by Jaleta Clegg
I don't know how long I was in the shower. The fit passed, leaving me drained and emptied. And feeling much better. I pulled on the clothes, normal clothes, clean clothes, and almost started crying again. I made myself stop. It was crazy to cry now, when everything was good again.
Jasyn had sent my spare boots for me. I hadn't thrown them out when I'd bought new ones and now I was glad. They were mine. They were familiar. I put them on and felt like myself again.
"I am Dace," I whispered as I used my fingers to comb my hair. "I am strong. I'm alive." I stared myself in the eye. "And I am not alone. Never again."
I felt strong, I felt alive, as I went down the hall to meet with Dr. Sipecio.
He was older, his hair streaked with silver. He looked fit and lean and energetic. He shook my hand and waved me to a chair across the desk from him.
"I've been reviewing your file," he said. "I won't lie to you. Whatever drug you were given left a lot of damage behind."
My good mood evaporated. I sat rigidly in the soft chair. "What did it do to me?" My voice was tight with strain.
Dr. Sipecio tapped his desk. Files scrolled past under the surface. He paused on a diagram that looked like a humanoid figure traced with strings.
"Your nervous system," he said. "The drug affected every nerve on the cellular level. It rewired your nerves to require the drug to function. Your seizures are a direct effect of that damage. We've managed to get them under control, but." He opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out two boxes of medpatches. "You will need to use these every day. We need to monitor the dosage to make certain your levels remain in the normal range."
I stared at the boxes, angry now. I shoved myself out of the chair. "I don't need you to tell me how that witch ruined the rest of my life," I shouted at the medic. He never lost the calm look on his face. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life taking drugs."
"Then you won't live very long," he said quietly.
I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to wipe out the pain I knew was coming. He wasn't through.
"What else?" I asked.
"Please, sit down, Dace," he said gently.
I sighed and dropped into the chair, my anger at Shomies evaporating. She was dead. Nothing I did now could hurt her. Even if she could still hurt me.
He tapped his screen and brought up more scans, more diagrams. I stared blankly at them.
"If we could synthesize the drug," he said, "you wouldn't have to take anything for the seizures. But we can't, not without a sample."
He paused, watching me for another outburst. I stayed sitting, staring at his desk, waiting for the rest of the bad news. He didn't continue. I looked up at him. He watched me intently.
"You can't synthesize it because you don't know what it is," I said. "And the only person who does is dead. And if I remember right, her entire laboratory was burned to the ground. So no drug to analyze."
"It's related to dreamdust," Dr. Sipecio said. "An extremely complex variant. But that isn't the real problem. This is." He tapped one particular scan. White blotches twisted through a shadowy human figure. "Even with the drug you would be dead within a matter of weeks, maybe months. The drug restructured more than your nervous system. Your entire immune system has been altered. Your hormones are also completely unbalanced."
"What are the white things?" I asked. I didn't really want to know, but I had to know.
"Cancer," he said bluntly. "Extremely aggressive tumors triggered by the drug. Your body is feeding them, encouraging them."
He tapped the screen and the flickering images disappeared. He pulled four more boxes of pills and patches from his desk and lined them up by the first two. I stared at the row of medications my mood dropping straight through sour to bleak.
"We've managed to remove the largest tumors," Dr. Sipecio said, "and reversed the growth factor for the rest. With these, we should be able to keep them under control. We may even be able to reverse the growth entirely." He smiled as if it were good news. He tapped the first two boxes. "One patch a day of these, preferably in the morning. You won't need to worry until tomorrow. You should still have plenty of both in your system. If you experience a seizure, come back immediately and we'll adjust the dosage again. These next three," he tapped the boxes, "should stabilize and regulate your immune system. With time, maybe over the next few months, you may regain some functioning. It depends on how badly the cells themselves have been damaged and whether the drug affected your stem cells and DNA. The results of those tests aren't in yet."
"And that one?" I asked, pointing at the biggest box on the end. I was going to be popping pills and slapping patches whether I wanted to or not. The alternative was to die, very painfully. I hated Shomies. But she was dead. Hate wasn't going to fix what she'd done to me.
"Vitamin and mineral supplement with added hormones," he said. He opened the box and pulled out a packet containing at least thirty pills. "One packet a day. The instructions are inside. Some need taken with food, others on an empty stomach. Morning, afternoon, evening, night, all of it is on the instruction slip. They should be color coded."
The row of boxes was intimidating. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about when to take my next dose. My dismay must have shown in my face. Dr. Sipecio slipped the packet back into the box.
"I'm hoping these will only be temporary," he said sympathetically. "There's a new technique of nerve regeneration that may help you. Which is why I'm asking you to return here every night. We can set up the treatment then. Do it while you sleep."
"Because it's painful?" I asked.
"Possibly," he said. "As I said, it's a new technique. The Trythians—"
I slammed my hand on the table. "What do they have to do with anything here?" I'd spent too much of my life on their world as a slave. They'd done everything they could to kill me. I'd thought they had killed Tayvis. I didn't want anything to do with them. Ever.
Dr. Sipecio studied me warily. "They are advanced in medical technology," he said carefully. "I was under the impression contact with Trythia was limited and heavily supervised by the militia. How do you know anything about them?"
"I got to live with them for months," I snapped. "Don't tell me Roland invited them into his Federation?"
"Under strict guidelines and rules," he said. "If you don't mind my asking, how do you know them?"
"I'm the one who escaped and brought in the Patrol."
His eyes were wide. "You did that? I knew about Dadilan, and Vallius, and Targon, and—"
"Don't tell me how famous I am. I'm trying to forget. It brings nothing but trouble. I had to join the Patrol over Trythia. And I still lost." I felt the old pain of losing Tayvis. Lowell told me he was dead. I had no reason to doubt him. Not then. But Tayvis was here. It was over. All of it. Except for the hero worship. I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't mistaken about the expression on Dr. Sipecio's face.
"My wife's cousin was on Trythia," he said. "I don't know how to thank you."
"You saved my life. Call it even." I squirmed uncomfortably in my chair. I hated people knowing who I was. It was getting to be all too common. How much worse was it going to be here, on Roland's ship? "Look, since I'm coming back here later, can I just leave the medicine with you?"
He glanced down at the boxes on his desk. The look of admiring fan on his face changed to professional medic. He pulled out a packet of the supplement pills and a small slip of paper. "These are the only ones you're going to need today. At least until seven this evening. Make sure you're back here on time."
I took the packet and the paper, slipping them into my pocket. "So where are the docking bays?"
He looked confused. "Your ship is in drydock, in vacuum. I can't authorize you for that kind of work."
"Drydock?" It was my turn to look confused.
He shook his head. "I'm a medic. I don't know. It's only what I heard. I do have this, though." He handed me another slip of paper. "Your friends should be listed in the ship d
irectory. Or you can ask someone where their suites are located."
I took the slip of paper. Meet me at Renaldo's, around noon. I recognized the handwriting. Tayvis hadn't forgotten me. As if I thought he would.
"You're free to go pretty much anywhere on the ship," Dr. Sipecio said. "As long as you're back here by seven tonight. You know where to find us. We'll keep your room open."
"And my medicine warm," I added.
He smiled at my comment. "We'll do the best we can for you," he promised.
"Thanks." I walked out of his office and the medical wing, wondering if this was what prisoners felt like, looking through their bars and wishing for freedom. I know it's how I felt. The bars were medical, not physical, but they were just as real, just as confining.
I reached the end of the hallway and stopped in astonishment.
The ceiling soared high over my head. I counted at least five levels of balconies above me. Trees reached for a synthetic sun in the fabricated sky. I even saw birds flitting between the trees. It was incredible. It was what I expected from Roland. His ship. He never did anything halfway.
Chapter 57
I walked through the garden space. There were people everywhere I turned. Most of them acted like they knew me. Everyone there probably knew my face. I walked faster. I wanted my anonymity back. I was uncomfortable with fame.
At least half of the people I saw were in uniforms. Not Patrol silver or black or even blue. These were rusty red with blue and gold piping. Roland's Federation, I could see a resemblance to the flame emblem he'd used on Dadilan for the Order of Myrln in the patches on their chests. Most of the rest of the people looked like government bureaucrats or their families. I ducked my head to avoid having to smile at them and looked almost frantically for a map of some sort. What was Renaldo's and why was Tayvis there?
"Whatcha looking for?"
I looked down at the source of the piping voice. A young girl, maybe six or seven, her red hair in braids, stared up at me with big green eyes.
"Do you know where I can find Renaldo's?" I asked her, pulling out the note to show her.
"I can't read," she said, wrinkling the paper in her sticky fingers.
"Thanks, anyway," I said, taking my note back.
"It's on deck seventeen," she said. "Mama goes there for lunch. Sometimes she takes me. I like the noodles."
"Where's deck seventeen?"
"Down that way," she pointed vaguely to my left.
"What deck are we on now?"
She giggled. "You're funny. Everyone knows this is deck twenty-one."
"Thanks," I said again.
"Librette," a woman with dark red hair hurried over. She took the girl by the hand and pulled her away. "Sorry if she was bothering you."
"She was being very helpful," I said.
The woman cocked her head, studying me. "Do I know you?"
"No, I'm sure you don't." I started backing away.
"You were the one, on Dadilan," she said. "You came to our village."
I just shook my head. I didn't want to be famous. I kept backing away. The woman smiled but let me go. I hurried away, in full retreat.
I found a discreet transportation terminal and settled thankfully into a pod. It was too small to hold more than four people. No one tried to get in with me.
"Please enter your destination," a throaty female voice purred from a speaker near the front of the pod.
"Renaldo's," I answered, hoping it knew what I was talking about.
"Confirmed," the voice answered. The pod began to move. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. My stomach twitched with nerves. Not another seizure, I whispered silently. Just nerves. I wanted my cabin on my ship. I wanted to be alone somewhere.
The pod slid to a stop. The door opened.
"Renaldo's is located four cross corridors to your right, on the far corner," the throaty voice informed me.
I slid out of the pod, glad that this level wasn't as crowded as the one I'd left. This looked like a mall. The floor was tiled, the walls softly backlit. Planters full of lush plants held signs for the various shops located along the sides. I walked quickly, ignoring the dizzy feeling in my head. I could see a sign for Renaldo's ahead. No one stopped me or tried to talk to me. I pretended I didn't hear them whispering behind me. I tried to look like nobody special.
Renaldo's was a cheerful restaurant. The walls were yellow. The fake curtains on the fake windows were red. The cloths on the tables were white. Tiny vases of flowers added a bright note to each table. I paused in the doorway, hesitant to just walk in. I hung back, searching the crowded room. Lunch was in full swing.
I saw Tayvis on the far side of the room. He sat at a table near the back. He was smiling at the woman sitting across from him. She had her back to me. Her hair was a rich auburn shade, twisted into an elegant swirl at the nape of her neck. She looked slender and poised, dressed in a deceptively simple dress of flowing green silk. She reached across the table and took Tayvis' hand. His smile widened. Tayvis never smiled that way for anyone except me.
I shivered, suddenly cold inside. Hadn't he just asked me to marry him? Had I imagined it? Was it all a dream induced by whatever drugs they'd pumped into me? He leaned towards her, still smiling, his hand wrapped around hers.
Why send me a note asking me to meet him here? Had he met someone else? Did he want to tell me in person? My heart pounded, my stomach tied itself in knots. I hesitated, wanting to just turn and run. Was he playing some sick joke on me? Was it revenge for my pretend engagement to Vance?
I waited too long. He saw me. His smile was warm and inviting. The woman turned, looking over her shoulder to the door. I caught a glimpse of her profile. She was teasingly familiar.
I swallowed what was left of my pride and walked across the restaurant to Tayvis. He pulled out a chair for me. I saw the woman's face full on for the first time. She was older than I expected, but I still knew that face. I stared at her, the chair and Tayvis forgotten in my surprise.
"Dariana Grace?"
She smiled. I knew that curve of lip, that twitch of the chin. The resemblance between her and someone else that had bothered me when I watched her vids was suddenly very clear.
"She's your mother?" I asked, whirling on Tayvis.
"Sit down, Dace," he said.
I dropped into the chair, my emotions a confused tangle. I was already on overload from talking with Dr. Sipecio. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Or maybe just scream for a while.
"Finally," Dariana Grace said. She held out her hand to me. "I get to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
"I've watched every one of your vids I could find," I blurted out. And then felt stupid.
She laughed. "Another fan, I'm flattered."
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter said, hovering behind me. "I see the rest of your party has arrived."
"Give us a minute," Tayvis told him. He glided away to the next table. The people there were watching us and pretending not to.
"If I'd known how popular you really were," Tayvis said to his mother.
"You would have stayed with me," she finished his sentence.
"You never did tell me how you got out here, mother. I left you on Linas-Drias."
"Bored and unappreciated," she answered. "At least you said goodbye that time, Malcolm."
"Don't call me that," he protested.
"Then don't call me mother in public," she said.
The waiter came back and left glasses of water on our table before gliding away again. I picked mine up. Dariana Grace was sitting at the table with me. She was Tayvis' mother. I put the glass down, too nervous to attempt to drink anything.
"You aren't anything like I imagined," she said to me. "Not after the stories Scholar told me about you."
"He's here, too?" I asked. Anything to change the subject.
"He disappeared on Linas-Drias," Tayvis answered. "Lowell lost track of him months ago."
"He was trying to help me. If Lowe
ll hasn't heard from him, he's probably dead." I didn't want to believe it, but I knew how dangerous Linas-Drias was for anyone attached to Lowell. Being engaged to Vance had protected me somewhat, but it wouldn't have protected Scholar. I clamped my mouth shut, trying in vain to stop my chin from trembling. Scholar had been my friend.
"I liked him," Dariana said.
"There you are." The voice was loud, almost obnoxious, but it made me smile.
"There's still a chair left, Darus," Tayvis said.
Darus didn't wait. He took the last chair at our table and plopped into it, grinning madly. "Dace, you're looking a lot better than the last time I saw you."
"Sorry, I don't remember." I tried to make it sound like a joke. It came out flat. Darus pretended it hadn't.
"Good to see you up and around." He turned to Dariana, really looking at her for the first time. His face went white. His mouth hung open. I couldn't resist.
"Meet Tayvis' mother," I said. "Dariana, this is my father, Darus Venn."
"Please, call me Deena," she said to both of us.
"Deena." His voice cracked. He snapped his mouth shut.
"Another speechless fan," Tayvis said. He glanced over at me and shook his head. "Most of the crew is smitten with her."
"Of which ship?" she asked teasingly.
"You've managed to charm the whole crew of the Starfire?" Tayvis answered. "All five hundred of them?"
"Only the really important ones," she said. "I believe Roland has the record for watching my vids."
"Are you ready to order now?" the waiter asked. Apparently he was one of the few people on the ship who had no idea who we were. Or else he didn't care. That thought was weirdly comforting.
We gave our orders. I wasn't hungry, I picked a dish at random. Darus stuttered when he tried to order. He was still staring at Deena. I kicked him under the table. He jumped and blinked.
"They said the engines should be ready when we get to Tebros," Darus said to me. "They don't have the right configuration here."
"What?" I was confused.
"The ship, your ship," he said. "I thought you were awake. You answered when I asked."