call me, Matt? After we left the cabin?” I detect a tinge of desperation in her voice, and my heart breaks. I sigh, unsure how to explain myself.
“Sweetheart, I needed some space to think about our… affair.”
“Oh.” Cora looks completely defeated.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.” I start to step toward her, but Cora immediately steps back. I take a deep breath and continue. “Look, what we did, well, it was unexpected. And I needed some time to get my head straight about it. That’s all.” It’s the truth, and she can’t blame me for needing space.
“Sure,” Cora mumbles, looking down at her feet.
“It’s complicated, you understand.”
“Yeah.” Still staring at her shoes.
I can’t take it anymore. I close the space between Cora and me with one wide step. “Look at me.” She shakes her head so I lift her chin to make her do so. “I needed space, Cora, because I needed to figure out what to do next.” Cora’s big brown eyes search mine, desperately trying to read my mood.
Looking into those gentle, innocent eyes, a variety of emotions come tumbling back in. It’s true that for the past two weeks, I’ve done nothing but weigh my options for how to deal with the fact that I’m in love with my son’s former fiancé.
I considered what life would be like if Cora and I went our separate ways forever, and it nearly killed me. Then, I considered an illicit, secret affair, to protect Marky and to save everyone’s reputations. I even considered uprooting my life and putting Cora and Blue Mountain completely behind me. In every scenario, I had to leave Cora in order to protect her, and I would protect her at all costs.
But the one option I hadn’t let myself consider is now suddenly the only option.
It’s now or never, Matt.
“Cora,” I clear my throat and start again. “Cora, I know what I need. And I don’t know how to say it, except bluntly.” She winces, as if bracing herself for a blow. I take her face between both of my hands, wanting to protect her even more fiercely than before. I take a deep breath.
“I am completely in love with you, sweetheart. That’s what you’ve done to me.”
Cora’s brown eyes go wide and search mine. “You – you are?”
“Yes,” I exhale, laughing a little with relief. My heart feels lighter now that the words are out. “Ever since the cabin, I knew that I’d fallen in love with you. Part of me knows that I’ve always had strong feelings for you, but I couldn’t let myself act on them. Because of everything – your engagement, your heartbreak, how taboo this whole situation between us is. But now, I don’t care anymore, and I have to be honest with you.” I kiss her, deeply, with every ounce of love I can convey through the movement. “I love you.”
Cora returns the kiss, her passion matching my own.
Reluctantly, I pull away from her eager mouth.
“I want to be with you, no matter what,” is my firm statement, brooking no doubt.
Cora looks up at me, her eyes filled with deep emotion. Finally, she speaks again, her eyes tearing again as she does so.
> “I love you, too, Matt.” Her gentle tears suddenly turn back into intense sobs. “I have, for a long time now.”
“Cora, Cora,” I croon, my heart exploding with happiness but also concern at her tears.
She continues. “I’ve been in love with you ever since the cabin. And I’ve always been so attracted to you and felt so bad about it but now I know, I know it’s because we’re supposed to be together.” She sobs uncontrollably in my arms, so I just hold her.
When her tears calm somewhat, she steps back from me, eyes bright. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why, I’ve just been a rollercoaster of emotions since we left the cabin. I’m not usually such a blubberer, I swear.” She laughs a little and I can’t help but stroke her face.
“I feel the same way. These last two weeks without you have been the worst of my life. I’ve thought about you every other moment, it feels like.” I shake my head, feeling silly now that we’ve both confused our love for the other. “Honestly? I was afraid you were going to regret our time together, and I didn’t want to give you the chance to pull away.”
“No, never!” Cora falls back into my arms and I hold her tightly. “There is one more thing…” her voice is muffled against my chest.
“What is it?”
Cora’s eyes seem even brighter than normal, something akin to alarm and excitement appearing in their depths. “I don’t know for sure, but I think I might be pregnant. You may be a father again, Matt.”
I step back, thunderstruck. Pregnant?
Cora rambles on nervously. “Is – is that bad? I don’t know for sure, but we made love a lot, and accidents happen. And I’m young, and I’ve been nauseous for a few days now and so emotional and I thought it was all because of us, but I think it’s –”
I cut her off mid-sentence with an impassioned kiss.
“I’ve wanted to be a father again for years now, sweetheart. I’ve wanted to have the chance to raise a child with a woman I truly adore. And to get both at once?” I bite my lip, my own eyes misting a little at the situation. “I didn’t think I would ever be so lucky.”
Her eyes fill with tears again, full of love, joy, and happiness. And with that, I hold Cora again, knowing that for now and forever, she’ll be mine.