The Muse: MMF Bisexual Romance

by A. Anders

  “Who knows? But I can tell you which ones can get you high,” he joked.

  Earlier he had hinted that he had crossed the fence. I suddenly realized why. He had needed the ingredients for his drugs. Wasn’t that why he had visited Rose in her cabin?

  I then turned looking into Brad’s eyes. His pupils were like saucers. He was as high as a kite.

  That’s why Rose was so happy to be alone with Brad. She’d needed a botanical stress relief.

  I did everything I could to contain my joy. It wasn’t that Rose loved Brad. She just needed him to get her high. What a friggin’ relief that was!

  I threw my arm around Brad’s shoulder grabbing the meat of his neck. I would have kissed him if I didn’t think he would get the wrong idea. Instead, I held him, patting his chest.

  “I bet you could get us high, couldn’t you? But how about you buy me dinner first?”

  Brad looked at me, surprised.

  Yeah, that sounded a little flirty, but I didn’t care. I was feeling good, and Brad was my friend again.

  Thirty minutes after Thorin had left, Gray dropped back. When Thorin returned, he wasn’t nearly as happy as Brad had been. It made me wonder if a guy like Thorin believed he had a shot with a woman like Rose.

  Sure, I could believe that Thorin had feelings for her, but he had to have figured her out by now. She made us do all of those physical challenges for a reason. It was because she wanted a guy who could protect her. She wanted a guy like…

  I hadn’t considered it before, but what she wanted was a guy like me, actually. I would do anything to protect her, and she knew that.

  We had kissed a couple of times. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the sharks, we would have done a lot more. And I did save her from the shark attack. Also, she did say that she was hoping that I would win the capture the flag challenge. So, would it be crazy to think that she might have feelings for me, too?

  Brad told me what mushrooms to look for, and I looked for dinner while my mind wandered to thinking about Rose. I was definitely in love with her, and whether or not she said it, I was beginning to believe that she might love me back.

  It had been a long time since I felt it, but the thought that Rose loved me filled me with hope. Yep, I said it, hope. It filled me with hope and made me smile. It lifted a weight from my shoulders that I didn’t even know I was carrying.

  I hadn’t come to the island looking for love. I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of loving someone again. Yet, for the first time in five years, I thought that I could. I had to admit, it felt really good.

  When Gray’s thirty minutes were up, I almost ran back to see her.

  “It’s time,” I announced when I found them.

  Rose and Gray were walking with their fingers intertwined and their shoulders touching. That surprised me. I couldn’t image Rose feeling anything for someone like him. Yet, they almost looked like boyfriend and girlfriend.

  “Give me a minute,” Gray demanded, turning toward Rose.

  “Wish I could,” I objected. “But thirty is all we get.”

  Gray glared at me, and I clenched my jaw for a tight-lipped smile.

  “I’ll see you up there,” Gray told her before kissing her on the lips. She kissed him back, and I hated everything about the kiss.

  Gray let her go and gave me a death stare as he walked by me. I kept smiling, but I didn’t back down an inch. Rose waited until Gray was out of earshot before she spoke.

  “You two really don’t like each other, do you?” Rose asked.

  “Us?” I asked casually. “Eh! We’re fine. He makes me laugh.”

  “Is that what it is?” she asked with a smile. “He makes you laugh?”

  “Yep,” I joked. “But the real question is, why you would like him? You a big fan of mustaches or something? You a mustache-o-phile?” I asked with a smile.

  Rose laughed. “A what? Is that a thing?”

  Rose was in a good mood. I liked that. Out of all of the beautiful things about her, her smile had to be the best. I took Rose’s hand and continued playfully.

  “Sure it’s a thing. You see it all the time. Some women love mustaches. They keep them in boxes, carry them around on sticks. I tell ya, if you knew how often guys go on dates with seemingly nice girls, only to wake up in a strange room missing their well-groomed mustaches… it would curl your hair.”

  Rose beamed “…into a 1940s curly mustache?”

  “See! That’s a fact only a mustache-o-phile would know. I’m watching you,” I warned, giving her the stink eye.

  Rose laughed and then wrapped her body around my arm. I could feel her clothed breasts press against my bicep. I didn’t know if she had done it on purpose, but it gave me a rush.

  I had no doubts now. I was in love with her. And unless I didn’t know anything about anything, I was sure that she loved me, too.

  As we walked, I wondered if I should tell her. I wondered if I could tell her. It did make it easier knowing that she felt something for me in return. With everything that had happened over the past week, telling her how I felt shouldn’t have been the hardest thing. But for me, it was.

  We walked in silence for a while as I found my courage. I decided to tell her and my heart raced. My eyes darted as I struggled to maintain my breath. I opened my mouth to say it when she cut me off.

  “I’m worried about you,” Rose said.

  The statement caught me off-guard.

  “You’re worried about me? Why? You mean because of Gray?”

  “No. Because of me?”

  I stopped walking to face her. She genuinely looked worried. I was confused.

  “Why are you worried ‘because of you’?”

  “Because you’re not like the other guys. You don’t say much.”

  “What do you mean? We talk. We’re talking right now.”

  “Yeah, but you haven’t said anything. Nothing important, anyway. With everyone else, I feel like I know them. I know the most important parts of them. But with you, it’s like… I don’t know.” She trailed off, shaking head frustrated.

  “But you do know me,” I said, feeling cornered. “You know that I would protect you with my life, don’t you?”

  “I do. I think I’ve always sensed that. And that’s probably why you’re still here. But now I’m worried… about whether you’ll stay,” she said, delicately.

  “But I don’t understand,” I said still confused. “Isn’t it how you feel about someone that keeps us alive?”

  “I think so,” she agreed.

  “So then, if you have feelings for me, I’m safe. The only reason I would have to worry would be if you didn’t feel anything for me,” I paused. “Are you telling me that you don’t feel anything for me?”

  Rose tightened her lips sending a queasy feeling to my stomach.

  “So, this entire time, you never felt anything for me?”

  She shook her head with regret in her eyes. “How could I? I don’t know anything about you.”

  My heart wrenched as it broke.

  “But that’s okay,” she quickly added. “You’re still here. And all you have to do is tell me something about yourself.”

  “What do you wanna know?” I asked, crossing my arms.

  “Something that’ll tell me who you are.”

  “You know who I am,” I told her.

  “That’s just it. I don’t. And I know that you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. I’m just asking for you to let me in.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” I said, struggling for words.

  “Tell me anything! And believe me, I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t already like everything else that I’ve seen about you,” she admitted. “You’re smart. You’re brave. You’re gorgeous, not to mention the most heroic person I’ve ever met.”

  I flinched as a sickly wave washed through me, making me want to throw up.

  “There! That! Tell me that,” she insisted. “Why do you react like that?”r />
  Thoughts swirled through my mind. A tornado of gut-wrenching images rendered me speechless.

  Rose watched me struggle with sadness in her eyes. Taking my hand, she squeezed it and then pressed it against her chest. “Please, Ford,” she begged, slowly losing hope.

  My voice squeaked. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “I just need you to live.”

  Rose stared at me as I tried, but I couldn’t speak. Her vulnerable eyes showed me her heart. She did care for me, and I desperately wished I could give her what she wanted.

  We stared at each other in silence until she reached up and gently pulled my face to hers. She kissed me. By the time I thought to kiss her back, she had released my neck.

  “Please, Ford,” she asked, showing me her broken heart.

  “I wish I could,” I confessed humbly. “I really…” I could only shake my head with regret.

  Tears rolled down Rose’s soft cheeks. I recognized the pain in her eyes. It was the way you looked when you watched someone die. In her mind, she was helplessly watching me die.

  I would have thrown myself off of the cliff to relieve her pain. Yet, to say the words that she begged to hear, felt like a fate worse than death.

  “That’s thirty minutes,” Billy said.

  I turned around and saw him. His brow was furrowed, telling me how much he had heard. I was embarrassed.

  I was about to pretend that none of what he heard had been real, when Rose took hold of my cheek and kissed me again. I turned to her, recognizing the gesture. It was the way you kissed someone when you were kissing them for the last time. She was kissing me goodbye.

  As I walked away, I could almost feel the powerful bond that drew us together. It stretched taut. Its hooks pulled at me, peeling me raw. It splayed my chest, exposing my heart. When the agony was too much and I had to say something, I said what I hoped would be enough.

  “I love you!” I said.

  But when I turned around, Rose and Billy were gone. I was alone.

  I stared into the trees, knowing the truth. Not only had I just lost her, but my cowardice had made today my last day on earth. Perhaps it was a fitting end.

  When I caught up to the others, I found Brad and Thorin temporarily setting up camp. Gray and Bob had gone hunting. It had been Bob’s idea. He wanted his time with Rose to be while eating the meat that he had killed, so he had gone off hunting. Wanting some of the credit, Gray had gone with him.

  Neither Brad, Thorin, nor I said much to each other as we waited for everyone to return. I sat in silence while Brad looked around for ingredients. I didn’t ask him what the ingredients were for, but I assumed it was to get Rose high.

  I didn’t judge Brad for exploiting his advantage. It was a good strategy, and I didn’t judge Rose for needing an escape. I thought it was incredible that she was dealing with the situation as well as she was. Considering everything going on, I couldn’t imagine someone handling it better.

  When Bob returned, he had a dead pig slung across his shoulders. I had heard two shots, and when Bob tossed it to the ground, I saw the bullet holes. They had been fired at close range as it charged the shooter. Apparently, like the bear and panther, the wild pig was another non-native animal trying to kill us.

  The island had to have been stocked with wildlife. Was it stocked so that we could do what we’re doing now? Were we supposed to leave the resort and fight the wildlife in route to the compound? Was all of this just another part of the game?

  I didn’t know, and I was quickly losing interest in finding out. My time on the island was growing short. When I died, it wouldn’t be because of the wildlife. It would be because of my inability to face the truth. It would be from damage done long before I got here.

  Bob set up a spit and began roasting the boar. When Rose returned, she was impressed. Leaving with Bob and a chunk of the cooked meat, the two dined on the outskirts of the flickering firelight.

  As I sat thinking about how much I had done wrong, I could hear Rose’s contagious laughter. She laughed without self-consciousness. She had an openness to her and a vulnerability. Perhaps that was why it didn’t work out between us. At our hearts, we were completely different people.

  Unable to listen to the two laugh any longer, I ripped off a chunk of cooked meat and took a walk. Pushing past the branches entering the darkness, the jungle night wasn’t as quiet as I thought it would be. The sounds of squawking birds and screeching primates filled the air. I even heard squeals as prey succumbed to their predators. The sound sent chills down my spine.

  It felt good to feel fear, though. If nothing else, it told me that I was still alive.

  I had truly made a mess of things—not just with Rose, but with everything since Jill. Forgiveness was hard to find. It’s even harder to find when you can’t admit to what you’ve done.

  I was sure that that was it. I could neither forgive myself nor give anyone else the chance to forgive me. I deserved to die. An eye for an eye. Wasn’t that how it went?

  My mind snapped back to the present when I heard a crackle come from a few feet behind me. I turned and stared into the darkness. I stood motionless, listening for what was following me. I heard nothing but my own stilted breath.

  I took a few steps forward and heard the sound again. A hot flash shot through me. I was being stalked.

  Was this how I wanted to die? Eaten alive in a foreign jungle? Or was I going to fight? I had already given up once today. Why not do it again?

  Because I didn’t give up, I realized. I never gave up. I always continued to fight, no matter what the odds. No, fighting this predator, whatever it was, wouldn’t be my time. Not now and not like this. I would not give up so easily.

  It’s amazing how being face to face with death can remind you of who you are. I wondered what I would have to do to survive this time. I felt the cold steel of the butcher’s knife stuck to my leg. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I was ready to do whatever it took.

  No, I couldn’t stand and fight. I had to get back to camp.

  Still facing the noise, I backed away. Turning around and picking up the pace, I could hear it following me. I was sure that it was faster than me. Why hadn’t it pounced yet? It could be on top of me any moment.

  I looked back. Something slithered through the branches. I couldn’t tell what until I saw its glowing yellow eyes. I swallowed. I had escaped it once, but now, it had found me.

  That was certainly enough to be dealing with at the moment, but when I looked back, I noticed something else: the tower. Its light was pale pink. Two things were chasing me, and I knew I couldn’t outrun them both.

  Although I wasn’t sure how much good it would do, I stopped being casual, and I ran. I pumped my legs as hard as I could, leaping over the fallen branches made visible by the increasingly red light. I didn’t look back after that. Looking back wouldn’t do me any good.

  I imagined the rippling beast behind me and the campfire in front of me. I then thought about Rose. I wanted to get back to her. I had to escape the demon so that I could get back to her.

  It was then that I stumbled. Had it gotten me? I didn’t know. If it hadn’t already, it would now.

  It didn’t, though. I found my balance. Each step was bringing me closer to the woman I loved. That was why I couldn’t open up, because I loved her. I loved her like I had once loved someone else.

  The sharp lines of the camp’s firelight cast shadows in front of me. I knew where I was headed now. When I entered the clearing still in one piece, I entered a changed man.

  Everyone at camp turned to me as I raced toward them. I spotted a gun on the ground. Diving toward it, I picked it up continuing into a somersault. Stopping on my knees, I twisted. Pointing the gun into the darkness, I was ready to fire.

  “What is it?” Brad yelled.

  I crouched waiting. With my arms shaking, I looked down the barrel of the gun. It had been right behind me. I had been sure of it. Wi
th every passing second, though, I wondered if I had been running from anything at all.

  “Speak to us,” Thorin begged. “What is it?”

  Nothing was there. Nothing was after me. My eyes shifted to the strained curves of my forearm. I loosened my grip and looked around.

  Gray stood behind me with his nozzle searching the darkness. Beside him, Bob did the same.

  “It’s gone,” I said, releasing them from their stance.

  “What was it?” Gray asked, catching his breath.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. As my mind cleared, I remembered something else. “The tower. Did you see it?”

  I turned around and saw Rose. She was back. I hadn’t expected to see her.

  “Yeah. We did?” Gray said returning his gun to his waistband. “We were trying to decide what to do.”

  I looked around at everyone. They all had the same expression as when they denied me a rose.

  I slowly turned to the beautiful woman to my right. Although moments before I had sworn to be a new man, to fight to stay alive, I still couldn’t change who I was at my core; I had to protect Rose.

  “She shouldn’t watch this,” I said to the guys. I turned to her. “You shouldn’t have to.”

  The guys looked at each other in agreement.

  “You’re right,” Brad said, confident that he was safe.

  “No, she shouldn’t,” Gray added to everyone else’s nods.

  I stood and tucked the gun into my belt. Approaching her slowly, I took her hand. I half expected someone to stop me, but no one did.

  Cupping her delicate fingers with mine, I stared into her sober eyes. “I should have let you in.”

  She inhaled as if fighting back a river of tears.

  “I want you to remember that none of this is your fault,” I paused and looked into her eyes. “And I forgive you.”

  That was it. Those words were all of the protection I could offer her for when I was gone. I squeezed her hand. What I said next came out as a raspy whisper, “You should go now.”

  I let go of Rose and turned away. I could hear her shoes slap the dirt as she ran off.

  I looked into the guy’s faces. Their solemn gazes told me that they understood. My extended stay on the island was coming to an end. All I had left was the time it took for the wine colored light to become bright red.