Someone Else's Baby

by Someone Else's Baby (retail) (epub)

  Someone Else’s Baby

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  Chapter Sixty

  Chapter Sixty-One

  Chapter Sixty-Two

  Chapter Sixty-Three

  Chapter Sixty-Four

  Chapter Sixty-Five

  Epilogue

  A Letter From Ruby

  Acknowledgments

  Copyright

  Someone Else’s Baby

  Ruby Speechley

  For Isa.

  My little sunshine.

  Helena Luisa Teixeira Lopes

  19 March 1977 – 16 August 2017

  Prologue

  She’s running as hard as she can on this cold blustery night, gasping and coughing, straining to breathe. No coat or jumper, only a torn summer dress and canvas shoes with not enough grip so she slips and stumbles towards the edge of the cliff. The black water shimmers hungrily, thundering over the pebbles as the sea comes in, rattling them like a thousand bones as it draws out again.

  You call to her over and over, but she doesn’t stop, doesn’t look back because she knows you’re catching her up. And when you do, you thrust your fist into her back. She falls into the night, her screams echoing around you. The thud of her landing on cold, solid rocks makes you shut your eyes for a second.

  A light illuminates the tiny sun-room of a cottage down on the beach. Someone is standing at the window, watching you run away.

  Chapter One

  I’d made up my mind, this was the last time.

  It was ten to three on a dreary Saturday. I’d normally be pushing Alice on a swing at the park by now. But I wanted this, I really did.

  ‘You ready, hun?’ Steve rubbed his hands down his faded black jeans, then opened his laptop and signed into Skype.

  I paced up and down our studio flat, barely twelve strides in either direction. He switched on the TV in the corner and sat Alice in front of it. The rusk in her hand had gone soft from gnawing with her new tooth, poor mite. She’d smeared it all over her face and in her angel hair, which was beginning to smell. I opened the kitchenette window and breathed in fresh January rain.

  ‘It’s time,’ Steve called, adjusting the webcam.

  A jolt shot through me. I smoothed down my hair for the millionth time and plonked myself next to him in the old wicker chair, the one we sneaked out of a skip after the pub one night. That was before Alice came along and made us all sensible. It creaked its complaint as I sat down.

  ‘Hey, how are you guys?’ Brenda tickled the air with her finger wave. ‘You look well, honey.’ Her lips matched her poppy print dress.

  I smiled back, wishing I could reach through the screen and hug her. She slid the beads of her crimson necklace up and down. So much about her reminded me of Mum when she was at her most fragile.

  ‘Good Christmas?’ Malcolm cleared his throat and said it again. He was a spindly man who wore smart V-neck jumpers. His black hair fascinated me; I tried to spot evidence of dye because his beard was mostly white.

  Both Brenda and Malcolm were in their late forties, twice my twenty-four years.

  ‘Alice isn’t that aware of Christmas or Santa yet.’ Mum’s old fibre-optic tree balanced on the windowsill did the trick, but Alice had cried when the musical snowman couldn’t dance any more.

  ‘No Santa here.’ Brenda exaggerated a sad face. They were cuddled up together on a cream leather sofa in the glass-roofed extension of their kitchen.

  As though she understood every word, Alice gave a gurgling laugh. Her chubby little fingers jangled a plastic tambourine.

  ‘Aw, did you hear that, Malcolm?’ Brenda tipped her head so her blonde fringe fell across her eye.

  ‘Thank you so much for the Christmas food hamper and the gorgeous pack of toiletries. It’s really kind of you and was such a lovely surprise. I thought the delivery guy had got the wrong house! And Alice is besotted with her new teddy, aren’t you, sweetheart?’ I held it up to the screen before passing it to her outstretched hands.

  ‘It’s our pleasure,’ Brenda said, turning her face up to Malcolm’s. He smiled warmly.

  ‘Yeah, thanks guys, really good of you. Right, are we all ready?’ Steve patted my leg. We exchanged a glance. Everyone nodded in silence.

  I reached down for my handbag and took out a long box. Brenda began half-crying, half-laughing. Malcolm brushed the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.

  ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ I waved the slim box at the screen and slunk away to the bathroom.

  My fingers trembled as I ripped open the packet. I took a deep breath and sat on the toilet, pointing the stick downwards into the bowl. What if it was negative a third time? How would I tell Brenda this was the last time? The thought of failure dragged my whole body down. I hadn’t realised this would be so hard. Each disappointment was like living through Mum’s losses all over again. I shut my eyes, but my mind opened the image of Mum crying, curled up on the bathroom floor, her flowery dress pulled up, blood between her legs, on her fingers. She hadn’t noticed ten-year-old me standing at the door, not knowing what to do, whether to tell her the chips were burning.

  I pressed my knuckles against my forehead. My face was as pale as my hair in the shower door reflection. I thought it would be so easy. I’d fallen pregnant straight away with Alice.

  When I finished, I sat on the lid, staring at the blank little window. One solid blue line emerged. Slowly another paler line appeared next to it. My heart skipped. I blinked several times, but it didn’t change. This was it. Tears pricked my eyes picturing Brenda’s face. If only someone could have done this for Mum years ago, we might still be a proper family.

  Back in the living area, I kept the plastic stick hidd
en behind my back and did my best to keep a straight face. Steve stopped his conversation midway. Malcolm’s chest heaved up and down.

  ‘I can’t look.’ Brenda covered her eyes with her childlike hands.

  ‘Keeping our fingers crossed,’ Malcolm said.

  ‘Surprise!’ I whipped it out for them all to see.

  ‘Oh my god.’ Steve grabbed my wrist and peered closer.

  ‘Brenda, look, look!’ Malcolm shook her arm. Brenda peeped through her fingers, but he pulled her hands away.

  ‘It can’t be, it can’t possibly be,’ Brenda whispered.

  My heart bloomed.

  ‘Charlotte’s pregnant. It’s really happening.’ Malcolm cupped Brenda’s face.

  ‘It certainly looks like it.’ Steve beamed. He stood up and gave me a hug.

  ‘It’s such good news.’ I held my smile.

  ‘You all right?’ Steve tried to catch my eye.

  I nodded, my hand covering my mouth. Tears filled my eyes.

  ‘Oh my god!’ Brenda cried as it hit her.

  ‘We can’t thank you enough.’ Malcolm leaned towards the screen, beaming.

  My stomach tightened. I’d thought about being a surrogate for so long it was hard to believe it was finally real.

  There was no going back.

  Chapter Two

  Steve shut his laptop. ‘That’s it then, we’re on our way.’

  I flopped out on the sofa bed and gazed at the soft cloud shapes and blue sky we’d painted on the ceiling. All I had to do was get on with my life for the next eight months and deliver this baby safely to its new parents. I touched my stomach and wondered at the new life growing there. But I kept seeing an image of Malcolm’s sperm invading me, finding my egg. I shuddered. Too intimate, even though we hadn’t touched. Steve had been the one who’d made me comfortable in the hotel room, carefully injecting the fresh sample inside me using one of those syringes from a kids’ medicine bottle. Still, it would be worth it to see Brenda’s face when I finally handed her the baby.

  From the first moment I held Alice in my arms, I knew how lucky I was, how easy it had been for me. Carrying a baby to full term had been so hard for Mum, it made me think about doing this for someone like her. Make a real difference to their lives. As a kid, I remembered hearing a story on the news about a middle-aged woman having a baby for her twenty-something daughter. I’d only been about fourteen but I’d wished I was older so I could help Mum like that.

  ‘No regrets?’ Steve reached for my hand.

  I shook my head. Meeting Kelly at prenatal class had been the turning point. Her baby had been due about two weeks before Alice. At first I didn’t understand who the man and woman were that she brought along every week, but we got talking and I found out they were her brother and sister-in-law. Kelly had offered to have their baby. It was such a lovely thing to do. She said she couldn’t watch them suffer any longer. They’d already lost two babies at around twenty weeks. Both of Kelly’s previous pregnancies had been straightforward, so she thought why not do this one thing that could change their lives, make them happy? Hearing her story cemented it in my mind – I wanted to be a surrogate.

  ‘How about you?’ I looked at Steve.

  ‘Nah, not at all. For starters, you really want to do this, and now it turns out I need to buy Jack out, poor bloody sod.’

  ‘I know.’ I kissed his cheek. ‘That will be our priority as soon as the first payment comes. And I promise we’ll be there for him, Janet and the kids.’

  ‘Hell yeah.’ His eyes reddened. ‘I still can’t get my head round it. One minute we’re down the pub having a laugh, and the next he’s telling me he’s got cancer in his balls.’

  ‘But he’ll get through it. There’s a good survival rate.’

  ‘I know. Makes you think though, doesn’t it?’

  I nodded. When we signed up for surrogacy, we hadn’t banked on his business partner falling ill. After surgery, Jack would have to start chemo, and he needed that money ASAP to pay the mortgage, support his family. Steve would have to take over his side of the business, or we’d lose everything he’d worked so hard for, and our future along with it. It’d taken him months to do up the clapped-out Subaru while finishing his apprenticeship. Selling his precious Scooby to start a business with Jack had been a big gamble.

  ‘Malcolm said they’ll send a cheque next week.’ He lay down next to me.

  ‘And after we’ve given half to Jack, we can pay our rent arrears and credit card.’ I hoped we’d be able to put something by for Alice’s future, once we got the rest of the money. I wanted her to have everything I didn’t. Maybe I could afford to go to college and uni, train to be a teacher. I could see myself sitting at a desk stacked with books, rows of eager-faced children in front of me.

  ‘We can go up town and have a slap-up meal.’ He pulled me close.

  ‘We need to be careful or the money will be gone in no time. Let’s hope you do well at the garage once you’re the sole owner. I might be able to increase my hours at the deli.’

  ‘We need a new car too, a decent one with a bigger boot.’ He kissed my hair.

  ‘I want us to start saving for Alice as well though, so she can go to uni one day.’

  ‘Do you think she’ll want to?’ Steve wrinkled his nose.

  ‘Why not? I want her to have a better start in life than I did.’ I rolled on my side and cuddled up to him. ‘Everything will go smoothly, won’t it? I mean there’s nothing we haven’t planned for, is there?’

  ‘It’s gonna be easy, you wait and see.’ He nuzzled my neck.

  ‘Easy for you maybe.’ I nudged him in the ribs and he pretended to be wounded, half hanging off the bed. ‘You don’t think we’ll feel like one’s missing, do you?’

  ‘It won’t be ours, hun. All the websites say you need to start off in the right frame of mind. You’ve got to remember, you’re just the incubator.’

  ‘I’m the biological mum.’ I sat up. It was hard to admit that I wouldn’t find it easy giving a baby away. I’d read about a woman who’d changed her mind. Would I have a last-minute panic? One woman advised trying to distance yourself emotionally. I didn’t know if that was possible.

  ‘You said you’re okay with it.’ He sat up and tipped my chin so I had to look at him.

  ‘I am. I’ll be fine.’

  I grabbed my notebook from the pile of books on the carpet and flicked through the pages. I’d made a note of every single website and forum I’d been on in the last six months and written down a list of advice from each. Most said it would be harder the traditional way, because the baby was biologically mine, I was much more likely to become attached to it. But I didn’t fancy hormone treatments or having an embryo implanted.

  The first place I’d looked for advice was one of the mums’ websites. I’d always checked there for parenting tips. I found a thread on their forum about surrogacy. I knew from what Kelly had told me that it was illegal to advertise yourself as a surrogate or intended parents, what the couple you have the baby for are called.

  I scanned through some of the quotes I’d jotted down.

  Lots of us prefer independent matching. There are some great private groups on Facebook.

  The best way to get into the surro world is to chat to both surrogates and IPs.

  Agencies offer you no more protection than indie routes.

  Be aware that no surrogacy agreement is legally binding, so it doesn’t matter what agency you choose, they offer nothing more than guidance and advice.

  It is totally possible to do indie surrogacy, that way you avoid agency fees which can be very high.

  We’d taken the advice and not gone to an agency. Not all charged the surrogate but you had to fit their strict list of requirements – some wanted to see a report from your GP, others were only interested in helping host surrogates – where they implanted an embryo in your womb – just the thought of it made me queasy. I’d spoken to lots of surrogates and intended parents before I got chat
ting to Brenda on a forum. There was one piece of advice I’d circled in my notebook that still made me smile: You’ll know when you’ve found the right match. And I had known with Brenda, straight away. She said she’d been hoping to find that special woman to carry her baby and felt certain that person was me.

  Steve plumped up his pillow. ‘Sad getting to that age and not having a family, isn’t it? I mean, they’ll pretty much be pensioners when the kid’s a teenager.’

  ‘Lots of people have them later.’

  ‘S’pose.’

  ‘Not their fault, is it? Shows how lucky we are.’ I picked Alice up, kissed her warm doughy cheek and squeezed her tight. She giggled softly in my ear, her blonde curls tickling my face.

  ‘We should make a list of all the things you need, like vitamins and antenatal classes. They can pay for all that.’

  ‘I think they’ll expect those things to be included in the expenses.’ It was weird to even be discussing money to do with having a baby. But thinking about it, it was reasonable for them to pay for certain things. As long as they didn’t give us a ridiculously high amount, which could be seen as buying a baby. Giving us three cheques over the nine months was a good way of doing it, so we were in control of what we spent the money on.

  Steve took Alice from me. I dragged my laptop towards me and logged on to one of the forums. I’d posted a question about whether the intended parents were legally obliged to let the surrogate stay in touch after the parental transfer had gone through. I clicked on the thread and several replies came up. I read them out to Steve.

  ‘I take it this is in the agreement? As you probably know, agreements aren’t covered by law, but in my experience, as long as both sides are happy with future contact, and are clear about each other’s expectations, it’s a reasonable thing to request/expect.

  ‘I think you need to take into account that the IPs may want to go their own way at some point, so even if they say now that you can be part of the child’s life, they could change their minds. I don’t think you can do anything about that as they’d be the legal parents by then and aren’t obliged to stay in touch with you.

  ‘This is why it’s so important to build a good relationship with your intended parents from the start. I feel I’ve become part of my IPs’ extended family. I get to see their beautiful daughter at least twice a year.’