Fighting For You

by Megan Noelle

  “Yeah, no problem. Give me a call later, alright?”

  “Sounds good!” Corey turned to leave and the next thing I knew, Karly was pushing me towards my car. I couldn’t walk away this way though. We needed to stop leaving things unsettled and unanswered.

  “Hold on,” I mumbled to Karly as I started hurrying towards Corey’s Jeep.

  He was just about to get into the car when I called out his name. Corey whipped back around and stared as I scrambled to him.

  “What is it, Danielle?” His face panicked as he looked from my face to my belly … and his baby.

  I finally made it to him and held out the small envelope filled with the beautiful pictures of my little bean. He looked at it but didn’t move to take it.

  “The baby is yours, Corey. I haven’t been with anyone since you. Please, I want you to have these.” I handed him the envelope again and he took it. His eyes were locked on it and, even though he couldn’t see any of the pictures yet, it was still affecting me so strongly. When his eyes met mine, I saw them reddening with the strength it was taking to hold back tears.

  Corey cleared his throat and nodded once. “Thank you.”

  There were many more things I wanted to say, but this was his time. I’ve had months to let this news sink in and Corey was only just realizing that, in a few months’ time, he was going to be a father.

  Chapter Ten

  “We’ll take a large basket of fries, two hot fudge sundaes with nuts, and extra whipped cream. Oh! And definitely extra fudge and onion rings! Oh, wait. And one of those bacon cheeseburgers to split, of course!” Karly glanced at me and seemed to be debating something. “Make that two. I’m not sharing.”

  The pimple-faced teenage boy wrote it down and looked at us like we just rolled in from some freak show convention.

  “Will that be all?” he asked, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

  This was Karly’s version of “cutting back” from her original order. To prove that I completely supported Karly’s food decision, I handed him the menus with a wink. “For now.”

  Not far from the clinic, we spotted an old school malt and burger joint. Our pregnancy hormones seemed to decide that was the place for lunch far before either of us had opened our mouths. We spent twenty minutes going over the menu and debating our plan of attack. However, since we originally agreed on having just ice cream, we planned to cut back.

  Now our “snack” was enough to feed a large family. Sadly enough, my stomach growled for exactly what was being whipped up for us. But now that the ordering stage was over, the awkward conversation part was up. Conversations with Karly had never before been difficult, especially since she did most of the talking. This time was different. I had a lot of explaining and catching up to do.

  “How was the honeymoon?” I asked first.

  Karly’s eyes lit up and immediately my body filled with ease. Maybe things really were going to be alright between us.

  “Oh, my gosh, Dani! It was so amazing! We went to the Caribbean and it was pure perfection. Clear blue water, bright sunny skies and the most romantic settings. We went scuba diving, rode jet skis, swam with dolphins—it was more than I could imagine.”

  “It sounds fabulous,” I gushed.

  Karly twirled the straw in her cherry coke. A leisurely smile was in place while her mind took her back to her blissful vacation.

  “It was beyond my greatest dreams. We had to basically have someone force us onto the plane home. There’s nothing like paradise to escape from everything.”

  “Sounds like it. But now you got your own paradise,” I added, motioning to her belly.

  This time, she beamed far brighter than before. “I seriously can’t believe I’m pregnant. Jake about passed out when I showed him twelve positive pregnancy tests. He really wanted to come today but his boss wouldn’t let him take another day off. That’s why Corey brought me.”

  The way Corey’s name rolled off Karly’s tongue, as careless as a summer breeze, made me ache. It reminded me that the brief time when I could love and laugh with him whenever I wanted was over. Now I had to walk around on eggshells, hoping that I didn’t do anything to send him further away from me. It was terrifying and I was more than ready for this stage of discomfort to be over.

  Karly undoubtedly caught the discomfort and sudden sadness that smacked me across the face. She crossed her hands and laid them on the table top, slightly closing the space between us. Something about the way the compassion rolled off her made me have to bite back encroaching tears.

  “Dani,” she half whispered. I averted my eyes from the obnoxiously comforting and forgiving smile planted on her face.

  “Yeah?” I asked, still refusing to look her way. The instant her hand touched mine a tear leaked out.

  Screw these pregnancy hormones!

  “You know I didn’t ask you here so I could sit and gush about myself, right?” I nodded. “You know this baby is going to be a dream come true to my brother. He may seem angry or hurt now but we both know that isn’t going to last.”

  She paused. I assumed it was to let me say something, but I didn’t trust my voice yet. Karly took a sip of her drink, prompting me to do the same.

  “Why did you leave, Dani? I know you had a job offer, but no job could ever take the place of the love you and Corey had.” I hung my head like a scolded puppy. I knew better.

  My hands slid over my face to hide my embarrassment. “I don’t have an answer that won’t seem like an excuse.”

  “So then, tell me the honest-to-God truth. No matter how difficult it may be.” I was rewarded with a time-out when the waiter delivered our massive amounts of food and ice cream.

  Easier said than done, was what I wanted to say, but didn’t. I was tired of keeping everything locked away deep in my mind. It was dangerous to tread in the dark waters of my psyche, but it was safer to make the journey with another. I knew, without a doubt, that Karly was never going to judge and then shun me. I didn’t deserve a friend like her, but I wasn’t going to let myself take it for granted anymore.

  “The pain and betrayal I’ve experienced in the past was devastating and taught me that there was no such thing as true love. That, combined with my less than stellar childhood, did nothing but teach me how to be tougher than nails. I was tired of being hurt and when I realized that Corey wasn’t going to hurt me—I hurt him. I honestly couldn’t get myself to believe that Corey was the real deal.” Karly sat silently, taking a bite of her sundae. She was listening so intently to everything I had to say that I half wondered if she expected me to quiz her on it later.

  With another deep breath, I restarted. “It’s a pathetic excuse but I didn’t know how to handle the intensity and connection we felt. In no time at all, he went from being just another face in a crowd to the whole reason I existed. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to love him back and I wanted a future. But there was just enough doubt in my head that told me it was time to run. So ultimately, I decided Corey was going to crush me sooner or later and I needed to get out while I could.”

  Karly set the spoon down and raised a single finger in the space between us.

  “There is one thing you’re forgetting—Corey didn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t hurt you. I have had my fair share of cheating bastards in my life. And even though I love my mother, I still grew up knowing I was never going to be as important to her as my dad. Even though he walked out of our lives, she never let him go. So every single time I had my heart broken, lost a friend or just needed someone—I went to Corey. There has never been a single moment in my life that I questioned whether or not my brother would be there for me.”

  My lips started to form my pathetic argument about there being a difference, but she beat me to it.

  “It is not because I am his sister and it’s not because he has a family obligation to me. If that was true then the man that brought me into this world would have stuck around to see what happened to all of us. This is all just because he is the mos
t amazing and generous person I’ve ever known. You will fight and you will have hard times, but that man is never going to walk away from you.”

  An embarrassing sob raked through the depths of my chest. I buried my face into my hands and let the unavoidable meltdown take its toll. I wished I could just disappear from this far too public place and curl into a ball to drown out this humiliation. The booth seat shifted as Karly took the spot next to me and, within seconds, she had her arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders. The need to run and hide from this was what had screwed me up in the past, so this time I decided to change that.

  I did the one thing I once avoided at all costs—I expressed myself.

  “What if I screwed it all up, Karly? What if Corey really can’t forgive me for everything I’ve put him through? God! I don’t want us to be those parents that talk every other weekend when they’re switching their child from house to house. Whose only conversation consists of what the baby did this week.”

  Picturing that awkward distance between us, of being nothing more to Corey than the mother of his child, completely broke me. My heart tightened, my lungs forgot how to work, and I was left gasping for air. Karly’s hand slowly rubbed circles on my back and was a welcome distraction.

  “I don’t want to be jealous and resentful of my baby because it gets to have the man in their life that I tossed aside.”

  Karly remained silent while I gave in to the onslaught of tears that didn’t want to stop. Finally, after what felt like hours and was probably only minutes, I could breathe again. I peeled my face away from my (now soaked) hoodie sleeves. Karly leaned over with a smile and placed a kiss to my temple.

  “None of that is going to happen, Dani. Corey loves you. We all love you. You’re a part of us for good, I promise.”

  Even though I knew Karly’s promise could easily be broken and it really guaranteed me nothing—it still did the trick. The anxiety and knots in my stomach began to fade away and I was finally hopeful for the future.

  “Now let’s eat! Baby’s starving!” She declared before sliding back into her side of the booth. With a laugh and a grumble from my stomach, I agreed.

  After we finished our monstrous amounts of ice cream, I dropped Karly back off at her car - which, unfortunately for me, was at Corey’s bar. My eyes darted around the parking lot in search of his Jeep, but it was nowhere in sight. I couldn’t deny that little part of me that was bummed out that he wasn’t home and I quickly had to silence any thoughts making me wonder where he might be. Karly noticed, of course, and gave a reassuring squeeze of my shoulder.

  “When he has a lot on his mind he likes to drive around. It helps him think, that’s all. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  I brushed her off with a forced laugh. “Yeah, no. I mean, it’s nothing. I mean it isn’t like I was going to go talk to him right now or anything.”

  “Mhmm,” she said with a smirk before saying goodbye.

  We waved goodbye as she started up her car and drove off towards her happy home to bask in the bliss of a baby with the man she loved. I envied her. Since there was nothing I could do about that right now however, I decided to do something else I was, quite frankly, dreading. Before I had a chance to talk myself out of it, I put my car into drive and headed towards my destination.

  Sitting in front of my Grandmother’s house always seemed to make my heart race. Repeating the manta, I can do this, wasn’t having the effect I had hoped for. Then again, I expected to walk inside with my chest pushed out in a “Superman out to save the world” kind of way and deliver the news. I wouldn’t wait for her response. I would just fly back out of there and go fight some crime or something. Okay, I didn’t have all the details quite worked out, but it seemed fine for now! Besides, if I sat in my car procrastinating any longer, my Gram was going to storm outside and … shit.

  My eyes darted towards the door and there she was, standing with a scowl as she stared at me. Her arms went out to either side, asking what I was doing. I put on a brave (sort of) face and smiled with a wave. Deep breath. I stepped out of the car and kept my face locked into a smile.

  “What are you doing sitting outside the house like that? You’re going to draw unnecessary attention to us by doing that,” she hollered, undoubtedly drawing more attention to us than me sitting alone.

  “I haven’t been out here for that long,” I clarified as I got closer.

  She twisted the thin gold watch along her wrist and pointed at it as if that was going to have any meaning to me. When I looked from the watch and back to her face, I could sense her anger rising that I didn’t get it. With her hands thrust onto her hips and a disapproving purse of her lips, she continued to glare.

  “It has been twelve minutes,” my eyebrows rose with surprise.

  “That is astonishingly precise.”

  “Well, come on in. We’re letting all the heat out.” Although the air was freezing, I knew stepping inside would be walking directly into the fire. Before I had the chance to back out though, Gram took my arm and pulled me in.

  No going back now.

  I followed her into the living room where my Grandpa sat in his favorite chair reading a book. He peeked above his reading glasses and his face cracked from the concentrated stare to a jolly wide grin.

  “What a pleasant surprise, Danielle. Your Grandmother said you were here but you were outside so long I thought she was merely joking.” From behind me I heard my Gram snort at his comment.

  Don’t roll eyes. Don’t roll eyes.

  “Yeah, I was just … thinking.” I found myself trailing off, but I couldn’t resist.

  My hands were shaking and beads of sweat began to form at the back of my neck. I was scared shitless.

  “Thinking about what, Dolly?” Grandpa took that as enough reason to slip his bookmark in and set his reading aside.

  I opened my mouth to start, hoping Gram would take a hint and sit down to hear me out. Of course not. I love the woman, but she did not know when to sit down. She took a hold of the duster sitting out on the table and began prancing around the living room hitting every crevice of the room. My eyes trailed after the busy working bee and suddenly I forgot everything I had on my mind.

  “Dolly, is everything okay?” I snapped my attention back to Grandpa. He paid no attention to his wife, especially since it was probably a normal thing for him to see.

  “Um, yes. I just …” Gram tossed a look my way but didn’t stray from her meticulous cleaning methods. I wrung my hands together and let out an exasperated sigh.

  “Gram, can you please just sit down? I really have to tell you something, but I can’t even think while you’re doing that.” She sighed but did as I asked.

  “Now, what could possibly be going on that has you so wound up?” she asked.

  After inhaling a deep, calming breath, I exhaled and called upon all higher power to help me in this moment. The words strength and courage tumbled around in my head. In my mind, the perfect speech was formed and ready to be expelled to show that, although I wasn’t doing this “the right way,” I couldn’t be more certain of my future. In all areas of life, I was persuasive. I could drive one hell of a deal and with my words alone could turn the most reluctant person to my side. But sitting here under the penetrating gaze from the only woman who could make me nervous, I forgot everything else.

  “I’m pregnant.” And just like that, I dumped it on them. I didn’t listen to the little voice inside my head, giving me clear and concise instructions on how to proceed.

  My Gram’s eyes bugged out about twice their size while my Gramps sat there, taking it all in.

  “Is this for real?” she asked, in an almost horrific tone.

  “I … yes. Yes, it is real.”

  “How far along are you?”

  “Four months.”

  She pursued her lips and looked to her husband for a reaction. He said nothing. She then took it upon herself to continue the questioning.

  “Who is the father?” It felt li
ke someone had just thrown a powerful punch into my stomach. I couldn’t exactly blame her for asking, but that didn’t mean I didn’t hate it. No woman wanted to deliver the life altering news of a baby and have the big “who’s the daddy?” question be the first asked. I wanted to be established, happily married and ready for this before saying anything. I couldn’t dwell on it, though. This was my reality and it was time to embrace it.

  “Corey is and he just found out today.” Her face fell into her hands.

  “This is like your mother all over again, Danielle. You just returned after running off on him and now you’re with child? At least he isn’t the fuck up that your father was.” There was another good solid punch to take away my breath.

  “Now, Violet. That’s enough!” My Grandfather stood and walked toward me with his arms wide open.

  “I’m going to be a great-grandfather and I will love this baby because it is a part of our family. That’s all that I need to know.” I pressed my face against his chest and in inhaled a deep breath of his Old Spice cologne. He leaned in close to my ear and dropped his voice low.

  “Your grandma will come around. Don’t you worry about her,” he whispered. I nodded and felt the tension of the air building. My Gram wasn’t handling this well and if I didn’t get out now—it could be a lot worse than it already was.

  “Well of course I will love this child, but that doesn’t mean that is all that matters. Now, I know Corey will step up to the plate and accept his responsibilities. But will you, Danielle? Or are you going to fade into the person your mother was and still is?” Her voice rang throughout my head and I felt my strength being crushed into a million pieces.

  Deep down, I always feared that I was going to end up like her. But to hear that my Gram did, too? Well, that changed it all. It wasn’t just a worry - it was a fact.

  Gramps turned around and seemed to grow at least three feet in height. “Now I said that is enough, Violet! You have your own demons to face about the past. You will not drop that on your granddaughter, who is a member of this family and moved back here for us. Danielle, we will be here to support you with whatever it is you or this little one may need.”