by Liz Botts
As the door to the rehearsal space clanged shut, laughter bubbled up in my throat. Suddenly I was laughing hysterically. Doubled over, I gasped for breath. My laughter was contagious because soon everyone was laughing. Honestly it felt good to laugh. No matter how humiliated I was, the fact remained that Grandma was funny.
When I finally collapsed on the stage floor, Max gave me a smirk. “Okay everyone,” he said. “Let’s call it a night. Thank you for all your hard work.”
People began to gather their things together. For the first time all semester, the noise sounded happy to me, not deafeningly overwhelming. I flopped onto my back on the stage. The rigging of the lights above me looked rickety, and I briefly wondered if they might come crashing down on my head.
“I’d save you,” Josh said, appearing beside me. His head was just inches from mine. My stomach fluttered and my heart drummed. How could he read my mind like that?
I turned my head slightly to look into his eyes. There was so much left unsaid between us. The words had been simmering all semester, and suddenly they wanted to boil over. I had so much I wanted to share with Josh.
“I…” I began.
“Okay, lovebirds,” Max interrupted.
My frustration must have been evident on my face because Max winked at me. He said, “Of course you two can stay if you want to. There are always sets to paint.”
I sat up. “Yes, we’ll stay to paint sets.”
“We will?” Josh asked, sitting up too.
“Yup,” I said, glancing over at him.
Max chuckled. “Well, don’t forget to lock up when you are done. The paint is in the back.”
“I know,” I said. I put more emphasis on my words than I had meant to because Max and Josh both started laughing again.
“Well, I can tell when I’m not wanted,” Max said. “See you tomorrow.”
Once Max had left, Josh made a show of going backstage and rummaging around in the supply closet. He came back with a drop cloth and some brushes.
“So…” he said.
I crossed the stage to him just as he was setting down the stuff in his hands. I knew this was it, this was my time to apologize for myself, and not as a scripted character. I felt nervous and a little scared that he might still reject me because I had pushed him pretty far. Besides that I was embarrassed by my behavior. No one deserved to be treated like I had treated Josh. Standing in front of him, I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Surprise registered on his face, both eyebrows lifting slightly. “For what exactly?” Josh asked softly.
“I’m sorry you gave up Center State,” I said. The words felt muddled. They weren’t exactly coming out the way I wanted, but at least I was starting somewhere.
Josh reached out for me, running his hands along my arms. Shivers danced in their wake. He sighed. “Don’t be sorry about that, Han. Giving up Center State was my choice. Actually I got accepted to the program here too. I know we don’t know about us yet…”
He trailed off in a way that made me really sad. After all the joy of the evening, I couldn’t put a finger on why my stomach suddenly dropped out. There was so much talking we had to do, but I had been living with the assumption that we would work our way back to each other and the shared future we had planned. Not the same future maybe, but a newer better one.
I curled my fingers around the soft fabric of Josh’s shirt. I looked up into his eyes and said, “I’m happy that you got into the program here. I’m thinking about applying for grad school here, so that’ll be perfect, won’t it?”
Again my words didn’t feel like they were coming out right, but this time the effect was different because Josh smiled tentatively. I liked the way the corners of his mouth lifted slightly at the edges.
The way Josh was looking at me made my breath catch in my throat and my mouth go dry. I knew he was going to kiss me, so I tilted my head back and leaned closer.
The moment his lips touched mine, I felt hot all over. My skin prickled as excitement rushed through me. His mouth moved over mine slowly, but all I wanted was for him to hurry up, move faster, get closer.
I stood on my tiptoes to get nearer, deeper. Without thinking I trailed my hands down to the waistband of his jeans and hooked my fingers through his belt loops. I pulled him closer until our bodies were flush.
As I moved to tug his shirt loose, Josh stilled my hand and broke the kiss. His eyes were hooded and serious as he gazed down at me. The moment as he stared into my eyes stretched forever, but then he gave me a small smile and a little kiss on the nose. Heat crept up my neck at my embarrassment at nearly having gone too far.
“You can kiss me again,” I whispered. “I’ll behave, I promise.”
Just as Josh was leaning down my phone started to ring spastically, playing jagged little bits of a pop song that I had set as Harlow’s ringtone.
“What is wrong with this stupid phone?” I said, pulling it out of my pocket. Peering at the display, I wondered if I should answer. The moment was already ruined, but maybe we could recapture it. I stepped away with a sigh.
“Shouldn’t you get that?” Josh asked. “Harlow doesn’t usually call you. What if something’s wrong with Britney?”
I flipped the phone open in a flash. “Harlow?”
“Hannah.” Harlow’s voice came over the line in a whimper. My blood ran cold. I had never heard my sister sound like that before.
“What’s wrong? Is Britney okay?” I gripped the phone tightly. Josh took a step closer and wrapped an arm around my waist.
Harlow let out an indecipherable moan. “Oh my…Hannah, I need help,” she paused to gasp. “Something…is…wrong. I feel like someone is stabbing me in the side. Ineedtogotothehospital.”
“We’ll be right there,” I said.
Josh nodded, gave me another hug, and jumped off the stage to grab our coats and backpacks.
As we raced the block and a half to Josh’s apartment, I looked over at him. We were both speed walking, breathing hard, with our backpacks bumping against our backs. He glanced at me while I was staring at him in amazement.
“What?” he asked, tugging at the collar of his coat.
“How did you remember that was Harlow’s ringtone?” I asked.
He laughed. “Not hard to remember, Han. You’ve had that as her ringtone for over a year. Ever since that song came out.”
“Oh, right,” I said. Something about the way he had effortlessly remembered such a small, mundane detail of my life felt monumental. I felt like there was some bigger meaning in this moment but whatever I was searching for still eluded me. I shook away my contemplation as we got to Josh’s truck.
Josh maneuvered across town as quickly as he could, blowing quite a few yellow lights on the way. I tried dialing Harlow’s phone again but there was no answer. Then I tried calling my parents. No answer there either. I tried Hayley last.
“Where are Mom and Dad?” I asked.
“Hello to you too, dear sister,” she said.
I gave an impatient snort. “Do you know where they are or not?”
“Touchy much?” Hayley said. “You know they had Dad’s library conference in Chicago this week. They left this morning. Why?”
“Harlow’s sick or something. She called me a few minutes ago. Josh and I are on our way over there now,” I said.
Hayley sighed. “She’s probably faking.”
I bristled. “She’s not faking. Something’s really wrong. Josh and I will take care of her and Britney, but can you meet us at the hospital?”
“Sure,” Hayley replied. Her tone was more subdued.
We hung up just as Josh pulled up to Harlow’s building. The little apartment complex sat on the far west side of town away from most of the college housing, so things were quiet as we climbed the stairs to Harlow’s third floor apartment. I knocked.
“Come in.” Harlow’s voice was muffled by the door, but even so we could hear her pain.
We stepped across the threshold o
nly to have our knees assailed by Britney. She turned her tear-stained face up to us, and my heart squeezed at the sight of the fear in her eyes. Josh scooped her up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
I crossed the living room to where Harlow lay on the sofa curled into a ball. She tilted her head away from the throw pillow. The pain that contorted her face made me gasp. A faint sheen of sweat covered her forehead and her eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“Where does it hurt?” I asked, edging onto the sofa beside her.
“Here.” She moved her hand to her lower abdomen.
“Hey, Harlow, have you been throwing up?” Josh asked. His voice was calm, but I could hear the tension in his words.
She blew out a gasp of air, and said, “A little, yeah.”
“I think you could have appendicitis,” he continued. “I’m not doctor, but something similar happened to my brother, John, when he was in middle school.”
“Let’s get you to the hospital then,” I said, my own voice coming out higher and more panicked than I intended.
Josh shook his head. “We should call 911. They’ll be able to move her better. Hannah, you make the call. Harlow, we’ll bring Britney to the ER with us. Then Hayley can take her to their apartment for the night, okay? What do you say, Britty? Want to spend the night with your Auntie Hayley?” When Britney nodded, Josh continued, “Then let’s go pack a bag for you. Hannah, the phone?”
I stared at him, sort of stuck in confusion as he carried Britney to her room. Josh had always been able to project calm into a situation, but over the years I had come to take it for granted, I realized. He was making this night go from scary to manageable. Now I had to make myself do my part. Fumbling in my coat pocket, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911.
After relaying the specifics of the situation, the dispatcher asked me a number of other questions and gave me a few suggestions. Most of what she said went over my head as I watched Harlow curl up into a tighter ball of pain on the sofa. As I hung up to wait for the ambulance, I realized that Harlow must have toughed it out all day alone with Britney before calling for help. Piles of uneaten crackers and cans of ginger ale lay on the coffee table.
She had learned to rely on herself for so much that admitting she couldn’t do it by herself took a lot. Admiration and a bit of pride swept through me. I had rarely felt those things toward my big sister, at least not since I was a little girl. Now I wondered if that was because I had never really known her.
Josh came out of Britney’s room and raised his eyebrows in a silent question. I nodded and said, “They should be here in a minute. The operator suggested keeping Britney distracted in her room while they get Harlow loaded up. So she won’t be scared.”
“That’s a good idea,” Josh said. “I’ll play with her in here while you take care of the rest. Find Harlow’s purse and get out her insurance card. Make sure you have her car keys too.”
I located Harlow’s purse in the hall, but when I picked it up the contents spilled on the floor. Kneeling down I could feel panic rise in my chest making it hard to breathe. I felt like a boa constrictor was hugging me. After shoving the majority of the items back into the purse I kept out Harlow’s wallet and car keys. To my great relief Harlow’s insurance card was tucked into the first pocket with Britney’s right behind. Once that was settled, I felt a bit better.
A knock at the front door sent my heart fluttering again, though. Two EMTs stood on the other side with a stretcher between them.
One looked at a clipboard. “We got a call about a patient at this address. Suspected appendicitis?”
I nodded and ushered them in. Before I could give them any information and before the first EMT could ask any more questions, the second guy stepped into the room and said, “Harlow?”
Hearing her name, my sister uncurled herself just enough to peek over her shoulder. This time her gasp wasn’t out of pain, but what seemed like astonishment. “Christian? What are…you…doing…here?”
The second guy, Christian, hurried to her side. As he sat beside her on the sofa, he smoothed her hair back from her forehead as he began taking her vital signs. He took her hand as his eyebrows knit together in concern. “Couldn’t hack it in L.A., so I ended up back here. I was in a motorcycle wreck about a year ago. Changed my life. I’ve…I’ve been wondering if I’d run into you. After everything, though…”
“Uh, Chris? Man, we’ve gotta move her. She looks awful. You can have your little chat later,” the other EMT said.
“We’ll be right behind with her daughter,” I said.
Christian looked at me, his dark eyes wide. “Daughter? Harlow, really? A daughter?”
Harlow groaned in response. The other EMT pulled Christian up off the sofa and took over. He got her vital signs taken and moved her onto the gurney with a good speed. Harlow sank back onto the crisp white sheet as they wheeled her out of the apartment.
“We’ll meet you there,” I promised.
My stomach clenched as I watched Harlow disappear down the hallway. I knew logically that an appendix surgery was fairly routine, but still seeing my older sister in so much pain, my mind drifted to scary dark places. Who would Britty live with if something happened to Harlow? Swallowing hard against the sudden lump in my throat, I turned back toward the apartment to gather the rest of what we needed so we could get down to the hospital.
Chapter Eleven
“Oh, I have to tell you! I am so excited.” Christy sing-songed her words as she bounced in her chair.
I smiled at her exuberance. The boy she liked must have asked her out. Finally. She had decided not to go to prom, but she did have a monster crush that she’d been nursing all year. According to her reports anyway. I hadn’t known her long enough to make that determination.
Christy was a nice distraction from the stress of Harlow’s emergency appendectomy. Her recovery had been slowed by a post surgical infection. The worry had given me chronic headaches. Harlow meant a lot more to me than I even wanted to admit to myself.
“What’s so exciting that you can’t sit still?” I asked, playing along.
“These movie producers have been talking to my dad about using Crossroads as a set for their movie. Do you even know who is starring in the movie?” Christy leaned forward in her chair, clasping her hands together. “Carter Keller.”
I raised an eyebrow. Carter Keller was easily the biggest name in movies at the moment. And not that I didn’t believe Christy, but why on earth would anyone want to film a movie here? “Carter Keller,” Christy said with a half-sigh, half-squeal following her words. “I might get to meet him. That would make my life.”
With a little giggle, I leaned back in my seat. What would I have done in high school if a famous movie star had shown up? I doubted I would have been as passionate about it as Christy but then again this girl had exuberance to spare.
“How sure are you that this is going to happen?” I asked.
Christy tucked her feet up under her on the chair. “Very,” she said. “My dad totally had the guys over to the restaurant, and I am positive that he signed a contract. My sister might even get to cook for them. Like as a summer job or something.”
A memory of Christy’s sister flashed through my mind. “Maybe you could help her.”
“I don’t like to cook,” Christy said as she wrinkled her nose. “That’s totally Vanessa’s thing. Besides we don’t get along very well. I don’t think we could be in such a small space for any length of time.”
“Have you ever tried spending time with her?” I asked. “You might find out that you have a lot more in common than you thought. I know when I was in high school, my younger sister and I really started to connect. And honestly, now that I’m older, my other sister and I are starting to understand each other better. Trust me, I never thought that would happen.”
Christy gave me the long-suffering sigh of little sisters everywhere. “Honestly, if Vanessa was anything like you I might believe you, but she’s n
ot. She’s…weird. I mean, she has been on like two dates in her entire life. And she’s a senior. I’d die if that was me. Plus she doesn’t have many friends. All she does is school and cook.”
“Still, I think you should try to find something the two of you can do together,” I said, knowing that even if I was being a little pushy, Christy might just need the extra encouragement.
With a quick eye roll to let me know what she thought of that idea, Christy said, “Is that, like, my homework or something? Can we please get back to talking about Carter Keller?”
I laughed. “Sure, let’s get back to talking about Carter Keller.”
“What should I wear?” Christy said with all sincerity.
While Christy waxed lyrical about the various clothing combinations she had, I watched her animate in a way that she rarely did at peer counseling. Usually she just talked about boys and her struggle to grow up. Not that she would have identified it that way, but essentially that’s what it was. Thankfully after the first three or four sessions we stopped talking about sex, and had settled into regular high school girl problems.
“Do you think I should audition for a part?”
“Hmmm?” The question drew me out of my thoughts and back into reality. I smiled at her. “Sure, if you want to be in the movie.”
Christy nodded seriously. “I don’t know. Is acting hard?”
“Oh, well, sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t,” I said. “I guess it just depends on the part.”
“Do you think you might audition?” Christy asked.
“No, I don’t think so. I’m too busy with my final project. And applying for grad school. And life,” I said.
Christy nodded, but she looked doubtful. I watched her chew her lip for a while. Finally she said, “Would you come watch me audition? You could be my acting coach or something.”
“I’ll come,” I agreed. “But they might not let me sit in on your audition. If they’re closed, all I’ll be able to do is wait outside.”
A frown deepened across Christy’s features. “The guy who talked to my dad said that the auditions for extras would be open to anyone.”