by Ashley Love
"What? I'm just saying, you could have the most annoying voice in the world and I wouldn't even care."
"Seriously, Jax. You'd tell me if it was the lamest blow job ever, right?"
His lids lifted and he focused those dark eyes on me. "You have nothing to worry about, Cassie. In case you couldn't tell, I enjoyed every second of it."
He brushed a strand of hair back out of my face and let his fingers linger on my cheek for a moment before looking away and tucking both hands behind his head.
"Besides, I wouldn't just lay back and let somebody give me a lame blow job. If you weren't doing it for me you'd have heard about it while it was happening."
"Like when you asked me to go deeper?"
He chuckled and shrugged unapologetically. "Well, that was more of a...friendly suggestion than a complaint."
I snorted and rolled my eyes. "So do most guys like it better if you let them...you know...in your mouth? Kayla told me they do, but when I asked Trey he said it didn't matter."
"Then Trey is not only an idiot, he's a liar. He was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. No wonder he's no good in bed." There was a brief, awkward pause before he rolled toward me and propped himself on one elbow. "I'm sorry, that was rude."
"It's okay.
"No, it's not. The least I could do is answer your question. Yes, most guys like it when you let them cum in your mouth. A lot. But not if you don't like it. And since it was the first time you did it a more important question would be: what did you think about it?"
"It wasn't as gross as I thought it would be."
"Now there's a glowing recommendation," he said with a grin. "Did it turn you off or was it not-gross enough that you'd do it again?"
I thought for a second and gave him a shy smile. "Yeah, I'd do it again, but I think it depends on the guy. Most of the other times I've given blow jobs I didn't really get anything out of it. You made it more...enjoyable. I got way more into it than I usually do." My shy smile turned coy. "It was actually pretty hot watching you squirm like that."
"Yeah?"
"And the way you talked to me and held my hair..."
"Yeah?" His voice dropped low again and he leaned in close, giving me a sexy grin. "Did you like that?"
"Yeah."
"Did it make you wet?" He slid his hand up my thigh and I gasped as he found the answer to that question for himself.
* * *
I ended up staying at Jax's much later than I meant to. Late enough that his mom got back from her date with her boyfriend and I had to wait and sneak out after she'd gone to bed. I walked home through the deserted suburban streets, taking the same route I'd walked a million times over the years coming home from Kayla's. I knew every house, every shrub, every crack in the sidewalk. But somehow everything looked different at two-thirty in the morning.
As I walked across the dew-damp grass in my front yard I sent Jax a text to let him know I made it home alright; he'd threatened to come looking for me if I didn't. The minute I walked in the door I knew I was in trouble. Aaron was still up.I could hear him laughing in the kitchen.
My instinct was to escape up the stairs, but I decided that might look suspicious. I should at least go in there to say goodnight. He didn't know where I'd been all night so as long as I didn't act guilty I should be fine.
I walked into the kitchen and was only slightly startled to see two other guys there with him. I vaguely recognized them from high school, but couldn't remember their names. The three of them were obviously drunk and nearing the end of their night. One guy looked like he was about to pass out where he stood.
"Look who's home. Where have you been so late, little sis?" Aaron asked with a wide grin.
"Out." I nudged Aaron out of the way to get to the fridge for a bottle of water.
"What a coincidence, we've been out too."
"You better hope she ain't been out doing what you've been out doing," the more coherent of the guys said with a leer.
"Shut the fuck up, man," Aaron retorted.
"What? I'm just saying. The way you were grinding on that girl at the bar—"
"I said, shut the fuck up."
Aaron looked annoyed, but I snorted. I was about to make a comment about how quickly he got over Stephanie when the really drunk guy stirred and shifted closer to me, startling me.
"Can't blame you, man. That girl had a juicy ass," the guy slurred.
He was speaking to Aaron, but his eyes were on me and I didn't like the way they were raking over my body. I'd just started to move away from him when he reached out and grabbed my butt.
"Not as juicy as this one, though."
I slapped his hand away at the same second that Aaron grabbed the neck of his shirt and slammed him up against the refrigerator, his fist drawn back ready to strike.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
"Aaron, don't hit him." I backed away, unsure what to do, but certain a drunken fight in the kitchen wouldn't turn out well for anyone. "Come on, calm down. He didn't hurt me."
Aaron glanced at me, his angry scowl lightening a bit, and lowered his fist. "I'll tear that hand off if it touches my sister again, do you hear me, motherfucker? Dave, call a cab to take you and this dickhead home."
Dave looked offended. "I thought you said we could crash here."
When the glare turned on him Dave quickly pulled his phone out and started looking for the number for a cab. Aaron let go of the drunk guy's shirt violently enough that he staggered and nearly fell over, but Aaron didn't seem concerned. With a firm hand on my back he guided me out of the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry about that, Cass."
"It's alright. It's not the first time some drunk guy has grabbed my ass, it probably won't be the last."
"Yeah, well, it won't be that guy. You won't see him around here again."
"Aaron, I'm fine. You don't have to do that."
"The fuck I don't. You don't deserve to be treated like that in your own home and that asshole should know better than to mess with you, anyway."
I sighed, knowing better than to try and argue with Aaron when his mind was made up, and went up to bed. My thoughts as I fell asleep were mixed. I was still basking in the afterglow of my amazing night with Jax, but after what happened downstairs I was feeling suddenly anxious and a little bit guilty. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I'd really put Jax in a difficult position and it was only going to get more precarious.
If Aaron found out about us...
Well, Aaron just couldn't find out about us.
7
I shivered and shook my head to clear away the memory of that night. I stood in front of the mirror adjusting my shirt. It was one I never would have bought it for myself, but it was a Christmas present from Kayla and I had to admit it looked really good on me. The emerald green silk hung loose to my hips, but the wide, deep-scooped neck made it cling to my curves invitingly as long as I could keep my boobs from falling out. With my tight dark jeans and just a touch of makeup, I thought I looked pretty damn sexy and my heart beat faster in anticipation of the evening.
Me and Aaron were having a little New Years Eve party. Our parents would be home tomorrow, so we didn't plan anything huge, but we both wanted to catch up with old classmates who were in town for the holidays and decided that it would be safer for both us and our friends to have everyone get together at our house rather than going out somewhere. As happy as I was to see everyone though, I had to admit that wasn't really what I was excited about.
Me and Jax hadn't really even had a chance to speak to each other since that night I'd gone to his house. With Stephanie gone, Aaron was around all the time and Jax was in and out, but I suspected he might be avoiding me. Or if not actively avoiding me, he wasn't making any effort to sneak around and get me alone the way he had that first couple of days.
It was alright with me, since I'd determined not to take such risks with him after what had happened that night with Aaron's other friend, b
ut as far as I knew Jax didn't know anything about that so I couldn't help but wonder why he was distancing himself.
I didn't think he was upset with me. He didn't act cold or awkward when he was there; he joked around and teased me just like normal. And a few times I caught him staring at me and he winked and gave me a secretive smile.
The day before I'd walked in the front door and ran right into him as he was about to head up the stairs. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and started to turn and continue up the stairs, but I grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him into the living room.
"Is everything alright?" I asked quietly.
His expression softened and he wrapped his arms around me. My hands slid automatically up his sides under his t-shirt. His skin was warm and soft and I couldn't help following his ribs around to his back and pulling him closer as he breathed into my hair.
"Yeah, of course. Are you still thinking?" he asked in a low whisper as he kissed along the column of my neck.
"I told you my mind was already made up," I said, pulling back to look him in the eye so he knew I meant it. "Are you still thinking?"
His gaze remained locked with mine. "I can't stop."
With a frustrated groan he let his arms slip away and damn near ran out of the room, taking the stairs two at a time while I stood there wondering what the hell he meant by that. But despite his vague words, the way he looked at me made it pretty clear he wasn't going to change his mind so I confident that we were still on.
And now it was almost time for the party and I was a crazy mixture of excited anticipation and anxious nerves. I wasn't going to back out, no question about that, but the vague ache underneath the excitement told me I had reason to worry.
I was falling for him. Or falling harder. My crush before had been pure fantasy, leftover teenage hormones. Now that we had spent time together, talked, actually got to know each other as adults and not memories of kids who didn't exist anymore, I realized I really did like him. He was more thoughtful than I'd ever given him credit for, given his general goofiness, and his views on relationships had actually made quite an impression on me.
We had fun together, and not just when we were naked. He joked with me and, even better, laughed when I teased him back. When we talked he actually listened as if what I had to say was important and responded like he honestly wanted me to understand his point of view. It was refreshing.
Most of the guys I dated, even my boyfriends, treated me like something fragile; like they had to say exactly the right thing, be exactly the right person that I wanted them to be. I'd always assumed that's just the way it naturally was between people in the beginning and to a degree I knew I did it myself. You act the part of the perfect partner long enough to get them hooked and then you could gradually start being yourself again, hoping neither of you lost interest.
But it wasn't like that with Jax. He didn't pretend. He was honest with me even if he knew I wasn't going to like it and on some level that made me feel secure. I knew where I stood with him. Well, on most things. There was that whole unspoken conversation we'd never had about my feelings, but I was pretty sure he let that go for my sake. Because he didn't want to hurt me. Because he...cared about me?
Yes. He did seem to care about me. And it was okay to admit that to myself as long as I remembered there were limits. He treated me like a friend. A close friend he cared about. A close friend he cared about and just happened to be sexually attracted to. At least attracted enough to enjoy some physical recreation with for a while.
I groaned to myself. It was going to be hard to walk away from him after this week, but tonight wasn't going to change that. I'd already fallen; I figured I might as well get everything I could out of it before it ended. With a final tug at my shirt and a deep breath to calm my nerves, I headed downstairs to make the final preparations for the party.
Several hours later I found myself wandering into the kitchen feeling mildly tipsy and a little nervous. Midnight was approaching and the house was full of people. They were mostly friends from high school, but between me and Aaron they spanned several years' worth of classmates, many of whom hadn't seen each other in ages and some of whom I didn't know at all. It wasn't a rowdy party, but most people were pleasantly buzzed so it was noisy and there was a lot of laughter.
Kayla and Blaire were in the kitchen talking, but they stopped when I walked in, which immediately made me suspicious.
"What's up?"
"Nothing," Blaire said.
"Blaire is pouting," Kayla replied.
"What are you pouting about?"
"Nothing," she insisted.
"Aaron's been hanging all over some girl all night," Kayla reported
"Kayla, would you shut up?" Blaire looked annoyed and that was surprising because she rarely got annoyed.
"Oh yeah, that girl he met at the bar the other night," I said with a nod of understanding. "Blaire, why are you even thinking about it? You don't want to be his New Year's booty call slash rebound from Stephanie anyway, do you?"
"Exactly! That's what I've been trying to tell her," Kayla said, giving me an approving nod.
We stopped talking and all took sips of our respective beverages as five or six people walked through the kitchen and out through the garage door.
"I just can't believe he hooked up with someone else so fast. It doesn't seem fair. I never get my shot," Blaire said with a sigh.
"Those girls aren't getting a shot either. They're just filling an empty slot."
Kayla looked at me with a raised eyebrow, but Blaire sighed again. "I don't know what that means, but I wouldn't mind getting my slot filled right now. God, it's been ages."
"It means if you ever want a chance at something real with him you don't want to be just another notch in his belt. Believe me, I know," Kayla said.
I opened my mouth to ask what she meant, but closed it again as another group of people came through on the way to the garage. "Where are all these people going?" I asked instead, moving to follow them.
"Don't go out there." Kayla said with a hand on my arm. "Plausible deniability, my friend. If the cops show you have no idea why the entire garage smells like weed."
"What?" I headed toward the garage door, but Blaire stopped me.
"She's right. Unless you want a hit you should just stay out of there."
"Why don't you go get your boy toy and find somewhere to play?" Kayla asked with an evil grin.
"What are you talking about?" I felt my face getting warm as Blaire and Kayla stared at me with amused expressions.
Blaire grinned and shook her head. "You haven't been this relaxed in..."
"Ever," Kayla finished. "We're not stupid, Cass. It's obvious somebody's giving it to you good and it's not hard to guess who, given the potential candidates."
I just stared, speechless. I thought I'd been so careful. My surprise that my friends had figured out what was going on was tempered only by my relief that Kayla was at least making an attempt to quiet her drunk-voice.
"Don't worry. I don't think anyone else has picked up on it," Blaire added.
"We didn't even figure it out until I gave you that vibrator the other day and you just laughed. I was so disappointed. I expected a much more dramatic reaction. I've seen you blush harder at tampon commercials."
I laughed again at the memory of opening the gift in the middle of lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. It was true; I hadn't been nearly as embarrassed as I normally would have been. I shoved it quickly back into the bag before anyone saw, but all I was really thinking was that I hoped Jax would come over that night, since I wasn't sure I'd know what to do with all the switches and dials. Unfortunately he spent that entire day with his mom so I didn't see him. I'd ended up trying it out by myself that night and didn't have any problem figuring out exactly what to do with it.
"So how is it?" Blaire asked, her eyes twinkling. "Are all your fantasies coming true?"
"Well, I don't know about all my fantasies, but oh my
God, y'all." I burst out in giggles with a couple of tears of relief at finally being able to share the monumental turn of events with my best friends. "That's all I can really say. Oh. My. God."
"Yeah," Kayla said with a sigh. "I figured he'd know what to do with you."
"So are you guys..." Blaire trailed off as a group of Aaron's classmates walked through the kitchen on the way to the garage. "Are you, like, together or what?"
"No, we're just having fun. Purely physical."
"That can be cool," Kayla said approvingly.
"Is it cool? Are you okay with that?" Blaire asked.
I thought about the question just long enough that my friends knew the truth. "I'm not complaining."
"I bet you're not," Kayla said, her blue eyes resting on something over my shoulder.
I turned to see Jax saunter into the kitchen and tried to suppress a smile. I'd caught a few glimpses of him tonight, but this was the first chance she'd had to speak to him. He was clean shaven, for once, with his hair pulled back almost neatly into a short ponytail and he was wearing nice jeans with a plaid button up, which for him counted as dressed up. He made no effort to hide his grin as he sidled up to us and even gave me a wink.
"You ladies look like you're up to no good. What are you whispering about?"
"Top secret. We can't tell you, we'd have to kill you," Blaire said.
"Hm," he intoned, looking from one to the other of us with a thoughtful expression on his face. When he got to me he grinned mischievously. "Better not tell me, then. Someone promised me a kiss at midnight and I don't want to miss it."
I dropped my eyes to the floor, trying to ignore the flush in my cheeks. For a second I wondered if he was annoyed that my friends obviously knew about what was going on between us, but he seemed to be more amused than bothered.
"Oh really?" Kayla asked suggestively. "And who might that be, I wonder?"
"I can't tell you, I'd have to kill you."
"The fact that you're in the kitchen with us when the real party is out in the garage tells me all I need to know," Kayla said with a tipsy giggle.