by GA Hauser
“What are you talking about?” Kyle became even more baffled. “You’re perfectly equipped. You’re smart. You’re athletic. You’re practical. And you are absolutely gorgeous.”
Connor’s mouth hung open in an exaggerated gesture of surprise. “Kyle Baker!”
Kyle froze and didn’t know what to do. One adjective too many. Damn.
His eyes appearing watery, Connor breathed, “You are wonderful for my ego. With you by my side, I can do anything.” He reached out and cupped Kyle’s face.
Kyle held his breath.
“I have never had anyone in my life who said those things to me. Do you have any idea what it is like to hear them said? By someone I respect and admire?”
With those hands still attached to his jaw, Kyle shook his head slightly. He had no idea what to say.
“God! I could kiss you.” Connor shook him.
“Kiss me, Connor Worthington,” Kyle whispered seductively.
Connor’s eyes widened in surprise. He laughed nervously as if it was said in a dare, then replied, “All right, then.” Drawing Kyle’s face closer he connected to his lips.
It was so hot Kyle felt his entire body burst with chills. Just when he was about to climb on top of Connor and stuff his tongue down Connor’s throat, Connor leaned back from him, ending the kiss. No! No! Oh God, don’t stop!
Left yearning for more, Kyle let out a groan in agony. He wanted it to continue so badly he ached. How had it ended before it began? Kyle leaned forward, eyes closed, and waited for it to resume.
When nothing happened, Kyle blinked open his eyes. He wanted to say something to Connor, anything with meaning. Maybe to tell him the way he felt. That this wasn’t a crazy joke, that he was serious. That he was falling in love with him and didn’t know what to do about it.
~
Doubt reared its ugly side once again. With his father’s deep fierce voice screaming “faggot” in his head, getting a hit in the groin because his teammate thought he was gay, and Hannah’s potential damage to his reputation, Connor shrunk back. He wished he had a way of getting that nasty warning voice out of his brain once and for all. Or worse, maybe Kyle thought he was some kind of pervert by now.
Connor muttered, “Go to bed, Mr. Baker, before I start to enjoy kissing you and having you in my bed. Then you may as well kill me.”
As he spoke, Connor studied Kyle’s face carefully. He thought Kyle appeared too serious for it to have been a silly game. It was just a game, wasn’t it? He watched Kyle climb out of the bed slowly. Kyle kept peeking back, looking dejected.
“Goodnight, Kyle.” After he left, Connor covered his face, hating himself. Once Kyle realized he was attracted to him, Kyle would leave. Connor punched the pillows in frustration and tried to get to sleep.
~
Kyle mumbled something incoherent even to his own ears and scuffed back to his room. He dropped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. Connor was dancing around the real issue, their sexual attraction. Sure Connor was well within the comfort zone of a best friend and confidante. That’s where they were. Best friends. Brothers. He assumed that’s where they were in Connor’s mind. But kissing? Heterosexual men did not kiss! Connor was too touchy-feely with Kyle to not be gay. Obviously Connor just wasn’t ready to admit it to himself. Kyle also knew if he crossed that line before Connor was ready, he risked losing this man. A man who he knew he could not live without.
Chapter 7
Saturday morning Kyle woke up to the ringing of his mobile phone, stumbling out of bed. Kyle managed to find it in his jeans pocket. Before he checked the LCD display he spotted Connor at his doorway, yawning and scratching his head.
Kyle didn’t recognize the number. He said hello a few times, hung up and made his way back to his bed.
“Who was it?” Connor asked.
“No idea.”
“What time is it?” Connor rubbed his eyes.
Kyle read his watch. “Seven thirty.”
As if striking a pose for a sexy magazine, Connor leaned against Kyle’s doorway. “Should we get up? We could get some reading in before the game.”
“No.” Kyle curled back into the pillows and then realized Connor was stark naked. Kyle tried not to stare at his crotch and asked, “Do you always sleep nude?”
Connor stared down at himself. “Am I offending your senses? Sorry.” He covered his crotch.
“No. I’m used to it from the locker room. I guess I don’t mind. Have you always?”
“Nope. Not at home. I wore pajamas. Hated them. I get too hot.” As if he were completely comfortable in the buff, Connor wandered in and gazed around Kyle’s tiny room. With Connor’s cock at eye level, Kyle groaned and covered his face with his blanket.
“I doubt I’ll sleep. You want to go buy our music system this weekend?” Connor asked. “We need tunes.”
“Yes. Tomorrow.”
“All right. You look so cozy in there.”
“Wanna climb in?” Kyle grinned wickedly.
“Next time. I’ll make coffee.” As he strutted out of the bedroom, Kyle couldn’t get enough of the back view of Connor. He had no idea how long Connor would prance around nude. It was too good to resist. Kyle hopped out of bed, needing no better motivation. He followed Connor to the kitchen as Connor grabbed the coffee pot and started filling it with water.
“You want the shower first?” Connor asked over his shoulder.
“Hmm?” Kyle was completely lost on him, on how his back and ass were perfectly smooth, how tight his thigh muscles were, how his mane of thick brown hair was almost down to his mid-back.
“The shower. Me first or you?” After he reached into the cupboard, Connor located a coffee filter and then turned to face him.
“I don’t care. You decide. I’m too tired.”
When Connor bent down to reach into the refrigerator Kyle rubbed his crotch and salivated. Oh, help me, please, help me. Kyle groaned over visions of penetrating that ass.
As if he were as innocent as a lamb, Connor held up the bag of coffee grounds. “One scoop or two?”
“Huh?”
“Two scoops? I always forget.”
“Yes. Two works,” Kyle replied.
With a nod in return, Connor prepared the coffee, then turned on the pot. “Fine. I’ll shower first.”
“Fine.” Kyle followed him again.
Connor started laughing at him. “What the heck are you doing?”
“Going back to bed. Bye.”
“Bye.” Connor shook his head and entered the bathroom.
With the grand view through the beads, Kyle spread his legs wide and propped himself up for the show.
~
Their first game of the season was painful and long. An hour after its completion, Connor was on his way to see his parents.
With his shades on his nose to block out the glare, Connor rubbed at his aching muscles. The amount of illegal hits he had to endure was becoming excruciating. Was it mandatory for everyone to take a pot shot at him? Yes, I’m an attackman, but Jesus Christ.
Connor had an idea that gossip was beginning to spread about him. His teammates were backing off and allowing him to be ravaged on the field. The referees were calling the penalties, but it was worsening with each practice. Was it necessary? All that body checking?
They know I’m fucking gay. Connor couldn’t think of another reason for all the unnecessary roughness. Poor Kyle was doing his best to stand in the way of the attacks but Kyle can’t play my bodyguard. He’s a midfielder. He has to stay in his position. That is insane.
Kyle.
The more Connor thought of him, the more he felt stabbing pain inside his chest. He longed for him. As a lover, not a friend.
It was a boring drive to his parents’ estate in San Bernardino and he did it with a heavy heart. The worst part was leaving Kyle alone in the apartment. It somehow felt wrong. Even though Kyle said he had a lot of work to do for Monday and didn’t mind hitting the books for a few hours, Connor
still felt upset.
In need of a distraction, blasting the music as he drove, Connor tried to think of a way to just see his mother and not his father. He wondered if it would be easier to cut a weekday class and go when his father was working. He knew it would solve one problem, but then he’d miss the class and he didn’t want to do that.
After two hours on the road, Connor parked in the grand curving drive in front of his home. When he hopped up the front steps, their butler was there to open the door.
“Hello, sir. You’re looking well.”
“Thank you, Lawrence, I’m fine. Where’s Mom?”
“In the lounge, sir.”
“Thanks.” He picked up his pace and made his way down the hall.
“Oh, look who’s here!” Their housekeeper, Rebecca, blocked his path.
“Hello, Becky. Are you keeping out of trouble?” He slanted his eyes at her.
“With you off to college, I no longer have any trouble to get into.” She planted herself in front of him. “You’re incredible. Can I have you?”
“No.” He physically set her aside with a smile. When he finally located his mother, she had her nose in a book and Ravel was blasting on the stereo. Trying not to frighten her, Connor cleared his throat.
At the noise, she blinked over her reading glasses and then smiled, reaching out her hand in greeting.
He approached her and took it, kissing her cheek. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, dear. Are you still letting your hair grow?”
“Nice to see you too.” He laughed sarcastically. “Where’s Dad?”
“I don’t know which room he’s in at the moment.” Her expression hardened, then resumed its smile. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“No. I’m going to ride Brandy, then I’m going back to my apartment. I have a ton of work to do.” Connor missed his horse more than his parents.
“Why such a short visit?”
Before he could answer, Connor spun to the doorway when he heard a noise. He turned back to his mother. “That’s why.”
“For cryin’ out loud, Connor. Cut your hair. You look like a girl,” Arthur said predictably.
Connor didn’t even want the argument. “I’ll see you after my ride, Ma.” He turned to his father and said, “Excuse me,” to get by him.
Reluctantly, his father backed up enough for Connor to slide by. When Connor was a safe distance down the hall his father yelled, “You look queer with that hair. Are you gay or what?”
Though he felt his body and voice gearing up for a counter attack, Connor continued to the stable located behind the house. He greeted their horse-groom politely. “Hi, Louis.”
“Hello, Master Connor. You look very well, sir, very well.”
“Thanks. Believe me getting away from this place has done wonders for me. And I have a great friend I’ve moved in with. His name’s Kyle. We’re on the lacrosse team together.” Connor took his chestnut brown mare out of the stall by her halter.
Louis helped him saddle Brandy up. “Good for you.” He smiled sweetly. “Look. She misses you.” Louis patted Brandy’s neck. “She looks for you whenever I come in. She gets very disappointed to see it’s just me.”
“Is that right?” Connor grinned. He held that long chestnut muzzle and gave his pet a good scratching. “You miss me, girl?”
She blew out and flapped her lips at him. He hugged her and enjoyed her fuzzy face. Suddenly he heard a small chorus of whinnies and snorts. He took a look at all the long necks of the other horses hanging out of their stalls, staring at him. He laughed and went to say hello to them all.
“Hello, Sterling, how are you, big fella?” Connor rubbed the yellow mane of a silver stallion. “You miss me?” He asked Louis, “You have any treats?” Connor just noticed a strange young man next to Louis and smiled at him.
“Yes, I have sugar.” Louis cleared his throat. “This is Terry Duckworth, Master Connor. He’s going to take over as groom here.”
Connor said, “Hello,” to the young man as Louis went to the tack room. Waiting in the awkward silence until Louis returned with the sugar cubes, Connor felt the young man staring at him. Ignoring it, Connor asked, “Where are you going, Louis?” as he fed his horse a treat.
“It’s time I retired and a younger man came to take over.”
“I’ll miss you. You were always very kind to me. Is Dad taking care of you?”
“Yes. He is at that, my boy.”
“Good. It’s the least he can do.”
“I’m very happy you’re doing well in school, Master Connor.”
Connor put his arm around Louis’ shoulder and shook him affectionately. “I never knew how good life can be. It’s amazing what having a best friend can do for a person.”
“He’s the lucky one.”
“Why, thank you, Louis. But you’re wrong. I am.” Connor winked and fed Sterling a sugar cube. Sterling nodded his head as he crunched it and all the other horses protested for their share. At the loud display Connor laughed in amusement and hurried to give each horse the treat.
When Connor was ready, Louis gave him a leg-up into the saddle. As Connor walked Brandy out of the barn he heard Terry say to Louis, “I thought he was a woman from the back.”
Louis replied, “He’s a bit too big to be a woman.”
Terry laughed, “Maybe, but he’s as good looking as one.”
Not wanting to hear another word, Connor spurred Brandy into a canter and raced her across the meadows.
He drifted off and wondered if he would ever be able to share this with anyone, if he could bring a friend out to ride. He wanted Kyle with him, but he would never subject Kyle to the humiliation of his family. Never.
He spent longer than he had intended with his horse. They rode for most of the afternoon.
By evening Connor met the new groom in the stable and said, “Thank you for taking care of Brandy for me.”
“My pleasure, sir.” Terry’s smile was full of invitation.
Connor gave his horse one last hug and kissed the white star on her head, trying not to get emotional when he walked back into the house. He missed not riding her daily and made a mental note to get out there every weekend if he could.
He stunk of horse and needed a shower, but checked the time and felt anxious to get back to Kyle. Forgoing the wash in need of his roommate’s companionship instead, Connor searched for his mother.
She was sipping coffee in the sun room.
“Well, I’m off. I wanted to thank you for the cash. I really need it. You have no idea how expensive everything is. You know, books, supplies, food.”
“Yes, dear. Is it enough? I don’t want you hungry.”
“No. How could a few hundred be enough?” Connor made an exaggerated gesture to his “humble” surroundings. He wanted to say that he had to live in a pathetic little apartment, that he needed to budget to buy house supplies, meals, but she didn’t hold the purse strings.
“How much do you need?” she asked.
“Why? How much can you give me?”
“Don’t be smart. I merely asked you a question.”
“I didn’t intend to be smart.” He stood taller, straightening his back. Did she need him to beg? “Look, Mom, you know the lifestyle I am accustomed to living. Now, think about the budget you have me on.”
“I have no idea how to estimate things. Your father has always taken care of that. I pay your tuition bills when they come. As far as how much you need to set up house, what do I know? And you know his argument? You should have gone to Cal State so you could have lived at home. Do you know how difficult it is for me to get you money for an apartment? He’s very angry, Connor.”
He tried not to get impatient with her. This was an old argument over tired ground. “Look, you just gave me five hundred, how about we double the allowance?”
“Fine.”
“Fine?” He was stunned.
“Yes.”
“Triple?”
“Don’t push it.�
�� She narrowed her eyes at him. “I have to sneak you the money. Let’s not get over zealous.”
“I’m carrying a full load of credits, plus sports, and keeping up a four-point-oh average. What else does he want from me?” Connor threw up his hands.
“You could work for a living.” His father entered the room behind them.
Connor covered his hand over his mouth prevent his own outburst. He closed his eyes and tried to count to ten.
“We want him to focus on his studies. Don’t we, Arthur?” Connor’s mother said.
Connor was stunned she stuck up for him. Usually she was as intimidated by his father as he was.
“I think I’ve raised a daughter.” His father curled his lip in revulsion. “Your hair needs to be cut. You’re a disgrace. If you think I’m going to support your lazy ass while you waste your time studying math and science, you can forget it. You should be living home and commuting to Cal State. And don’t you go giving him my money behind my back.” Arthur pointed at Carole.
Connor’s mother was instantly cowed by the threat. She shut up, sipping her coffee.
“Bye, Ma, I have to go.” Connor bent down to kiss her cheek. The last thing he wanted was a debate. When he tried to leave the room, his father blocked his way. “Excuse me.”
“Cut this mop before I shave it off.” His father grabbed Connor’s hair and pulled it violently.
About to go ballistic and get this battle out and done, Connor puffed up tall, taller than his father. After swatting away his father’s arm, Connor said angrily, “You think you can influence me now, Dad? You think you can order me around like when I was a little boy?”
Carole jumped to her feet and stood between them. “Stop it. I’m sick of you two arguing.” She nudged her son out into the hall.
Connor turned back to say, “You’ll never order me around again, you got that, Dad?”
“Just admit you’re gay and you’ll never get married. How stupid do you think I am?” He said to Carole, “If you ever expect to be a grandmother, you better adopt.”