by M. A. Lee
“See, I told you.” Cole laughed, as he pushed some of my hair behind my shoulder. Winking at me, Cole smiled. “Just trust me, I will bring you back to life again.” he said.
I yelled loudly and laughed as I continued to drive and enjoy each passing mile. I was leaving behind a fear, an image. And with each negative feeling that escaped from my body, I could feel my heart slowly being pieced back together again.
10
“You drove. A car?” Lauren asked, as I ran into the apartment and flung myself on our sofa, rambling on about my outing adventure with Cole.
“Yes!” I shrieked, hardly able to contain my excitement. “You should have seen me. The car was amazing, and I was so scared at first, I mean I cried like a baby. But Cole pushed me Lauren. He made me overcome my fear, and I did it!”
Rushing me, Lauren jumped on me and hugged me, wrapping her thin arms around my neck and squeezing me. “I am so proud of you, Mel,” she shouted. “I knew you would find a way to live again.”
Laughing, I pushed her off me and smiled. Lauren was right. I had lived today, really lived. I didn’t just exist by going to school and working at the publishing house. No, today I actually let loose, pushed my fears aside, and had fun. It had been so long since I had wild, crazy, fun. But I was glad that I allowed myself to have that moment. And with Cole, too.
“So, what does that mean for you and Cole?” she asked, eyeing me as she went to our small kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge for something to drink.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying not to sound coy. However, I was not able to hide the wide grin that crept on my face.
Turning to look at me, Lauren blew her bangs out of her eyes. “You know exactly what I mean,” she yelled, slamming the fridge door closed as she walked back into the room with a bottle of water. “You and Cole have been spending a lot of time together. If you are not at school or work, you are with him. Something is going on, and as your best friend, I demand to know the details.”
I guess I had to tell her the truth, the real truth. Even if I were not sure I was telling myself the truth. Everything I felt for Cole sat heavily on my heart. I was tempted at first to conceal some of our moments together, and not share them with Lauren. I wanted to hold on to the memories and keep them locked away inside me, so that when this all came crashing down and ended, I would have something left to remember.
Instead, I opened up and shared with Lauren everything that had happened between Cole and myself. My voice trembled with fear as I began, knowing that my words would reveal my true feelings for Cole, even if I couldn’t directly say it. I shared every silly conversation, every caress, our intense kisses, and my feelings, which were burning deep inside me. Lauren sat and avidly listened, hanging on to every word I spoke. Every once in a while she would breathe heavily, or arch her eyebrows as I talked about my kiss’s with Cole.
“Wow,” Lauren sighed as she slowly sat down in one of our kitchen table chairs. She waved her hands like she was fanning herself. “That was intense. I can’t believe you have been holding all of that in. You totally love Cole,” she insisted.
Standing, I swiftly walked away and retreated to my bedroom. I didn’t want to discuss that idea, at least not out loud with Lauren. Following closely behind, I could hear Lauren’s footsteps following me as I tried to sneak away.
“Nope.” Lauren said as she walked into my bedroom behind me. “You are not getting away that easily. You cannot just drop a bomb like that, that you have been hooking up with Cole, and just walk away. You have to talk about how you feel.” She eyed me cautiously like I was a wild, rabid animal.
I sat heavily on my bed and threw my hands in my hair. “Lauren, I don’t know what this all means. I care about Cole, a lot. But, I can’t be with him like that.”
Sighing, Lauren walked over and sat down next to me. She patted my back as I shook, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. “Mel, you are a good person. I know you blame yourself every day for Alice’s death, but you have to stop. Fate did this, not you. At some point, you deserve to be happy,” she stated.
“I am happy, again.” I said, swallowing back my emotions. “I am working on the rest,” I said, managing a smile. “But, if and when I do decide to be happy and to love again, I just hope Cole is still around and hasn’t gotten sick of me yet.” I joked, offering Lauren a genuine smile.
“Well, that deserves a celebration,” Lauren announced jumping off my bed and pulling me up with her. “Let’s go get drinks, have a girl’s night out,” she said, giddy.
It had been a long time since we had gone out for a girl’s night out. It sounded fun, and since I was allowing myself to have fun again, I loved the idea.
“I think that’s a great idea,” I said. “But let’s not make it a late night, I have work then school tomorrow,” I stated, trying to be the responsible one since I knew Lauren couldn’t be trusted to be that person.
“Okay, great!” she exclaimed.
We both rushed to get dressed. I decided on a cute pair of dark denim jeans and a tight black sweater and black boots. Lauren wore a short black skirt and a golden long sleeve shirt that hugged her curves nicely.
We left the apartment and quickly felt the cold air as it swept over us. Late October was really bringing in cool nights, I almost found myself excited for winter and the changes it could bring.
As we slid into Lauren’s Honda Accord, she stopped herself before placing the keys in the ignition. “Do you want to drive?” she asked.
“No, I think I got my fill of driving today,” I laughed as I remembered the feel of the power behind the car. “I want to slowly ease myself into it,” I said again.
Agreeing to that, Lauren turned the car over and began to drive to a nearby bar and grilled we liked. When we pulled into the parking lot of Applebee’s, I noticed there weren’t many cars noticeable.
We were instantly seated and greeted by a friendly waitress who took our drink orders as we examined our menus. Finally deciding on boneless wings, nachos, and margaritas, we sat and began chatting, catching up about Isaac and Lauren’s love life.
“He told me he loved me,” Lauren mused as she took a sip of her drink.
“I am so happy for you,” I smiled, dipping a wing into ranch dressing.
“He is the one,” she said, her tone serious.
“Really?” I asked. “How can you be sure?”
“I just know. It’s a feeling I have, deep inside my heart and soul. When I am with him, my heart feels full, like nothing else matters in the world. When I am not with him, it’s like my body aches. It’s like I am missing a part of me. Trust me, when you love someone, you just know,” she said, smiling at the thought of Isaac.
I envied her and the love she felt. I don’t think I even had that with Brody.
“Speaking of the devil,” she joked, pulling her phone out of her purse. It was ringing and Isaac’s name flashed on the screen.
Answering the phone, a wide grin spread over Lauren’s face. It made me happy to see her so in love with Isaac. He was a great guy, and I knew they were perfect for each other.
“Hey baby,” she said into the phone. “I am at Applebee’s with Mel. I don’t know, it’s kind of a girl’s night,” she said, her eyes glancing to me. It was obvious Isaac wanted to join us, and I didn’t mind if he did.
“Invite him,” I said, pointing to the phone.
“Are you sure?” Lauren mouthed as she looked at me. Nodding my head, I assured her it was fine with me.
By the time we finished our appetizers, Isaac and Cole walked through the restaurant doors. My heart stopped when I saw Cole, his eyes instantly finding mine.
I smiled, and then looked at Lauren who only shrugged and gave me her infamous evil grin, telling me she knew all along he was coming too.
When the guys began approaching the table, I saw they were each carrying shopping bags. Cole placed his on the table, right in front of me.
“What is this?” I asked,
peeking inside the plastic bag.
Smiling, Isaac and Cole exchanged glances, which had Lauren and me trading curious looks.
Reaching inside the bag, Cole pulled out two costumes and one long, black wig. I arched my brows, confused at first then it finally hit me. Cole had been talking about Isaac’s Halloween party for weeks, and he had gone and found us couples costumes.
“Look, I found the best costumes,” Cole announced, a wide grin on his face. “It’s Morticia and Gomez Adams. Look, I even found you a wig.” He said, waving the long strands of matted hair in front of my face.
Laughing, Lauren couldn’t control her reactions. “That is awesome,” she noted, noticing my startled expression.
“Oh yeah,” I said, stealing Cole’s bag. “Let’s see what your boyfriend found.” I added reaching inside and pulling out two costume bags. The first bag had a pair of tights and green shirt and hat. Is this Peter Pan?” I asked, trying to hold back my laughter.
“Let me see that?” Lauren demanded as she pulled the costumes from my hands. She began inspecting the outfits and to her surprise, and mine, it was a Peter Pan and Tinker Bell costume set.
Now Cole and I were the ones laughing. Isaac, who looked wounded, paid careful attention to Lauren’s now dumbfounded expression.
“Do you not like it?” he asked, his voice sounding defeated. “It was all they had left. I thought you would look hot in tights.” He added.
Laughing, Cole examined the bags too. “Hey, I hate to tell you, but I think the tights are for you man,” Cole said as he laughed so hard he was almost crying.
“What?” Isaac shrieked, as he looked at all of us. “No way, I thought the tights were for Lauren.”
I began to laugh too, so hard I had to hold my stomach because it hurt. “It’s ok, Isaac you will look great in tights.”
Isaac glared at Cole and me as we laughed, holding onto each other now for support.
Throwing her arms around his neck, Lauren kissed Isaac on his cheek. “It’s ok baby,” she added sweetly. “I think you will look great. This was really sweet for you to do.”
His face blushing, Isaac tried to look like he was not absolutely mortified about the idea of wearing tights with his costume. I was now realizing Cole knew all along what the costume entailed, he was just messing with his buddy. Isaac, who had multiple arm and back tattoos, would be rocking his green Peter Pan costume, tights and all at his party on Halloween night. It was crazy how the saying, looks can be deceiving, was so incredibly true. Cole didn’t care about his appearances. He stuck with his usual black, white, or gray tee shirts and loose fitting jeans. On the outside both Cole and Isaac looked like bad asses- guys who drank, smoked, and partied non-stop. But, on the contrary, they were two of the sweetest, kindest, and most thoughtful guys I had ever met.
Watching my group of friends interact, all of us laughing and joking around put my heart at ease. There was just one more thing I needed to do tonight to add to the growing transformation back to the old Melanie.
“Hey, I am going to step outside for a moment and make a call,” I said, as Cole and Isaac began devouring a new plate of nachos they had ordered after they arrived.
As I walked out the door, I turned for a moment and took in the sight of my new friends and my old friend, Lauren.
I dialed a number that I knew by heart and one, which I rarely called. When the line answered, I heard a familiar voice fill my ears.
“Melanie, I am so glad you called. Your father and I just got back from a weekend to Cincinnati. How are your classes? Are you still enjoying your job at MEA Literary Agency? Is Ms. Harvey still teaching you the different roles in publishing?” she asked quickly, as I heard her scurrying around on the other end. I could tell she was probably unpacking and had the phone tucked under her ear. My mom was always a multitasker, something I think I inherited from her.
“Mom, I am great, actually. Classes are going well and work is steady. I think I may have a future with the company.” I added. “That’s not why I called though. I was wondering...” I paused, not sure how my mom would react to my question. Since my accident, my parents had been very protective of me, but I could tell, they still didn’t know how to react to my changing personality.
“I was hoping that I could have my car back.” I asked, my voice trembling as I spoke.
There was a long silence on the other end of the line, then I heard my mom sniff, like she was crying. “Melanie, I am so glad to hear that,” she said, her voice full of raw emotion. “Your father will be so happy to hear this. I will have him take it to the shop and have a mechanic check it out since it hasn’t been driven in almost two years,” she added.
“Thanks mom,” I said, a smile growing on my face. “But, I think I know a great mechanic who can help me.”
11
Two Years Ago
When I opened my eyes, I only saw the bright, yellow lights hanging above. My body ached as I tried to sit up, but was unable to move.
I tried to analyze my surrounding’s, but everything looked different. A slight beeping noise from the corner of the room, caught my attention as I realized I was lying in a bed. Where am I? I thought to myself, struggling to clear my blurry eyes.
A hand was patting my shoulder, saying something to me as I tried to regain life back. I couldn’t make out the words, but I knew it was my mother, soothing me like she used to when I was a child, and had awakened at night from a terrible nightmare.
Suddenly, realization hit me like a lightning bolt. The car wreck. Brody cheated on me. The storm. Everything came crashing down on me as the images from that night flashed through my mind. I gasped for air, trying to call out for Alice and Brody. My mouth was dry and my throat was scratchy as I struggled to talk, to breathe.
“Calm down Melanie. We are all here.” My mom announced as she stood over me, running her hands through my hair. The act was something she always did when I was a child and was upset or not feeling well.
“Where is Alice?” I asked, remembering that night as I struggled to find her. I could still hear her calling for help through the pounding rain.
My vision had returned, and my mom was now holding back her tears, unable to answer me. Noticing her expression, I knew the answer to my question before she could even tell me. I began shaking my head, crying as I realized it was all my fault.
“Melanie, calm down. The storm was too bad. You tried to help her, there was nothing you could have done. The driver ran the red light. He was drunk. The other car didn’t see either of you coming.” She began rambling on, trying to soothe me as I cried. My dad stood by the door, uncertain of what to do. He never was good in a crisis.
Then I heard him, a voice I had longed for so long, but now dreaded to hear. “Melanie,” Brody began as he stepped forward, now in my vision. I hadn’t seen him before because he had been behind my mom, probably hiding. The coward. “I am here, too.” He said, gently as if he were afraid I might attack.
All of my senses suddenly came flooding back, in high alert mode. I turned, my body aching as I slowly moved in the small hospital bed. Glaring at Brody, I realized I was in this mess because of him. If he had only been faithful to me, I wouldn’t have left in such a rage that night, and Alice never would have jumped into my car. “Get out.” I growled as his eyes grew wide watching me.
It was in that moment that I looked at him. I mean, truly looked at him. He was no longer the Brody I had fallen in love with three years ago. He was no longer the faithful, sweet, compassionate, and caring man I had once believed him to be. Somewhere along our journey together he had changed. I could see it in his eyes, which didn’t look like my Brody’s eyes anymore. They were now eyes of a stranger, a man who could callously hurt me.
Taking a step back, Brody just stared at me. “Melanie, if you would just let me explain.” He began, before I cut him off again with my screams.
“I said, get out!” I shrieked, startling my mom and causing my dad to jump where he stood. Tears
began to stream down my face as I continued to yell, over and over again, for him to get out and leave.
“Melanie, Brody is only trying to help.” My mother pleaded, begging me to calm down.
“Help?” I yelled, anger flooding my voice. “He cheated on me with Alice. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been in that wreck. Alice would still be alive. And my heart wouldn’t be broken.” I cried, my mom now throwing her arms around me, gently rocking me as she turned to face Brody.
Just as she was about to unleash her rage on him, my dad took one step forward and threw a punch, which landed nicely on Brody’s jaw. Thankfully, we were in a hospital.
Falling to his knees, Brody screamed in pain as my dad simply grabbed him by the collar of his perfectly pressed Polo shirt and dragged him out of the hospital room.
When he returned, he didn’t speak a word about Brody or Alice or the damage that had been caused in the wreck. Instead, he and my mom simply held me until I fell fast asleep again into another sleep like coma.
12
Trust is a difficult thing to obtain, especially when broken hearts are involved. Since Brody and my best friend broke my heart two years ago, I hadn’t been able to trust anyone, including myself. When that faith in another person is gone, it seems to destroy other aspects of your life. Joy is harder to find. Loyalty no longer seems to exist. And hate and fear become your new norms. It was trust that caused my heart to get broken and my life to get twisted upside down. However, it was trust that was now causing me to break through all of the barriers I had placed, and take a leap of faith on trusting and believing again.
“So, you think you are ready for this?” Cole asked as he popped the hood of my 2014 Toyota Camry.
The car had been given to me as a gift from my parents after my car was totaled in the wreck. I had never driven it, only allowing it to sit at my parents untouched for two years. Now, I felt I was ready to begin taking a part of my life back and I wanted control over something. Driving was something I needed back for me and for Lauren, who had to be tired of chauffeuring me around.