Kiara, on the other hand, escaped beneath a mountain of blankets and comforters, despite its already being hot that evening. She buried herself under as much as she could and curled up into a ball like a frightened child. It was only then she would allow shameful tears to roll down her cheeks.
Nate could hear her occasional sniffle and it made him even more concerned for her. There was no way he could sleep until they were reconciled. “Kiara? Are you ok?” he asked, sitting himself up and turning towards her bed.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she answered with a whimper.
“No, you’re not,” Nate slid out of his bed, knelt down beside hers and pealed away every layer of blanket until he found her at the bottom, facing away from him, “Now, really, what’s wrong?” he asked, placing a hand on either side of her body and looming over her so that she couldn’t escape him or the question.
Kiara didn’t look up, and only hid her face in her hands and tried to stifle her crying. “Nothing… I’m just tired and want to go to sleep.”
Nate gazed down at her, trying to decide if that was a truthful answer or not. He couldn’t understand why she was upset. All he knew was that he wanted to make everything alright again.
“Now, come on. I know that’s not it. Tell me what’s wrong? Huh?” Nate grinned with an intriguing idea, then began tickling her ribs and under her arms. He knew that if he couldn’t figure out what was wrong, he could try to cheer her up in a general way by making her laugh. He had no idea if that would work or not, but it was worth a shot.
“Stop,” Kiara groaned, trying to push away his hands. But, Nate didn’t pay any heed and just tried to tickle again.
“Nope, not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Nate kept tickling and tickling, his fingers wildly wiggling against her sides to stimulate even the faintest giggle that refused to come.
And just as she was beginning to crack a smile, she finally swung her hand over and smacked Nate square in the cheek. The tent fell deathly silent and Nate sat back on his heels, looking down at Kiara with shock. She had never struck like that before. He gently rubbed his burning cheek as Kiara gave him a cold glare, then nestled herself back into bed and covered herself with the blankets.
“Just leave me alone,” she finally mumbled. Nate was hurt. But, if that’s the way she wanted it and that would make her feel better, he would give it to her.
There was nothing else he could do except return back to his bed, where he blew out the little flame in the lantern, plunging the tent into almost complete darkness.
Kiara calmed down after a few moments and rolled herself over to look at Nate. She could just barely see the outline of his body. He was sitting up in bed, his arms resting on his elevated knees, looking straight out in front of him as if deep in thought. She had wished with all that was within her that things could be different. However, she was more than thankful that things didn’t get too out of hand. Her body ached for affection from him, but she knew it would never happen.
Nate wanted Kiara in the same way. He was tired of hiding, tired of forcing himself to remember that it could never happen. He wanted so badly to be with her. Even to just tell her that he loved her would have been enough to satisfy some part of his heart that continually cried out to her. He felt like a lone wolf, longing for a companion and his soul howled every night for the chance to be loved by this princess.
Chapter 18
The next morning, sunlight shined through the sleeping quarters of Kiara and Nate’s tent, casting an aqua marine glow on everything inside it. Kiara, who was nestled safely under the warm covers, was just awakening from a restless night.
She wanted to hate herself for the way she behaved the night before. She wished she could blame such awful conduct on sleepiness or feeling ill, but that wouldn’t have been true. For the first time in her life, Kiara felt that she had no more control over herself or her emotions.
While she lay in bed, staring into the pitch-black darkness of her confinement under the covers, she was deep in thought. She resolved that if Nate caused her to act in such an uncontrollable way, then maybe it was for the best that they part as soon as possible. Kiara did not like that idea. It was the same as when she was told about Sir Claude’s proposal. She was not initially happy or excited about the arrangement, but she forced herself to cope with the reality of the situation. She would have to cope in the same way with Nate. She knew she would live unhappy for the rest of her days, but it was really for the better.
As she lay in bed, mourning over the future, Kiara could hear noises of wooden swords bashing against each other and the soft murmur of deep voices from outside. Kiara slowly pushed back the covers and looked over to Nate’s bed. It was empty and he was nowhere in the tent. The blankets and comforters were all neatly folded at the foot of the mattress, while the pillows appeared unruffled. It looked as if Nate hadn’t slept at all last night.
Kiara pushed herself up and wrapped the robe tightly around her, tying the sash it came with around her waist. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and staggered up to her feet, gracefully stepping over the pillows and hills of unraveled blankets. Kiara pushed back the shear curtain, then eased the tent open just a crack, letting bright morning sunlight flood the inside of the tent.
She squinted out the door, but did not emerge from the tent, being careful not to let herself be seen by anyone as she searched for Nate. And sure enough, he was in the fighting ring with Sir Ethan, diligently practicing their swordsmanship. What they were saying was unclear, but the conversation they carried back and forth had a pleasant and instructive tone. At the moment, Nate was teaching Sir Ethan a trick maneuver that must have been of Nate’s own ingenious design.
As they went back and forth, Kiara couldn’t help but smile at the two. They didn’t notice her, which was a relief, as she knew it would be embarrassing for her to be seen watching him after what happened the night before.
That thought made Kiara grimace, casting her eyes to the ground ashamedly. Her father always taught her that if she fought with any of her brothers and sisters, that she should take the first step and apologize for the misunderstanding, even if it wasn’t her fault in the first place. Surely Nate would be civil enough to accept her apology.
With forced confidence, Kiara began to step outside the tent, ignorant of the fact she was still in her night clothes. Luckily, Lady Elsie appeared on the scene to interrupt.
“Good morning, Kyra!” she said cheerfully, carrying a bundle of clothes.
Kiara smiled and gave a small curtsy. “Good morning, Lady Elsie.”
“Did you sleep well last night, my dear?” the lady asked, letting herself inside the tent, inadvertently forcing Kiara to retreat back into the sitting room of the tent.
“Not at all, I’m afraid,” Kiara admitted, settling herself down onto a small cushion next to the table.
“Oh?” Lady Elsie donned a look of curiosity and concern as she sat down next to her, “Why is that? Did you not feel well?”
“No, I felt fine, it was just…” Kiara lowered her stare to the grains of the wooden table, “Nate and I had a bit of a fight.”
“Oh, no… I’m sorry to hear that… Do you want to talk about it?” Lady Elsie stood up and walked into the sleeping area to put away the clothes by the bed.
Kiara sighed and hugged herself tightly. “I slapped him last night before we went to bed.” She knew mentioning the first bad occurrence would dishonor her, so she chose not to speak of it.
Lady Elsie turned and looked to Kiara with utter bewilderment. “Why ever did you do that, dear?”
With a shrug, she replied, “I don’t know… I was just tired and upset about something from earlier yesterday and he was trying to make me feel better by tickling me, but I got mad and slapped him… I feel awful for it and I could hardly sleep last night.”
Lady Elsie smirked and shook her head. “All men are that way, Kyra. They try their best to fix the problem instead of just leaving it alone. Nathan was just being a typic
al man.”
“I guess, but I just feel so bad about slapping him. I’ve never done that before. I was just in a queer state of mind last night and I guess I forgot myself. I wish I could apologize, but I don’t know if he would forgive me.” Kiara wrung her hands together anxiously, staring into her lap with a look of guilt.
Lady Elsie chuckled and came back to sit beside Kiara. “I can assure you that he will forgive you whole heartedly,” she said softly.
“How do you know?” Kiara asked, looking up to meet her comforting gaze.
“Because, that boy has been out of sorts all morning. When I awoke and came out to wake the servants, I saw him sitting just outside this tent with a look of total melancholy that I thought him to be ill. I told Sir Ethan to talk to him to find out what was wrong, because it wouldn’t have been my place to ask him directly. But, after having a long chat with him before breakfast, my husband swore to secrecy never to reveal the content of that conversation. But, now I believe he was upset because of what you just told me. It’s highly likely that Nathan is as torn up about what happened as you are. A little apology and forgiveness on both of your ends should remedy the problem immediately.” Lady Elsie patted Kiara’s arm like a tender hearted mother might and gave her an assuring smile.
Kiara returned with a weaker grin and was silent for a while. “… Why do you think Sir Ethan was sworn to secrecy about the matter?” she finally asked.
Lady Elsie shrugged. “Who knows… Perhaps Nathan told Sir Ethan something that he didn’t wish to be spread around.”
Kiara scoffed and looked away to the shear curtain. “What could Nate possibly have told him that would be that secretive?”
A long pause of silence made Kiara look back to Lady Elsie. The expectant, sympathetic expression on the lady’s face made her confused. “What?” Kiara asked.
“May I tell you something?” Lady Elsie questioned eagerly.
Kiara nodded.
“I believe there is something going on between you and Nate that is more intimate than just an innocent friendship… Is that true?”
Kiara was blown away. “What? No, no! Him and I have never done anything intimate at all. We are just traveling together, that’s all. He’s my escort, nothing else, I assure you.” Kiara felt flustered and offended by the question.
Lady Elsie looked unconvinced. “I wasn’t implying that you two have done anything inappropriate. I was asking if you two want to do anything, but you are just telling yourselves you can’t.”
Was this woman a mind reader? Kiara sat back and blinked. She was speechless.
“I ask that because you two look at each other with as much longing as my husband and I do. And while you two were apart last night, you both seemed lost, distant and out of sorts. Sir Ethan told me that the reason Nate turned down his offer to become a squire was purely because of his commitment to bring you home safely. Any man who turns down such a promising offer for a woman is bound to be in love with her… And I have a feeling you’re in love with him as well. I can’t think of any reason why you two would be so upset over a simple disagreement as what took place last night… I apologize if I’ve offended you, but I was simply curious. I have a feeling that Nate confided his feelings about you to my husband this morning and that is why he was vowed to secrecy.”
Kiara’s face was drained of almost all color, turning ghostly white. She didn’t realize that her feelings were that evident. But, it wasn’t that realization that shocked her, it was the idea of Nate having mutual affections for her that had her at a loss for words. Did he really love her in return? She pursed her lips together and cleared her throat, looking away.
“I… uh… I think… I think I do love him,” Kiara stuttered with a flittering heart. She felt almost relieved to bare her feelings before a perfect stranger. Just to say it at all out loud somehow seemed refreshing.
Lady Elsie’s face burst out in a wide, toothy grin and she took Kiara’s hands in her own. “And there is nothing wrong with that!” she exclaimed. “If he loves you as well, as I believe he does, then you two would make a lovely couple!” Her smile faded as she witnessed Kiara’s terrified countenance. “But, why do you look so pale at that prospect?”
Kiara felt like crying her eyes out as she did last night. If only this woman knew the unsettling truth of the situation. “I don’t know… I just believe that Nate and I will never be together like I would want. It’s impossible,” Kiara replied, her voice cracking under the tension. She looked up with tears pushing against the edges of her eyes, threatening to flow out like two fountains.
Lady Elsie began to feel sympathy for the girl. “Oh, my dear. Hear me when I say that nothing is impossible. There is always a solution, always a way. Even if that way is not what you expect, there is always a way. Just give it time. Everything will work itself out. I believe if you two truly love one another, love will find a way.”
The woman’s speech was so comforting and encouraging that Kiara almost believed it.
Outside in the ring, Nate was losing his focus. He continually allowed his eye to be taken off of his opponent and glance towards Kiara’s tent not too far away. It was already getting close to time for the tournament to start and he still hasn’t seen her since before dawn.
What happened last night sent him into a world of confusion and depression that he couldn’t explain. At first, he thought Kiara actually liked him, even if it wasn’t so innocent. But, after slapping him the way she did, that seemed unlikely. Or, maybe it was all a big misunderstanding and he was panicking over nothing. He didn’t sleep a wink that night and his body was certainly suffering from it.
Before, when he didn’t sleep, he was numb to the very core of his being, so exhaustion was a foreign idea. But now, a wave of fatigue was rushing over him with such intensity that between sword swings, he found himself yawning and forcing his eyes open with shear power of will.
After a while of all this yawning, heavy blinking, getting distracted and tangled up in his own thoughts and feelings, along with just seeing Kiara and Lady Elsie exit the tent out of the corner of his eye, Nate lost all concentration. As Sir Ethan was coming around with a sideways swing of his wooden claymore, Nate barely reacted in time to jump out of the way. The tip of the sword snagged on his tunic and tore a snip of the fabric away from his stomach.
When Nate leapt backwards, he tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his back, his sword tumbling out of his hand and into the dirt. Instead of worrying about what Sir Ethan’s next attack would be, he turned his head completely and watched breathlessly as Kiara and Lady Elsie walked towards the dining tent to grab a bite to eat. He couldn’t help but notice that Kiara had her head hanging low and lips curled into a frown.
Sir Ethan, about ready to strike down on Nate, stopped his attack short and looked to where Nate was staring. He sighed and stuck his sword tip in the ground until the ladies were out of sight.
“She is exquisite, Nathan… You two will make a lovely couple,” he remarked, standing at ease in front of Nate, who remained lying on the ground.
Nate sighed and let his head rest upon the soil and closed his eyes. “We’re never going to be a couple. I thought I explained that this morning.”
“Boy, if you love her so much, then why don’t you just ask her to marry you?” Sir Ethan offered his hand down to Nate, who reluctantly took it and pulled himself up to his feet.
“Because, it’s complicated,” Nate replied between catching his breath. He leaned his hands on his buckling knees and tried to breathe deeply.
“I understand that you two come from different worlds, but honestly, do you think that should stop you? If you love her and she loves you like I very well believe, then it will work. Lady Elsie was the daughter of a fish merchant, a peasant. But, we fell in love and here we are today, living happily. I’m sure you and Kyra can make it work.” Sir Ethan wasn’t even the least bit tired as he stood like he was posing for a portrait, leaning gallantly upon the hilt of his sword.
“It would work for a man who is wealthy to wed a woman who is not… But, I am poor and she is the rich one. She would lose her title, her nobility, her money, everything… She needs to marry someone of equal status. Only then will she be happy.”
Sir Ethan placed a strong hand upon Nate’s shoulder to make him look up. “Nathan, I think she loves you. And if she’s got a bunch of money and privileges, she’d still be willing to give it all up just to be with you. Wealth is not going to make her happy. When I saw you two together yesterday, I could tell that she loved you even though you had to risk your safety in order to buy dinner...”
Nate shook his head. “No, you don’t understand the whole story.”
“Well, then tell it so I can ease your troubled mind in some way. I hate to see you like this. It breaks my heart, in fact.”
The two men stood up in front of each other. Sir Ethan looked calm and stable, while Nate wanted to fall apart at the seams. “She’s already engaged to another man, a knight. He’s over twice her age and she doesn’t love him.”
Sir Ethan looked startled by the news as his eyebrows pinched together over the bridge of his nose. “Then, why is she marrying him if she doesn’t love him?”
“Her father approves of the marriage and she loves her father dearly, to the point that she would give up her own happiness just to please him.”
Sir Ethan paused and looked briefly to the ground as if to think. “Did she say that she didn’t love this knight?” he asked.
“Yes, more than once. She has confided in me that if she marries him, she would be miserable all her days because she does not love him at all.”
The two were silent, contemplating the predicament carefully.
The Princess and Her Rogue Page 37