A Sister's Curse

by Jayne Bamber

  “I wonder, what could such a passage mean to you?”

  Elizabeth distractedly ran her fingers over the embossed lettering on the cover of the book in her lap. “It made me think of us – of our situation. We have forgiven each other, but it occurred to me that I have also wanted you to forgive yourself. It is a new sentiment, much to my chagrin, that I should be thinking of your feelings at all, but it is the truth. Where I have long been angry with you, now that I am not, I would not have you angry with yourself, and I believe you rather were.”

  She supposed her idle fingers tracing the letters on the book had bothered him, for he laid his hand on hers to still her nervous fidgeting, before he looked earnestly at her. “It is just what I would say to you as well, Elizabeth. Nothing would contribute to my happiness more than to know that you hold yourself – both of us – in high esteem, despite everything that has happened in the past.”

  “I do, William.” She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath, thinking again of her grandmother’s – warning? advice? omen?

  As he entwined his fingers with hers, Elizabeth felt herself leaning closer to William. “I have experienced such a rapid reversal of feelings for you that I… I cannot but think of all the years wasted. Had I truly known you….”

  He stroked her hair as she lay her head on his shoulder. “Had I been a better man when it mattered the most, I might have spared you such suffering.”

  He gently nudged her head off his shoulder and cupped her face in his hand. “Elizabeth,” he breathed, “I had never imagined it, but I have come to admire you, most ardently.”

  He held her gaze, searching her eyes for so long that Elizabeth could not say which of them leaned in first, for she lost all sense when his lips met hers. She kissed him back, gripping the thin cloth of his loose-fitting shirt as he wrapped his arms around her.

  What began as a chaste kiss soon became more, his hands running up her back and into her hair as his lips caressed hers. She could think of nothing but giving in to the strange new sensations she was experiencing, and leaned her body against his, her fingers curling around the back of his neck until at last she broke away from him to catch her breath.

  His hands did not leave her shoulders, and he looked at her as if he would speak, when something caught his eye and he jerked his head toward the open door. Elizabeth tore her gaze from him, distracted by the sound of hushed voices down the corridor, and the flickering shadows on the wall outside in the corridor, as if someone were approaching with a candle. She instinctively moved away from William, and had only just regained her composure when Mary entered the room, one hand clutching her robe around herself and the other holding a candle aloft. “Lizzy, William!” Mary looked momentarily stunned to discover them thus, yet there was something frantic about her. “Come quickly,” she said. “It is Grandmamma!”

  Mary quickly hurried away, and William was instantly up; he extended his hand to help Elizabeth to her feet. They rushed into the corridor after Mary, who was even now leading their mother into Lady Eleanor’s bedchamber. Elizabeth’s hand instinctively sought William’s. As they made their way down the corridor, there came a chilling moan of pain, and Elizabeth flinched, stumbling into William. The sound rang in her ears and she squeezed her eyes shut as she clung to William, losing all sense of where she was.

  “Elizabeth?” William tipped her chin up until she would look at him. “Elizabeth, what is it?”

  “I... I do not know – it is as if I suddenly remembered being somewhere else and... I do not know, screaming in the dark.” William looked at her with anxious concern, and Elizabeth was filled with a strange sense of dread she could not explain. “Heaven help me, I am truly cursed.”

  15

  Elizabeth awoke in her own bed just after dawn and sat up with a start. She was still in the nightgown and robe she had been wearing the night before, and someone had lain her across her bed with a blanket put over her. The fire was roaring, as if it had been recently seen to, and she smiled to herself, both touched and amazed that someone had remembered to attend to it during all the chaos.

  She rubbed at her eyes and pulled herself out of bed, determined that she could not be sluggish at such a time. She rang for her maid, resolved that she must dress at once and attend her grandmother. Her maid soon had her dressed for the morning, and assured Elizabeth that black would not be necessary any time soon, for Lady Eleanor was awake, and William and Jane were with her.

  Elizabeth hastened to her grandmother’s room, where Jane and William were seated on either side of Lady Eleanor’s bed, speaking softly with her. All three of them looked up with relief when Elizabeth entered the room and came to stand beside her sister.

  Lady Eleanor’s left ankle was bandaged and propped up on a stack of pillows; her shoulder was also bandaged, but she otherwise looked well. “Oh, Grandmamma, what has happened?”

  “Good morning, my dear. I understand I am not the only one who took a little fall last night.”

  “I swooned – it was so silly of me. But you had a fall, too?”

  “Much to my chagrin, I did,” Lady Eleanor drawled.

  William looked over at Elizabeth. “She tripped and fell last night, and Mary’s room is on the other side – she woke when she heard our grandmother cry out. We thought she was having a fit of apoplexy, but she was merely panicked from the pain of twisting her ankle.”

  “And do not forget about my shoulder – I have dislocated it, and that great brute of a doctor has most obligingly put it back into place.” She gave a feeble harrumph.

  Elizabeth blinked. “Oh, Grandmamma, how awful! I am so sorry.”

  “What ever for? It was all my own foolishness. I was cold, and I woke and got up to stoke the fire – the fireplace is much nearer my bed, in my chamber at Matlock, you see. Much better arrangements! Well, as I was walking back to bed, I tripped on the rug – again, the placement is different than I am accustomed to. And down I went like an avalanche of old bones!”

  William grimaced at Lady Eleanor’s banter. “She fell near the fireplace, so she was quite warm when we found her, and we feared it was fever.”

  “Oh yes, you feared it was quite the end of me,” Lady Eleanor laughed. “But I am still here and that is how it is going to stay, young man. You all simply need me far too much, and if the good Lord tried to take me now, I should be quite put out!”

  William and Elizabeth chuckled and Jane shook her head with suppressed laughter. “You gave us quite a fright!”

  “Oh, but I am so sorry to have been sleeping through it all! William, Jane, you have not been here all night,” Elizabeth said.

  “Anne and Mary went off to bed a few hours ago, but these two would not leave me in peace,” Lady Eleanor chortled. “William snores, and talks in his sleep besides!”

  Elizabeth noticed William’s look of apprehension at this, and she began to fear what he might have said at such a time. She glanced at Jane, whose face betrayed nothing. “You ought to rest,” Elizabeth said. “Jane, William, I can stay with Grandmamma.”

  “Yes, go, go! We cannot have Richard see you looking so tired, Jane, my dear, and William, I believe you have a rather large frog to go and remove from your throat, anyhow. Lizzy shall stay with me, and I shall take more of Dr. Purcell’s wonderful elixir, by and by.”

  William nodded and offered Jane his arm. “Shall I send up two breakfast trays?”

  “As long as there are no eggs! I can only abide them as they are served at Matlock!”

  Barely able to meet William’s eye, Elizabeth thanked him, and took a seat near her grandmother.

  When Jane and William were out of the room, Lady Eleanor fixed Elizabeth with an arch look. “Well, child, what have you to tell me?”

  “Oh, Grandmamma, I am so very sorry. I ought to have been with you last night, as everyone else was.”

  “My goodness, that is not at all what I mean. It is well you slept through it, for I am sure there were so many people in and out of my room, we
might have begun selling tickets! No dear, you know what I am asking.”

  Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I have thought about it, as you asked me to.”

  “I had surmised that. Mary said you and William had been in the library together when she woke and came to attend me.”

  Elizabeth could not meet her grandmother’s eye, but instead focused on Lady Eleanor’s wrinkled old hands, which she had laid on top of Elizabeth’s with a gentle pat. “Oh, Grandmamma, I have been so wrong about him. All these years I despised him, but he has a kind and honorable heart. My feelings for him are so different now.”

  “And what do you mean to do about it?”

  “I hardly know. Perhaps it is better forgotten, after last night. I – we – he kissed me, and then just afterward, you had your fall.” Elizabeth hung her head in shame at the admission.

  Lady Eleanor groaned and slapped Elizabeth on the wrist. “Look at me, child! If you say one word about the curse again, I am sure I shall get up out of this bed and throttle you myself.”

  “But….”

  “Do not dispute me, child. I am quite right, and I mean to carry my point. Did not William tell you that you are only cursed if you choose to believe it? Perhaps, by and by, I shall decide I cursed myself, by declaring I should not dance with William last night, and then twisting my ankle. And then where does it all stop? No, we shall have none of that nonsense, Lizzy. If you are afraid of something, simply say so, without seeking something to blame it on.”

  Elizabeth regarded her grandmother with astonishment. “That is very good advice.”

  “Well, you need not sound so surprised,” Lady Eleanor drawled.

  Elizabeth smiled weakly. “I am afraid of something. When William kissed me, I was so happy, but then I knew, deep down, that I ought not to be. He is my brother, in the eyes of the world. I am sure Mamma would be horrified, and Mary and Jane.”

  “Is that all that scares you?”

  “No. No, I am also frightened because it is so very sudden. For years I have thought the very worst of him – this esteem for him is all so new. How can I be sure it will last? What if our kiss was just some new mischief to send our family back into chaos?”

  “Well, I do agree you ought not get up to mischief of that sort in the middle of the night – though it is how I caught my late husband – at any rate, best not to make a habit out of it, my dear. It seems to me you ought to take it slowly with William, rebuilding the trust between you, and letting the love grow that way.”

  “Love! I said nothing of the kind. Esteem, perhaps – I cannot own to more than that. I cannot even be sure I trust him, or myself….”

  Lady Eleanor sighed and shook her head. “Upon my word, you young people take everything so seriously nowadays. Every courtship is a Greek tragedy! I blame all the mania of novel-reading; you and William have done yourselves no favors there!”

  Elizabeth smirked and shook her head. “Grandmamma, I am quite serious! If you wish to speak of love and courtship, I shall leave and send in one of my sisters.”

  Lady Eleanor made a droll face and patted Elizabeth’s hand. “I surrender, my dear – I shall be somber as you like. Tell me, what do you mean to do about William?”

  “I have scarcely had time to consider it. I really wish to go back home and think it all over, in peace and solitude.”

  “Go back home? You mean, to your uncle’s house? You might have been justified in running away when you were a scared little girl, but you are older and wiser now, Lizzy. Would you really wound your mother like that again?”

  Elizabeth frowned and furrowed her brow, but felt that the harder she tried to think on it, the more muddled her mind felt. “I do not wish to hurt Mamma, but I fear that I may do so anyhow, if I remain. What if William and I quarrel again, or we… meet in the library, again? Would that not wound her, as well?”

  Lady Eleanor gave a little shrug, which was as close as she ever got to admitting it when another person had out-reasoned her. “You must speak with your mother, Lizzy. I am grown tired, child, and I believe I may require more medicine for my present relief – and where is this breakfast William promised us?”

  “Shall I go and inquire?” Elizabeth stood, suddenly eager to be away, but Lady Eleanor caught her by the hand. “You are an obstinate, headstrong girl, and I daresay you will do as you like, but Lizzy, I beg you would speak with your mother.”

  “It is too humiliating,” Elizabeth sighed. “But you are right. I shall give her an explanation, before I leave here. I think it right for me to go, Grandmamma. It is so much to think on, and I would not wish to give anyone pain, but I cannot promise that I would not make it all a thousand times worse if I stayed here in such a state of mind. I shall tell Mamma that I am not ready to reside with William – that I am not sure I look upon him as a brother – that much is true.”

  Lady Eleanor nodded. “Very good, Lizzy. I cannot entirely like it, but you are quite resolved, and I must respect that. Only have a care, child, when you speak with your mother. I would not see her hurt.”

  “Not for all the world,” Elizabeth promised.

  ***

  Elizabeth was grateful that despite her recent petulance, her uncle sent an immediate reply and allowed her to return to Upper Brook Street – to return home – at once, without asking questions. And yet, she knew it could not possibly last. She steeled herself, as she unpacked her trunks in her bedroom, knowing that her uncle would eventually require some explanation.

  It was not long after she had unpacked, having twice denied Rose entry to her room, that her uncle called her down to his library. She expected him to be cross with her, and was surprised by what she saw in his countenance. He looked concerned, but not defeated, and indeed there was a certain clarity about his eyes as he studied her, that she had not often found there before.

  “Well, Lizzy,” he began, “I have your note here, and a longer one from your mother. I am pleased that you confided in her before you left Hanover Square, and yet I get the distinct impression that there is more to it than you have revealed.”

  “You think me dishonest?”

  He laughed gently at her. “No one is calling you a liar, child. I only wish you to know that you may confide in me fully; you have always done so before, and it is not like you to state your feelings so... succinctly.”

  Elizabeth squirmed in her seat. “There is nothing else to confide. I merely thought it best I return home, Uncle. William and I have resolved our quarrel from January, and have written some very conciliatory letters to one another, but now that he is back in London I think it too soon for me to be residing at Darcy House, under the same roof as he. I do not look on him as a brother, though I have grown fonder of him, and I had thought some distance might be the best answer. After all, I have distrusted and disliked him for years, and it has only been two months that I have begun to feel otherwise.”

  “And all this, you discerned within a single day of his returning to London?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Her uncle raised an eyebrow and gave her an arch look. “Did you quarrel again?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Have you spoken much?”

  “A little.”

  “Hmm.” He frowned at her, drumming his fingers on the desk.

  Elizabeth tried to keep her countenance, knowing that her uncle may suspect there was something more, but that he would be horrified if he knew the truth. And it might all be for naught. She had not even begun to examine her burgeoning attraction to William – she may yet be able to coax herself out of it, and she would not embarrass herself before all the family only for it to come to nothing.

  “Am I... am I in trouble?”

  “No, my dear, you are not in trouble. I cannot force a confidence from you, though I remain convinced there is something else you will not say. I am not angry with you, only disappointed.”

  “But you know that is so much worse!”

  “Well, Lizzy, what is to be,
then? You may stay here – you shall always be welcome, my dear – but I shall not pretend I am not hurt by your determination to be secretive. I have ever been your confidante, and Heaven knows you have been mine these last seven years.”

  Feeling cornered, Elizabeth stood to go. “Perhaps I should not have been your confidante so often, Uncle. Have you ever considered that? It has given me so much to be afraid of.” At that, she turned and fled to her room, and saw no one for the rest of the day.

  ***

  Edward was shown into Lady Eleanor’s chamber, where she looked less feeble old woman of five and seventy, and more like a queen, reclining in the height of luxury. Her bandaged ankle was propped up on a stack of pillows, as was her back, and she had a little bell just within her reach on the side table, which he imagined was giving the servants no little trouble indeed.

  Lady Anne was seated at her mother’s side, reading, and both of the ladies smiled at him as he entered the room. “Ah, here is my old beau! What lovely flowers, Edward,” the dowager countess cried. “You must put them here beside me, and move away these awful roses Catherine sent.”

  “Mamma!” Lady Anne gave Edward a droll look of exasperation as she carried the roses away and drew up another chair for Edward.

  He sat down beside Lady Eleanor and Anne moved back to her own chair just opposite him. Edward and Anne exchanged a kindred look. “I had no doubt you would be well,” he told the dowager countess. “But I shall confess, it is a relief to behold you thus. I was rather astonished that Lizzy would choose to leave Darcy House at such a time, though I am sure she would have remained, had your condition been truly dire.”

  Lady Eleanor fairly rumbled with laughter. “Aha, see how he gets right to the point, Anne? I do love it when a man is direct!”

  Anne smiled sadly. “I was surprised she wished to leave, but we spoke of it. She has grown so much since she went away from Pemberley, and I am sure she knows what is best for herself now. At any rate, she is not so very far away – I am sure we shall meet every day, or nearly so.”