Blurring the Lines

by Mia Josephs

  “It’s close to midnight,” Chris said quietly. “Jonah’s in bed.”

  “You did that.”

  He gave her a half smile. “I did that.”

  Gratitude flooded her. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you. I’m sorry. I…”

  “Glad to.”

  She sat up farther.

  “Can I get you anything?” he asked.

  She pulled her knees to her chest, finally feeling like she hadn’t been trampled. “Warm up soup?”

  He practically jumped out of the chair and walked into the kitchen. Chris seemed almost stiff as he moved in the tiny room. Corinne watched him and he looked back toward her over and over. Something was up. Something was different. Something…

  “Did Jonah tell you something?” she asked.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re being strange.”

  He let out a sigh. “I wanted to ask you about something...or someone…”

  “Sounds ominous,” she teased but stopped. There were a lot of people she didn’t love talking about.

  He poured the soup into a small bowl and joined her in the living room.

  “You look so serious.” She wanted to tease, but sensed that it was not the time. He hadn’t asked much about her fiancé, maybe now was the time. It had been a short and very intense love affair that ended way too soon.

  “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know about Jaxen.”

  Cold hit her like a brick wall and she froze. That was not what she’d been expecting.

  Chris sat next to her and rested his hand on her shin. “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “Did Max tell you?” she asked as she stared at her soup.

  He shook his head. “A Moon Rising song came on. Jonah mentioned that you knew Jaxen. And then he glanced over at me, and it hit.”

  Corinne closed her eyes for a moment and sipped broth from the bowl. “He does look almost exactly like his dad.”

  Chris shook his head. “His smile is all you, but yeah, the rest of him...”

  “I’ll tell you if you want to know.” Her eyes found his—deep and sad and trusting.

  Chris knew he should shake his head and say that it was okay. That past was past and it didn’t matter, but he wanted her story. He wanted her to have his. He knew she’d probably be all in with him if he gave up the music, and that was the one thing he couldn’t give so he had to give whatever else he could. She kept her heart safe by keeping him at a distance. He kept his safe with music. She even maybe kept Jonah slightly distanced by asking him to call her auntie.

  “Of course you want to know.”

  “It’s okay,” he said half-heartedly.

  Corinne took another small sip, still looking so pale. Pale enough that his body was tense in worry over her.

  “I was in LA playing in small bars and anywhere that would take me.”

  He tried to picture it. Wished he’d known her sooner. Before Jaxen got to her. “Like so many others.”

  “Like what feels like the rest of the world when you’re there.” A corner of her mouth pulled up.

  Chris hadn’t had that experience in LA, but in Oregon. And it did feel at times that everyone was after the dream that he was, only they were better at it.

  “And Max had one of his lackeys trolling for songwriters, and they found me.” She took another small sip of soup.

  “So that’s when you met Max.”

  “I was seventeen. Left home and flew to LA knowing no one. My parents bought me a round trip ticket, but I never used the second half. I lived in a shithole. Then I met Max, and he was very honest with me. That he could help me with my career, but that at the moment, he was pushing someone else’s career.”

  That sounded like Max. He was a good guy, but if he wanted something, he’d find a way to make it happen no matter who he rolled over in the process. “Jaxen.” And he realized he was probably about to find out why Max refused to work with Jaxen, despite Jaxen contacting him every once in a while.

  Corinne nodded once. “He was completely honest with me. Basically saying that I was fabulous and he loved my music, but that a female guitarist was bad timing. That he could find me work songwriting until timing was better.”

  Chris wondered if Max had been telling her the truth, or what he’d needed to tell her to get the songs he thought would help Jaxen.

  “I sat down with Max and sold two of my songs. I wrote several more with some direction from Max.”

  “A little like you did for me.”

  “Almost exactly.” She took another small sip. “Jaxen came in when Max and I were arguing about word choice, and I didn’t recognize him without all his stage stuff on.”

  “He used to really make the stage presence big,” Chris remembered. Wigs and makeup and costumes. At least in their early years. That had tapered off later.

  “So we’re arguing and he tells me to play it for him so I do, and I’m frustrated and once I finished he told me I was amazing and that I was right.” Corinne smiled a little.

  “I had no idea Max gave a shit about word choice,” Chris joked.

  Corinne finally found his gaze. “I think it was that he was nervous about Jaxen and was scared, you know? Wanted everything to go perfect.”

  He knew.

  “And then Jaxen asked me out, and I needed a ride home because my car had broken down so I accepted. I didn’t even know who he was until we hit our first restaurant.”

  “First?”

  Corinne smiled. “He took me out to three dinners. A joke about what happens on third dates.”

  Jealousy raged through him, which was stupid. That was years ago, and it obviously hadn’t worked out. It still pissed him off. He’d been so careful with her, and it was because he couldn’t imagine doing otherwise.

  “I didn’t know who he was until we got back to his house, and by then, the walls were down. So… I was eighteen and stupid and I fell so hard. He was different with me. He said how amazing it was to be around someone who understood all of him… I believed it.

  “Months of barely leaving his side, and he was getting ready to go on tour. He wanted me with him all the time. Said I was his muse. That he couldn’t perform without me or write without me or be without me, and…” She swallowed hard. “I was stupid enough to believe him.”

  His heart was torn between fierce anger and a raw ache at her past. “It’s not stupidity, Corinne…”

  Her face hardened. “That’s exactly what it was.”

  Maybe he shouldn’t have asked. His curiosity wasn’t worth her pain. “You don’t have to go on. I don’t need—”

  “So just a few weeks before the tour, I found out I was pregnant. I thought he’d be excited, and now that I have Jonah it…” She gasped quietly. “How could anyone not want Jonah?”

  She started to shake in sobs.

  Chris took her bowl of soup and set it on the coffee table, pulling Corinne in his arms.

  “I’m all sick and gross,”” she protested. “And I didn’t want him either. It’s not fair.”

  “Corinne. You did want him. You wanted him as part of your family.”

  Her body relaxed slightly.

  “And I need to hold you.” He did feel better with her in his arms.

  “So.” She paused for so long, he wasn’t sure if she’d continue. “I was terrified about being pregnant when I told him, but I figured he’d be excited, you know? And he said I had to get an abortion if I wanted to come on tour, and I didn’t want to. He made some comment about needing a girl around to relieve the pressure of being on the road. It obviously wasn’t going to be me. I knew in that moment I’d be on my own. He discarded me so casually. The girl who he said he couldn’t write without or perform without…”

  “I’m so sorry.” Chris pulled her in even more tightly. “Jonah is an amazing kid.”

  “He is…” She sniffed a few more times and rested her head on his shoulder.

  “You know that
’s not me, right?”

  “Chris. I still think that’s everybody. And you cannot ignore how similar everything is.”

  “Not the ending, Corinne.” He breathed into her hair, wishing he didn’t have to leave. “I’m not going anywhere—at least my heart isn’t.”

  He held her, trying to memorize how she felt against him. The warmth of her.

  “How are you really? After rehab? Getting ready for tour?”

  The worst part about him wanting her to be honest, was that he knew he had to be the same. “Better some days than others.”

  He tensed waiting for her reaction.

  “Tell me if that changes, okay? Tell me if you need me.”

  He kissed the top of her head, kneading his hands across the back of her neck. “I need you.”

  SIXTEEN

  Corinne drove toward home from the yoga studio with her mind spinning. Every breath was a moment closer to Chris needing to go back to California. Even Max had called Corinne to say how much harder everyone had to work because Chris wasn’t there. How Lita was giving him hell, despite her excitement over Donovan agreeing to come on tour. As much as Corinne hated the thought, she had to get him back home. But the moment he left, everything would change. For months. For so long that maybe whatever they’d started would just slip away. But she knew this was part of his life. Chris had to go home so he could get ready to leave again.

  They’d only been back from Oregon for a few days. She’d had so little time of being with him—especially considering she’d been sick for days after they came home.

  Her phone buzzed in a text.

  Heather: Dan good enough to head home. Will take us a few days, but I’ll see you soon!! I feel so out of touch!

  Corinne: Love you friend! See you soon!

  And in that moment she was selfishly grateful that Heather would be back not long after Chris had to leave.

  Chris had done about thirty interviews that afternoon with radio stations all across the country, and Corinne felt the memory of the frenetic energy that came before a tour.

  He gave her an apologetic frown over his phone and mouthed, “Last one.”

  She nodded and went to the kitchen for cold water before flopping on the couch. She had an hour before Jonah came home and the evening routine would start. How the routine would play out spun through her head, and she realized how much a part of her life Chris had become.

  Her gaze followed him as he shuffled around the small living room, sounding every bit the part of the famous guy excited to get out on the road and meet his fans and share his new music… And then their eyes connected and his smile was all the relaxed honesty of a regular guy that she was falling for way too fast. A guy who was leaving. Going home. Going on the road.

  He tossed his phone onto the chair, sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Better.” She frowned. “You need to go.”

  Chris frowned back and gave her a quick nod. “Soon. Sort of days ago… But tonight or tomorrow.”

  Corinne rested her arms around his neck and brought them together for a kiss. The uncertainty of how things would be between them once he went home raced through her mind, making her kiss feel more desperate. He answered back immediately, and she expected him to stop them. For one of them to slow down, but his mouth pressed harder against hers, driving up the way she needed to feel him. He slid off her top and she immediately reached for his shirt. She pushed off his shirt and he tugged down her pants. Every movement, hurried, frantic, desperate. Chris’ hands touched hers as they both pushed and pulled until every piece of clothing found the floor.

  His kisses grew harder, as they tangled together, and he wrapped her legs around his waist, sending her body into a frenzy of kissing and holding and pulling and taking.

  The energy didn’t stop and they didn’t stop until they were both out of breath and lying on the floor in front of the fire.

  Chris chuckled as he rested his hands on his chest. “That was intense.”

  Corinne rolled onto her stomach, propping her chin on his chest. She wanted to smile at this man who had softened her heart and made her feel love, and come into her life in such a wonderful way, but all she could think was, he’s leaving and everything is going to change.

  “You two could come, you know…,” Chris started. “On tour. It would be—”

  “No,” she answered immediately. “I’m never going to put Jonah in that position.”

  With two sentences all the closeness and the delicious way her body completely dissipated.

  “I get that, but I have to go back. I’m meeting up with Donovan again and we’re hiring tour techs and… There are interviews stacked up. Photo shoots because Lita said she’s sick of making sure I don’t look photo-shopped in when I am…”

  Corinne remembered. She knew it was asinine for Chris to be up here in the month before a new album launch, but it didn’t make it less difficult to let him go. “I know how it is.”

  “Come down, okay? For a long weekend, or a week, or forever.” He grinned widely. “Just anytime you want to. Shoot. I’ll fly you two down every weekend if you’d like. You can hole up in my house if the exposure is what you’re worried about. And I’m serious about coming on tour. Take a leave of absence from work. Miranda looked into some incredible home-school programs, and we could learn about the places we go while we’re there.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Corinne sighed because she couldn’t imagine trying to navigate that scene with Jonah. “Bringing Jonah into the chaos, even just at your house… Especially after the paparazzi mess after Jaxen… I’m not…”

  “Hey.” Chris lightly stroked her back, her arms. “I know. But I’ll be there to help, okay?”

  Corinne nodded even as doubt started to push its way in. The reality was that they lived in two different states. Two different lives. Chris was leaving on tour. And everything was about to change.

  “Don’t worry, Corinne. Don’t worry about me.” He lightly ran his finger across her cheek. “I know where I want to be.”

  She leaned into him and kissed his chest. The mood had been broken, and his touches felt like a reminder of how temporary this all might have been. “We better get dressed and pick up Jonah.”

  He chuckled again and sat up.

  Corinne didn’t move, just wanted to enjoy these little moments before they didn’t have them anymore. He reached for his clothes, and she watched.

  “I suck at goodbyes, Chris. So when you leave, just go, okay?”

  His face softened and he turned toward her and kissed her lightly. “Okay. And I’ll see you again soon.”

  Maybe months. Corinne stared at the floor her heart squeezing at the thought of it. “Soon.”

  SEVENTEEN

  Chris hated his house—every empty inch of it. He and Corinne had hung up two hours ago, near midnight, and he was still too restless even to sit. He walked around his bed and paused at the foot remembering the night she stayed there. He couldn’t sleep then either, but he was writing and she was asleep next to him. In that moment, memories spinning through his mind, he’d have traded almost anything to have her here.

  Pushing through his bedroom door he headed down into the living room. He’d always hated this space. Too white. Too open. Too pretentious with the two-sided fireplace and bizarre art prints. What would Corinne do to it? How would she change things if she were to come stay?

  Would she ever come stay?

  He needed his music. Finally having a purpose loosened his shoulders, and he jogged down the stairs to the basement breathing in deeply at the bottom. This was where he’d heard her voice for the first time. He had to find a way to talk her into coming down before he left. Had to.

  “Chris!” Lita called. “You down here?”

  He raked his hands through his hair and grabbed a guitar, shoving the blanket behind his couch. “Here!” he called.

  Lita stepped into the stu
dio followed by Griffin. She shook her head with an amused smile. “Problem with your bedroom?”

  “I’m practicing.” He tapped the guitar, even though he knew she probably saw through him.

  “I call bullshit, but that’s fine. We ready?” She twisted, wearing another pair of sky-high shoes. “Should we send someone out for those damn scones you got me addicted to?”

  “I can find someone,” Griffin started, but she silenced him with a kiss, making Chris miss Corinne even more.

  “Stop,” she scolded with a smile. “Someone else can take care of it.”

  “Okay.” Chris chuckled. “You guys are making me nauseous. Let’s get working.”

  Griffin smiled and sat flipping open Lita’s guitar case before his own.

  One thing Chris knew for sure was that Griff had talent and that charming, shy thing girls seemed to go crazy for. He’d probably end up being the star of the tour rather than any of the rest of them. And Chris was actually happy for him over it.

  Now he just had to find a way to convince Corinne to drop her life and come with them—at least for a little while.

  Corinne raced up her bumpy driveway, her truck lurching on each puddle hole. She skidded to a stop and stared at the back of her mother’s nearly pristine BMW. She hated when she got caught at work, but it didn’t happen often, and her mother was always ready to pick up Jonah and bring him home. They may have had their differences, but her mother loved her grandson.

  She grasped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. “Okay, Corinne. It’s your mother. You haven’t needed help from her in a long time.” Partly because Chris has been here for the past month. “And she’s family. Your mother. Go inside.”

  She pushed open the door.

  “We’ve just finished snack and homework.” Her mom stood.

  “Thank you,” came out in a rush of breath. “My boss was sick today, and so I—”

  “No need to explain.” Her mother gestured between them. “But I do need to get back to the city.”