Fighting For You

by Megan Noelle

  When I cried, the tears were ceaseless and, when I didn’t, I felt numb to everything. Inside was a gaping hole where my heart used to be and now it was filled with nothingness. It was as if I was sitting at the top of a rollercoaster at that first big drop when your stomach lurches into your throat. I was just in a constant decline with no end in sight. I doubted if I would ever reach the top again.

  It didn’t help that my Grandma just about ripped me a new one as well. One reason being my impromptu departure. She wouldn’t have understood the heart-wrenching agony that consumed me. I was provided with quite a lovely verbal bashing of how I was exactly like my mother by throwing Corey away the same way my mother did with my father, Kole.

  Oh, yes. That was a good time. That definitely didn’t bring back any painful memories.

  Of course, that wasn’t the end of it. I was yelled at every week after for not returning. Which, okay—I couldn’t blame her. Whether the business could practically run itself (her words, not mine) or not, it was wrong that I left with basically no notice. I truly owed her an apology and every time I tried to, she spewed another round of how much of a disappointment I was. The worst, however, was her lack of support over the single most empowering moment I ever had when I finally stood up to my incarcerated and drug abusing mother. I half considered Gram to tell me I did a fantastic job, maybe throw a—way to go!—into the mix.

  Nope. Instead, she beat mercilessly into me about how rude and ridiculous I had been. According to Grandma, I should have thought about that because now she was stuck dealing with Mother and I had apparently upset them both.

  All these reasons had just about made New York a permanent staple in my life. Regardless of the emptiness I felt.

  Until one moment changed everything.

  “How about the Chinese place? I could really go for some sweet and sour chicken.”

  “Again, Dani? You’ve had that every night this week! What’s up with that, anyway? You’re usually and beef and broccoli girl. You don’t want pizza or something?” Gabby asked, curling up her nose.

  “No. I really want sweet and sour chicken. Have we really had it every night this week?” I asked, trying to decide if she was kidding or if we really had.

  “Yeah, we really have! Are you sure you aren’t pregnant or something?” She laughed, throwing her head back.

  The words washed over me like ice water.

  We ran to the nearest drugstore and proceeded to buy far more tests than any one person would need in their lifetime. Every single one gave me the same result—I was pregnant.

  And I knew in that moment—New York could never be my home. With Corey was the only place I wanted to be. I just hoped it wasn’t too late to get him back.

  Chapter Two

  By the time we returned to Gabby’s apartment—I was mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained.

  We both sunk down into chairs opposite one another. “I need to be totally honest,” Gabriella said.

  “Should I be worried?” I asked, with little energy to actually worry.

  “No, but I will so miss going to these appointments with you. I love hearing my little niece or nephew’s heartbeat.” A lump formed in my throat.

  Leaving Gabby before was difficult, but this was going to be unbearable. The last time I told myself my departure was for a temporary period and that one day things would be back to the way they were. This time that wasn’t the case. When I packed my bags, there would be no pretense that I would be returning for anything more than a vacation. My hand shot out and grabbed onto her perfectly French manicured nails.

  “Move there with me!” I pleaded with her, even using my puppy dog eyes for effect. Her brown eyes rolled at my desperation while she let out a dry chuckle.

  “That is so not going to work on me, Danielle! You know I can’t move there.”

  “Well, why not?!” Okay—I didn’t expect her to change her mind, but I used every opportunity I had to try.

  Her mouth gaped open as she shot me a disbelieving look. “Are you serious?”

  “As a heart attack.”

  “For starters, I am not a small town girl. I would go crazy in a town with one bar. Not to mention that one bar is the same place I’m sure you’ll be avoiding because a certain someone owns it.” This was probably true.

  “What else?” I challenged. Gabby readjusted in the chair, folding her legs beneath her.

  “Secondly, I so don’t want to be the lame best friend that can’t breathe if you’re not next to me!” I laughed but let her continue ranting.

  “Plus, that’s your home Dani. Not mine.”

  My gaze dropped momentarily to the floor. No, Corey’s my home—not that place.

  “Besides, Erik would probably lose his shit if both you and I moved away.”

  Shit!

  My eyes shot to the Betty Boop clock hanging on the wall. I had to meet with Erik in less than twenty minutes for dinner to discuss whatever was on his mind, I suppose, but I wasn’t ready. Gabby didn’t miss my sudden panicked expression.

  “What’s the problem?”

  “It’s almost six and I need to go meet Erik.” With Gabby’s dramatic eye roll, I half expected her eyes to get lost in the back of her head.

  “Don’t go meet him.”

  “Gabby, he’s our boss and it’s a business dinner.”

  She shook her head, giving me a disbelieving look. “No, it’s a dinner where he is—once again—going to try and get into your pants.”

  My jaw dropped to the floor. “He is not!”

  “Of course he is, Danielle. That man has tried to get you back since you broke up with him forever ago.”

  I couldn’t hold in my defeated sigh. “We were together for only a week before I called it off.”

  “And he’s been hung up on you ever since.” I stood up. There was no reason to continue this conversation, since Gabby had already made her mind up about this dinner.

  “Whatever you say. Now I need to get ready.”

  She shot up and stared at me with an incredulous look. “You’re still going?”

  “Of course I am.” Before Gabby could get in another word I walked to my room and shut the door. I loved my best friend, but she frequently jumped into protective mode and refused to let me do anything without a lecture.

  Things with Erik and I ended a very long time ago - almost as fast as it started. It started with shameless flirting after I originally started working with the magazine. Erik was powerful and that was what ignited the attraction between us. There was nothing incredibly outstanding about him. His hair was dark and his eyes were brown but nowhere near as spectacular as Gabby’s. He was fairly tall and had something of a beer gut, but still knew how to find the perfect suits to make him look suave. After the sexual tension was built up—I caved. The sex was mediocre and once it was over—I was done. Erik was not my type, but he was very persistent that we should be together, so I tried.

  Of course, that only ended up lasting for a week before his clingy, possessive, and paranoid-self became unbearable. Since ending the personal relationship (if you can call it that), I established a strictly professional one with him, even though Gabby was convinced that wasn’t the case. Not that it mattered. I wasn’t going to do anything with that man and that was the end of the story.

  *~*~*~*~*

  I was still in my yoga pants and hoodie from the appointment. Even if this was my typical style for around the house, I would never show up to a business dinner dressed like that. The frigid March air kept me from picking out a dress from the closet. Instead, I slipped on a pair of black hip-hugging pants, a scoop neck sweater and a pair of close-toed heels. I thought I looked presentable enough … until I looked in the mirror. I was startled by my own exhausted appearance. There was one way to describe the way my hair was wrapped into a messy bun and the way my blue eyes seemed tired. Quite simply, I appeared broken. All I saw was a broken version of myself staring back at me.

  People say all the
time that a woman has this glow around her when she’s pregnant. They look radiant, even more beautiful, because this was what we were made to do. I suppose that doesn’t apply to women who had just made the biggest mistake of their lives. Women that walked away from the one person they were meant to be with. There was nothing radiant about me from the outside. From the inside, though, there was my little one. If it wasn’t for my little bean—I would be nothing.

  Ten minutes later, I was ready to go. I looked somewhat more presentable than the hot mess I was earlier. I slipped on my petticoat, letting my blonde hair cascade around my shoulders to shield my face from the wind. Before I could slip out the door, Gabby found me and held out a black crocheted hat with a large blue flower on the side.

  “It’s cold out there,” she said with a smile.

  This was Gabby’s white flag. One thing she knew about me was if I said I was going to do something—I was. There was no changing my mind. If we were on opposite sides of an issue, it created hostility. That’s why I couldn’t be happier that she was here now with her peace offering. I slipped the hat into place and gave her a hug goodbye.

  “I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

  “Okay! Do you want to watch some movies and eat food that is really bad for us tonight?” She offered with excitement in her voice.

  I smiled. “It’s Friday night, Gabby.”

  “So? Do you have big plans that I don’t know about?” She thrust her hands on her hips to mockingly challenge me.

  “No, but you should go out. When was the last time you went out to the club with friends? Danced a little and drank a little more?”

  Her defensive posture softened as she cast her eyes to the ground. Before I moved back, Gabby was always out on the weekends. Sometimes I wondered if she ever slept or if she took her weekend off to party it away. When she saw the terrible shape I was in, that all changed. Gabby stopped going out and started making the weekend ‘fun’ with my depressed self at home. Truthfully, I loved it. I began to really depend on her and the one time she did go out I felt like a sad puppy that was left alone. I ended up having a breakdown and called her crying. Since that incident, she hasn’t spent much time away from me. And I felt awful about it.

  “I don’t want to go out—it’s too damn cold!” Gabby could be very persuasive when she wanted to be.

  But I didn’t buy it.

  “Gabriella … I started to say, but was quickly cut off.

  “Listen, okay? I know that you’re going to make some very convincing argument for why I should go out. Honestly, I could go out and there are always friends of mine meeting up to get drunk. But I don’t want to go. Your time here is dwindling and I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to just have a movie night in with my best friend again.”

  My throat tightened and I had to quickly bite down on my lip to keep me from letting out a sob. She was right. Gabby needed me just as much as I needed her.

  My eyes began to glisten and if I didn’t pull it together soon I was going to ruin my freshly applied eyeliner and mascara.

  “Well, movie night sounds great.” Gabby let out an excited squeal as she pulled me in for a lung-crushing squeeze.

  “I’ll go get some new ones from Redbox and pick up some snacks. So don’t eat too much at dinner!”

  “I promise!” With that we both left the warmth of the apartment to brave the chilly New York air.

  *~*~*~*~*

  By the time I got to the restaurant, I was frozen and starving. I was thankful that the ever-prompt Erik had already been seated. Unfortunately, it was at a table under low lighting with candles flickering around us and walls closing us in. We couldn’t be any more un-business like if we tried.

  “This was really all they had left for seats?” I asked with doubt laced in my voice as I looked around at all the empty tables that weren’t in such a secluded area.

  “Uh, yeah. Those were all reserved,” Erik covered as he nervously watched me look around the restaurant.

  “Gotcha. Well, let’s get started.” I reached in my purse and grabbed my notebook. Since I told Erik I was leaving for good this time, he had been throwing random tasks at me. The man was famous for yelling out a task and then forgetting it for months. He would then, months later, get mad at whomever for not remembering the half-thoughts he demanded them to perform.

  “We don’t really have to talk about all that right away, do we? Would you like to share an appetizer?” He stuck his nose into the menu that served nothing under ten dollars. “What about a bottle of wine?”

  Even though he refused to meet my angry glare, I could see his face flush.

  “For starters, this is a business dinner.” I added extra emphasis on the word ‘business.’ “Secondly, I have a feeling the entrée will be large enough. Lastly, you know I’m pregnant, Erik—I’m not drinking.” He ran his hand nervously through his hair.

  “Yeah, I know you are. I actually sort of wanted to … talk to you about that.” This was the first time I noticed that he looked anxious, edgy and very sweaty. I could already tell that, by the end of this ‘meeting’, I would have to admit that Gabby was right.

  “Talk about what, Erik?” His eyes shifted from side to side.

  “The baby.” My arms immediately crossed over my stomach, as if I was protecting my little love from danger.

  “What about the baby?” I challenged, giving him a look that warned—proceed with caution.

  Erik slammed down the almost full beer that was in front of him. If I were a prosecutor, this would be the easiest case ever—this man would clearly be guilty.

  “Just spit it out!” I said a little louder than I should have. I just couldn’t hide my irritation any longer.

  “From what I’ve figured out—you and the baby’s father aren’t together. Am I right?”

  “That is none of your business, Erik.”

  He sighed and held up his hands in apology.

  “I know you’re right. It’s just …” I waited impatiently. My fingers now drummed against the table and the toe of my shoe tapped against the tile floor. “Don’t go back there, Danielle.”

  This wasn’t the first ploy Erik pulled to get me to stay, but I didn’t understand why it mattered if I was with Corey or not.

  “Erik, I told you the magazine will be just fine.”

  He waved his hand dismissively.

  “No, that’s not it. I mean—yes—you are phenomenal at your job, Dani, really. If you wouldn’t have been here these past few months, we’d be lost. But that’s not what this is about.”

  “Then, what is it about?”

  “I want you to stay here. With me.”

  “With you?” Definitely didn’t see that one coming.

  “Yes, Dani. I’ve never met a woman that is as well suited for me as you. I want you to stay here and be with me. We can raise that baby together and you can maintain your life in New York. I know perfectly well how much you don’t want to go back, Danielle.”

  I was stunned. Shocked. Mostly though—I was pissed.

  “I think I’ve lost my appetite.” I stood and he stood even quicker and reached out for my arm.

  “No Dani, please don’t go.”

  “Listen. I came to talk about business and to make sure you were all set for when I leave. This was not what I came for and I am not okay talking about this. We are not going to be a couple and I am not staying here.”

  “Okay, okay. I’m so sorry. I won’t bring it up again. I crossed the line.”

  “Yes, you did.” I sighed, it was my natural instinct to be pissed at him but he didn’t deserve it. The reasons in his heart for doing this were pure and it wasn’t his fault that I just no longer wanted to be on the market. I stood. “I’ll see you Monday, Erik.” With that I grabbed my jacket and purse and walked back through the restaurant.

  When I reached the cold night air, I pulled out my cell phone and created a new text message to Gabby.

  Me: Okay, you were right.

 
Cabs lined the crowded street of businesses. I slipped into the nearest one and recited Gabby’s address. Just as the car slipped out, I got her response.

  Gabby: Told you. Chinese?

  Me: You certainly know the way to a pregnant girl’s heart.

  I closed my phone with a smile and was once again reminded just how lucky I was to have Gabby in my life.

  Chapter Three

  “Good call on the Chinese,” I said, shoving more sweet and sour chicken into my mouth.

  “Thank you.” Gabby took a bite of her eggroll as we both lounged on the floor with our backs against the couch.

  Gabby completely fulfilled her promise of Chinese, junk food and chick flicks. We were able to relax together and watch one of our favorite ‘J’Lo’ movies featuring the gorgeous ‘Matthew McConaughey’. It was during those moments of swooning and laughter that Gabby grabbed hold of my hand and looked at me. When I turned to face her, I could see her eyes glistening with something more than happiness.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked in a panic.

  “It’s never going to be like this again, is it?”

  “What do you mean? Of course it will be!” I placed my arm around her shoulder.

  She leaned her head against mine and let out a big sigh.

  “No, it won’t. Sure, we can visit each other and all that. But there will always be a goodbye coming. Then there will be many months until the next time I see you again. You’ll be creating a new life, getting busy with work and then you’ll be a mom. Not to mention once you and Corey hash things out you’ll be busy with that, too. Things with us are never going to be the same.”

  I couldn’t deny some of the things she said—we would both be busier. Life would step in and never be as simple as it was right here in this moment. No matter what I said to console her, the reality of the situation wouldn’t change.