Shark Lover

by Marie, Gracie

  “I’ll try. Thanks Carly.” She plopped her head down on the pillow next to her sister. She closed her eyes in an effort to block out the present and escape to some foreign dream world that would treat her better. Thinking of happy thoughts, she slowly drifted off vastly into sleep. As she laid in bed holding Carly and with tear soaked cheeks, she prayed that tomorrow would be better.

  She leaned down and kissed him as he lay in her lap. She never felt this calm. Her mind was always racing, thinking that she had to be busy all the time to escape her thoughts. Cathy hated taking time out for relaxing. Giving her mind time to think was a dangerous situation. She didn’t want to have to think about the past. She wanted to forget it all and pretend that it had never existed. As she sat blissfully watching the trees slowly blow in the wind she remembered why she felt the need to compress her contemplations.

  “Stop! Stop! Stop!” She screeched. “I don’t want to talk about it or hear about it.”

  “Cathy, you are almost eighteen years old. Don’t you think you are being a bit immature?” Her mother asked her reasonably.

  “No. You know it bothers me and I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t get why you keep bringing it up.” She slammed the bowl down that she planned to use for her cereal that morning. The porcelain bowl shattered as it broke into hundreds of pieces across the floor.

  “Cathy, please relax. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She stated trying to get through to her eldest daughter. “I know you are having a hard time with this, I am trying to help you through it. Let me get the broom. I’ll help you clean up this mess.”

  “No. I don’t need a broom! I’ll pick it up with my hands.” She leaned down aggressively and started picking up the pieces and throwing them into a plastic bag that she found in the cabinet. “I don’t need anyone. I’m fine. I don’t care that he left me!” She started sobbing on the floor as the pieces of the bowl fell from her hands and broke into more pieces.

  “I know you miss Jason, but he wasn’t good enough for you Cathy. He never listened to you. He didn’t want to do anything that you wanted. Remember when you asked him to go to the beach with you and you found him there with another girl?” Her mom thoughtfully answered.

  “Mom, this isn’t about Jason! He’s a jerk. I could care less about him.” She looked at her mother scornfully.

  “But he did just leave you this week right? I know he made you happy.”

  “Thanks for reminding me that my life is a mess. He didn’t make me happy, he was just a mirage of happiness. I didn’t feel complete with him. I still felt empty inside every time I was with him and he never loved me.” She held her knees close to her face as she quietly cried. “It’s not about him. Don’t you know what is coming up?”

  “Yes, Cathy. Of course I do. I know your father’s birthday is in a few days. I see your pain and believe me I feel it too. Carly feels it. We all feel it, but you can’t keep holding this pain inside. It will just make you unhappy. That’s why I am trying to help you talk about it. Can’t you just understand I’m trying to help you Cathy? It kills me as a mother to see you like this. You haven’t eaten much in weeks. I feel like I am losing you.” Pain entered her voice.

  “You’re not losing me. Mom I just don’t feel like myself whenever something comes up that reminds me of Dad. I miss him. It’s just easier not to talk about it or think about it. It’s how I get through my life. It might not be the healthiest way to deal with something, but it’s the only way that I know how to.” She stood up and walked closer to her mother before grabbing her into a large hug.

  “I just wish that I could help you. I feel like I am failing as a mother.” She cried into her daughter’s shoulder.

  “Mom, you could never fail as a mother. You are the greatest mother that a girl could have. You have been nothing but understanding and compassionate. I love you more than the world. Without you I would have never been able to get through all of the pain. I just need you to understand that I am not ready to talk about it. I know it’s been a long time now, but still I don’t really feel like talking about it.” She held her mother’s gaze for a moment and smiled. “Mom, I have to leave now. I am going to be late for school.”

  “Thank you, dear. I will try to understand your feelings more. Maybe going to a counselor would help? We’ll figure it out later. Have a good day at school. Don’t let Jason be mean to you.” She smiled back.

  “No counselor, Mom. I am fine. And ha Jason. He’s such a loser. If I see him I am going to give him an evil stare. Katie and I already trashed his locker. We picked up a bunch of dirty socks from the football team and stuffed every single one of them in there.” She grinned sheepishly. “He’s going to be so shocked when he sees it. I hope the smell alone knocks him out. He doesn’t deserve to be conscious.”

  Her mother’s eyes grew wide with shock. “Cathy, you didn’t. Please tell me that you didn’t. Am I going to have to come up there and bail you out of the principal’s office again?”

  Lately Cathy had been the one getting in trouble rather than Carly. It felt good to be the one in charge for a change. Cathy was going through so much and was having a hard time dealing with it. Nearly every week she had been sent to the principal’s office for one thing or another. Her mother had hoped that she had just been acting out to get attention, but it was more than that. By acting out, she was able to live in the present. She didn’t have to be compressed in her thoughts of the past, which made her feel dark and alone. She tried everything to be happy, but no matter what she did she couldn’t find that happiness.

  “Oh, but yes I did Mother.” She laughed sarcastically. “Even if I do get in trouble, it’s totally worth it. What makes him think that he can get away with cheating on me? I don’t care if he’s the leading quarterback on the football team. Cheat on me and that’s what you get.”

  Her mother let out a small sigh. “Cathy, what in the world am I going to do with you? You make things so difficult.” She handed her a paper bag filled with her lunch. “Now go to school and try to stay out of trouble before you give me all gray hair.”

  Grabbing the sack, she walked past her mother slowly. “Well, after school Katie and I were planning on messing with Jason’s truck. He loves that thing like a God. It’s so sad. I don’t think he will ever love anything more than that truck, well maybe himself but that’s it. He won’t love Jamie either. She’s so stupid to go out with him. I can’t believe that we used to be friends. I should do something to her too.”

  Her mother brushed a blond lock of hair off her face as her expression grew tense. “Cathy, just stay out of trouble okay? Just leave Jason and Jamie alone. They aren’t worth your time or your dignity. I don’t want you getting in trouble for something so ridiculous. Now go to school.” She pushed Cathy out the door slightly as she watched her walk to the street to her car.

  “Bye Mom! I’ll try not to mess with Jason! I never messed with him before just so you know!” She yelled across the street as a neighbor turned and looked at her with a shocked look upon his face.

  Her mother covered her face in embarrassment as Cathy pulled out of the street and zoomed away. She loved embarrassing her mother and sister. She wasn’t sure why she found such joy in it, but she did. She played with the radio until she found a song that she liked. After it ended, a love song came on and she changed it briskly. She wasn’t going to let anything ruin her day.

  “Are you ready to go? It looks like the rain is coming in.” Marc stated as he pointed to the darkening sky in the distance. “We don’t want to be out here when it downpours.” He fixed the collar on this navy shirt as he stood up and brushed some dirt off of his khaki shorts. “Also I wouldn’t want your dress to get ruined.” He took a glance at her short butterfly patterned sundress as she stood up.

  “Yep, I’m ready. I don’t want to get caught in rain either, I just bought this dress.” She smirked as she saw lightning in the distance and heard the soft boom of thunder. “Hurry let’s make a run for it.” She snatc
hed his hand and started running as fast as she could. He had no choice but to run like the wind with her.

  “You run so fast!” He roared as the wind aggressively blew her blond curls all around her face.

  “I love to run!” Her hand swept up to tidy up the mess the wind had made in her hair. “It’s so freeing. When I run it’s like I see the world differently. It’s not so slow and calm. It’s fast and ever changing. I love the feeling I get. It’s a rush, I can’t beat it.”

  He was out of words. Blown away by her courage and freeness, he couldn’t help but stare and admire her. He had never met a woman as free as she was. Cathy was confident, strong and fearless. He couldn’t find a single flaw within her. The way she smiled took his breath away and he couldn’t help but feel jealous. He was jealous of it all; Jealous of her freeness, her confidence, her strength and whatever guy she would end up with. He wanted to be free. Feeling stressed all the time was his thing. He didn’t know how to let it go when he needed to. She was inspirational and bringing out a new side of him that he had never known was there. He was falling for her hard and he wanted to be the guy she would want to be with.

  When they reached the car, she burst out laughing. She couldn’t control her laughter. She put her hand over her mouth and bent down trying to contain it, but failing miserably.

  “Is everything okay?” He asked confused. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. That was just fun.” She laughed again as she opened the doors to her jeep and they hopped in. “It felt good. Running in the wind like that. Sometime we will have to run in the rain.” Rain started pelting hard down on the windshield as she put the jeep in reverse.

  “You enjoyed that? We almost got soaked.”

  “But we didn’t. And yes of course I did. There’s nothing like living life to its fullest and experiencing all the world has to offer. I love rain. Actually there’s not much I dislike in life. We were given this chance to live, not to watch it go by.”

  “Hmmmm…I never thought of it that way.” His face turned into an expression of deep thought.

  “I learned it from my dad. My dad always told me to live my live and not to let anything stop me. I think that’s the best way to live, so when we die we won’t have any regrets because we lived and accomplished everything that we wanted to.” She looked over at Marc quickly reading his expression. “I know it sounds crazy, but it’s a good piece of advice. If I want to run through the Grand Canyon or hike up Mount Rushmore, I will because I don’t want to live life without doing the things that I was meant to do.”

  “Wow that’s exhilarating and inspiring. It must be great not to have regrets. I feel like I haven’t taken all the chances that I should in life.” He stated carefully.

  “It’s never too late to change. You can do whatever you want in this life. You just have to push yourself to do it.” She answered as she stared at the road.

  “Maybe I will then. I’m going to start living and stop holding myself back.” He paused. “So I have a question.”

  “Sure. Ask me anything.” Her eyes were still glued to the road.

  “Why would someone like you want to be with me?” He stared at her beautiful face that was so struck on concentrating.

  “What do you mean?” She asked as her expression turned puzzled.

  “I mean that you have everything. You’re beautiful, smart, confident, fearless, and strong and I’m sure you must have hundreds of guys chasing after you. Why me?” He turned away, staring out the window scared for her answer.

  “Because you’re different.” She smiled still staring out the front piece of glass.

  “I’m different?” He looked at her strangely. “Is that a good or bad thing?”

  “It’s good. I don’t know if you noticed, but I normally don’t have any limitations. I don’t know when to stop. It gets me in trouble a lot. With you, I find that balance. I need someone like you to keep me in line.” She answered sure of herself as she made a turn into the left lane of the road.

  “That’s all I am to you? Balance?” He laughed as she looked at him in shock.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. You do give me balance, but you give me harmony too. Things just feel right with you. I can’t really explain it in words very well. Every time we are together things feel right. I haven’t ever felt that before.”

  “That’s a good thing. I feel the same way.” He reached over to hold her hand as she turned into the drive of his apartment complex. “Thanks for the ride. So I guess I will see you Saturday for Shark Savors then. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

  “Great! I will tell the team that you’re coming. They are going to be so excited. It’s going to be thrilling. You’ll want to come back every week!” She spoke fast as excitement came into her voice with a thrill.

  “Haha! We will see about that. I am looking forward to giving it a spin though. You only live once right?” He chuckled and laughed.

  “Right. Of course! Well I will see you on Saturday then.” She looked blissfully into his brown eyes.

  “Aren’t you forgetting something?” He asked as he tried to pry open the jeep’s door.

  “Oh, I am so sorry!” She hit the unlock button on the side of her door handle. “You probably thought I was trying to lock you in here. How embarrassing.” Her cheeks flushed red.

  “I wouldn’t mind if you did, but no I wasn’t referring to that.” He moved his hand towards the back of her head and brought her closer to him. He kissed her while he ran his fingers through her hair. She kissed him back with passion and then let his lips go.

  “The goodbye kiss,” She said. “I knew I was missing something.”

  He stuck his hand up in pure disagreement. “I wouldn’t call it a goodbye kiss. Goodbye is a strong word. It was more like a see-you-later kiss.”

  She laughed. “Alright, a see-you-later kiss it is then.” He opened the door and hopped out, closing the door slowly. She realized that she missed him already. She waved and started back on the road to get back home. She needed to do some studying for a test coming up. After her great day with Marc, it was hard to think about anything else. He had a way of sweeping her off of her feet. She wasn’t sure if she was fond of it or not. As she drove down the winded road back to her apartment, she couldn’t help but notice the bright rainbow in the sky. She took it as a sign, a promise for new beginnings in her life that she wouldn’t want to miss out on.

  Chapter 4

  From that moment on they were inseparable. Stand-byers could not tell where one ended and the other began. From long walks on the beach to late night romantic, candle light dinners; Marc never left Cathy’s side. Their love was marked by holding hands, soft kisses and slight loving glances at each other. They had become so interlinked they were one whole instead of two halves.

  Cathy had never felt so complete in her life. As she looked across the table at Marc one night under the low light of candles, she couldn’t help but to wonder to herself in amazement that she could have indeed found the one. She waited her entire life to find a person who understood her better than she understood herself and Marc was just that. He seemed to know what she was thinking just by staring in her eyes. He understood her feelings when she spoke of troubled times. She stared into Marc’s dark brown eyes thinking of the joy that she felt by finding him and having been blessed by his presence in her life.

  “It’s so nice out tonight.” Marc stated, interrupting Cathy’s deeply provoking thoughts as he looked across the bay at the Golden Gate Bridge. “I’m so glad you could spend this incredible night with me.”

  Smiling back she laughed and responded, “It’s my pleasure. Nights like these are my favorite. The water is calm, the sun sets beneath the horizon and nothing is wrong in the world.”

  Marc smiled at Cathy causing her to blush as she realized she didn’t put her napkin in her lap yet. She took another moment to take in the glorious surroundings all about her. The waiters and waitresses all wore buttoned down white shirt
s with little black bow ties accented at the top of the collar. The tables had elegant white table clothes with sterling silver utensils adjoining them. Looking at the guest around her, Cathy noticed they were all dressed sophisticatedly with a professional class that suited her. Marc sure knew how to treat a girl and she had surely taken notice.

  Marc had taken her to a restaurant on the bay that had a great view of San Francisco that especially focused on the bay area. She could see the sun setting in the distance and felt the warmth that it set on the ground. She remembered being with her father as a child on the beach at the bay. He would take her down to the coastline as the day broke and night began.

  Her hands covered a tiny plate of sand as she rushed them through the grains looking for something special that she could treasure. All she could find was sand and more sand. She sighed and set the pound of grains down as she kept going along her merry way; looking intently for something that would be worth her time. As she walked down the shore, she stole a glance at her father who was staring deep out into the sea. She wondered if he was happy with his life anymore. These days she couldn’t be sure. He was weak, he could barely keep up with her as she ran along the beach. Under her foot, she realized that she had stepped on something hard. Removing her foot from the space, she realized she had found what she had been gloriously searching for. She ran back over to her father. Her breaths came in short stances and her blond curly hair was all tangled by the wind.

  “Daddy, Daddy, look what I found! It’s what we had been searching for!”

  “Bring it here Cat. Let me have a look at it.”

  She loved when he called her Cat. It was his intricate, loving nickname for his eldest daughter. She had always been a daddy’s girl at heart, since she was born. She looked just like him with her blue eyes and light curly blond hair. They shared a special bond that only they could understand. They both loved the ocean and felt at home when they walked across the shore. They cherished the special creatures of the sea. In this moment, she looked up to him and felt like she meant the world to him. By the way he glanced down at her ten-year old self, she realized that she did.