Look Both Ways

by Jacquelyn Mitchard

  There was a purpose. There was a purpose for people like her and Merry and Eden. At least now she could talk to Eden. For this, she was grateful to Cooper. She was grateful too, for his beauty and the way he danced and sang, for making her feel like a woman for the first time.

  She looked up at him. “Cooper, I promise to do my best to protect her and to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid over James, if I can.”

  Cooper put one finger on Mally’s cheek. “I’ll always be thankful that I met you here tonight. I hope it’s not the last time I see you.” He stopped. “You’re so little. Are you really only twelve or something? Are you lying about going to school with my sister?”

  Mallory laughed. He was only teasing, flirting. It was like an actual taste on her tongue, an indescribably sweet taste, to play this kind of game with a cute guy. “If I’m lying, so is Eden!”

  “Look at the moon, Mallory. The cloud ring broke away for a moment. It’s an optical illusion, but it looks as though there are two moons, a big moon holding a little one. We call it the Lap Baby Moon. It’s lucky to see it.”

  “I feel lucky I came. Despite everything.”

  He kissed her then. Although it was her first kiss, clearly it wasn’t Cooper’s. When she moved her mouth, he found it again, and drew her closer, putting his arms around her in a way that didn’t feel gross but so that he was nearly lifting her off her feet.

  Which was lucky.

  Otherwise Mallory would have ended up in a heap on the ground. Her whole body disappeared into a little column of light that flowed from her lips—the only thing she could feel. Despite having spent her life in the company of a brain that never stopped, Mallory passed ninety seconds without a thought in her head.

  Later, as she and Eden lay side by side in their sleeping bags watching the dawn come up, Mallory told Eden what she and Cooper had talked about.

  “I thought you would,” Eden said. “I’m glad you know. I even knew he was the guy for you. But I won’t do it, Mally. I’ve done it long enough.”

  “You have no choice, Edie. Like us,” Mallory whispered. “I can’t imagine how it must hurt. I really can’t. I don’t know what it’s like to be in love. But for you, Eden, it’s not just letting people down. It’s dangerous for you, you personally, to break the tradition.”

  “I don’t care. There’s nothing that is so wonderful as being in love. Or so terrible.”

  And Mallory couldn’t begin to disagree.

  THE INTRUDER

  To audition people she might want for friends—at least according to Erika—Neely invited the whole freshman class to a Halloween party. For good measure, she added twenty sophomores and juniors.

  It didn’t matter that Halloween was over.

  “Anyone could have a Halloween party on Halloween,” Neely said. “I want this to be more than a Halloween party. I think I want it to be a pagan festival.”

  Meredith couldn’t imagine what that meant, but she knew she didn’t want to miss it.

  “Come with,” she told Mallory. “What, do you have a blood disease or something? I’ve never seen you so lazy and you’re always lazy.”

  “I have stuff on my mind,” Mallory said. “And I wouldn’t go to a party at Neely Chaplin’s for money.”

  “Then you don’t really want to find out,” Merry said.

  “Find out . . .”

  “Who’s planning to hurt someone next at the tryout. You know, they’re on Monday. I never really got an answer that night.”

  Mallory sighed. She was restless. Life seemed to be both boring and a constant source of distress, like a broken heater that made more noise than warmth. Even soccer wasn’t much fun. Since Cooper, even moonlight or the smell of burning leaves was a sort of sweet torment.

  He had sent her a letter, which she received before he even left Ridgeline.

  Dear Mallory,

  I’m so happy I met you. And I’m so grateful you’re there for Eden. I wish you weren’t really twelve! Just kidding. Remember the Lap Baby Moon. I’ll be thinking about you.

  Your friend,

  Cooper Cardinal

  Mally kept the letter in a slit she’d cut in the lining of her backpack and thought she should probably have it laminated so it didn’t fall apart from her taking it out and reading it four times a day. “Your friend.” It didn’t exactly say, I’m so grateful I met you. Please wait ten years and marry me. But how could it? They’d spent all of thirty minutes together. The fact that she could think of nothing else . . . “It’s just biology!” her mother would say. The other thing about Cooper that made Mallory happy was that her mother and Merry didn’t know anything about him.

  Campbell admired the black dress and black moccasins, stroking them and marveling at the intricacy. Aunt Kate even wondered aloud if Eden’s grandmother might give a lesson in beading at the community center while Mallory prayed, Oh no, oh please no, until Campbell finally said it was a craft that was probably too time-consuming for most people. Campbell packed the dress between layers of tissue carefully, so that Mallory could wear it again and keep it always. Mallory wore the moccasins all the time. Eden had told her they were made never to wear out, that her people had walked all the way from Canada in shoes just like these.

  Neely’s party would at least distract her from reliving every second of her first kiss—ten times a day.

  She said, “Fine. I’ll go as an idiot. I am anyway.”

  “What’s wrong with you, Mally? Same old?”

  “Something new.” Meredith’s eyes lit up. “And private,” Mally added firmly. Merry purred. She was no fool. But she didn’t press Mallory for details.

  Because it might be fun, and lead to more opportunities for overhearing other people’s plots, the twins decided to dress identically, so that they could change personalities at will—like shape-shifters, Mallory thought. Two years earlier, their parents had gone to a party dressed up as a pair of Aces. The cards were so nicely made by the twins’ aunt Kate, the Craft Queen, that all they needed was to be dusted off. The hoods (which looked to Mallory, who had recently become interested in Lady Jane Gray, like executioners’ hoods) were in perfect shape and clean, in a plastic bag. All the girls had to do was pull on wool tights and turtlenecks and the black suede boots their parents had given them the previous Christmas.

  Mally was curious about the shoe-tape issue.

  But she figured that, given what had happened to Crystal, all of the girls trying out would be checking their shoes in any case. She went along for a reason that she didn’t share with her twin. Hanging out with Dad and watching the game or practicing with Adam just didn’t cut it anymore. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was tired of lying around brooding or being a freshman who acted like she was still in sixth grade.

  Just one taste of a new life was enough to make her old life boring. Sometimes, Mallory wished she’d never had it.

  Neely’s party was held on her front lawn in a heated tent, so it didn’t matter that it was November. Campbell dropped all of the girls off at the end of the driveway, where the reliable Stuart was waiting to ferry them to the top. Surprisingly, Kim Jellico had called, at the last minute, and asked to come along—for one night deserting the friends from Deptford Consolidated she usually hung with now. Crystal, still on crutches, sent melodramatic texts every fifteen minutes, requesting cell-phone photos. Alli was dressed as a harem girl. Erika wore an old suit and a slouchy hat to look like a mobster. Kim was wearing a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader’s sort of outfit—basically a bikini with a cowboy hat and silver boots.

  Though she had lost weight and gained height since David’s death, Kim was still a big and broad-shouldered girl, and the two-piece, with its little bolero, looked to Campbell like a few pieces of tinsel on a Christmas tree. She wondered why Dave or Bonnie hadn’t made Kim wear a body stocking underneath. But Bonnie had gone into what seemed to Campbell to be a permanent middle distance since David died. She did her work competently, but no longer went to yoga or the book
club. Not for the first time, Campbell thought that she and her daughter Merry had both lost their best friends when David died. The tragedy was far from over. Kim wouldn’t even be fifteen until December. She was still a kid, but so closed. Maybe being with Merry would do her good.

  “Have a good time, Kimmie!” Campbell called impulsively. Kim turned and waved, and the smile that crossed her face was brief as a passing cloud.

  The girls couldn’t begin to count the windows, each with a different backlit Halloween silhouette. A projector scrolled flying bats across the facade and blue lights seemed to erupt periodically from the roof. Costumed adults, dressed as ghouls and pale alluring vampires, stepped from behind trees to beckon them. There was a life-size guillotine. But when they saw that it dispensed Toblerone bars when the “blade” dropped, everyone felt better. Will Brent started filling his pockets.

  Neely greeted them in a see-through chiffon cape over a bodysuit threaded with twinkle lights. Her hair was swept up in curls, similarly arrayed and electrified. A few of the guys arrived at the same time as the twins and their friends.

  “What are you supposed to be?” Will Brent asked Neely. “An electric eel?”

  “Ha. Ha. Ha,” Neely said. “I’m actually dressed as Night. Just Night.”

  “She could be an ad for outlet covers,” Mallory said.

  “Shut up and be nice,” Merry whispered.

  “At least they have cheese and tomato sandwiches,” Kyle Karzniak put in. “Jalapeno poppers too. Ginger ale and orange juice?”

  “Fake mimosas,” said Caitlin, taking one off a tray. She winked at Merry. “Wonder where the real ones are.” Merry put her finger to her lips.

  A deejay was setting up. The whole tent had a temporary planked floor, sprinkled with bushels of glittery little moons and stars.

  The cheerleaders and Mallory huddled and surveyed the crowd.

  Neely, after greeting a fleet of guests, floated over to them. Suddenly, she asked, “Are you guys twins?”

  “Just good friends,” Mallory answered.

  “Did I know that and just forget? How could I have gone through two months of school without noticing?” Neely asked herself.

  “Do you notice much?” Mallory asked.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Neely said. “I see everything that counts.” She whirled away for a moment and waved to a group of older boys. “Like that.” She pretended to touch her finger to a hot stove and then to her tongue.

  “That’s Drew!” Merry said. “Who invited Drew?”

  “He’s cute,” Neely said. “He’s looking at Kim. Hey, Kim, he’s noticing you! He must like girls with a little meat on their bones.”

  Kim whirled and stalked away from the group to join a knot of kids at the other end, mostly boys that included Dane Greenberg. All of them looked approvingly at her boy-kini.

  “What’s with her?” Neely asked. “She must be a mount. They’re all biggies. She’s got nice legs but that rear end is a little too much for those boy shorts, huh?”

  “Neely, she’s sensitive about that,” Merry said softly. “And it’s not just that. Her brother just died. You should take it easy. Since then, she hasn’t come out with us much.”

  “I’m sorry,” Neely said. “She’s always giving me the evil eye.”

  “Maybe she’s jealous that you fit in and she . . . doesn’t,” Merry said, realizing at this moment that what she said was true and it was as much her fault as anyone’s. She hadn’t called Kim in months. Why didn’t she go after Kim now? Kim had come only because of Merry. Why didn’t she get her butt over and talk to Kim and lead her back? It was because Kim was . . . strange now. Kim was loud and too sexy and weird, and Meredith didn’t really want to be seen with her. Truth was, she was ashamed of her old friend and how she was practically Velcro’ed to Dane. To cover her own unkindness, Merry said, “Kim’s probably lonely now. We should all be nice to her. And Neely, you’re like two people. You’re nice when it’s just you, but in front of a bunch of people, it’s like you change.”

  “Speaking of cheerleading,” Neely said, interrupting Merry, “we could do things with that twin business you guys have going on. Did you ever consider cheering, Mallory?”

  “I have, but I decided I’d rather be boiled,” Mallory said.

  The other girls looked from one to the other. They knew the person speaking had to be Mallory, or were the twins goofing around? The girls had removed the single garnet Merry wore in her right ear and Mally in her left that had been placed there the day after they were born, so that their parents could tell them apart.

  Just then Drew ambled by.

  “Brynn, which one of you is you?” he asked.

  “Me,” Merry said, laughing.

  “No, come on! You can’t be Mallory. You’re in too good a mood,” Drew said.

  “I really am Mallory, Drewsky,” Merry teased him.

  “And hey, I’m in a good mood,” Neely offered, taking Drew’s arm. Drew looked at her as though she had some kind of rash and politely patted her hand as he removed it. Neely shrugged. “Your loss! Anyhow, I was thinking, my mom could help. She still has the style and the moves. No offense to your coach but she’s kind of old school. Or anyway, old. Anyhow. My mom is only thirty-six. She started cheering for the Rams in college, and then she got an MBA in marketing and she runs her own business with cruelty-free beauty products, vegan hats, and jewelry.”

  “VEGAN hats?” Drew asked. “You mean, like a lettuce ball cap? Or a mushroom fedora? And your mom was . . . what?”

  “Silly,” Neely said, obviously flirting. “She was a professional cheerleader. An Embraceable Ewe.”

  “A what? A You?”

  “A Ewe, a St. Louis Rams cheerleader. Years ago. But the hats. They’re called vegan because they’re not made with any leather. They’re natural products.”

  “You’ve obviously never heard a carrot scream,” Drew said.

  “Stop!” Neely went on, laughing. “She runs the business out of the house. You could see her on the shopping channel if you wanted. What I mean is, she has her own schedule. She could help out, give us that snap we really need.”

  “I’d watch the shopping channel,” Mally said, “if I lost half my brain.”

  “Brynn, now I know that’s you,” Drew said.

  “And why do we need snap?” Caitlin asked. “Neely, you aren’t even on the team yet.”

  “Not until Monday,” Neely said.

  “Or ever,” Mallory added.

  “How can you be Merry’s identical twin?” Neely asked. “She was so nice at my house, even when she had the nightmare.”

  “Don’t pay any attention to Mallory,” Merry said. “She really has lost half her brain. She’s a soap opera addict.”

  “Wait! I love soap operas. I never miss General Hospital.I record it,” Neely said.

  “See? You’re soul sisters,” Merry told her twin.

  “I’m sorry, Neely. Anyone who loves Erica Kane can’t be all bad,” Mallory said. “In fact, you remind me of her. Did you say nightmare? What nightmare was this?”

  “Never mind,” Merry said.

  “I don’t mind. You can have all the nightmares you want. But I have a strange feeling about this one.”

  “You’re being paranoid,” Merry told Mally.

  “She’s just defensive. Lots of fringe-y girls get defensive,” Neely put in, with a huge dramatic sigh. Drew turned away in disgust.

  “Fringe-y? What do you mean by that?” Mallory asked.

  “On the fringe,” Neely said. “Of things.”

  “I’m not . . .” Mallory began and then noticed that her sister was trying to slip away with Alli. She turned her big cardboard Ace sideways to block Merry. “What nightmare? Was it scary? Like . . . that?”

  “It wasn’t. Or I would have told you. Just weird,” Meredith whispered.

  “What was it about?”

  “It was about the lion.”

  “About the lion? Merry! And you didn’t
tell me?”

  “I wasn’t scared. How could it hurt anyone if it’s a symbol?” Merry was impatient. “We agreed it wasn’t a real lion.”

  “What was it doing?”

  “Well, you were running and it was following you, up on the ridge trail by our camp. And the strange part was, it was summer. At first, I thought it was hunting you, until I had this bizarre feeling.”

  Mallory felt her eyes brim. Last summer. Eden would have been watching out for her, making sure no one else hurt her. Eden, her guardian.

  “It wasn’t hunting me,” she told Merry softly.

  “The feeling I had was . . . well . . . I couldn’t really describe it until now.”

  “What?” Mallory asked.

  “I felt that I knew the lion. Personally. Like you said.”

  Mallory said, “You do.”

  “And then I saw it stop and lie down. It was looking down on a campsite. There was a guy with a red sleeping bag and a BoSox cap. It just watched him.” Mallory sighed and then nodded as Merry went on, “I’m sure there’s an explanation. But I have to hear about this right now?”

  “No. Not tonight. Tonight, we’ll just be regular kids,” Mally said.

  Merry answered, “As if.”

  THE EVIDENCE

  By Monday morning, despite a long shampoo, Mallory still had glitter in her hair. As she brushed through her hair before school, she remembered how invisible hands had released a shower of stars from the trees at Neely’s house at 10:30 P.M., signaling to everyone, including the few couples cuddling up in the rock garden (Kim and Dane among them), it was time to go home.

  The party hadn’t been much fun.

  But the long evening with Neely at her mini-mansion was enough to convince Mally: The tape came from her fancy stuck-up little paws.

  Neely was a spoiled little brat, despite her weakness for General Hospital. She would do anything to bring a little pizzazz to the poor Ridgeline line—including enlisting her mom—and she talked like making one of the two varsity spots was a foregone conclusion. She was surer of herself than Mallory’s own conceited older sister (well, Merry was older, by two minutes!). Neely was planning the same thing—or something like it—for the tryouts today. She had to be. Merry had seen the beringed hands in her dream. Who else would have them?