In My Shoes

by Brenda Hampton

  “Not really, but, uh, tell me some things about yourself. Who is Brenda Hampton and what kind of mission in life are you on?”

  Good question, and truthfully, I didn’t know how to answer his question. He’d caught me completely off guard, but I did my best to answer.

  “I’m just taking this one day at a time approach. Don’t quite know what the future holds for me yet, but I’m open to whatever possibilities swing my way.”

  “You mentioned that you were taking your insurance test on Thursday. How did you do?”

  Oh, God, Jay was making this so difficult. Felt like I was on an interview, instead of a date. I dropped my head a little and fumbled with my nails. “I didn’t pass it, but I’m going to take it again next week.”

  “That’s all you can do. The only one I failed was my Series 7. Got a ninety percent on my insurance test and the other two Series, but the Series 7 was tough. I retook it, passing with a ninety-five percent. I had a lot going on at the time, and I believe I over-studied for it. That’s probably what you did, and my advice would be to not study again. Just go take it and I bet you’ll pass it.”

  A person had to be pretty darn smart to pass those Series tests and to score what Jay had. I was impressed. “Thanks for the advice,” I said, lifting the flute glass and clinking it against his. “Here’s to me passing my test.”

  “No doubt.”

  Dinner was served, and to say the least, the food was outstanding. I had never had a steak so thick and juicy, and the one Jay ordered took up most of his plate.

  “So, when am I going to see you again, besides when I come to your office for visits?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “When would you like to see me again?”

  “In a week, maybe two.”

  My feelings were bruised. I guess I hadn’t made a good impression. I just knew he would say tomorrow or the next day. A week or two seemed way off.

  “I need to jet out of town on business. When I get back, I’ll check in with you,” he said.

  “Sounds like a plan,” was all I could say.

  We continued to talk and I found out some very interesting things about Jay. He was a few years younger than I was, and that came as a total surprise because he seemed very mature for his age. More mature than any man I had ever dated. At such a young age he appeared to have it all together. Yes, he was a millionaire, and then some, with the help of his inheritance and years of working as a broker. According to him, he only worked so he wouldn’t get bored. His home was in Chesterfield, Missouri, and for someone who had known the St. Louis area pretty well, I knew that only rich…filthy rich people lived in Chesterfield. I could only imagine what his house looked like, and there was no way in hell I would ever invite him to my townhouse. He shared a lot with me during dinner that night. It appeared that no one was exempt from drama. He was upset about his ex-girlfriend going to Detroit with her new man. The other chick was in Denver trying to escape the fallout from their relationship and had told him she wanted to live there on a regular basis. He felt betrayed and seemed to have a lot going on. I appreciated him telling me about his situation, before I decided to test the waters.

  “So, you say you still have love for your ex, but you want the other chick to come back home. If she does, then what Jay? And where do you think I can fit into all of this?”

  He was blunt. “You fit where I place you.”

  “Wrong answer,” I hurried to say. I stood up ready to leave, because his comment rubbed me the wrong way. As I tucked my purse underneath my arm, he touched my hand.

  “Please, sit back down. I didn’t mean it like that, but what I wanted to say is I’m not married to no one. I’m a young man, who is taken time to explore options. Love for me don’t come easy, but I have been with my ex, on and off again for a very long time. Right now, I’m just in the mood to have some fun. If you’re down with that, let me know what’s up.”

  I hesitated before taking my seat again. Jay was tripping, and even though I liked confident men, this was too much. I knew all too well about on-and, off-again relationships and his situation didn’t seem stable. I was, however, interested in having “fun” too, so I told him to be sure to call me when he returned home from his trip. He said he would. I thanked him for the fulfilling meal that set him back a few hundred dollars and we went our separate ways.

  During dinner, Jay had inquired about my current and past life too. I only told him so much, but my past was something I really didn’t want to run from. It had made me who I was, but there was a time and place to share with Jay all that I wanted him to know. That day was coming soon, but for now, he’d given me a little more to add to the story I had been trying to piece together about him. It was…interesting.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I took Jay’s advice about not studying and I passed the test! I was so excited, until I applied for a promotion within my department and didn’t get it. It was a letdown, only because I had been working my ass off and truly felt as if I deserved it. Mr. Schnieder did offer me another pay increase, and for that, I was grateful.

  Much of what was going on in Corporate America was political. I had no room to complain; after all, I had benefited from the ‘not what you know, but who you know’ theory. It was happening throughout our company, and people who definitely had skills could in no way get a foot in the door, unless they knew somebody. That’s just the way it was, but with having my insurance license, I was ready for a change. When one door slammed, I would always try another one. I would fall, but you could never count me out. I began to see Health Partners as a stepping stone, not my ultimate destiny. I started making many more connections with the brokers and one broker had offered me a job at his firm, Cutter & Company.

  “I really do like where I’m at right now, Robert, but if that ever changes will you still have a position for me?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he said, walking with me to the elevator.

  He waved goodbye, telling me to be sure to call, if anything changed.

  While sitting inside of my convertible Mustang, I decided to return Jay’s phone call that he’d left earlier that day. I had seen him twice since dinner, once when I visited the brokerage firm he worked for, and another time we’d met at CJ Muggs for drinks. We spent more time on the telephone than anything, and that was understandable because he was truly a busy man. To me, he only made time for people, if he wanted to. I was able to share some of my past with him, and when I told him about my shoplifting days, all he did was laugh. What bothered me didn’t even seem to trouble him at all and his words were always on point. “There are some things in life that are beyond your control,” he said that day. “But if they are within your control, correct them. Sounds like that’s what you did. Now, you’re creating an image of success for yourself. You’ve broken out of your box and you’re starting to believe that anything you want or desire is within your reach. That mindset, Brenda, will take you far places in life. It’s only when you minimize your vision that you make little progress. Trust me, I know.” Jay was so right and his words were encouraging. I appreciated his realness during our conversations, and without him knowing it, his words had given me hope. Even when I belittled myself, saying that I was stupid for staying with Dwayne for as long as I had done, Jay had an interesting reply.

  “You’re so wrong, Brenda, and you didn’t go through that shit just to come out of it feeling stupid. What you need to realize is that many women, even the ones that I deal with, have underling problems that existed, before they entered into relationships. Hell, I got problems, too, but I am far from being stupid. It all stems from things that relate to fathers, mothers, your upbringing…maybe some women have been raped before, who knows? But summing it up as being stupid is a stupid thing for you, or for anyone to do. The ignorance lies only with those who will judge you and act like they ain’t been through nothing. There are plenty of people who will shame you because your life experiences have been different from theirs. Let no one dictate the
timeline of your life experiences or relationships, and give no explanation for battles that were chosen for you. Accept what you’ve been through as a learning experience that will take you to new heights. There ain’t no other way to look at it, baby, and when you start seeing things from your eyes, instead of through the eyes of others, you will have a better understanding. You feel me?”

  Yes, I did feel him, and in no way could I dispute what Jay had said that day, because I wasn’t sure if I would be in this position right now, if it weren’t for my trials and tribulations.

  As I thought more about him, I sat in my car, waiting for him to answer his phone. He finally picked up. “Jay Rogers.”

  “Hi, Jay,” I said with a smile on my face.

  “Where are you?” he asked.

  “At Cutter & Company, dropping off some insurance proposals.”

  “So you’re in Chesterfield?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then, stop by to see me. My house isn’t too far from there.”

  I looked at my watch. It was a little after one, and I still had a few more proposals to drop off and deliver Christmas cookies to my clients for the holidays. I hadn’t had lunch, though, so I told Jay I would stop by. He gave me directions and I headed to his place.

  When I got there, it was another very shocking moment for me. I felt like I was pulling up to a red-carpet event and was underdressed. To my right was a humongous castle-like brick house, sitting on acres and acres of land with a lake beside it. I parked my car and walked to the double front doors that viewed the inside of the house. I could see Jay making his way to the door, and it was the first time I’d seen him dressed down in jeans and a v-neck soft cream t-shirt that tightened on his muscles.

  Jay opened the door, and I couldn’t believe that the first thing he asked was for me to remove my shoes.

  “That’s if you don’t mind,” he said with a shrug. “As you can see, my carpet is white and I don’t want any dirt on it.”

  My shoes weren’t even dirty, but as I glanced at the plush white carpet, it was a beautiful sight. One speck of dirt would ruin it. Already, the house looked made for a king and it was good to know that, yes, Black people could live like this too. No doubt, I was inspired.

  I took off my shoes, and Jay placed them on a shoe-rack that was close by the door. He gave me a tour around his house, leaving me in awe. Had never witnessed anything like it and my mouth was hanging open. One day, I thought. One day I am going to live like this too!

  As the day proceeded with more talks, laughter and drinking, I was completely sold on Jay Rogers and everything about him. If he wanted to have fun, hell, yes, I was all for it! Especially with someone like him…why not? However, what I didn’t expect was for us to be in his shower that was big enough for, at least, ten people to stand. There was even a seat inside, and the whole bathroom, including the oval shaped Jacuzzi tub, was bigger than the top level of my townhouse. I felt a little uncomfortable, because I hadn’t showered with anyone before. However, Jay made me feel comfortable, and as he washed my body with his lathered strong hands, squeezing in all the right places, my nervousness subsided. The slip of his fingers entering me had me mesmerized. There was something about the way his lips delicately touched mine that made my whole body tremble. I wanted…needed to feel his long hard muscle that had to be the prettiest dick I’d ever seen. Umph…I felt lucky, as our light-skinned bodies left no breathing room in between them.

  “See, this feels good, doesn’t it?” he whispered while massaging my breasts. “I knew you’d like it in here. Now, open your eyes and tell me who or what you’re thinking about.”

  I slowly opened my eyes to look at Jay, and then smiled. “I’m thinking about Denzel Washington in Mo Better Blues.”

  He snickered and eased his arms around my waist, bringing me even closer to him. My nipples pressing against his soapy buffed chest had my thoughts on no one but him.

  “I doubt that you’re thinking about Denzel,” he said with confidence. “But just in case you are, I’d better figure out a way to change the mood and shake things up in here.”

  My words were clipped tight, as I held my stare, gazing into his eyes. Denzel was the furthest person from my mind, but Jay didn’t have to know it. I was feeling real good, and witnessing him naked in a steam-filled bathroom with hot water dripping down his body…my heart couldn’t stop pitter-patting. I lathered my hands to wash him, and as I rubbed all over his body, I was in awe by how well his frame was carved to near perfection. I got a chance to look at every single inch of him and I only wished that my girls could see this, instead of what they had seen with Miles. Again, they wouldn’t believe it! Someway…somehow I had to get the word out about this man, and I was already thinking about what to write in my notebook. Jay had definitely given me something more to write about, and much of it stemmed from what had happened only hours later.

  I had fallen asleep, and as soon as I walked out of Jay’s bedroom, I could see him sitting in the near dark living room while I stood on the balcony above him. There was a humongous Christmas tree in his living room, and as the lights blinked, he stared at the tree as if he were in deep thought. I wasn’t sure what was on his mind, but he was holding what looked to be some type of ornament in his hand. He sat back on his couch, and when he closed his eyes, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs. No doubt about it, I could tell Jay was going through something deep.

  I slowly made my way down the winding staircase, without Jay hearing me. It was only when I straddled his lap that he opened his eyes and secured his arms around my waist. I kissed down the side of his neck and licked my tongue around his ear, tickling it.

  “You’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?” he asked.

  “No, I just want you to forget about where you’ve been and think about where you’re going?”

  He slowly nodded. “Is that with you?”

  “I hope so, but you tell me. Is it?”

  “No doubt,” was all he said, but I wasn’t so sure.

  Jay held the sides of my face in his hands, as if I were the most precious thing ever. He laid me back on the couch, opening my shirt until it revealed my naked body. With his eyes closed, he pecked down my neck and entered me at the same time. At first, his pace was slow, and the way he grinded to reach the depths of my walls was impressive. Then, his rhythm sped up. His breathing increased and so did mine. A few more minutes into our sex session, our bodies started to sweat. I reached up to hold the back of his head, and ran my fingers through the natural wet curls in his hair. My insides were hurting a bit from his hard thrusts and I became curious as to why he had chosen to indulge himself in such a way. Eventually, he calmed down a little, and as we both observed his nine-plus inches of thick meat disappear inside of me, the moment intensified again.

  “How does your pussy feel?” Jay asked in a smooth and sultry voice, as if he genuinely cared for the wellbeing of my pussy. “Am I treating it right?”

  Before I answered, I thought about Dwayne being the silent lover, Miles being the dirty-talker, and Jay being the sexy, smooth talker that took our intimate moment to a whole new level. He locked his eyes with mine, waiting for an answer, so I gave him one. “If it wasn’t filled to capacity with all of your goodness, then it would be able to tell you how spectacular it feels. I hope it’s okay that I speak for it, and yes…hell yes you’re treating it like royalty.”

  “That’s because I respect the pussy, especially when it’s this wet and sweet. I don’t mind giving it the red carpet treatment.”

  “Sweet? How do you know it’s sweet?”

  Jay slowed his strokes, and circled his fingers around my clit. He then sucked his fingers into his mouth and licked his lips. “Like I said before…sweet. I’m damn sure gon’ find out how sweet, before all is said and done.”

  Well, get to it and let me know what you find out! I thought. The red carpet treatment was working quite well for me. So well, that as his fingers continued to circle my clit
, I was in the midst of having my first orgasm ever. I roared Jay’s name, expressing my enthusiasm. The passion that I desired to feel for a man had finally arrived, and I was near tears because being with Jay felt so good! His overall deliverance was an A, triple plus. I could feel his body get tense, so I thought he was on the verge of coming. But his next words shocked me like electricity.

  “Daaaamn, Scorpio,” he shouted, and then paused to take a deep breath. My eyes shot open and he dropped his wrinkled forehead on my heaving chest. I pulled his hair, lifting his head away from me. There was a blank expression on my face. I narrowed my eyes as I gazed into Jay’s agonizing facial expression that displayed shame. All that I had felt for him escaped from every window. My blood was boiling inside, and I couldn’t believe he had called me by another woman’s name. A woman who was in Colorado, trying to escape the fallout from their relationship. He’d told me a lot about their unstable relationship, but she was obviously the one on his mind, not me.

  At that moment, I flashed back to Dwayne being on top of me and thought about what the end result would be, if he’d called me by another woman’s name. He would have paid for inflicting this kind of hurt on me. There I was, again, contemplating a fistfight or setting some of Jay’s shit on fire, like this house! I could see Jay knocking the hell out of me, him calling the police and us going at it like damn fools. But I couldn’t go there again—no, I wouldn’t, especially with men who continued to bring out the worst in me. There were two words that came to mind and those words were…walk away. Before I did, I had to be sure that I’d heard Jay say what he did.

  “What did you just call me?” I asked. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

  He shut his eyes and turned his head to look away. “Brenda, I’m sorry. I just—”

  My emotions were about to take over, but I held back on shedding any tears. “You ju…just need to get up off me.”

  His eyes were back, staring into mine as he continued to lay over me. “Look, I understand how you must feel, but I got caught up in the moment.”