Amelia Bedelia Ties the Knot

by Herman Parish

  “This is my master Flo chart,” said Flo. “If everything goes perfectly, this is how it will unfold.”

  “You just unfolded it,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  “I mean—” Flo’s phone rang. “Hold on, honey, I need to stay in touch with about twenty people until the I dos are all done.” Flo’s smile vanished. “Hello? Yes, it’s me. Yes, I’m here.” Her eyes grew bigger and bigger.

  Jason leaned over to Amelia Bedelia and whispered, “The last time I saw eyes like that, a car had accidentally run over a frog.”

  Amelia Bedelia almost spit out her juice. She shivered at the thought.

  “Stuck up?” yelled Flo into her phone. “What do you mean, stuck up? Are you kidding me?”

  Every adult in the kitchen took a sip of coffee and pretended not to hear Flo. But everyone was listening to every word.

  “I don’t think she’s stuck up,” Amelia Bedelia whispered to Jason. “Do you?”

  “Call you right back,” said Flo. Turning to Mary, she said. “What’s the story with this drawbridge of yours? They raised it, but now it won’t go back down!”

  “So you’re not stuck up,” said Amelia Bedelia. “The bridge is.”

  “What? Right.” Flo had a lot on her mind. “No one can get across. Not the tent people. Not the florist. Not the caterer. Not the cake. Not the musicians. No one.”

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother looked at her sister. “I guess this is one of those disasters that will make your wedding special and unique,” she said.

  “That’s the spirit,” said Flo. “Are there any ferries?”

  Amelia Bedelia was surprised that Flo still believed in fairies. Was she expecting a fairy godmother to help her out somehow?

  “Not for a hundred years,” said Aunt Mary. “But let me call Bob. He might have an idea.”

  Bob did have an idea. He told Flo to have everyone meet up at Crusty’s Crab Shack on the other side of the bridge. He and Amelia Bedelia’s father would arrange a boat to ferry them across the channel and leave them at the pier closest to Aunt Mary’s beach house.

  Jason had an idea too. He made some emergency calls to his friends and asked them to contribute food from their restaurants and snack stands in case the caterer didn’t make it.

  Just as Jason hung up the phone, it rang again. “It’s a Mrs. May,” said Jason, handing the phone to his mother.

  “That’s our justice of the peace,” said Aunt Mary. “Luckily for us, she lives on this side of the bridge.”

  But when Aunt Mary hung up, she had to sit down.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  “She has food poisoning,” said Mary. “She’s sick in bed.”

  “You need someone official to marry you,” said Grandma.

  “Otherwise you’re not really married,” said Granddad.

  Flo closed her eyes. “Go with the Flo, go with the Flo, go with . . .”

  Amelia Bedelia closed her eyes too. “Go with the Flo, go—”

  BAAAAAAAAHHHNNN!!! sounded a boat horn, very near by.

  They all raced outside to see the Reel Busy coming alongside the pier at the marina near Aunt Mary’s cottage.

  The deck was jammed with musicians and caterers and florists and waiters. There was a large arch made of vines, and a grill and coolers and musical instruments and balloons.

  Sailors who normally spent their days baiting hooks and cleaning fish were now unloading fragile floral displays and transporting them to the beach. Deckhands who kept the Reel Busy shipshape were now hauling baskets of gourmet food and delicacies onto the pier and on toward the house.

  When Bob hopped off the Reel Busy, Aunt Mary gave him a huge hug, even though it was bad luck to see him before the wedding. What was a little more bad luck now?

  “I figured we’d get Flo’s folks over here to set up first,” he said. “The guests are starting to arrive too, so I left Crusty and his Crab Shack crew and Amelia Bedelia’s father with trays of snacks to hold them over until we can go back for them.”

  Aunt Mary tried to tell Bob the news. “Mrs. May—”

  “That was a lucky break, huh?” said Bob. “Thank goodness Captain Will lives right down the road.”

  “Mrs. May had to cancel,” Aunt Mary said. “She’s sick.”

  Bob took off his baseball cap. Running his fingers through his hair, he said, “So we’re out of luck after all? No wedding unless an official performs the ceremony and signs the marriage license, right?”

  “Right,” said Aunt Mary.

  “Right,” said Flo.

  Amelia Bedelia was watching Captain Will at work. “Go with the Flo, go with the Flo,” she whispered to herself. Captain Will was directing one of the ship’s cargo booms, lifting something big out of the hold and onto the pier. The object was wrapped in canvas and labeled KEEP FROZEN.

  Amelia Bedelia thought that Captain Will was acting pretty official. He certainly looked official. Could Captain Will marry people? She wasn’t sure if she had dreamed that or if she just wished that it was true. Then she remembered.

  “What about your favorite movie, the one we watched at the party? The one with those couples on the cruise ship,” said Amelia Bedelia. “The captain married them. Isn’t a captain of a ship an official?” They all looked at one another, then over at Captain Will.

  Flo bent down and gave Amelia Bedelia a hug that lifted her off her feet. “Sweetheart,” she said. “You can go with the Flo anytime.”

  “You’re lucky I have cold storage for fish!” said Captain Will as he approached the group. “Otherwise, this would’ve melted. What is it?”

  “An ice sculpture,” said Flo. “For later. Now listen to us.”

  Bob and Mary explained their situation. They asked Captain Will if he would be so good as to marry them. His face crinkled as he broke out in a belly laugh. “First you borrow my boat, and now you want to borrow me?” he asked. “Unfortunately, captains can’t really do that! But I happen to be ordained to perform weddings—I got the papers when my brother was getting married!”

  “Sounds like fate,” said Flo.

  “No . . . it’s that old saying!” said Amelia Bedelia. “Aunt Mary already has something old and something new. You and your boat are what she’s borrowing.”

  “Too bad the Reel Busy isn’t painted blue,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  BAAHHH! BAAAAAAAHHHNNN!!! sounded the horn, to signal Captain Will that it was time to go pick up the guests. He climbed back aboard the Reel Busy. BAAAAAHHHNNN!!! Captain Will signaled, blowing the horn and getting under way.

  “The trim on his boat is red,” said Amelia Bedelia. “But his horn definitely blew.”

  “Hey, guys,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father. “Why are you standing around? Don’t you have a wedding to put on?”

  “How did you get here?” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “Aren’t you feeding snacks to Mary’s guests?”

  “Charles Lindbergh dropped me off on his way to Paris,” Amelia Bedelia’s father said airily.

  Amelia Bedelia had learned in school who Lindbergh was, which was why she did not believe her dad.

  “Is the drawbridge down?” asked Bob.

  “Nope, the drawbridge is up,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father.

  “So the bridge is up?” said Aunt Mary.

  “No, the bridge is down,” he said.

  “Up, down, sideways,” said Flo. “If he’s here, the bridge is fixed!”

  Some things were actually going right. The weather was glorious, the flowers were gorgeous, and the ocean was as smooth as a mirror, reflecting little puffy white clouds that looked like a flock of lambs.

  “Maybe that hurricane they were forecasting won’t happen, after all,” said Amelia Bedelia’s father.

  “What?” said Aunt Mary.

  “Stop joking,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “I am down to my last nerve.”

  “What could go wrong now?” asked Amelia Bedelia’s father.

  As muc
h as Amelia Bedelia loved asking questions, she knew that asking a question like that was like asking for trouble.

  Everyone had taken off their shoes to walk in the sand, except Aunt Mary. “I am wearing these heels—they’re my something-new charm,” she said. “I can’t afford any more bad luck at this point.”

  That’s when Aunt Mary turned around and came face-to-face with the same young woman she’d seen with Bob at the café. Aunt Mary’s mouth dropped open and her eyes grew large.

  The young woman hugged Mary and said, “Hi, I’m Anita. I haven’t had a chance to congratulate you and Uncle Bob. I’m so glad you two found each other.”

  “Uncle Bob?” said Mary.

  “Bob’s brother Tom is my father,” Anita said. “I love your dress.”

  “Oh, thank you!” said Aunt Mary. “I’m so happy to meet you!”

  Everyone was ready. The guests had gathered, and even Amelia Bedelia was amazed at how official Captain Will looked. His dark blue jacket had four gold stripes at the bottom of each sleeve. Those, and his white hat with gold braid, showed he was indeed a captain. He was carrying the Nautical Rules of the Road, making him appear even more serious.

  Bob strode down what would have been the aisle, if they weren’t at the beach. Following him was the groom’s party of Tom—the best man—and Jason and Amelia Bedelia’s father.

  Then the bridesmaids walked down the aisle—first Aunt Wanda and then Amelia Bedelia’s mother, the matron of honor. Amelia Bedelia had never seen her mother look so beautiful. She kept staring after her and did not move until Flo gave her a prod from behind. “Your turn, kiddo.”

  Amelia Bedelia wore a dress that Aunt Wanda had found for her at a different vintage shop. It was gauzy and white, with tiny flowers sewn all over it. She wore a little wreath on her head, covered in wildflowers, with four long strands of different-colored ribbons tied to it, trailing down her back.

  Amelia Bedelia carried a bucket filled with blossoms, and she began tossing them on the beach, making a path for Aunt Mary. Aunt Mary was supposed to be following her, but when Amelia Bedelia arrived at Captain Will, she turned to see Aunt Mary struggling with her wedding dress.

  All the guests turned, looking for the bride. When she saw her, Amelia Bedelia quickly circled around to help her aunt. Flo was pulling on the ends of the big bow that held up the dress. Amelia Bedelia heard a big RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!

  “Oh, great,” said Aunt Mary.

  “This dress was not built for the stresses of modern life,” said Flo.

  “Neither was I,” said Aunt Mary. “My stomach is in knots.”

  In an instant, Amelia Bedelia knew just what to do. She took the wreath off her head and yanked off the ribbons. She tied them together, end to end. Then, facing Mary, she looped the ribbon over Mary’s head, crossed in front and circled both ends behind her. Then Amelia Bedelia tied the only knot she knew, the one she could tie with one hand and her eyes closed. She took a round turn around Mary’s waist, securing it with two half hitches.

  “You’re good to go,” said Amelia Bedelia, sticking her finger into the knot, testing it with a tug.

  When Aunt Mary heard “go,” away she went, with Amelia Bedelia’s finger stuck in the knot.

  Quickly, Amelia Bedelia scooped up her bucket and began tossing blossoms behind her with her free hand. Most of the guests assumed it was part of the ceremony, but Captain Will knew better. When Aunt Mary and Amelia Bedelia arrived at the flowered arch, Captain Will stepped forward to see if he could help. He spied the knot and understood the situation.

  “A round turn with two half hitches,” he said, loosening the knot just enough for Amelia Bedelia to slip her finger out. “Nice job, young lady!”

  Captain Will cleared his throat. “Mary and Bob, your wedding day has been filled with hitches, everything from a broken bridge to an ill justice of the peace. Hitches such as these might have sunk another couple. But with the support of your families and your sense of humor, you stayed on course. Sometimes a hitch is good. It builds character and commitment. Even a couple of half hitches can come in handy.”

  He winked at Amelia Bedelia. “After a day like today, it will be my privilege to pronounce you two totally hitched.”

  Everyone laughed and applauded and cheered. Not one person thought that the best hitch was still to come.

  It was time for Aunt Mary and Bob to exchange vows and rings. Tom, the best man, handed Aunt Mary’s ring to Bob, and he slid it onto Aunt Mary’s finger.

  Then Aunt Mary turned to Amelia Bedelia’s mother for Bob’s ring.

  “I was afraid of losing it,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother to her sister. “So I stuck it on my thumb. Now it’s stuck, really stuck.”

  Amelia Bedelia wondered why her mother had stuck it on her thumb instead of just putting it there. She looked out at the guests, who were whispering and craning their necks to see what was causing the delay. She spotted Pearl and shrugged her shoulders.

  Amelia Bedelia’s mother and Aunt Mary tried to get the ring off by twisting, pulling, and pushing it back and forth, but it was no use. “My thumb is so swollen that it’s never coming off,” said Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  Suddenly Flo appeared out of nowhere, with a big bottle of bright blue dishwashing liquid. She squirted it all around the ring.

  “Go with the Flo!” she said, pressing her thumbnails under the edge of the ring, urging it to “Give up, already!”

  SQUELCH! went the ring, arcing high into the air. Bob nearly caught it but bobbled it. Amelia Bedelia’s father nearly caught it too, but the ring fell into the sand at their feet. Jason scrambled for it but instead covered it up completely.

  “Where did it go?” asked Aunt Mary.

  Everyone looked and dug and looked, but it was hopeless.

  “We’d have a better chance of finding a doubloon,” said Jason.

  Aunt Mary said, “Bob, you wouldn’t happen to have your—”

  “In the trunk of my car,” said Bob. “Back in a jiffy.”

  Aunt Mary looked at Amelia Bedelia’s mother. “Did I just get left at the altar?” she asked.

  “We all did!” said Amelia Bedelia.

  Soon, though, Bob came back down the aisle, scanning the beach with his metal detector. Picking up a signal, he pointed right next to where they had been looking. Jason stuck his hand in the sand, retrieved the ring, and handed it to his mother.

  She placed it on Bob’s finger without waiting for him to take off his gear.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife!” said Captain Will.

  “Let the party begin!” announced Aunt Wanda to the clapping and cheering guests.

  The food was incredible. And there was more than enough, since all Jason’s friends had shown up with a delicious selection of seaside treats and frosty beverages. Aunt Mary had no trouble convincing them to stay for the party too. But with all the extra guests, they began running out of ice.

  “That’s plenty of ice right there,” said Amelia Bedelia, pointing at the centerpiece. It was a huge ice sculpture of two interlocking hearts.

  “Do you want to break my heart, Amelia Bedelia?” said Flo. “Oh, go ahead. It’s going to melt anyway.” She handed Amelia Bedelia a small mallet. Clearly she was prepared for almost everything!

  “I was stationed on an icebreaker,” said Captain Will. “We rescued other ships that had gotten trapped in the ice near the North Pole.”

  Amelia Bedelia handed the mallet to Captain Will. “You’re the expert,” she said.

  Captain Will whacked the ice sculpture just once, and it shattered into a million ice cubes.

  “I may retire,” said Flo. “How could I ever top this? Any other wedding would be boring compared to today’s.”

  “You couldn’t have planned it better if you’d planned it,” said Amelia Bedelia.

  Flo laughed and then frowned. She looked at Amelia Bedelia with a puzzled expression.

  “Time for a photo!” yelled Amelia Bedelia’s father
.

  “Shake a leg and get yourself over here!” yelled Amelia Bedelia’s mother.

  Amelia Bedelia and Pearl headed to where Flo was helping a photographer set up a big camera on a tripod. Jason was racing the waves with some beach friends.

  Then Amelia Bedelia spotted Anita, Aunt Mary, and Bob looking at a picture together—probably of Blackberry Cottage, because Aunt Mary had a stunned expression on her face. All of a sudden she hugged Bob, and he twirled her around in the air. Aunt Wanda was dancing with Captain Will. It didn’t seem as though they were going to stop anytime soon. Grandma and Granddad were eating cake with Bob’s family. Woof! Woof! And there, racing across the beach at full speed, was Finally. Amelia Bedelia scooped her up.

  Flo looked at her Flo chart and shrugged. “Well, the sun is perfect, so let’s go with the Flo and just take some photos,” she said.

  So Amelia Bedelia’s mother, Amelia Bedelia’s father, Amelia Bedelia, and Finally posed for the photographer. At the very last minute, Amelia Bedelia grabbed Pearl, and her mother grabbed Flo, and Amelia Bedelia’s father called out, “Three, two, one! Family hug!”

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  Credits

  Cover art © 2016 by Lynne Avril. Cover design by Sylvie Le Floc’h.