Original Cin: A Raptors MC Novel

by Elle Rease

  Later, they would find out that Tessa’s stress at seeing her ex had caused the miscarriage. That there’s nothing Tessa, Cinnia or Dawn could’ve done differently to prevent it from occurring.

  At the time, though, Cinnia had felt as if she wasn’t meant to be a mother, and weeks of arguments between her and Brennan had ensued. So much so that he’d threatened to sleep in the clubhouse again, which drove Cinnia up the wall. Tessa, on the other hand, had made it her personal mission to keep trying, refusing to admit defeat.

  “Ah, there’s the baby’s heartbeat,” the doctor said from the present moment.

  Cinnia jumped, breaking away from those depressing memories, as a frantic thudding filled the air. Thanks to Tessa’s unbridled enthusiasm, Brennan and Cinnia were closer to becoming parents than ever before.

  Tears burned her eyes and Cinnia didn’t protest when her husband pulled her closer. “Wow, where is he?” she whispered.

  The doctor chuckled. “Don’t jump the gun, Mrs. Drummond. What if it’s a girl?”

  “It’s a boy,” Cinnia insisted. “I can feel it.”

  Tessa grinned broadly. “And you were scared that you won’t sense things because you’re not the pregnant one.”

  “Maybe I’m just so used to you that it’s easy for me to climb into your head,” Cinnia laughed.

  “Well, only one way to find out,” the doctor commented. He glanced at the couple. “Do you want to know the sex of the baby?”

  “Yes,” Brennan and Cinnia responded as one. She shared a small smile with him before they both gave the doctor–—and the screen—their full attention.

  “Okay, let’s see.” The doctor slowly moved the probe against Tessa’s skin, his eyes on the smaller monitor, next to him. “Over here, you can see the head.”

  Cinnia gasped at the three-dimensional image. “Wow!”

  “And over here…” The doctor chuckled to himself. “Well, Mrs. Drummond, you’re right: it’s a boy.”

  Brennan leaned forward, awestruck. “A boy.”

  “Told you,” Cinnia murmured, poking her husband’s side.

  “Shit, lass.” He tilted her chin up and kissed her. “I’m going to be a da.”

  “To a boy,” she said happily. “We’re going to have a mini-Brennan.”

  “I hope he looks like you.”

  She raised an eyebrow, surprised. “He’ll be very feminine, if that’s the case.”

  “I don’t give a fuck.” Brennan cupped her face in his hands. “If there’s a god, our boy will have your eyes and hair.”

  “I’d hate it if your only shot at spiritual redemption is shot to hell, simply because our boy will look like you,” she joked.

  The one corner of his mouth tilted up. “I’m going to be right this time.”

  “Unfortunately, the ultrasound can’t determine the specifics of the baby’s features,” the doctor chimed in, dragging their focus back to the matter at hand. “But, looking at the two of you, I’d say the chance for black hair is strong, although the gene that creates green eyes is weaker than the one that causes blue eyes.” The doctor shrugged with a smile. “Then again, boys tend to take after their mothers.”

  “See?” Brennan waggled his eyebrows at his wife. “I’m right.”

  “Heaven help us if there’s going to be a miniature version of you,” Tessa said dramatically. “As if one Brennan isn’t a handful enough as it is!”

  “Damn right, I’m a handful,” Brennan smirked suggestively.

  Tessa burst out laughing. “Oh my God, Bren!”

  “Can you give us a printout?” Cinnia asked the doctor. “I want to show everyone.”

  “Sure thing.” The doctor typed a few things on the machine. “You’ll have to set up a date to come in for a check-up, too. Right now, everything looks healthy and I see no reason why this will be a complicated pregnancy.”

  “That’s a relief,” Tessa and Cinnia chorused, cracking a smile as they made eye contact.

  “Thanks, doc,” Brennan said.

  “I’m just happy the IVF worked this time, and that there’s been no complications.” He fixed Tessa with a serious look. “Take things easy, okay?”

  “You bet. I’m not even going to pick up the TV remote, that’s how lazy I’ll be.”

  Cinnia giggled. “No, you won’t. We can do yoga together.”

  “Pregnancy-friendly yoga, ladies.”

  “Of course, doctor.”

  Brennan accepted the printout and, after a few more minutes of chitchat, led the way out of the room. Cinnia had her arm linked with Tessa, who was chattering excitedly. Cinnia was emotionally overwhelmed, yet she knew no one would judge her for shedding a few tears.

  I’m going to be a mother, she thought, astounded. I’m actually going to be a mom!

  “The club is going to freak,” Tessa giggled. “How long do you think they’ll celebrate?”

  “They’ll probably pull an all-nighter,” Brennan answered.

  Cinnia tilted her head to the side as she observed Tessa. “You’re getting close to the guys.”

  “Yeah,” the pregnant woman shrugged.

  “You…” Cinnia cleared her throat as they exited the hospital and waited until they were in the car before she continued speaking. “Will it be easy for you to leave all of this behind once the baby’s here?”

  Tessa gazed out the window. “I can’t say that for sure.”

  “The only reason we had that condition in the contract is because we thought we’d get a stranger,” Brennan clarified. “We can revisit it if you feel like being around the baby, as long as it’s understood that we’re the parents.”

  “I agree,” Cinnia nodded.

  “Let’s not make any rash decisions right now.” Tessa laughed nervously. “I get that you’re on a high because of the ultrasound—”

  “That’s not it. Cin and I have talked about this before. You’re a part of our family now.”

  “I appreciate you saying that.” Tessa was silent for a while and—when Cinnia looked to the backseat—rubbing her stomach. “I’ll think about it.”

  Oddly, Cinnia didn’t feel threatened or that their suggestion will cause Tessa to worm her way into their son’s life. Tessa wouldn’t be cruel about it, and neither will they. Frankly, Cinnia’s been considering naming Tessa as a godparent.

  “Will it still be okay for you to take maternity leave before the third trimester?” Brennan asked.

  “Yes, I’ll apply tomorrow. I was just waiting for the ultrasound’s result. Hey, what are you going to name him?”

  “Logan,” Cinnia replied without hesitation.

  Her husband raised his eyebrow in question. “Logan?”

  “Logan,” she confirmed.

  “I like it,” Tessa supplied.

  Brennan cleared his throat. “Well, then the second name has to be a traditional Drummond name.”

  “Oh no, we’re not going to be one of those parents who give their kids a gazillion names,” Cinnia argued.

  “I’m suggesting a second name, not a ‘gazillion’.”

  “Bren—”

  “Bean,” he interjected firmly. “Logan Bean Drummond. That’s my final offer.”

  Cinnia opened her mouth to protest, but the last couple of months’ worth of quarrels reared their ugly heads again. She could still recall the sting their words had caused each other; the things she’d accused him of; the throbbing ache in her heart when he’d left the house for a week. She’d crawled back to him a few hours before he would’ve caved and they had vowed never to treat their relationship like shit again, to respect each other’s opinions.

  “Logan Bean Drummond it is,” she accepted finally. “I can live with that.”

  “I’m glad you think you had much of a choice.”

  Tessa burst out laughing. “So magnanimous.”

  “You have no idea,” Cinnia told her dryly.

  Brennan stopped the car at Tessa’s work and turned in his seat to address her. “Thank you for taking
the time, Tess. We’ll see you tonight?”

  “You bet. Dinner’s on Cin.”

  Cinnia laughed. “Deal.”

  “Ryan and Oscar will be tailing you, to make sure you’re okay,” Brennan informed Tessa.

  “Cool.” Tessa got her handbag and gave them a smile. “Congratulations, guys. You’re going to be parents!”

  Cinnia was still staring at the backseat a few seconds after the door closed. “Wow, I don’t think that’ll ever sink in.”

  “Until Logan comes screaming into the world,” Brennan chuckled.

  “Best sound ever.”

  “Aye.” He pulled away from the curb once Tessa was safely inside the building. “Have you spoken to By about Oscar?”

  She frowned. “Just in passing, why?”

  “I’m worried,” he replied quietly. “The only reason Oscar came back is because he couldn’t find a job in the city. I know he’s Ryan’s son, but he’s not… I don’t think he’s serious about the club.”

  “Maybe he’s jealous of the bond between Ryan and By.”

  Brennan leaned his one elbow against the driver’s door and cupped his chin, thoughtful. “Perhaps. When Ryan took By under his wing, they did become very close, but By and Oscar were friends first. Besides, Oscar hardly ever attended club events. It’s like he didn’t want this life.”

  “Do you want me to talk to him?”

  “No, I’ll have a chat with Ryan, see what I can find out first. I could just be judging the kid too harshly.”

  “You’re looking out for your family.” She put her hand on his leg and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t think it’s too harsh.”

  He swapped steering hands so he could interlink his fingers with hers. “I’m glad we’re back to this,” he murmured.

  She smiled, assuming that he was done worrying about Oscar and the club. “Me too.”

  “I told da you won’t be coming back to work today.” He gave her a sideways glance. “I’d like for us to spend the afternoon together. Alone.”

  “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

  “A picnic at the lake.”

  “Sounds very romantic, softie,” she teased. “We’ll have to stop for ingredients.”

  “One would swear you haven’t been married to me for nearly two years,” he joked back.

  Her eyebrows rose. “When did you do this?”

  “Before I picked you up from work.”

  “I think I should start having you tailed.”

  “Good luck with that, lass.”

  She shifted her gaze to the road, surprised to see that they were nearly at their destination. “Did you have something in particular in mind at this picnic?”

  “There will be sex, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  Her core pulsed. “I wasn’t. Where you are, sex is. It’s something I’ve made peace with long ago.”

  “Good.” He was silent for a while, his thumb tracing circular patterns on her thumb’s knuckle. He turned onto the gravel road that led to the lake’s picnic area. “I’d like to discuss a few things with you.”

  “Sounds serious,” she said, taken aback.

  “It is.”

  “So, if I don’t say what you want to hear, I’ll be ‘swimming with the fishes’?”

  He smirked. “Something like that, yeah.”

  “Bren, you’re scaring me.”

  “Just wait, lass.” He parked and cut the engine. “Come on, let’s set up.”

  Trepidation clenching her gut, she exited the SUV and helped him get the picnic paraphernalia from the back. She followed him to a stunning section under a large tree and watched him spread the blanket on the grass. It was so tranquil here that her fears quickly drained.

  This was Brennan. She was one hundred percent safe with him.

  He unpacked the basket and she relaxed completely, noticing that he’d got all her favorite snacks. There was no salad in sight, so this was all about her, for some reason. Her heartbeat accelerated in anticipation as she sat down next to him.

  He was beautiful: his auburn hair tied at the nape of his neck, a day’s worth of stubble and those studs in his lip glittering in the sun. His icy blue eyes were intent on the task at hand. The black Metallica T-shirt he was wearing under his cut clung tightly to his muscled chest and biceps, and his long, toned legs were magnificently showcased in his black leather pants. He’d kicked his steel-toed boots off, yet she could still hear the thump-clink his footfalls had made on the way over here. It was one of her favorite sounds in the world.

  Her libido kicked into overdrive and she had to stop herself from jumping him before he’s spoken to her about what’s bothering him.

  “Wine?” he asked.

  She blinked out of her lust-filled stupor. “Please.” He poured her a glass of chilled white wine and handed it over. She took a sip, her eyebrows drawing together when she saw he wasn’t drinking with her. “Aren’t you going to have some?”

  “I have to drive, lass,” he reminded her. He cracked open a can of soda and finally raised his gaze, as well as his drink, to hers. “To Logan.”

  She clinked her plastic glass against the can. “To Logan Bean.”

  He grinned at the correction. “Our son.”

  “Our son,” she echoed. Her eyes stayed on him as he got more comfortable on the blanket. “Bren, the wait is killing me. What’s up?”

  The sigh he let out didn’t bode well. He stared at the lake and sipped on his drink. “I feel like we haven’t been us for a while.”

  She stopped breathing. Was he going to ask her for a divorce?

  “I know that you’ve been stressed about getting pregnant, even though I’ve told you we don’t have to have children,” he went on softly. “I’m completely fine with spending the rest of our lives together, just the two of us, forever. But, at the end of the day, I want what you want, which is why I haven’t kicked too heavily against this dream of yours to have a baby.” His eyes found hers. “If I’m totally honest, there’s only one thing I want more than you, and that’s a son.”

  Her lungs were complaining, so she inhaled sharply. He was so calm, and yet it felt like her world was falling apart.

  “I’m saying this so you can understand where I’m coming from,” he explained. “When we got married, we exchanged vows. Promises of things we’ll be for each other, of things we won’t do to each other. And I feel like, this last year, you’ve been so blinded by this need to have a child that you’ve forgotten about our vows.”

  She couldn’t argue with that. She swallowed nervously and regarded her wine.

  “Like that day when I met Tess for lunch, and you automatically assumed I was there to have an affair. I get that you’re insecure about the baby-thing, but how many times do I have to tell you that I married you for you, not for how many kids you can pop out while we’re together? It’s always been about you, Cin, since that night we met.”

  “I don’t even know why I get that crazy sometimes,” she whispered.

  “Let me finish.”

  It wasn’t said cruelly: he wanted her undivided attention so he didn’t get off track. He had something to get off his chest, and he needed her to stay quiet until he’s done so. She inclined her head, indicating that she would allow him to speak his mind.

  “When you were eight, I just wanted to be around you. I felt a deep connection to you, as if you were this gravitational force… I was curious, so I followed my instincts, thinking that I’ll be over whatever spell you’d put me under a week or a month later. Except, the more time I spent with you, the more I wanted. I told myself we’ll be great friends, and then you became a teenager and I wanted so much more from you. So I told myself we’ll kiss and I’ll move on. We did, and I couldn’t. I thought I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend and grow tired of you, but once I had you, I had to have more. I wanted you as my wife: a virgin bride, that whole cliché.” He laughed to himself. “We both know how that worked out.”

  Her cheeks were warm, but
she was enjoying his story too much to interrupt.

  “My point is, it’s been about you. Always. Every time you doubt me, I take it personally. It’s impossible for me to fathom how I could ever be attracted to someone else now, much less go behind your back to have an affair. When your insecurities make me insecure, we have a problem. And I’m not saying you haven’t been through a lot and that you don’t deserve feeling sorry for yourself every once in a while, but talk to me.” His eyes blazed with emotion. “That’s all I’ve ever asked of you: talk to me. That’s the only way I’ll be able to put your fears to rest.”

  He was right, of course. Sure, they shared their lives together and she’d never imagined that she could open up to someone as much as she has with him, but she still kept things to herself. She didn’t want to bother him with the “little things”, forgetting that he wanted to be bothered by everything to do with her.

  “When we started fighting, I had no idea what to do. I don’t like not knowing what to do, especially when it comes to you, because I’ve always had a plan. Make you my friend; make you my girlfriend; make you my wife; make you happy for the rest of my existence. But the things we said and the names you called me… It was the first time that I’ve ever doubted you. I didn’t like it, Cin. It was as if we were back to the time when you kept rejecting me.”

  Tears stung her eyes, yet she wouldn’t let them fall until he was done.

  “We made up, but I’ve been cautious, waiting for you to turn on me again. Once bitten, twice shy… that whole thing. I don’t like that, either, so now I’m coming clean.” He reached over to tilt her chin up, a tender look in his blue orbs. “I want you, I always have. Everything else is a bonus, but it doesn’t take away from you, and this life we’ve built together. You are my world, Cinnia.”

  She put her glass down and climbed onto his lap, staring into his eyes. “I’m sorry I ever made you doubt me,” she mumbled, touching his face. “That’s the last thing I want. I’m glad you told me about this, Bren, even though it hurts knowing that I’ve made you feel unappreciated.” She took a deep breath, mentally putting the words in a logical order before she spoke. “Sometimes I feel like life handed us a horrible deck of cards, that we have to constantly fight to stay together. I wish that having a kid was easier, like it is for Dawn. I hate that, after everything that’s happened to us, it’s a struggle to have a family, and it gets me down like you won’t believe.” She shook her head. “Or maybe you do know: I’m not very good at hiding things.”