[Measure of Devotion 03.0] Measure of Peace

by Caethes Faron

  If they found Kale’s family and purchased them, the family would be entitled to Naiaran citizenship as refugees, the same as Kale had been. Jason had never thought of Kale as a refugee, but he supposed it was accurate. While Jason had freely made the decision to move to Naiara with Kale, Kale had come under completely different circumstances, fleeing a government that saw him as nothing more than property. Jason had done everything he could to help Kale feel like a free man, but how could he erase a lifetime of training? Kale would always retain the memories of being sold away from his mother and brother. While most men remembered with fondness the day they’d met the loves of their lives, for Kale that memory was of a rope changing hands as he was passed from one spoiled brat to another like a nursery room toy. Jason hoped this trip would give some closure to that part of Kale’s life and somehow make up for those memories.

  A crease appeared and vanished just as quickly between Kale’s eyes. Jason yearned for some sign of what he was thinking. The whole trip had him uneasy. He hoped for the best, but there were so many ways this could end in disaster. If Kale’s family had been sold, they might not even be able to find them. There was no requirement for slave titles to be officially registered, and they often weren’t in rural areas. Even if they did find Kale’s family, they didn’t have the power to force their owners to sell. Kale had told him before that the worst part was not knowing, but Jason didn’t believe it. If Kale found them and couldn’t purchase them, it would be so much worse. Jason didn’t know how he’d be able to convince Kale to walk away. No amount of legal connections would protect them from charges of theft if Kale stole his family. Even if he smuggled them over the border, the law would force the return of the “stolen merchandise” if they were ever caught.

  Then there was the other scenario. Jason didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t know which would be worse: finding Kale’s family and not being able to save them, or finding out they were dead.

  Jason shook the thought from his head. He needed to stay positive for Kale’s sake. In all likelihood, everything would work out fine. In a few days, he would meet Kale’s mother and brother. Would he see parts of Kale in them? Were Kale’s intriguing eyes a gift from his mother? Would his brother emulate Kale’s quiet steadiness?

  A few days was all it would take. Then they would be headed back home. With his family in tow, Kale would see the urgency in leaving and would forget his silly notion that Jason and his father should reconcile. With any luck, he would be in and out of Malar County without having to exchange more than a few words with the man.

  Chapter Eight

  The car bounced down the rough dirt road. Kale had only been to Robert Wadsworth’s ranch a couple of times, but it wasn’t hard to remember the way. He had never thought he’d be driving his own car down this road as a free man. Hell, the last time he had been to the ranch he’d barely even known what a car was. Automobiles had been introduced much later in Arine than in Naiara.

  “You’ll turn right up here.” Jason pointed, and Kale nodded his understanding. His mind was too cluttered to make room for conversation. All Kale’s thoughts were about a life far removed from the one he shared with his companion. It wasn’t that Kale didn’t think Jason would understand. He knew Jason would make an effort and wouldn’t presume to understand when he really didn’t. It was just that life with Jason really was perfect. Even the little imperfections made their domestic bliss that much sweeter. Kale couldn’t ask for more. He didn’t want to drag Jason into unpleasant memories of a past that neither of them could change. If he opened his mouth and brought Jason into his thoughts, it would only taint what they had.

  The ranch house came into view, and the sound of a gasp focused Kale’s attention. Next to him, Jason practically vibrated, his hand gripping the door handle until his knuckles whitened. Kale cursed himself for being so selfish. He should have been more attentive to Jason. He reached over and grabbed Jason’s hand, giving him a smile.

  The sprawling house would have looked inviting had Kale not had a history with it. Thick, red cedar logs formed a palatial, two-story structure. Large stone chimneys littered the roof. Rocking chairs and wicker sofas lounged on the porch. Dainty pink and yellow flowers poured out of clay pots. Dark green shutters framed the windows. From a distance, the place looked almost quaint. Only when Kale pulled into the massive driveway did it feel as if the house towered above them. It was that perfect mix of wealth and rural style that made Robert Wadsworth so respected throughout Malar County.

  Kale parked the car. “Are you ready for this?”

  Jason nodded. “As ready as I can be to face a man who hates me. At least this time I have you firmly by my side.”

  Kale kissed him on the lips. After a moment, when Jason didn’t relax, Kale pulled back. “Hey, my offer still stands. Say the word, and I’ll greet dear old Dad with a bear hug.”

  Jason smiled and then chuckled. “Finish him off with the shock?”

  “Anything for you.”

  “Thanks. I really couldn’t do this without you. You know you’re the only reason I’m even here.”

  “I know, but save some of the sweet talk for your father.” Kale got out of the car, and he and Jason walked to the door together. After Jason lightly knocked, he grabbed Kale’s hand in a crushing grip. Kale didn’t see the point in antagonizing Robert by flaunting their relationship, but he wasn’t going to leave Jason without support.

  A nondescript slave answered the door and ushered them to wait in the sitting room. Neither of them sat. Kale didn’t think Jason would release his hand if he made a move toward one of the chairs. Standing was a welcome change after sitting in the car anyway. Sweat pooled on Kale’s palm even though Jason’s hand felt unpleasantly cool.

  “Mr. Wadsworth will see you now.” The slave didn’t wait for any acknowledgement before turning and leading the way to Robert’s study.

  The study was alight with the orange glow of a few gas lamps and the setting sun. Kale had never been in the room, but it exuded Robert. Well-worn brown leather furniture clustered in front of the fireplace, a large walnut desk sat in the back under the window, and hunting trophies decorated the walls. Pungent cigar smoke filled the air. At the center of the haze was Robert, propped up with cushions in a large armchair. His cheeks and eyes were sunken, and it appeared he had lost a good bit of weight, though it was hard to tell with a blanket covering his legs. Instead of its usual perpetual tan, Robert’s skin had a gray pallor.

  Jason’s hand slipped from Kale’s. His lips parted as he stepped forward, his brown eyes wide. He moved as if all the breath had left his body. Across the room, Kale caught a longing in Robert’s identical brown eyes. It was brief, and Kale wasn’t sure whether he longed for the son he had or the son he wanted. Robert looked down as he tapped the ash from his cigar into the waiting glass tray. When the cigar reached his lips, his eyes shot to Kale with familiar cold hatred. It was chilling coming from eyes that looked so like Jason’s. Kale felt his knees weaken as he fought the urge to retreat to the sanctuary of the kitchen. He reminded himself that he was no longer a slave. It had been more than a year since he’d had to remind himself of that fact.

  “Son.” Robert’s voice was hoarse. He took another puff from his cigar. Jason didn’t appear inclined to answer him. “I see you’ve come to await my death and your inheritance. You’re in luck. The doctors say it will only be a few days now before the mass in my lungs kills me.”

  Tense silence.

  “You don’t have anything to say? I see you’ve brought your slave with you.”

  “He’s not my slave.”

  “Ah, I thought that would loosen your tongue. You’re not in Naiara anymore, boy. Here, he’s a slave.”

  “He’s a Naiaran citizen.”

  “I don’t give a damn. While he’s in my house, he’ll conduct himself as a slave.”

  Kale honestly didn’t care. Acting like a slave would no more make him one than acting free had made him so back when he w
as Jason’s valet. Jason would never see it that way. This was about him demanding respect from his father. It was difficult to demean one of the wealthiest men on the continent, but the quickest way to hurt Jason was to hurt those close to him.

  “He’ll conduct himself as my lover and companion.”

  “At least keep it a secret that he’s free. There will be an insurrection if word gets out.”

  “This isn’t a negotiation, Father. You accept me as I am—and that includes Kale—or we’ll leave.”

  Both men stared each other down. Neither flinched. When Kale thought he would have to intervene, Jason turned for the door. Robert’s face cracked. After only two of Jason’s steps, Robert spoke.

  “Wait. I suppose not many people will even realize he was a slave. I suppose that will have to do.”

  Jason turned again. For a minute, Kale wondered if he would still refuse. “Very well. We’ll stay here then, as long as things remain civil.”

  “Demetri.” Blond-haired, blue-eyed Demetri stepped forward. Kale had been so absorbed in the drama unfolding before him that he hadn’t even seen him. Had he really grown so far removed from his past that he no longer noticed slaves? “Go have Master Jason’s room prepared, and arrange for dinner to be served.”

  Demetri bowed and left, but not before shooting Kale a look seething with contempt. Some things never changed.

  “If you had shown some simple courtesy, we would have had your room ready for you.”

  “Well, I didn’t want to waste any time when I heard of your failing health.”

  “No, wouldn’t want to miss the big event, would you? I’ve already eaten. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Robert puffed his cigar and lifted a book that lay abandoned on his lap.

  After a hurried dinner, Kale followed Jason up to his room. It looked exactly as it had the last time they’d visited. They both divested themselves of their clothing and collapsed into bed.

  “How is it we were basically sitting all day, yet I’m exhausted?” Jason rolled over and flung his arm across Kale’s chest.

  “I’m tired after just watching you and your father. I imagine it was emotionally draining.”

  “I suppose. I don’t understand why he can’t find it in himself to be agreeable. Did he really think I would concede? He’s never managed to understand that I’ll choose you over him every time.”

  “You know it’s not about me. Not personally.”

  “And that’s supposed to make it better?”

  “To him, I’m a slave. Nothing more. You can’t judge your father by your own standards. It’s not fair. I was just a slave to you for far longer than I’ve been just a slave to him.” A twinge of hurt flashed in Jason’s eyes. “I don’t mind, Jason. It’s the simple truth of the matter. You’ve nothing to be sorry for. You treated me like what I was. You need to stop expecting more from your father.”

  “I suppose I can try. It’s just that whenever I see him, I remember the terror he caused you last time.”

  “That was as much my fault as it was his.”

  “You’re too forgiving and much too understanding of men who mistreat you.”

  “There’s no point in tossing blame on a dying man. It won’t change anything. You have little enough time left as it is.”

  “I know. I’ll try. That’s all I can promise. I’ll try for you.”

  “Thank you. I don’t want you living with regret. It’s a weight no one should have to bear.”

  Jason propped his chin on the hand that rested on Kale’s chest and stared straight at him. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

  Kale shifted his weight. “Nervous. I haven’t been back there since I was fourteen.”

  “How long of a drive is it?”

  “I’d guess about three hours.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to go?”

  Kale’s feelings changed from minute to minute. The desire for Jason’s company, his support, wrestled with something deeper that insisted this was something he needed to do on his own. “I’m sure, though you’re sweet to offer. I’ll be fine. You need to spend time with your father.”

  Jason’s eyes were wary. If he looked hard enough, he would find the doubt he sought. Kale rolled him over and kissed him. Distraction turned to passion, and Kale shifted his pelvis against Jason’s. Lust chased the wariness from Jason’s eyes. It was a quick, rough fuck, and for a few glorious minutes, the tension fled from Kale’s body. As soon as he rolled off Jason and pulled his lover toward him, it crept back into first his thoughts and then his muscles.

  “If you change your mind, just let me know.” A yawn swallowed the last words.

  Kale kissed Jason’s mop of brown hair. “I will. I’m planning on leaving early. Do you want me to wake you before I go?”

  “’Course.” Jason snuggled closer.

  Satisfaction poured through Kale. The man in his arms needed him, and Kale had reached the point where he could admit that he filled Jason’s need. If only he could fill his family’s.

  Chapter Nine

  Jason gazed out the bay windows to the softly rolling hills. The clock in the corner stood eerily silent. Dust coated every surface of the small corner room at the back of the house. The pink cushion he sat on in the window seat had delicate tassels hanging off every corner. It was a room suspended in time. When he closed his eyes, Jason swore the smell of Lena’s sweet lilac perfume drifted by, as if carried on a draft. It was the smell of a hundred hugs, the scent of countless smiles. In the suffocating silence, he imagined her light laughter banishing the heavy air. Remnants of his mother.

  After she had died trying to bring a baby into the world, Jason’s father had forbidden him to enter this room. The few portraits of her that hung in the house were removed. She was never to be spoken of. When the fights with his father had grown particularly painful, or when the loneliness threatened to swallow him whole, he had retreated here in the ultimate act of defiance his eight-year-old mind could conceive. It was the only place in the house where he felt comforted, embraced by the only person who had ever loved him. This corner of the house had always been her domain, where she came to sew or read when she’d wanted solitude.

  Thick trees clustered in the distance around the watering hole. In the quiet of the room, Jason could just hear the bass notes of the cattle, though he couldn’t see any. Everything in his field of vision would be his soon, and he didn’t want any of it. All he wanted was the little sewing room in the corner with the bay windows.

  A tear fell on his hand, and Jason looked down at the spot, mystified that he hadn’t even known he was crying. The evidence of his emotional crack widened the rupture, and his face crumpled at the sting behind his eyes and nose. Tears poured with a force that shook his chest. Placing his feet on the window seat, he wrapped his arms around his knees and sobbed. His heart longed for the warmth of his mother, but he couldn’t have her. With a stab of shame, he admitted that he could barely even remember what she looked like. What kind of son forgot his own mother?

  Kale. He needed Kale. Except he had left early in the morning. True to his word, he’d woken Jason. Once more, Jason had asked if Kale wanted him to go with him. Kale had answered with a resolute no and a gentle kiss. Kale had always been the strong one. Here Jason was falling apart without him, while Kale went off to find the mother and brother he hadn’t seen in well over a decade.

  A restless mind hounded Jason as soon as Kale left. After breakfast, he had searched for peace in this little room. There wasn’t much else to do, and this house hadn’t been his home in years. It hadn’t really felt like home since his mother had died. All his happy childhood memories centered around her. Even his father had seemed different while she lived.

  Jason cried until his eyes burned dry and the pressure in his head threatened to burst. It seemed strange that one house could feel both familiar and foreign to him at the same time. The place reminded him of everything he hated in life: ignorance, his father, and Kale’s oppression. Kale w
as the only person who could have convinced him to return. Jason wasn’t interested in what would happen to the ranch. It could burn for all he cared.

  Unfurling himself from the window seat, he wiped his eyes and sat at his mother’s writing desk. As a child, he had been too shy to poke through her things, still in awe of the woman whom he held in the same esteem as the saints. Pulling on the ornate brass handle, he had to jiggle the first drawer to open it. Inside were some old letters from his aunt and grandparents. All dead now. He had only seen Aunt Estelle once when his mother took him to Perdana the year before she died. Actually, he supposed Estelle must have been at his mother’s funeral. The whole day was a blur in his mind, one he was content to have remain locked away in his memory. Estelle and his grandmother had both died a few years after his mother, Estelle from a fever and Grandmother from natural causes, though Jason suspected it was from a broken heart. His grandfather had died when Jason was a toddler, and after Estelle was gone, his dear grandmother had no one left. She and his father had never gotten along.

  The drawer slid closed more easily than it had opened, and Jason moved to the other side of the desk. An identical drawer opened to reveal two leather-bound books. Jason opened the first, a date and address book. There, in his mother’s fluid, loopy penmanship were notes about the local quilting group’s charity sale, the summer bazaar, a friend’s birthday. Jason pushed the book aside. If that was her datebook, then he had an idea what the next book was. He saw the word “Journal” embossed on the cover.

  A light knocking on the door startled Jason, and he shoved both books back in the drawer.

  “Sir?” Demetri’s decorous voice penetrated the wood.