by A. Anders
“Did the Tods miss something?” Rose asked.
“Kind of,” I replied. “It was one of the Tods that exploded. The house was set up as a hotbox. It’s a room hackers use to highjack autonomous vehicles. They managed to highjack the Tods’ internals and trigger its bomb.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. When I got to my feet, I saw Manny and Phil on the ground next to me. I also saw the remaining Tod. Its display showed a coded countdown. The hacker couldn’t trigger an immediate detonation, so they set the timer to explode.”
“What did you do?” Rose asked.
“I had thirty seconds. I assessed the situation: two down, local. Crawling to my feet, I could see Josh in the second room. He was conscious and responsive but pinned.”
I paused as I remembered it.
“Actually, he saw me and was reaching out for me. I still couldn’t hear, but I was sure that he was saying my name. But I had twenty-five seconds before the second bomb went off.
“In a situation like that, you have to make quick decisions. I did. I grabbed the two men next to me and dragged them out of building… And I left Josh there to die.
“Forty feet was the safest distance to survive a Tod’s bomb blast. So when I got there, I dropped them, threw my body over them, and waited for the explosion. ‘It was a harrowing sight.’ That’s what I wrote in my report.
“The bomb went off, and the medical bot attended to Manny and Phil. When I went back for Josh’s body, there wasn’t enough to collect.”
“That’s awful!” Rose exclaimed.
“I remember being taken to the infirmary. I had lost a lot of blood. I had a lot of internal damage. A number of things had to be regrown.
“After five days, Jill came to see me. She had read the report, but she wanted to hear it from me. And I explained it to her exactly how I had written it.
“There were no words to describe how I felt. But she made her feelings clear to me. Before Josh entered my command, she stated that if it ever came down to Josh and me, and only one of us could come back alive, she expected it to be her brother.
“And I understood why she felt that. But I was still her fiancé. I still loved her more than anyone in the world.
“And I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but as I talked to her, I had reached for her hand. It was the touch of her skin that gave me the courage to ask, ‘Do you forgive me?’
“She pulled away. She walked out and never spoke to me again.”
“That’s terrible,” Rose said, genuinely heartbroken. “It wasn’t your fault. Why would she treat you like that? I feel bad for her, but didn’t you say that she was in the military?”
“She was a general.”
“Then didn’t she realize that something like that could happen?”
“I think every enlisted person knows it in theory. But you never really know it until it takes away someone you love.”
Rose and I laid in silence for a while. Rose was the first to speak. “Is that why you left the military?”
“No,” I said, dreading the question. “I left because they charged me with falsifying a report.”
“What do you mean?” Rose asked, confused.
“It was that one. They said things didn’t add up. They asked me to explain it, and I couldn’t.”
“Wow. What do you think really happened? Was it Jill?”
“What happened was that I falsified the report.” I paused, hearing the words echo in my mind. “I’ve never actually said that aloud before. But yeah. I did.”
“So… wait. The story you told me about Josh, that’s not what happened?”
“It isn’t. And the commission in charge of the investigation said that ‘the facts so badly matched the evidence that it looked like I wanted to be caught.’ They even gave me the opportunity to revise it. But I wouldn’t. So they kicked me out.”
Rose stared at me through the ensuing silence before asking me softly, “So what really happened?”
“I’ve never told anyone before.”
Rose rubbed my chest, and my eyes welled with tears. I took a stilted breath, trying to hold myself together, and then forced myself to continue.
“The first bomb went off just as I wrote in the report. I saw Manny and Phil lifeless on either side of me. And I saw Josh reaching for me.
“I knew how much time I had. I could either try to save Josh or I could save Manny, Phil, and myself. I would like to say that I chose to save Manny and Phil. But maybe who I was looking to save was myself.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered what I had spent five years trying to forget.
“Anyway. I couldn’t hear myself speak, but I yelled, ‘I’ll be back for you, Josh. I promise I’ll be right back.’ But I knew I didn’t have the time. I was leaving him there to die. And I told myself that these were the decision I was trained to make.
“I dragged the two men out counting down in my head. Six, five, four. I was at one when I had gotten out of the blast zone. I covered their bodies with mine and waited for the explosion. Nothing.
“A second passed and then two. I figured my counting was off or that there was a delay. So I kept lying there, sure that it would go off at any moment.
“But the seconds kept ticking. I couldn’t decide what to do. Special Forces troops are trained to trust the reliability of their Tods. If we didn’t trust them, people died. That’s what they drilled into us. Yet nothing was happening.
“I decided I could drag the two men to our mobile base as long as I stayed low. Because if the bomb went off, and I went down, there wouldn’t be any friendlies left to save any of us.
“It took me a minute, maybe two to get them there. I got the medical bot to attend to them, and I stood and stared back at the building. I started to panic. Someone still had to get these men back to camp. If I went back in and the Tod went off, it would kill me, and Manny and Phil would die out here.
“But I had told Josh that I would be back for him, and I didn’t go back. I had to go back for him no matter what happened.
“But I also knew my duty. It was my duty to save as many men as I could. I had to think of the greater good and all of the things that we are taught as SEALS.
“But, at the same time, I couldn’t leave him there because that was Josh. So I ran back to the house, expecting to die. And when I got to the Tod, the countdown was off. I ran to Josh to tell him that I was gonna get him out of there. But when I touched him. I realized that he was dead. He died while I was deciding whether or not I should save myself.
“If I hadn’t been a coward, I would have run back into that building immediately, and Josh would have lived. But I didn’t. I had stood watching like a chicken shit and because of that, Josh was dead.
“I lost it after that. I couldn’t stop crying. An enemy combatant hadn’t killed him. I had. And he had been a better man than I would ever be. Josh would have come back for me no matter the cost, whereas I had let him die.
“I couldn’t face myself after that. I couldn’t face what I had done. I knew I should have retrieved his body and taken him back to Jill, but I didn’t. I went back to the mobile base and exploded the Tod. I had thought that I could fool myself about what had happened there. But I couldn’t.
“That’s the whole story. That’s the truth. I’m a coward. All I am is a coward.”
The tears had never stopped rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t want them to. The least I could do was man up to what I had done. I didn’t deserve those tears. I didn’t deserve to be alive.
But it was then that Rose’s eyes caught mine. Her face looked so soft and kind. I clenched my jaw to keep it together, but staring into her gentle eyes, I felt my strength weakening.
“I want you to ask me what you asked Jill,” she said softly.
“What?”
“You said that you asked Jill something. Ask me it.”
I couldn’t go back there. I couldn’t say that again now that she knew the truth.
“I…”
“Please!” she exclaimed, taking my hand between hers.
I couldn’t, yet I had to. My heart raced. My chest hurt. My eyes burned. I was completely falling apart. Yet, somehow it came out.
“Do you… forgive me?”
“Yes!” she said emphatically. “Yes, I forgive you!”
My body shook. I did what I could to stop it, but I couldn’t. I cried. I lost it. All of the pain I felt poured out of me in a tsunami of emotions.
“Ford, you’re a hero. You saved three people that day. You didn’t know what would happen if you went back in. It could have gone off. You did the right thing.”
I couldn’t speak, but I shook my head “no.” She didn’t understand. I could have gone back. I told him that I was coming back, and I didn’t. I had time to go back.
“Ford, you did the right thing,” she said, bouncing my hand for emphasis. “You did the right thing!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I fell forward collapsing into her arms. Those words… I didn’t want to think about whether I deserved them or not. All I wanted was to hear those words again… and I did.
“Ford, you’re a hero. You did the right thing.”
Lying there holding that beautiful Rose in my arms, it was like the darkness had lifted its bat-like wings and had flown away. I was free.
My tears continued longer than I would like to admit, but when they stopped a new feeling came over me. Her. Rose. The one who had released me from that dark spell. I wanted her. No. I needed her.
Like the air, I needed her. Like the sun and the world and the universe, I needed her. When my dry eyes next met hers, I found something unexplainable in them. Her eyes were telling me that she needed me, too.
I kissed her, but nothing like I had kissed her before. Our souls touched. Through our lips, I entered her, and she entered me. I could hear her heartbeat. When I slipped my hand onto the red hot flesh of her naked waist, the heat I felt stripped me of who I was and made both of us her.
I peeled off her shirt and her naked breast was next. Round and firm, I squeezed. She moaned. I pulled off my shirt and pressed my bare chest on hers. I locked our bodies together. She whipped her head back for breath.
Stripped of our cares and then our clothes, my hard manhood explored her. It slipped back and forth. In a moment that felt euphoric and like it would never end, I entered her truly, making us one.
“Ahhh!” she screamed, yearning for more.
Slowly rocking my hips back, I slid all of me into her. I could feel every part of her. Every ridge. Every curve. I could feel the end of her and her swollen beginning. All at once, holding onto me like a warm, perfect glove, every part of her quivered.
Holding her head in my hand like a sainted child, I felt her whip herself from side to side. Neither of us had much longer. Her grip had cut into my back. My manhood had pierced her. Then with a rush that threatened our consciousness, we exploded in a chorus of moans.
I blacked out and so did she. I knew because I saw her in the ether. Together, we embraced and watched the fireworks. It was timed to screams that sounded like our own.
When the fireworks ended and the show was through, we held each other’s ethereal hands, looked into each other’s eyes, and then let go. We returned to our bodies as quickly as we had left them. All that was left of what had been us were these two meat slabs, one of which still penetrated the other.
I tried not to think that this could be our one moment, our first and last time together, but the thought slithered through my mind any way. As it entered, the part of me that remained in her, shrunk out. We were again who we had been. The glory that had been us was no more.
I released Rose’s warm body enough to find her bliss-filled eyes. She looked back at me and smiled. It was a bittersweet smile, though. As I stared at her, a tear rolled out. I reached up and brushed it with the back of my finger.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, seeing her face melt into sadness.
“Bob’s dead,” she declared, before wiping her eyes.
Her words surprised me. I wasn’t sure if I should let her go or hold her tighter. But she let me know by loosening my grip, rolling over, and spooning into me.
I held her as I was supposed to. It was what she wanted. I would do anything she needed me to do. All she had to do was ask.
What she said, though, consumed my thoughts for the rest of the night. How did she know that Bob had died? No red light had warned us.
Then sometime during the fleeting minutes of darkness, it hit me. Thorin had been right. Rose had been at the bottom of what was happening to us all along.
My heart sank thinking about it. Knowing this changed everything. I was going to have to make a choice: save my men as I had sworn to do or protect my girl.
Chapter 11
As the sun rose behind us, I was reminded of a saying we had in the military: “Sunlight is the best disinfectant.” That never felt truer than it did today.
I felt lighter. My secret had festered in the darkness, but by shining a light on it, it had lost its power over me.
I felt stronger. Ready. I was whole, and like any new convert, I was an evangelist for what had saved me.
I had no doubt that I needed to make a decision. Now, like with Josh, I couldn’t save everyone. And whatever I decided could haunt me. It might tear me apart, crippling me like before.
The night before, Rose had saved me. After that, she had convinced me that she was at the center of everything that was happening to us.
Rose clearly had secrets. She had the ability to make people believe that they knew her better than they did, but what did any of us really know about her?
I thought that I probably knew the most. I knew that even with everything going on, she had the ability to look past herself, see exactly what I needed, and then give it to me. So I knew the depths of her compassion.
I also knew that she had a hole in her. Rose had dark thoughts that she constantly struggled with. Through that the darkness, she had come to the island believing she could find someone who could love her. So I knew the heights of her courage.
I turned to Rose. Her naked body glowed in the golden morning light. She was both angelic and strong. She was an amazing woman, and I decided it was my turn to do the saving.
I kissed her bare shoulder. She took a slow breath, rousing awake.
“Morning,” I said, prompting her to open her eyes.
I examined her soft face, wondering about her secrets. What did she know? And how could she sleep knowing it?
“Morning,” she said, groggily.
“We have to talk.”
Her eyes squinted as if drawing me into focus. “What about?”
“About you and how you knew that Bob was dead.”
I could tell that she had slept comfortably because my reminder jolted her. She lay frozen as everything rushed back to her. When the burden of all of it again appeared on her face, she spoke.
“I don’t know what it is, but I feel a connection to all of you. I didn’t notice it at first. But the fewer of you there are, the stronger the connection gets. Now, I can almost hear your heartbeats.”
“Is it the chip?” I asked.
She looked at me, saying nothing.
“Did you do this to us?” I asked, trying not sound accusing.
“No. I didn’t. Is that what everyone thinks?”
“It’s hard to know what to think,” I admitted.
Rose reached up and stroked my hair. “Do you believe that I did this?”
“If you did, it wasn’t on purpose,” I said, immediately regretting it.
She withdrew her hand and rolled away. Still naked, she lay on her back, staring into the cloudy morning sky. I joined her. For the first time since I got to the island, it looked like it would rain.
Still lost in the clouds, Rose began again. “I could tell that you didn’t know anything about me when you met me. But has anyone told you yet?”
She was
talking about the fact that everyone else knew her. Even Kurt, the kindergarten teacher, had recognized her from somewhere. I had just assumed that, like Brad, she was game-show famous.
“I only know what you told me,” I admitted.
She responded with silence. I couldn’t imagine what she felt she had to hide from me, considering what I had shared with her.
“I got chipped when I was eighteen. Fresh out of high school. A recruiter had come to my school, telling us about all of the money we’d make as a product tester. And how, as a pretty girl, they’d pay me even more.” Rose laughed sarcastically. “At eighteen, that type of money seemed like a fortune. It was more than my entire family made. So I let them chip me. All I had to do was live my life while their researchers watched everything I said and did.
“It wasn’t hard work, and the money was already good. But on top of my salary, I would get bonuses. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t bother to ask. It was just all free money.
“It didn’t take long before things went really bad with my family. They didn’t like what I was doing. They thought it was porn or something. And then after a huge fight, they made me choose between them and my job.
“I ended up moving into my own place. I had never even seen somewhere so nice. I had gotten everything I had ever dreamed of, and I didn’t have to do anything for it. So I did what any twenty-year old would do; I slept all day and partied all night with my chipped friends.
“It was then that the bonus checks really started rolling in. There were so many of them that I had to ask what they were for. The company told me that I got one whenever I inspired a new product that made it to market.
“So, great! Somebody found me inspiring, and I got free money for it. Everybody wins, right?”
Rose stopped talking. I looked at her, wondering if she had finished. She lay still. Her mouth hung open as if frozen mid-speech. I reached over and touched her. Her eye moistened and a tear traced a path to her ear.
I wasn’t sure what was going on. With her still not moving, I rolled onto my elbows for a better look.