by Lori M. Lee
So he was the one who’d freed Reev. My dad. It felt strange just to think the words. My dad.
Reev’s hand tightened around my wrist. He had been meant to find me, to take me in. For some reason, knowing we had been designed to meet didn’t bother me. Reev was meant to be mine.
“To hide me,” I said.
“Ninu was one of the few Infinite with the power to, in a way, counter my own. You probably realized that in your duel.”
I nodded. It had been unbelievably frustrating.
“The blood of descendants who are not our own will not kill us, but it does weaken us. Ninu had managed to injure me in the battle before I could force him and his sentinels from my palace. But as long as I refused to reverse the River for him, I knew he would target you in my place. I couldn’t protect you.”
He had left me on a riverbank with no memory of who I was, no family, and no understanding of what I could do. The truth finally sank in. Ninu had been right. It was cruel. Letting me think I was human—the only thing I knew how to be because I sure as drek didn’t remember being one of them—it was too cruel.
I stared at Kronos. I could tell he wasn’t fully recovered. Irra wore the emaciated look like a perfectly fitted tunic, but Kronos looked ill. His cheeks were too wan, and his shoulders sagged beneath his cloak, as if all of time weighted them down. He might have been handsome if he’d been healthy.
“Why didn’t you tell me who I am from the start?” I asked Kalla.
She glanced dispassionately at Ninu’s body. “Ninu had few mahjo to begin with, but after Rebirth, he was especially careful not to leave any human descendants. Since we were incapable of killing him directly, we needed someone with the strength of a full-blooded Infinite—someone who could wield my scythe and not be drawn into death by it—but, at the same time, not bound by our laws. Kronos trapped you in a mortal body. You can age and sicken and die. It was a perfect disguise from Ninu, but we didn’t realize until recently that it was also the perfect weapon. And since Ninu wanted you, it gave you access to him.”
She hadn’t answered my question. They could have just told me all this. Instead, they had manipulated my every move—and now, recalling my conversations with Irra, I had little doubt that he’d been in on this as well. I had been as much a puppet as Ninu’s human decoy.
If they had told me what they wanted, would I have helped them? I didn’t hate my life. It wasn’t ideal, but I had Reev, a place to sleep, and enough food to keep me going. What did I care about their stupid immortal feud? I had always wanted to know where my powers came from, but that didn’t mean I wanted to be like them.
I didn’t want to be Infinite.
“Exactly,” Kronos said, watching me closely. “You wouldn’t have done as asked. Your humanity, your emotional attachments hinder you.”
I scowled. “You can read minds, too?”
“Your eyes give away your thoughts.”
“You wanted Reev dead,” Avan cut in.
I turned to him. He looked steadier, and he’d been watching the conversation unfold with an increasingly dark expression.
Reev added, “They probably expected Ninu to have me rebranded already. And once you killed him, there would have been nothing left—no emotional attachments—holding you to your human life. They would have used that to persuade you to join them.”
They thought Reev’s death would convince me to let my humanity go. They obviously knew nothing about humans.
From the moment Kalla attacked me in that alley, I had performed according to their script. But, because of Ninu, it hadn’t gone exactly as planned. Instead of just creating a mental block, Ninu could’ve begun Reev’s rebranding at any time, and he hadn’t. For that, I was grateful. They were out of their immortal minds if they thought I would want anything to do with them now.
“You screwed up,” I told them. “I’ll never be one of you.”
“I never intended for you to remain human, Kai,” Kronos said. “Ninu may be gone, but Reev’s life remains tenuous.”
I didn’t care that he was my dad. Reev was my family. I moved to put myself in front of both Reev and Avan, and silenced their objections with a glare. “If you hurt him, I swear I’ll never leave this body. I’ll find a way to bind myself permanently.”
“That’s impossible,” Kalla said.
“Then why do you look so nervous? I’d rather die human than be like you.”
A weak laugh pierced the room. It resonated in my chest. On the floor, Ninu stirred. It was the slightest movement, the most he could manage.
“Yes,” he whispered. “Yes. That’s the right choice. Don’t ever let them take that from you.”
I felt nothing but hatred for Ninu, but I understood his words.
Kalla’s perfect lips pursed. Even annoyed, she looked unnaturally beautiful. I should have realized it at the Raging Bull.
“Persistent, aren’t you?” she said.
“Well, it is rather difficult to pass on with our dear friend Time weaving his interference,” Ninu replied. “I stand now at the gates to your realm, Sister.”
I could sense all the tones and tremors in his voice. It conjured images of glass shrines that reflected the sunlight and billows of greasy smoke that reminded me of the market outside Zora Hall. Then he dragged in a shallow, wet breath, and the images dispersed.
“There are no more restrictions holding you. Help me along, won’t you, Sister?”
Kalla’s scythe appeared in a flash of light. She approached Ninu, weapon raised. I looked away, focusing instead on the stubble on Avan’s jaw. It was a good look on him.
Kalla’s blade whined as it sliced the air. I flinched.
CHAPTER 39
A SHIVER OF power went through me, and I knew Ninu was gone. I held my breath in the silence that followed.
Kronos sighed heavily. “I’m not unreasonable, Kai. I do not wish for you to hate me. You are, after all, my daughter.”
I didn’t tell him that, after all their scheming, our relationship didn’t mean much. Especially since I couldn’t remember any of it. I wanted to ask if I would get my memory back, but the answer scared me. If I remembered, if I knew where I’d come from, would it change who I was now?
For the first time, the answers were within my grasp, and I couldn’t reach for them. Not without betraying Reev and Avan.
“I may not be fully recovered, but I don’t have need of my heir yet,” Kronos continued.
“You’re immortal,” I pointed out. “When will you ever have need of me?”
His eyes were cool. “I am the oldest of the Infinite, and immortality has grown weary. When I have decided it is time to rest, I will call on you. For now, you may remain with the humans. But the next time I come, you will be prepared to join me. And I will not be so charitable.”
I didn’t reply. He would just remind me of the control he had over the lives of anyone I cared about.
“For now,” he said, apparently taking my silence for agreement, “make your peace with your human bonds.”
I leaned back against Avan’s chest and felt his fingers against my waist.
Kronos gave me a steady look. I had the impression I amused him, but I couldn’t be sure.
“I have one final task before I leave,” Kronos added.
I waited for him to elaborate. He looked over my shoulder. I twisted around to stare at Avan.
“Avan?”
His knuckles brushed my cheek. “I know what you think I am. But I’m not mahjo.”
“Some humans,” Kronos said, “possess the ability to sense the Infinite. As one of them, and due to his affection for you, Avan was in a convenient position to be your guardian.”
I moved away from Avan, and he let me go. I looked between them, from Kronos’s stoic face to Avan’s guilty one.
“You knew? All along, you knew and you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t know all this,” Avan said, gesturing around us. “I told you I already knew what you could do, Kai
. I knew you were special; and when Kronos came to me, I finally discovered why. But I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
“With Reev gone, you were the only person I thought I could trust, and you’ve been lying to me from the start.”
“I had to be able to protect you.”
“I knew you would need help, so I offered him a proposition,” Kronos said. “He made an adequate guardian.”
As furious as I was with Avan, I had to defend him. “Adequate? He saved my life.” Probably more than once.
Kronos looked down his nose at me. “Precisely.” Then he said to Avan, “You recall what I told you about your time?”
Avan nodded.
“Okay,” I said, lifting my hands. “Quit being cryptic and tell me what’s going on.”
“He asked me to keep you safe, and he gave me the power to do it,” Avan said. He rubbed the back of his neck, as if the admission embarrassed him. “But if I told you the truth, the deal would be off. In Etu Gahl, when I thought that was the end of your search for Reev, I wanted to tell you then.”
What if you could find out for sure? Avan had said that first night. Would you want to know?
Suddenly, I couldn’t catch my breath. “Why didn’t you?” I asked, overcome.
“Because Irra promised a way back into Ninurta, and I had to be there to protect you.”
“I can take care of myself.” I spat out the words. Not only had he lied to me, he hadn’t trusted me to keep myself safe.
“I know,” he said. “And I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. You’re a strong person, Kai. I’ve always admired that about you. But anything could happen, and I had to be prepared for both our sakes.”
“How long have you known?”
“Since the day before Reev disappeared.”
“Did you know Reev would be kidnapped?” Rage swelled inside me.
“No,” he said, stepping close. His hand cupped my cheek. “I would have stopped it if I’d known.”
I believed him. I knew that Avan wouldn’t let anything happen to Reev if he could prevent it.
“As I said,” Kronos interrupted, “his affection for you worked in my favor. In order to protect you from whatever the Outlands and Ninu might place in your path, I froze his time. Any injuries he sustained would be temporarily revers—”
“I understood the risks,” Avan said softly.
I remembered Avan’s broken arm after our crash. Irra deliberately cutting him. The complications with drawing blood.
Reev’s blade laying open his chest.
I shook my head, staring at the base of his neck where his collarbones met. My anger ebbed as the memories came together. My hands found his shoulders, nails digging into his skin that was firm and alive. They couldn’t mean—
Avan tilted my chin so I’d look up at him. “Kai, I—” He paused, appeared to search for the right words, and then sighed and leaned forward.
His kiss wasn’t at all uncertain. I drew in a shuddering breath, taking the air from Avan’s parted lips and holding it. Everyone and everything else faded away as I lifted on my toes and kissed him back. His fingers trailed down my neck, gentle enough to make my chest hurt. His other hand lingered at my waist, his restraint evident in the way he gripped my hip.
His mouth moved desperately over mine, his taste against my tongue. I pressed closer, curling my fingers against his chest. His heart beat a frantic rhythm against my palms. I couldn’t remember how to breathe, but that was okay because Avan’s breath filled me.
He whispered against my lips, “I love you. You have to know that.”
All the words I wanted to say scattered. I could only hold on to him and nod. He pulled back so I could see his eyes, beautiful and sad and filled with emotions I wasn’t used to seeing there.
“I thought I knew how I felt about you,” he said, “when we were in the Alley. When I was convinced you saw me only as your friend. But now I know the truth.” He touched his forehead to mine, his dark lashes closing. “I love you, Kai. Which is why I can’t let you see this.”
Confusion made me frown, but his kiss and his words still burned inside me.
“Reev,” Avan said, drawing back farther. His hands fell away. “Can you take her?”
“What?” I reached out, but Reev took hold of me instead.
“Come on, Kai,” Reev said, his voice too soft. Too careful. I tried to elbow him off.
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
Avan said, “Kronos is going to release my time.”
“But that means—”
“You can’t watch this,” Reev said. My feet faltered. Reev’s hands were like manacles around my arms.
“Let me go!” I struck out at Reev, abandoning all my training and letting my limbs fly. A raging frenzy consumed me. This couldn’t be happening.
My strength was no match for Reev’s. He hauled me against him, his arm wrapping around my waist and dragging me toward the exit. Avan watched me go.
I shouted at Kronos, “If you do this, I’ll never join you!”
My fingers grappled against the threshold, but Reev peeled them loose with a quiet apology. He reached for the door.
I didn’t realize I was crying until the sob tore free. Stupid, stupid Avan—I took in the beautiful curve of his mouth, that drekking dimple, the warmth in his eyes. I had to make sure this image of him would remain with me always, seared into my mind.
He whispered, “Stay safe.”
Then Reev slammed the door shut, time hurtled forward again, and Avan was gone.
CHAPTER 40
NINU MUST HAVE liked his solitude, because there were a surprising number of secluded places on the palace grounds. My favorite was the enormous oasis right next to a block of official buildings.
The gardens stretched over three acres, filled with all varieties of trees, dirt paths and meandering streams, lush flowers and wildly overgrown plants as densely tangled as the forest. Scattered throughout were tables and benches set in patches of grass that had been allowed to grow wild.
When I’d first found the oasis, I had tossed my bag over my shoulder and lost myself in its winding paths for a week. Eventually, I’d come upon a gazebo at the end of a path laid with cracked stones. The gazebo overlooked a pond with water so clear that I could see all the way down to the silt bottom. Glittering gold and silver fish darted through the water.
I spent most of my time here. Like today. I’d folded a blanket to soften the gazebo’s stone bench and sat watching the branches rustle and shake the leaves loose.
Everyone else had spent the last couple of weeks running around me, briefing and reorganizing the sentinels—those who’d chosen to remain—while making room for the recent arrival of Irra and a contingent of his hollows. Kalla had decided to continue the Tournament to avoid alerting the public.
The first thing I demanded of Kalla was to remove my alias from the citizen registry and clear my fugitive status so I could move about freely.
After Reev found me on the riverbank, I had tried not to obsess about what I couldn’t remember. Tried to be someone Reev would want to keep by his side, despite the questions that filled the space where my memory should’ve been.
I had returned the false ID to Irra and hadn’t bothered asking for my original one. There was no going back to who I’d been.
But that was okay. I didn’t need the ID to tell me who I should be. Now, I could be whoever I wanted.
I had also gone back to the arena and found Tariza and Grene. It felt nice to see them again, although a little tricky explaining what had happened. When they asked about Avan, I had smiled and told them he had returned to the North District after recovering from his wound.
Across the stone floor of the gazebo, Reev sat on a wooden bench, immersed in an old textbook. Irra had requested that Reev and I remain in the White Court until decisions had been made about what to do now that Ninu was dead. Considering how the Infinite had manipulated me, I was certain they had a plan
for what to do after they succeeded in getting me to kill the Kahl, but no one would tell me anything.
I folded my arms on the gazebo’s ledge and cradled my head in the crook of my elbow.
Seeing him, having him here with me—I was happy, of course. Reev was safe. It was all I had wanted. But I should have been happier.
Watching him study was relaxing. He joined me most days with his textbooks. He liked it here as much as I did.
Sometimes, he got this look on his face. It never lasted more than an instant, but it was enough for me to notice his eyes grow distant and his mouth tighten. Familiar as I was with the emotion, I recognized it as guilt. I didn’t have the courage to address it yet.
I hadn’t allowed myself to think too long about what had happened to Avan. A part of me blamed Reev. But even if Reev hadn’t killed him in the arena, Ninu had done it numerous times afterward.
He has so much of you already, Avan had said in Etu Gahl. Is there anything left for anyone else?
I finally understood what he’d been asking me. Although I hadn’t recognized it at the time, there had been jealousy in the way he’d spoken about Reev. Not the petty kind—a sad kind of jealousy.
But it was too late now to give him a proper answer, no matter how badly I wished otherwise.
I should have told Avan how I felt. I should have protected him. I shouldn’t have let him come with me. I shouldn’t have been such a coward.
I turned my face into my elbow. I’d have to tell his parents sometime. I owed him that.
Tucking my feet up under me, I twisted around to face the pond. Lights flashed beneath the water whenever a fish swam close to the surface.
Reev’s footsteps were soft as he approached. He did that on purpose so he wouldn’t startle me. I knew he could move without a sound.
“I’m done studying for now. Want to spar?”
He thought beating up on him made me feel better. It didn’t. It made me feel worse.
“Not now.”
He reached out, hesitated, and then clasped his hands awkwardly in front of him. I didn’t have to force a smile as I patted the seat beside me.