Blurring the Lines

by Mia Josephs

  “I thought you might join us on the beach.”

  “I…” But he stopped. “Why don’t you come in and sit? We’re just talking about the show and how we want it to run.”

  “Auntie Corinne!” Jonah called.

  She was stretched in too many directions. Maybe she shouldn’t have come.

  “You go sit,” Chris said. “Pick up a guitar. I can help him.”

  “But—”

  “You know I wanted to see you, but also him.” He laughed, pushing her into the studio. “I will be back when he has clothes and a snack or whatever else he’s after.”

  Corinne paused but Chris was already laughing with Jonah over the massive size of the towels.

  She stepped into the studio and four sets of eyes were on her.

  “Corinne!” Max grinned. “How are things?”

  “Strange.” She shrugged and he frowned.

  “You know everyone?” he asked.

  She nodded and sat, but Donovan’s eyes were still on her. Curious. “Corinne Bailey. You… You were part of Moon Rising, right? Or… with Jaxen? Or…” He clapped his hands together. “I knew I knew you from somewhere! I don’t remember the connection, but that’s right, yeah?”

  Cold ran through her from head to foot. If he knew who she was, how many other people would recognize her?

  Max cleared his throat, and Donovan froze.

  “Never mind,” Donovan back-pedaled. “I’m sure that’s intrusive.”

  Max rubbed his forehead, and Donovan’s gaze went from Corinne to Max and then to the floor.

  “I’m gonna see if Chris needs help.” She jumped up, heart pounding and ran up the stairs, through the living room and onto the porch.

  Air. She needed air. Her breathing sounded ragged, even in the breeze.

  It had taken Donovan only a few brief meetings to figure it out. There were too many pasts she was trying to escape. Too much.

  Her breaths finally started to slow when Chris stood next to her, his arms coming around her from the side.

  “I shouldn’t have come.”

  He pulled her closer. “Don’t say that. We both know it’s just timing. After the tour, it’ll be so much more relaxed. This is the worst of it, remember?”

  After the tour. And then what happens when he was gearing up for the next? Or… And part of her loved that frenetic energy. Or used to. That part of her had died when that time in her life came to a disastrous close. Her names were stripped from the songs with no recourse, and she hadn’t fought for anything—it all felt too exhausting. At least it had at the time.

  “It would get worse again if they knew you were involved with someone.”

  Chris didn’t speak. Of course it would. She was right and there was nothing he could say.

  “I don’t mean to interrupt,” Max said.

  Chris sighed. “Of course you did.”

  Corinne wondered if something had happened between the two of them with the way they watched each other too carefully.

  “Maroon 5 tonight.” Max smiled at Corinne. “I know you love them.”

  She did. “But I can’t go. I have Jonah here.”

  “Please come.” Chris pulled her more fully against him. “Please.”

  Max took a step forward. “I personally talked to the best nannying/childcare development center here, and it’s—”

  “No. No way.” Corinne shook her head. “I don’t care how many qualifications someone has. No stranger is staying here with Jonah. No way.”

  “But—” Max started. “We have confidentiality agreements, and it’s all set up.”

  “First off, you don’t set anything up with my son without talking to me.” The world faded as frustration and panic swept through her. “I’m paranoid, okay? That happens when three of the four people you’re closest to are in an airplane that kills them. On top of that level of paranoia is that I know what it’s like to have my name trashed and talked about as if I weren’t a person. That panicky, over-cautious feeling bleeds into all the parts of my life whether I want it to or not. I’m sorry, but no.”

  Max’s stare drifted to Chris. “You have to be there, Chris. Have to. I mean, really, really have to.”

  “I’m not going without Corinne.” Chris sat, still holding Corinne’s hand.

  Max mumbled under his breath. “I got them to slide you in for one song. Barely. Come on, Chris.”

  “Look Max, if it’s such a big deal, you can hang with Jonah while me and Corinne go.” Chris’ eyes found hers. “If that’s okay with her.”

  Corinne paused. The thought was...comical, but… but she did trust Max… “Max?” Corinne asked.

  “I’m so not qualified for this.” Max shook his head. “I don’t have any idea what to do with a kid.”

  “I trust you,” Corinne said. It may have been stupid, but she knew Max. She knew he would be careful with Jonah in a way that someone who didn’t know Corinne wouldn’t be.

  “I’m seriously being demoted to baby-sitter tonight?” Max asked.

  Chris laughed. “Only if you want me to go.”

  “Un-believable.” Max shrugged. “Yeah. Fine. I’ll hang with the kid. We’ll watch...something…”

  “He’s a good kid, Max. I promise.” And Maroon 5. The music loving side of her was dancing.

  “So,” Chris pulled her onto his lap. “Worth coming down now?”

  “We’ll see…” she teased, but yes, a concert like this had definitely softened the blow of how paranoid she felt being near LA.

  Nerves danced in his stomach as he paced the living room.

  “You shouldn’t be nervous.” Max took a bite out of an apple. “I get to be nervous.”

  “What for?” Jonah asked and Chris laughed.

  “Nothing! Max is afraid of being home alone, but he forgot he’ll have you to keep him company,” Chris teased.

  Max glared.

  “When we leave, you two should go watch a movie in the movie room.” Chris pointed. “There are puzzles in there. Jonah’s great at puzzles.”

  “So that takes care of two hours…” Max leaned against the counter and Chris wished he could watch how Max dealt with Jonah while they were gone.

  “Sorry!” Corinne called as she jogged down the stairs. “My hair wasn’t cooperating, and…”

  But Chris didn’t hear the rest.

  Her dark curls were a messy pile on her head, leaving a few strands down and her neck exposed. No way she had on a bra under her tight shirt that dipped scandalously low.

  Her skirt came maybe to mid-thigh, and she’d topped it off with a pair of crazy wedge-like sandals with thick straps around her ankles, just accentuating her muscular legs.

  “You okay?” She blinked, her face as lightly touched with makeup as always, and glowing.

  “You look…” He felt himself smile. “I mean… It’s very good.”

  “There’s not much to the shirt.” She glanced down.

  “There’s sleeves,” he teased, pinching at the dark fabric that stopped near her elbows.

  “No, the back.” She turned to show a scoop that stopped just an inch or two above the top of her waist.

  He slid a finger down her spine. “I don’t think I’m having a single thought that’s not X-rated right now.”

  Her eyes cast down and she stepped away from Chris to put her arm around Jonah. “So, be nice to Max, okay? He’s afraid of you.”

  Max’s jaw dropped and Jonah laughed. “He’s not afraid of me, Mom. He’s afraid of being home alone!”

  At least the kid remembered.

  Corinne planted a kiss on his head. “I love you. So much.”

  His tiny arms wrapped around her and he planted a kiss on her cheek. “Love you, too.”

  Chris also gave Jonah a small hug. “Have a good night, J. Let’s do a monster breakfast tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.” Jonah grinned again.

  Chris took Corinne’s hand and led her to the garage.

  “He called me Mom,”
she breathed. “I love that. It slips once in a while.”

  He ran his hands down her sides, just needing to touch her and then planted a kiss on her bare back. “My guess is that it’ll happen more and more.”

  Skin. So much skin.

  “You’re giving me goose bumps.” She turned to face him, sliding her hands up his chest and around his neck.

  “You...wearing that…” His brain fuzzed out at the thought of it.

  He reached down, resting a hand on the outside of either thigh. “I wanna push this up.” He shoved his hands up just enough to move up her skirt and she let out a shaky breath.

  “And then I want to pull your panties down.” He ran his lips up her neck, sucking her earlobe into his mouth before letting her go. “And I want to hold you up against this car.” He lifted on her thighs and her strong legs wrapped around his waist instantly turning him on.

  Their breathing echoed in the open space. His fingers moved up her soft skin until he could the feel the thin edges of her panties.

  “Keep talking,” she panted. “I like it.”

  “I want you to push down my jeans. I want to feel myself inside you as I hold you against the car, your legs wrapped around me.”

  Corinne moaned into his ear.

  “I’m going a little insane,” he whispered.

  “Me, too.”

  “Maybe when we get back then.”

  She flexed her legs, jerking him against her, making him dizzy with want. “Maybe then.”

  “And for now.” He pulled a long breath in and she let her legs fall down to stand. “For now we pretend that we’d rather go see Maroon 5 and Kings of Leon more than we want to rip each other’s clothes off.”

  He bit her neck quickly before pulling open the car door. “Yes. That.”

  TWENTY-THREE

  The backstage scene wasn’t new to Corinne, but the energy pinged around inside her making her smile.

  “I’m not sure what you want,” Chris said. “I want to keep my arms around you all night, but if that makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell me.”

  She blinked in the backstage hallway, music pounding into her ears. Kings of Leon were still on, which meant Maroon 5 was still backstage as well as a few other bands that rested in her iPod. Some kind of benefit concert Max had explained, but Corinne had been distracted. Her stomach quivered in nervous excitement as she clutched Chris’ hand more tightly.

  She dropped a kiss just under his ear.

  “I was hoping this would be your answer,” he said.

  “Chris, good to see you.” A hand came out of nowhere, slapping him on the shoulder, and Corinne jumped as the man walked past.

  Holy shit. Lead singer...

  “He’s an ass.” Chris shook his head with a smile. “But you gotta like the guy.”

  Right. She was back in this world where every other person who passed her would be someone famous.

  The music quieted and the crowd roared and settled into general chaos as backstage was flooded with crew.

  “I gotta run. I’m doing a quick song, and then we can take off or listen to the rest. Up to you.”

  Closing her eyes for the briefest moment, she begged her mind to let herself relax into the chaotic awesomeness of her situation and not over think.

  “I’ll follow you.”

  And she did. Watched as someone helped Chris with his guitar and listened to the crowd go insane as he stepped onto the stage.

  She bit her lower lip, her Chris suddenly looking very Christian Meyer like. He tapped the strings a few times, checking tuning, did a few riffs and then made eye contact with the audience.

  “So. I survived rehab,” he teased and they laughed with him. “And I’m trying something different with a few friends of mine.”

  A few shouts.

  “Something I hope you like.”

  His staccato strumming settled into a beat she found herself rocking to, and then his words filled the stadium.

  “…You know a man…”

  She found herself tapping her fingers on her skirt.

  “…ain’t no special thing…”

  A few more beats

  “…without a woman…”

  “…to make him see things…”

  A few more beats.

  “The path is long and straight, or curvy and delayed…

  A few more beats of finger-picking.

  “…like the woman…”

  Cat calls and shouts accompanied his wagging brows and Corinne felt her body flush. She breathed in deeply. She’d missed this. The energy. The people. The backstage insanity. The rehearsals. The music.

  He finished to a standing ovation and grabbed her in his arms the second he stepped off stage. “I’ve missed that.” He held her tighter. “So much.”

  Her fingertips dug into his back as they both held on and Neon Trees moved for the stage.

  “I’m glad you were here.”

  “Me too.”

  He pulled away just far enough to take her mouth with his, kissing her, his body pressing against hers, and weakening her knees.

  “Let’s mingle.” He held her waist and they walked for the door back toward the greenroom, Corinne buzzing in energy and nearness.

  She met men and women who’d written some of her favorite songs. Who performed some of her favorite songs. And as much as she wanted to remember that she’d done this all before, it was different. It felt different. Both more exciting and more real now that she was older. Or had more experience or…

  “I’m gonna steal this guy for a moment,” Adam said before grabbing Chris by the arm.

  Chris shrugged, and she guessed they were friends. Corinne smiled so he’d know she was fine. The drummer for the Neon Trees was around here somewhere, and Corinne had always wanted to meet her.

  Once again she breathed in the energy and the distinct smell of sweaty musicians, smoke and something musty that came with nearly every single stage she’d been on.

  An arm rested over her shoulders and Corinne jumped, turned, and came face to face with the last person she wanted to see. Cold washed through her, leaving her weak.

  “Been a while, gorgeous,” Jaxen said with a smile. “Wasn’t sure if we’d ever bump into each other again.”

  Corinne shrugged him off and felt her lips tremble with nerves. She needed out. Now. “Yeah.”

  She scanned the small crowd for Chris.

  Jaxen bent forward to put his face level with hers, and Jonah’s features echoed so exactly. Holy shit this is not what she wanted. This was the opposite of what she wanted.

  Six years had done very little to age Jaxen. His big smile, inked arms and dark hair hit her in the exact places they always did. How was that even possible? Was her body so wholly programmed that some hot guy sent all reason running for the hills?

  “So what are you doing with yourself? How did you end up here with all the riffraff,” he teased. His voice was smooth. Way too smooth. Everything in her was quaking apart. He shouldn’t have this power over her, but the feeling of humiliation and loss and hurt spun through her, but now it was tainted with fear. Fear of him wanting any piece of Jonah.

  She looked for Chris again, desperate for his face. For some understanding.

  “Still writing songs,” she said. “But I really need to go.”

  Forcing her legs to move, she walked quickly across the room and for the door. She didn’t care about waiting for Chris or anything but getting out. Away. She’d walk...somewhere.

  “Corinne!” Jaxen called, but she moved faster.

  His hand was on her arm the second the door came open.

  “What do you want from me?” she asked her voice quivering. Her stomach folded in over her weak voice. He’d see right through her nerves.

  His brows went up, but the near perpetual half smile was still on his face. “Why is this such a big thing? Why are you running away from me?”

  She closed her eyes briefly. “I’m not…”

  He tugged he
r closer, the same cologne flooding her mind with memories. Memories of being together. Happy. Playing by his pool. Late nights at concerts like the one she was at… Elation and fear over the pregnancy. Utter and total rejection. Betrayal as he moved forward with her songs. Another round of humiliation as every magazine said what she already knew—she wasn’t good enough. She was stupid. Not pretty enough. Not talented enough. And then the lies. Using Jaxen. Money-grubbing. Horrible woman…

  “I know you, Corinne.” His liquid voice reminded her of all the reasons she was taken with him in the beginning.

  “I know.” She forced herself to relax. “I’m here with someone, and I’m—”

  “I saw you with Christian.” His face was flat but his eyes curious.

  “Just down for the weekend.” She swallowed, her legs weakening. Hating that one person could do this to her. “Writing songs.”

  He wagged his brows, and she still fought for a real breath. “I remember what that was like with you.”

  Was she just hopeless where men like them were concerned? She’d been so stupid. Cold fear etched through her body, swirling through the nerves residing in her stomach.

  “I’ve been wanting to call…” he trailed off. “I want… I’d like to meet my son.”

  “No!” She stepped back, the fear now washing through her in full force—enough for her vision to blur and the room to tilt. “You lost that when you left me. No.”

  Corinne turned and walked into the dark. Damn these shoes. She wanted to run.

  “It’s not like that, Cori!”

  His name for her. The “e” sound at the end didn’t even work with Corinne, but once he’d started, he’d just kept it up, and there was something about having a name that only one person used that made her feel special. Pathetic.

  She slowly turned. “You threw me away! You threw him away. It’s done, Jax.”

  The back door opened again and Chris called her name before almost running in to Jaxen. She watched as some kind of bizarre understanding passed between the two men. No, this was not what she wanted. Corinne turned away and continued walking across the dark parking lot.

  Chris ran her way and rested an arm around her.

  “I need out. I need home.” She barely recognized her voice as it shook.