The F#ck It List: The Complete Story

by Rae Lynn Blaise

  Thankfully, Derek doesn't have a girlfriend, or I'd have had to choose someone else. Or skip him altogether. I check the time and curse. Scott will be here any minute. I spent too much time checking out the shirtless pictures on Derek's profile. If he wasn't so hot and didn't have such a glorious torso, he'd look like a complete douche for all his mirror and gym selfies.

  I dress in tiny cutoff shorts and a blue tank, sliding my feet into wedge sandals so my legs and ass look hot. I'm nice and tan from all my time laying out on the quad. After checking myself out in the mirror and giving a final pat to my hair, I head outside to wait for Scott.

  He pulls up right as I step onto the sidewalk and I slide in, grinning at him. He smiles in response, but his eyes stay solemn.

  "Are you okay?" I ask.

  He checks his mirrors before easing away from the curb. "Yeah, just tired."

  "Do you think I look all right? Or does it look like I'm trying too hard?"

  "You look hot. You always look hot."

  I flush with pleasure from his words. "Thanks. I'm nervous. The others have been basically strangers. People I'll never see again, especially once we graduate. But Derek will always be here every time I come home."

  "Yeah, the guy graduates from college and comes home to work at Home Depot. I guess college ball didn't do much for his career goals." His voice is snide and sarcastic.

  I frown at him. "Don't be a snob, Scott."

  "You could do better. I know you always had a crush on him, but he was always such an idiot."

  "I'm not trying to become his girlfriend. I just want a little one-time fun." I raise my voice a little in protest.

  Scott's lips twist. "I know. But still."

  "Wasn't he your idea for the list?" My memories are a little vague, the booze and extreme pleasure of the rest of the night making everything before fuzzy.

  "Probably. I was drunk. So were you. And here we are."

  I frown at his sullen tone. I want to call him on it, especially after everything with the stranger, but I don't want to get into another fight. With our relationship changing so much, I am starting to wonder if this is all worth it. I'm not sure if it was because we blurred the line of friends with our sexy times or if it's the list. Maybe I shouldn't involve him in this quite so much anymore.

  He doesn’t seem able to move out of caretaking mode. This is why other people’s best friends are girls, I suppose.

  My worries and thoughts fly from my mind as Scott starts acting like his usual self for the rest of the drive. We joke and reminisce, he teases and I pretend to take offense.

  He probably is just tired. Graduation is coming soon and classes are a lot more intense right now as we study for finals.

  We make it to the Home Depot, and Scott drops me off out front before finding a parking space. It's pretty crowded, so I hope I can find Derek and have a few minutes to drop some not too subtle hints.

  I walk through the automatic doors and the scents of fresh lumber and rubber embrace me. I've always loved coming to hardware stores, My dad used to bring me along all the time. It smells like him in here. Of safety and home and special father-daughter time.

  First, I wander around the store, my eyes roving for a glimpse of Derek. Like it was meant to be, I find him in the paint section.

  I ignore him at first, taking peeks at him as I browse the colors. I'm leaning towards a bright shade of blue. I've gathered a handful of those little paint chip samples before Derek sees and recognizes me.

  "Amanda?"

  I turn with a little frown on my face. "Yeah?" When I meet his eyes, I smile wide in delight. "Derek?"

  He nods, grinning. "How long has it been?"

  I nod. "A while. How are you? When did you get back?" Like I don't know the answer to all of that. After my stalking, I probably know more about what he's been up to than he does.

  I step in and hug him, pressing my tits into his chest before stepping back.

  His eyes dart down to my cleavage before he forces them back to my face. "I'm good. I came back after graduating. Just figuring out my next step."

  I imagine Scott's snort of derision from that answer, but shake it off. I don't care about any of that, especially now that I'm in front of him, in person, and he is so fucking hot. Oh. My. Word.

  Even better than his pictures. Even in his little orange apron.

  "Nice. I bet your parents are happy to have you home."

  He rubs the back of his neck, a shadow crossing through his eyes too fast for me to read. "Yeah. So, what about you?"

  I lean against the paint chip shelf, crossing my legs in front of me. "I'm graduating soon. Then, I don't know."

  "What's your major?" he asks my legs.

  Trying not to smile, I say, "Forensic science."

  His eyes widen and he looks back up at my face. "Wow. That's pretty cool. So, you're gonna be like Bones or something?"

  I hide a cringe. She's a freaking forensic anthropologist. And I won't be chasing down bad guys, I'll be in a lab. "Something like that, yeah." I force a laugh and focus my eyes on his biceps. They're barely contained in his shirtsleeves.

  "So, what are you here for?" he asks.

  I bite my bottom lip. "Paint. My bedroom needs an update."

  "Bedroom, huh?" His tone has a teasing undertone.

  I smile wide. "Yup. It's the most important room, after all. I want it to look a little more welcoming and fun."

  His grin matches mine. "I see."

  "Maybe you can help me decide. I'm thinking blue. But I'm having a hard time picking the right shade. Which color would put you in a good mood?" I hold out the samples, looking up at him through lowered lashes.

  He steps close into me and he smells like the store, but even better. I hadn't gotten a whiff from our quick hug before. Derek positions himself so he's looking over my shoulder. His breath brushes against my skin and I shiver. I arch my neck and meet his eyes. He notices. He also notices the abundant amount of cleavage my tiny tank reveals.

  I do have glorious breasts. Or so I've been told. Multiple times, now.

  Derek reaches around and pulls one of the paint samples. "This color blue would definitely get me in the mood."

  I hide my pleased smile and turn to him, brushing my tits against his arm. "I was drawn to that one too. Thank you."

  He all but leers at me. "Anytime. And if it doesn't work out quite right, come back and we'll try something else."

  "I'll do that."

  Feeling smug and excited, I check out with my paint and accept his help carrying my purchases out to the car. I hug him goodbye after he loads the paint in the trunk and his hands grip my low on my waist, almost brushing my ass.

  "It was good seeing you," he says into my neck.

  I shiver again and step back. "You too. We should catch up soon."

  He nods and grins. "I'd like that."

  I slip into the car after he heads back to the store, and I grin at Scott. "I got my paint."

  "Looks like you got a little more than that."

  My brows raise at his annoyed tone. "Not really. It was crowded in there and it's not like I could just ask him to fuck me sometime."

  "Why not?" Scott asks. "Trust me, it would have worked just fine."

  "Where's the fun in that?" I tease.

  "Indeed."

  Grumpy Scott is back. Great.

  He's probably just pissy because he knows full well he's going to be the one to do all the painting.

  17

  I frown at the walls of my bedroom. Scott painted it for me. Derek is good at many things, namely sports and tanning, but he does not have an eye for color. I'd barely paid attention when he chose, wanting the excuse to return and get more paint. But I hadn't realized how bad it was. It's way too dark, not bold at all. I have no desire for a navy blue room. Navy isn't fun. Navy isn't sexy. I wonder if Derek even paid attention to the color he picked. He seemed awfully intent on my chest area. Which was the point. I just wish I hadn't had Scott paint the whole
thing. It looked brighter before it dried.

  I checked Facebook and Derek is working again today. He really likes people knowing where he is. Or his job is so boring he spends a lot of time on social media. Not that I should judge. I'm addicted to it all and I've been stalking him like a crazy person.

  I dress in a similar fashion as last time since it clearly worked so well on him. It's a pain loading up the paint to return by myself, but I don't want to take Scott this time. It's not fair to make him drive me around and wait for me when he has finals to study for. And especially when he isn't getting any from it either.

  I stop for an iced coffee on the way. I stayed up way too late last night, paint fumes and fantasies mixing to keep sleep at a distance. I finish it off by the time I return the paint at the customer service lane. After I drop the paint off, I head out to look for my target.

  Derek is in the paint section again. He smiles and hugs me when I approach him. "Need more paint?" he asks.

  I look up at him and nod. "Yeah. I decided I wanted something a little brighter. It just wasn't quite right. A little too dark."

  "All right. Do you know what you want?"

  I stare at him a second, taking him in. Yes, yes I do. Man, this dude can fill out a shirt. I've never been so horny for Thor type muscles before, other than on Chris Hemsworth, of course. I'm not dead. But Derek has a very similar build and damn it is sexy.

  At his questioning look, I shake off my lust and show him one of the paint samples I'd held up against my wall and loved. I shove away the thought that it's the same shade as Scott's eyes. Just a coincidence.

  He bobs his head in a nod. "I like it. What does Adam think?"

  Ah. Awkward. "We aren't together anymore."

  "I'm sorry, Amanda."

  I wave a careless hand. "Don't be. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me." A better thing would have been never dating the jackass, but here we are.

  A smile spreads across his mouth. "Man, I've waited years to hear you say that."

  My shock is completely real, I'm completely floored. "Uh, what?" We never said two words to each other in high school.

  He chuckles. "Yeah, I always had a crush on you, but you were always with him. I mean, I'm sorry, it sucks it didn't work out, but I'm still sort of glad to hear it. He was kind of a douche."

  I'm irrationally angry. How much more could Adam take from me? Not that Derek was someone I want to end up with, but still. If I'd been with Derek instead, I'd probably have way less regrets.

  "I had a crush on you too. But we hardly ever spoke, so I had no idea. And you're also right about him being a douche."

  "I wish I had known. We could have had some fun times together. You were so hot, hell, everyone wanted you. Adam was the lucky sucker who won."

  That rubs me a little the wrong way. Adam won? Did he know any of this? Did Scott? Was I some part of a freaky high school pool? Was I just a prize Adam won? And he finally got tired of playing the game I didn't know I was a part of?

  Derek seems to realize how his words sounded. Or maybe sees the look on my face. "No, no, no. We didn't have any kind of teen drama movie thing cooked up. It was just...there were several guys in school who were bummed when you and Adam got together. We were jealous."

  I nod. "I get it." It was still probably a game for Adam. The jackass was all about status. But who knew I was so popular and desired back then? I seriously had no idea. I was busy with school and Adam and Scott. It was probably just because I filled out fast and big in the chest area.

  He gnaws on his lip, worry wrinkling his brow. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

  I shake everything off. I'm here for fun, not more blows to the heart. "You didn't. I'm just surprised is all."

  He looks truly regretful. An emotion I've become very well acquainted with. "Well, it's my own fault for not asking you out sooner."

  I step close and look up at him, so close I can feel the heat from his gorgeous body. So close I can smell him. So close my breasts brush against his chest with each of my breaths. "You know, you could always ask me out now."

  He winces, temptation and desire shining in his green eyes. "I could, but I have to be honest with you. I'm not looking for a relationship. Too much of my life is up in the air right now and I have to make the decisions for me, not for someone else."

  I cock my head to the side and grin. "Funny, I'm not looking for one either. For basically the same reasons. I just want to have a good time." I'm relieved, because I don't want to encourage feelings. I have no interest in getting back into something serious anytime soon. Especially with someone I know is completely wrong for me.

  He purses his lips in thought before answering. "I hear you. And I could use a good time."

  "So could I. I may not want a relationship, but I'm not a nun either." I've thrown down all my cards. There's a time for subtle, and this isn't one of those times.

  His relieved smile matches my own feelings on the matter. He raises a brow. "So, you wanna go to the drive-in tonight?"

  That song from Grease pops into my head, and I bite back a giggle. "I'd love to. You can pick me up at eight."

  We talk about high school and what everyone is doing while he mixes my paint for me. He carts it all out for me again and loads it into my car.

  He hands me his phone. "Put your number in here and I'll call for directions before I come pick you up."

  I take it and input my number in his phone and send myself a text so I'll have his as well.

  I brush a kiss against his cheek. "Thanks. I'll text you my address."

  His face turns a little red. "No problem. See you tonight."

  I bite my lip as I watch him walk away. This is happening.

  18

  I really hate this awful navy color. I can't wait till Scott has time to paint over it. I sent him a text letting him know about the new shade and my upcoming date with Derek, but he hasn't responded.

  After taking care of some personal grooming, I shower and massage my skin with my favorite honeysuckle scented lotion. Instead of cutoff shorts, I put on a cherry red halter sundress and no bra or underwear.

  Two words. Easy. Access.

  I let my hair tumble down my shoulders in tousled waves. I look and smell like summer nights. Excitement skitters through me. I haven't been to a drive-in in ages. And other than the hand-job I gave Scott at our brunch spot, I've never done any sort of sexual acts in public. But a drive-in will make the perfect spot for it. And I highly doubt we'll be the only ones taking advantage of it.

  At least, I hope we're taking advantage of it. I'm pretty sure if I make the first move, he'll get with the program.

  Ready a little early, I text Scott again, letting him know where I'm going and I add a tease about the handyman role he’s filling for me. I stare at my phone, waiting for a response until Derek knocks on my door.

  Throwing my worries and annoyance with Scott off, I slip my phone into my purse and answer the door. Derek's brows raise as he takes me in. He cleans up pretty well himself. He has on a green tee and low riding jeans, his muscles trying to burst from the fabric. He may not be playing ball anymore, but he's definitely keeping up with his workouts at the gym.

  "Wow. You look hot."

  I smile. "Thanks. So do you."

  He pushes the door wide. "You ready?"

  I nod and slip past him. "I am."

  He holds out his elbow like a gentleman for me to take. I smile at him and intertwine my arm with his. "The movie won't start till it's dark, so you want to grab some food before we go?"

  "Sure. We can get it to go if you want and we can smuggle it in."

  He laughs. "Excellent idea."

  I purse my lips, trying to think of something that won't entail greasy food on the way to the movie. "Panera?"

  He opens the door of his car for me. "Hell yeah. I love that place."

  I slide into the passenger seat and smile up at him. "Me too."

  He closes the door and jogs over to the dri
ver side. "Why don't you pull up the menu on your phone and we'll figure out what we want to order before we get there."

  "Okay." I pull my phone from my purse, frowning at the continued silence from Scott before pulling up the restaurant's website.

  We chat back and forth about what sounds good and will carry well. We both end up choosing salads and paninis.

  Once we have our food, an awkward silence swells between us as he drives to the movie. I wonder if he's hoping for the same thing I am. Or if he thinks this is just us hanging out for old time's sake. Considering we never hung out before, though…

  I sincerely hope he's planning on more than watching the movie.

  And I can't believe I'm actually headed to a date with Derek freaking Conway, the hero of our school. He could have had any girl in school and he'd wanted me? What would that have been like? Instead of wasting time on Adam, if I'd ended up with Derek? Would I have molded myself for him too? Or would we have gone our separate ways upon graduation and my college experiences would have been wildly different?

  And what about Scott? Would we have stayed as close if I'd gotten swept up in the lure of popularity and jocks?

  Maybe it all worked out the way it was supposed to, but I still wished I could remove Adam from my history. I'd gotten caught up in stalking him too recently, just out of curiosity and a morbid hope that he was miserable. He hadn't posted much online and we weren't friends anymore, so I couldn't see everything. I could have asked Scott, but I didn't want him to think I was still hung up on Adam. I just wanted to see if he was happy without me. And from what I saw, he's just fine. He's been going out with friends who tagged him in dumbass drunk-at-the-bar photos. He looked happy. And I hate it.

  A dark part of me hopes he regrets breaking my heart. I want him to come crawling back so I can have a little closure. And send him crawling back to the depths of hell he came from.