Set Me Free

by Jennifer Collin

  Emily smiled. Now wasn’t the time to let Annie know her little brother was Reality Cheque’s lead guitarist. ‘What are you going to do when you go home?’ she asked instead. ‘I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do,’ she continued before Annie could answer. ‘But I need to do it fast. I’ve blown almost all of my savings on this trip.’

  ‘I didn’t think artists had savings. Are you going to be able to pay your rent?’ asked Annie, grinning at her. ‘Couldn’t you claim the trip as research? As a business expense? Maybe you could paint a few temples when you get home.’

  ‘It’s not that simple.’ Emily sighed. ‘Painting is just the first step. I need to sell them too, and given I pissed off the most influential art dealer in town before I left, I’m not off to a good start.’

  ‘How did that happen?’

  ‘He wanted me to stick around and make the most of the publicity from my last show. God, I don’t want to go home.’

  ‘I do. I can’t wait. I keep thinking about the sound of birdsong. I hated it when I was younger; it made me feel like a country bumpkin, like I was living in a country town, not a city. But now the constant buzzing of big cities is doing my head in. Traffic, trains, air-conditioning. I want to hear birds again.’

  ‘Really, birdsong? I don’t think I’ve ever noticed.’

  Annie pointed to the hand Emily still held behind her back. ‘Hey, I think the ten minutes might be up now.’

  Emily looked at her watch for the third time. Annie was right, it was time to check the stick. Heart hammering, she fell back against the cubicle partition. She swallowed, squeezed her eyes shut, and took a deep breath. Slowly, she moved her hand around until she held the small stick in front of her. She exhaled and opened her eyes and looked.

  Two little blue lines looked back at her.

  She was pregnant.

  She burst into tears.

  Annie’s arms went around her, and Emily buried her face in her new friend’s shoulder. Annie stroked her hair and let her cry.

  More punters came in to use the bathroom. Unlike last time, their chatter died immediately. Emily heard a tentative voice call out in Japanese and from within the hug she felt Annie answer.

  By the time the newcomers left the bathroom, Emily was regaining control. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with toilet paper.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said to Annie.

  ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘So, now I know.’ Emily studied the scrunched up ball of paper in her hand. ‘We should get out of here,’ she said. She lifted the toilet seat and dropped in her little bundle of tears.

  ‘Are you sure you’re ready?’

  Emily nodded.

  Five minutes later, make-up restored and shoulders set, Emily let Annie lead her back into the noise and darkness of the club. The smell of stale beer was like a slap in the face. The music was too loud, the lights too flashy and the people too close. None of it had bothered her before, but now the room was spinning. She found a table edge to grip, and took a deep breath.

  On stage, her brother Andy was ripping through a guitar solo. His brown hair fell over his eyes as he concentrated on the instrument in his hands. In skinny black jeans and T-shirts, the band looked like a bunch of clones. But unlike Annie, Emily didn’t mind them. They were definitely cocksure, but it was hard to go wrong with three-chord pop-punk guitar riffs.

  Emily salvaged some sense of calm. It was Andy’s idea that she come to Japan with the band. He could see she needed the distraction, to get the hell out of the country. A quick overseas jaunt to escape a sticky situation was a technique they’d both observed Charlotte apply, again and again, after each one of her failed relationships.

  Admittedly, taking advice from Andy wasn’t usually the best idea, but here she was, in the midst of a Japanese nightclub on her first overseas trip. Emily let go of the table and put her shoulders back. She was brave, she could step out of her comfort zone, and she had people around her who cared about her. Even the ones she’d only just met were looking out for her.

  Her hand moved to her stomach. A little human being was growing inside her. One she would have to look out for. Holy crap.

  She glanced at Annie to find her watching her. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ Annie asked.

  ‘Maybe some water.’

  Annie nodded and drifted off in the direction of the bar.

  On stage, the band wrapped up. The bar must have been busy because Annie was gone a while. By the time she returned, Andy was weaving his way through the crowd, looking for Emily, to take her backstage. He and Annie converged on her at the same time.

  ‘You ready?’ Andy asked Emily, as Annie set a bottle of water down in front of her.

  Emily nodded and turned to Annie, to find her squirming. Amused, Emily considered her brother. The family resemblance was there, but, with his brown hair slightly tinged with auburn, Andy looked more like Charlotte. In the darkness of the club, the similarities between Emily and Andy would be easy to miss. Emily smiled to herself. Annie must think the rockstar from the stage had come to hit on her.

  Andy flicked his eyes over Annie. Emily reached for her hand. ‘Can my friend come too?’ she asked.

  Andy gave Annie a second look. He would be wondering where the hell this friend had come from. ‘Sure,’ he said.

  ‘This is Annie,’ Emily told him. ‘She showed me around this afternoon. Annie, this is my brother Andy.’

  Annie flushed a spectacular shade of scarlet. Emily checked her brother, and predictably, he misinterpreted the blush, straightened his back and puffed out his chest, readying himself to turn on what he thought was charm. It fell well short, but Emily always found it entertaining to watch.

  Annie’s brows snapped together and she glared at him, prolonging the entertainment. Emily had never seen Andy flinch before. She restrained her smirk as her brother faltered, then shrugged and loped off, signalling they should follow. They wove through the crowd behind him.

  ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me your brother is in that band!’ hissed Annie.

  ‘You might not have come if you knew,’ said Emily. ‘I had to twist your arm as it was.’

  ‘Emily, I’m not so sure about this. Maybe I should just call it a night. I don’t really do the whole backstage thing.’

  ‘No.’ Emily stopped. ‘Don’t go. Please stay.’

  Annie pondered her a moment, then sighed and gave Emily a gentle nudge forwards. ‘Okay. I’ll stay. I’ll escort you into the den of smelly rockstars, but you owe me one.’

  Emily smiled. ‘They’re not so smelly. But thanks, I appreciate it.’

  They followed Andy through the stage door. Emily had never needed company backstage before, but tonight the prospect of making small talk with groupies held little appeal.

  Tonight was different. The harsh fluorescent lighting was the same, as were the frayed couches and stained carpet. Even the generic band posters lining the walls were familiar. The usual guitars were scattered around the room, and it reeked of pheromones.

  It seemed they were smelly after all. That was new, or maybe she just hadn’t noticed it previously.

  Nor had the smoke bothered her before, but tonight the vaporous cocktail of chemically treated tobacco and marijuana was making it hard to breathe. Declining everything offered her way, and holding on tight to her water bottle, she slowly suffocated. It was quieter back here than in the club, as it had been in the bathroom, but Emily couldn’t focus on any of the conversations swirling around her. She eased herself onto the arm of the couch Annie had huffed herself into and, for a second, the room stopped spinning.

  But only for a second, and five minutes later, Emily had had enough. She leaned down to Annie. ‘Okay, I concede. Do you want to get out of here?

  Annie jumped to her feet.

  Emily smiled. ‘Just give me a minute,’ she said, summoning Andy. He separated himself from a clinging teenage girl and swaggered over.

  ‘I’m going to go.’

  ‘Already?�
�� he asked.

  ‘I don’t feel well.’

  ‘Yeah, okay. I didn’t want to say anything, but you do kinda look like shit.’

  Beside her, Annie choked on her drink. Emily ignored her, concentrating on her brother.

  ‘I have to tell you something before I go.’

  She needed him to know. Annie had been great and was truly going above and beyond the call of duty for a friendship only a few hours old, but before Emily returned to the solitude of her hotel room, she needed someone who loved her to know. She needed him to tell her everything would be all right.

  ‘What’s up?’ he said, looking away, back across the room toward the teenager. Emily could see she barely had his attention.

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  That got it back.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Shit. Are you sure?’

  ‘Pretty sure. I took a pregnancy test tonight. I can show you the stick if you like.’ She made to dig into the pocket of her dress.

  Andy was quick to hold up his hands. ‘No, no. That’s okay. I don’t need to see it. Shit. What are you going to do? I wouldn’t try to get an abortion in Japan.’

  Emily stared at him. It was not quite the response she expected.

  Beside her, Annie sucked in a lungful of outrage and raised herself up to her full height. Emily grabbed her arm to pull her back before she attacked. ‘Jerk,’ Annie mumbled, folding her arms across her chest.

  ‘I don’t want to get an abortion,’ Emily said, calmly.

  Andy looked around the room again. ‘Really? I just assumed you would. You know, with the divorce and all.’

  ‘What? What’s the divorce got to do with this?’

  Andy looked back, eyeing her as though she were a simpleton. ‘You really want to have your cheating ex-husband’s baby? You’ll never get rid of him. You’ll have to deal with him for the rest of your life.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Emily. ‘It’s not Geoff’s baby’.

  Andy’s eyes popped. ‘Whose baby is it?’

  A memory of him, her baby’s daddy, looking up at her while they made love, came back to her. Her chest constricted. She hadn’t thought about how he would take this news. The way she’d left things, she’d be lucky if he would ever talk to her again, let alone be willing to raise a child with her. Did he even want kids? One thing she knew for sure, he wouldn’t want it this way.

  Emily looked up at her brother then cast her eyes down to the stained carpet at his feet. ‘It’s Ben’s,’ she said.

  ‘Charlotte’s friend Ben?’

  Beside her, Annie was looking between them, humming with curiosity. Emily nodded.

  ‘Oh,’ said Andy. ‘What are you going to tell her?’

  ###