by Lori M. Lee
Things between us had been awkward at first. Reev had been as much a pawn as I had, and he’d been through enough already without me flinging accusations at him. With him just as worried about hurting me, neither of us knew how to talk.
But I had missed him so much—his presence, his safety, his voice—that this time I shut away the fear and asked my questions. Once I learned that Reev hadn’t known who I was when he took me in, my doubts about his love had faded. Kronos had erased that part of his memory to protect me, and Istar’s mention of missing spans of time supported that truth.
Reev had known, instinctively, that he was meant to protect me, but it wasn’t until I used my power to steal another Sunday that he realized why.
We had been designed to find each other, but Reev’s love was genuine.
He took my hand now. “Did you want to go for a w—”
A shout interrupted him. We both looked to see Mason and Irra coming up the path. Mason waved, smiling brightly. The sight of him brought an echo of the relief I’d felt when I first discovered he was safe.
“Reev,” Irra said, “I’m going to review the store of energy stones if you’d like to accompany me.”
Reev wanted to learn about how the energy stones were created. More than that, he wanted to learn about traditional, nonmagical methods of producing energy. Kalla had confessed that the energy stones were her creation and not Ninu’s, so the city wasn’t at risk of collapsing from an energy shortage. But it was still much too dependent on magic, and we needed to revive the technology that had been lost after Rebirth if we wanted to progress and survive. Reev had spent the last two weeks studying the old texts.
I went back to watching the trees and then glanced over my shoulder when something brushed against my leg. It was Irra’s oversize tunic.
Looking up at him was a strain on my neck, so I didn’t bother. I waited for him to speak first.
“You should be aware that Avan said he wouldn’t regret his choice to join you in the Tournament regardless of what happened.”
My fingers scraped over stone. Even though Irra had been here for a week, he’d been so busy with Kalla that, aside from the initial greeting, we hadn’t spoken. Why was he telling me this now?
“I was unaware of what Kronos had done to him. But when I realized, I gave him a choice. I would have given him a choice regardless.”
“But you didn’t warn him.” I dug my nails into the gazebo’s ledge.
“He knew the risks. He made his decision.”
“Irra,” Reev said, a warning in his voice.
“This was meant to comfort her.” Irra sounded genuinely baffled. Mason shot me an apologetic look as Irra stepped away to join Reev on the path.
Once they left, Mason took the spot beside me. “So,” he said lightly, “nice day.”
I rubbed my temple and attempted to regain the tentative calm I’d felt before Irra showed up. “It was.”
“We missed you in the training center yesterday.”
“I didn’t feel like being Hina’s punching bag.”
“The only reason she doesn’t go easy on you is because she knows you can do better,” he said, his instructor tone creeping into his voice.
I knew he was only trying to steer my thoughts away from the conversation with Irra. “I’ll come tomorrow,” I said.
“Good. Because Hina’s planning to drag you there if you don’t show up.”
My lips twitched. “Thanks for the warning.”
He relaxed against the stone, his eyes softening at the glimpse of my smile. “Have you decided what you want to do now?”
Sucking on my bottom lip, I turned his question over in my mind.
“I want to tear down the wall around the White Court.”
“And how exactly are you planning to accomplish that?”
I didn’t know. Everything was different now. Going back to the Labyrinth was no longer an option. I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere in the North District without the constant reminder that Avan wasn’t waiting behind the counter at his dad’s shop.
Honestly, thinking about the work it would take to clean up Ninurta overwhelmed me, but with Ninu gone, all those promises he’d made about improving the North District seemed possible. With the right leaders, of course.
Not that I wanted the job. Even if Kalla offered it to me, I would refuse. But I did want to help. Maybe I could even bring Grene and Tariza onboard. They had wanted to change things as well.
“I guess I’ll figure it out,” I said. “We’ve got time.”
Mason pulled one leg up onto the bench and rested his arm on the stone ledge. We sat that way for a while as fish skittered beneath the water and birds darted between the trees.
His fingers found mine, and he squeezed them gently. He’d been a good friend since arriving, never asking for more than what we’d had in the Void.
But I missed Avan. I missed him more than I could put into words, and every day, the missing grew. I tried not to think about it, the lack of him, but my dreams made it difficult. Every night, I had to relive different moments with him: lingering conversations in the halls at school, him laughing from behind his dad’s counter, his body wrapped around mine in the Void, his steady presence beside me every night in Etu Gahl. His smile, his tattoo, the way he’d looked that night in his room when we’d made an unspoken promise that couldn’t last.
Mason said, “Kalla asked to see you. She’s in her tower, but you don’t have to go. You don’t owe her anything.”
I wasn’t as angry with her as I was with Kronos, but I didn’t like her, either. As far as I was concerned, once they sorted out Ninurta’s leadership, they could go back to wherever the Infinite were supposed to spend eternity and stay there. I didn’t know how much time I had before Kronos—it was still weird to call him “Dad,” even in my head—came back, either, and it was an unnerving feeling, as if I was walking around with a ticking clock over my head.
Kalla hadn’t spoken to me since she restored my citizenship. If she wanted to see me now, it was probably important.
I slid my hand away from Mason’s and stood. “Thanks.”
“I’ll walk you up.”
“It’s okay. Stay here. I’ll come back after.”
“Tonight, I want to show you the observatory,” he said. “If that’s okay.”
I smiled, genuinely pleased by the idea. “I’d love that.”
From the oasis to Kalla’s tower was a quick walk through the palace grounds and the government buildings, separated from the public by yet another wall, although not as tall or imposing as the others. The arena had been built just outside the grounds but was connected to many of the buildings via an underground tunnel.
On the long staircase leading up to Kalla’s tower, I contemplated all the reasons she’d want to see me. Maybe Kronos had come back. Maybe carrying her scythe around for weeks had taken its toll on me after all. Maybe Ninu wasn’t as dead as he was supposed to be. I didn’t know how death worked with the Infinite. Immortality was supposed to be pretty straightforward, but I guess there were exceptions.
The doors at the top of the stairs were open. Kalla stood in front of the tall windows overlooking the city. She’d taken a different form. She’d shorn her hair, that one black streak a feathery patch above her temple. Her face looked more angular, her cheekbones more prominent, eyes thinner, and mouth wider. She wore a silver tunic over a simple white shirt and fitted white pants.
“Join me,” she said. The torches had been doused. The only light came in through the windows, and it left the corners dressed in shadows.
I hadn’t been here since that night, since Avan—
Straightening my shoulders, I stepped in to greet Death.
CHAPTER 41
“AREN’T YOU CURIOUS about what you are?” she asked.
I stood next to her by a window. With my hands pressed to the glass, I could almost imagine myself floating above the city.
Of course I am. But you killed Avan,
and you would have killed Reev. “I’m human,” I said. And I still planned to stay that way.
“For now,” she murmured. “Did you know that Ninu was once human?”
I glanced away from studying the crooked lines of the Labyrinth in the distance. Ninu had said something about not always being Infinite.
“How’s that possible?”
“There are ways. He and Istar were both human. But Istar was from a much earlier time. She has been Infinite far longer. And she came to enjoy it.”
“Where is Istar?” I asked. I wanted to know which parts of the city to avoid.
Kalla smiled. “She doesn’t get along with Irra. She finds him unsightly, and he finds her obscene. She’s chosen to leave Ninurta for the time being.”
Even though he’d been in on Kalla’s plan, Irra had helped sentinels like Mason. Finding out he’d essentially chased away Istar only improved my opinion of him.
“Ninu, on the other hand”—Kalla touched her forehead to the windowpane, only the red spot of her lips visible in the reflection—“when he was human, the world had already shifted away from worshipping us, directing their prayers to our progeny. The mahjo. It was a century before Rebirth. His predecessor, the Conquest before him, came to an unexpected end at the hands of one of his descendants. An accident, from what I gathered.”
How did you accidentally kill an immortal? There was obviously more to the story.
“Ninu—Jem, as he was called then—had been nearby. He tried to help my brother, but nothing could be done.”
Condensation spread across the glass as she spoke, fogging her image. I didn’t understand why she was telling me this. She had wanted Ninu dead. There was no point in sympathizing with him now.
“The number of Infinite is constant. Seventy immortals to shape the human world but never directly interfere.”
“I’d say that rule was shot,” I muttered. But I remembered that when Irra first told me about the Infinite, he had said something about maintaining a constant number of them. Seventy was a daunting amount. I hoped I’d never have to meet them all.
“This is not the first time the Infinite have interfered with the humans, you know.”
Considering that their human descendants were still running around, this was hardly difficult to believe.
“Although Ninu was the first to insert himself publicly among them. I suppose it was wishful thinking.” By the tone of her voice, she obviously didn’t share Ninu’s desire to be anything less than Infinite.
“What did you get out of all this?”
She looked at me imperiously. “Me? The Infinite are not always so self-serving. Ninu violated our laws and had to be stopped. But it left us with a difficult choice and a position to fill. There are laws among the Infinite that aren’t so easily broken. Just as there are ways to eliminate the Infinite who have strayed from their purpose, there are ways to fill the void after such a loss. For coming to my brother’s aid, we chose Jem as his replacement.” Her eyes shut as if she was picturing a memory. “In the beginning, the wonders of being immortal awed him. He took joy in exploring his new world.”
She frowned.
“But he grew discontent. Lonely, perhaps. He longed for the lost years of his human life and the people he’d left behind. So he appealed to Kronos and asked for access to the River. He wished to return to that day he found Conquest and change his fate, to alter his decision to help him so that another might have been chosen.”
I think I understood where she was heading. “I don’t want to be Infinite. I thought I made that clear. I’m never going to be like you or Ninu, not after—” Not after everything they’d done to me and the people I loved.
But I still had questions, the most demanding of which was, if Kronos was my father, then who was my mother? I was the daughter of an Infinite, but I wasn’t mahjo. Ninu had said I was born of the River, but what did that mean? Why was I different? Were there others like me? I knew that a part of me would always yearn for the truth and wonder What if … ?
Kalla stepped away from the window, her head bowed. “Sometimes, I think it best you remain human. We have seen the chaos of one Infinite who longed for his human life. But you are of the River. The damage you could inflict on the balance between humans and Infinite far exceeds anything Ninu has done.”
“Then tell Kronos to find another heir. And get yourself a different Ninu while you’re at it.”
“The world has grown so fragile,” she said softly.
There was a bit of longing there as well. What did someone who had never known human emotions long for?
“The humans are resilient, but time weathers all things. Eventually, they too will leave us. What then, Kai?” She crossed the room, stopping in front of the table with the crystal decanter. It was empty.
I leaned against the window. “What do you want?”
She looked at me. “To introduce you to Conquest. Our newest brother—”
The door in the alcove opened. A man walked in. I felt suddenly weightless. It was as if the window behind me had given way and dropped me into free fall.
Avan approached Kalla. He wore a red tunic with flowing sleeves trimmed in gold and a braided belt at his waist. His matching pants and black, knee-high leather boots fit him perfectly. He looked as if he belonged here.
My eyes blurred with tears. I drew in a broken, desperate breath. I stepped forward but then paused. Was this even real?
Avan’s expression was blank, his gaze cool. He regarded me the way he would a stranger—a weird, weepy stranger.
I tried to speak but couldn’t. My hands clenched, afraid to reach out.
He nodded at me politely and addressed Kalla. “You called for me?”
His voice was low and rumbling, a beautiful sound I never expected to hear again. It vibrated around me and lingered in the room, draping my shoulders like a warm shawl. I dug my fingers into my chest in a vain attempt to contain the spreading ache.
My eyes met Kalla’s. “What did you do?”
“I brought him back.”
I had wanted to rip apart the River myself and change things. But not like this.
“Why?” I whispered. “Why would you do this to him?”
“I thought you’d be pleased,” she said, red lips curving.
Yes, I realized. Even now, she was still trying to manipulate me. She had thought I would be happy enough to change my mind.
As Conquest’s replacement, was Avan meant to replace the Kahl as well? All Avan ever wanted was to live his life according to his own rules, but now he was tied to the Infinite in a way that he hadn’t been even to his dad.
My anger strengthened me. I searched his face and prayed for something, anything, of the old Avan. But there was only a stranger’s curiosity.
“Who are you?” Avan asked me. Some of that familiar wariness returned in the way his brows twitched together, and my heartbeat stumbled before picking up again.
I was at a loss for how to answer him. Even if there was a way to undo this—which I doubted—I wouldn’t be able to let Avan die again. He couldn’t remember me, but it was enough that he was here. He was alive.
I tried to control the torrent of emotions swirling inside me. I joined them by the table. Standing in front of him, I saw that his eyes were no longer brown, but a lucent shade of gold. They reminded me of the Sun right before it broke through the clouds.
I looked away. His eyes cut through me in a way no blade ever could. Staring at his chin, I thrust out my hand and offered a weak smile. His fingers closed around mine.
“I’m Kai,” I choked out, and pulled away.
Except he didn’t let go. His gaze moved over my face. He tugged on my hand. I followed, letting him pull me closer. He brushed his knuckles along my cheekbone.
I exhaled slowly, afraid to hope. “Avan?”
“I don’t know you,” he said quietly.
A tremor fluttered through my body.
“But I think I must have. Looking at you
… It makes me want to remember.” He gave a small, crooked smile. “Does that make any sense?”
I stopped fighting myself and leaned into him, resting my forehead against his chest. For a second, he did nothing. Then his arms closed around me. His hands rested against the curve of my back. He even smelled the same.
“Kai,” he said into my hair, a note of wonder in his voice. “Kai,” he repeated, as if to imprint my name on his memory.
Outside this tower, the city continued in ignorance of what had happened to its Kahl. But not for much longer. I didn’t know what would happen now—if Kalla and the new Kahl, whoever that was, would allow the much-needed changes to take place. Every wall Ninu had erected was like a collar to control and divide the people. Would they embrace a city without divisions? Or would they build even stronger ones to replace them?
Avan and I had left Ninurta with only one purpose. None of this had ever been about changing anything. But whether by the Infinite’s design or not, we had made our decisions, formed new friendships and enemies, new loves. We had changed too much. Our previous lives felt as distant and surreal as a dream.
I held Avan close. Now, in this moment, we could begin to shape a new kind of home.
Acknowledgments
INFINITE THANKS TO my agent, Suzie Townsend, for being my champion and for believing wholeheartedly in this book. Thanks also to the team at New Leaf: Joanna, Kathleen, Pouya, Danielle, and Jaida. I’m so grateful for their tremendous support and expertise.
Immeasurable thanks to my brilliant editor, Robin Benjamin, the perfect advocate for this book with her invaluable insight and sharp-eyed editorial skills. I wonder every day how I got so lucky. Thanks also to the team at Skyscape for taking a chance and believing in a debut author: Courtney Miller, Miriam Juskowicz, Timoney Korbar, and Erick Pullen. Thanks to Tony Sahara for a stunning cover that I want to creepily caress and to Megan McNinch for visualizing Kai’s world into a kick-butt map.
Enormous thanks to my amazing critique partners: Mindee Arnett, who is a marvel and inspires me daily; Lauren Teffeau, who practically oozes talent; and Anna Adao, who is as clever as she is awesome. I could not have done this without their constant support and spot-on input. Thanks also to my early beta readers: Chessie, Brent, Raven, and especially Kalen.