“I’m saying I’ve never seen this side of you before. There’s a fire in your eyes that hasn’t been there ever. I feel like I’m literally watching you come into your own.” He smirked, and I knew something smartass-ish was about to come out. “Your balls tripled in size, bro. Why don’t you give ‘em a grab? See for yourself.”
“I’m not grabbing my balls,” I deadpanned.
I’d do it later. When he wasn’t watching.
Jace smiled widely, thoroughly amused. “You’re sure you won’t come with me?” he asked.
“No, I have a contract to sign. And, uh, apparently, it comes with a place at headquarters. An apartment.”
He nodded. “It’s a nice building. Good security. I made sure.”
“You already checked up on it?”
“Of course.”
I shook my head, bewildered.
“I’m always gonna look out for you, Arrow. That’s never going to change.”
“It goes both ways, you know?” I said. “I’m here for you, too. I know in the past I was more of a… responsibility, but I’d like to level the playing field a little. You can count on me.”
“Good. You can help me and Josie move.”
“Move!” I echoed, surprised. “You’re moving?”
“Now that you’re going to be living across the state at headquarters? Hell yes, I’m making the move, too. No more of this driving back and forth shit. Josie and I have been looking at places near Gamble Speedway.”
“You’ve been commuting all this time because of me?”
Lorhaven and Joey lived together. They had a townhouse not far from her father’s estate, but Lor also still had his place here. I thought it was because he was still running his turf on the other side of town.
“No shit,” He quipped. “Like I’d give up my place when you were still here. Hey, maybe you could tell Hopper you have a room at my apartment, that you aren’t actually homeless.”
I couldn’t help it. I grinned. “He got in a few good hits, did he?”
Lorhaven grunted.
“I have to be across the state soon. I have a GearShark interview.”
Lorhaven grinned. “Fucking right! Just send me all the info. I’ll be there. Josie, too.”
I nodded. “I, ah, may just stay down there when I get there.”
The thought of moving, of leaving this garage permanently, made me a little panicked. This place was my safe zone.
He nodded. Then, as if he knew, he said, “This place will always be ours. You can come here whenever you want.”
“Thanks, Jace.”
He slapped me on the back. “Well, as long as everything’s okay here, I’m gonna jet. Duty calls. But if you need me, just holler. I’ll see you when you get to town. You still have the key to our place there, right?”
I nodded.
“Use it. You can stay there until you get the keys to your apartment.”
I nodded again. He was staring at me, and it made me self-conscious. But then he laughed beneath this breath and pulled me in for another hug. “I love you,” he said. “I’m proud of you, no matter what.”
I hugged him tighter.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Lor said and pulled back. “But tell him. Give Hopper the chance to see all of you. He just might surprise you.”
“I’ll think about it.” I promised.
Jace turned and walked toward the door. Then he stopped, pivoting back around. “Hey, A? You talk to Dad?”
My stomach dropped. “He’s called. I’ve ignored him.”
He nodded, relieved. “That’s good.”
Jace didn’t want me to talk to our father. He was dead set against it. He might be willing to give Hopper a chance, but our father? Never. According to what he told Jace months ago when they saw each other, my father felt bad about the things that happened between us.
Between us = shit he did to me.
He wanted a chance to talk to me. He’d been hoping to find an ally in Jace.
Jace told him to go fuck himself.
Since then, I hadn’t reached out. I hadn’t answered his calls. I’d been hiding from that, too. Part of me wanted to talk to my father—that part of Dylan that still lived inside me. Maybe it was that innocence Jace liked to tell me I had.
The other part of me? I was so hurt and angry by what he’d done. I blamed him for a lot of shit that went wrong in my life. I didn’t want to give him any kind of opening to do that again.
Just like everything else in my life, I couldn’t hide forever. I was going to have to face him eventually. I wanted to move on. I couldn’t do that by forever ignoring his attempts at contacting me.
He made me feel powerless, something I hated.
Maybe it was time.
Time to take that power back.
I didn’t really have calls to make.
I just said that to give him some time.
To give me some time.
Fuck, I felt like hitting the gas, speeding away, and not coming back.
I couldn’t. I promised Arrow I’d be here. Keeping that promise, being here for him, was way more important to me than the way I felt.
Fuuuck.
I sat in the driver’s seat of the Audi, heat pumping into the cold car, and stared out the windshield, seeing nothing at all.
He defended me. Put his body in front of mine. Just minutes before, he’d been trembling when I got close, slightly unsure, yet he protected me.
What was I supposed to do with that?
I didn’t think I could walk away (or speed away in my car).
But—
Bam! Bam! Bam!
I jerked toward the sudden knocking, surprised to see someone standing right there at the window. I didn’t even see him approach.
I hit a button, and the glass lowered. Wintry air carrying the fresh, distinct scent of snow swirled in and mixed with the heat.
“What?” I intoned.
Lorhaven braced his palm on the roof of my Audi and leaned in. We locked eyes. I wasn’t about to back down. If he wanted to go another round, I’d take him on.
The look on Arrow’s face when he’d seen us fighting flashed in my mind. That look before he went all fierce on Lorhaven.
Fearful. Haunted. Freaked out.
My stomach twisted. I didn’t like seeing that look. I understood it all too well.
“I’m out,” Lorhaven told me. “But I’m watching you. Every move you make, I’m gonna see.”
He was leaving? “Where’s Arrow?” I asked, suspicious.
“Inside.”
“He okay?” I asked, a little accusatory. Lorhaven better not have upset him.
He made an impatient sound. “Of course he’s okay.”
So he was leaving without his brother, knowing I was still here. Kinda made me wish I’d stood outside the door and eavesdropped. I wondered what Arrow said about me.
“Look, I’m not gonna pretend I’m happy about you being here. But it’s what he wants. And Josie likes you. Even when I tell her not to.”
I made an amused sound. I missed her.
“So I’m gonna give you another shot. Don’t fuck it up. Don’t fuck with my brother. He’s been through way more than anyone should.”
I felt my brows crease. His posturing didn’t concern me. What concerned me was what I didn’t know about A. “Care to elaborate?”
He gave me a look like I should know better than to ask. I did, but I asked anyway.
“That’s for him to share. And when he does…” The muscles in his jaw clenched. His eyes darkened.
I waited for him to finish, anxious.
He tapped the roof of my car, looking away and then back. “Bottom line? If you hurt him in any way, I’ll kill you.”
I could have made a million responses.
Get in line.
I’ve heard that before.
Kill me? I’d like to see you try.
Go ahead. Put me out of my misery.
I didn’t voic
e any of the best replies I had. Instead, I came out with something neither of us was expecting.
“What if he hurts me?”
Lorhaven pulled back, straightening out of the window. I could tell my answer caught him off guard.
Good.
“I’ll be seeing you,” he murmured and walked away.
I rolled up the window and shut off the engine.
I glanced up at the door leading into the hangar. Arrow was in there. With a heavy exhale, I leaned my head against the seat and closed my eyes.
Am I ready for this?
I want to be.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready.
Even though my eyes were closed and I was sitting here alone in my car, I felt his presence. It was unsettling as much as it was welcome.
I opened my eyes, stared up at the ceiling of the Audi for a brief pause, then cautiously lowered my chin. Arrow was there, just as I knew he would be. Beyond the matte-black hood, he seemed to tower, eyes affixed on where I sat.
He was dressed in a red-and-black flannel. It didn’t look very “woodsy” or mountain man-ish on him. Instead, it appeared slightly grungy, metro. The black T-shirt beneath it only made it seem edgier.
His hair was tamer than when he first got out of bed, but it still ruffled around on the side of his head in the wind. My gaze swept over his facial features, checking to make sure he wasn’t upset or even hurt. If he was, I knew I’d fling myself out of this car and chase down Lorhaven before he stepped back on the jet he landed in.
How had we not even heard him land?
Because we were too involved with each other to hear or notice anything else.
Arrow seemed fine, perhaps a little cautious as he watched me, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his jeans, and even though he hid it in his stare, I still heard the question he was silently asking.
Are you staying?
My fingers curled around the door handle before I even noticed I’d moved. The door popped open, and the thick scent of winter rushed in. It was fucking cold as shit out here. The temperature woke me up, slapped me out of whatever trance I was in, and I hustled around to where Arrow waited.
His eyes. Whoever said they were windows to the soul must have known someone like Arrow. I’d never really thought much about that statement, but now… now there were no truer words.
What I saw when he looked at me like that, like he was naked and insecure but wanting so badly to trust me—it wrapped around my chest like a vise, and the longer I looked, the tighter the vise became.
“You left your hat backward,” he noted.
I nodded slowly. “In case you might wanna kiss me again.”
“Oh, I want to,” he murmured, so low I almost didn’t hear.
My stomach burned like the butterflies had fluttered so fiercely beneath my ribs their wings caught fire.
I slid my arm between his and his side, slipping it around his back. Both his hands came out of his pockets, and he shifted a little closer. I pulled him tighter into my side.
We walked inside, and I was once again struck by how intensely I hated this hangar. Not because it wasn’t a nice place for cars. Hell, it was.
But it was no place for Arrow.
“We should talk,” I said.
Slowly, as if he didn’t want to, Arrow pulled away from my arm. I watched him retreat to a nearby tool bench and pick up an envelope. “Go over this with me? I want to sign it now.”
I swallowed. Something lodged in my throat, and I had the sudden urge to race out after Lorhaven to get in a few more solid punches.
Arrow hadn’t been this sure about signing a contract until his brother walked out of here. Obviously, the guy had a ton of pull over his brother. Obviously, he told him to sign with NRR.
I didn’t want Arrow in the NRR. I wanted him in NASCAR. With me.
“Maybe you should give it some more thought,” I told him.
His head tilted to the side. “I thought you wanted me to decide ASAP because of the GearShark interview and the beginning of NASCAR season.”
“I want you to be sure of what you’re doing.”
“I am sure. More sure than I’ve ever been.” He sounded sure, confident. I loved the look on him, but I hated it was taking him away from me.
He’s not yours to be taken. Sure as hell didn’t feel like it in the moment.
I cleared my throat. “So I guess Lorhaven helped you decide.”
Arrow nodded.
I made a sound and turned away. This was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to call Gamble and tell him to go fuck himself for sending me up here. Then I wanted to speed away, go somewhere else, and start all over again.
I’d done it once.
It wasn’t fun then. It would be worse now.
“Hopp.” Arrow’s voice was so close. Then I felt his hand, his fingers wrapping around my wrist.
I glanced over at him. He was so close yet so very far away.
“Not gonna lie,” I said, gruff. “I was hoping you’d pick NASCAR.”
“I did.”
I blinked. Blinked again. It was like my brain did a double take, but the rest of me didn’t move. Then suddenly, once I realized what he’d said, I jerked around to face him. “You chose NASCAR?”
He half smiled, nodding. “You’re surprised?”
“Well, yeah.” I scoffed.
A look came over his features, cautious yearning. Slowly, he reached up and brushed the backs of his knuckles over the stubble on my jaw. “Shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise,” he whispered.
My heart seized. “Everything about you is a surprise,” I murmured.
I moved forward abruptly, tilted my face, and affixed my lips to his. I had to kiss him just then. There was no other course of action. I breathed in as our lips locked, as if kissing him wasn’t enough, as if I had to fill my lungs with the very air that caressed his skin.
He was surprised, but then all the stiffness drained from his body and we melted together. One of my arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer. Arrow was tall, but I was wider than him, maybe one inch taller.
He fit inside my hold perfectly. He filled in all the hollow places so even though it was me who surrounded him, he made me feel full.
Arrow’s fingers flexed at the small of my back, bunched in my shirt, then released. I hunched in a little closer as our lips tasted one another over and over again. I licked at his tongue, that pouty lower lip I loved so much, and even glided over his teeth.
My blood hammered with need, and I went in a little bit deeper. He moaned, and I swallowed it. The taste was something I wanted never to end.
His chest was pressed right against mine. Our bodies rubbed together as we kissed and fought to get closer. I couldn’t tell if it was my heart or his pounding so forcefully. I hadn’t felt this way in so long. I hadn’t felt all reason fly away and pure instinct take over.
I stepped forward, grabbed him even closer, and started walking. His steps shuffled over the ground as we continued to kiss, and I practically bulldozed him across the floor until his back hit a large storage locker.
I reached up, cradled the back of his head with my palm, and then dove into his mouth with renewed ferocity. His fingers dug into my sides, anchoring his body close, and he kissed me back with all the passion I thought I’d never know again.
I ripped my mouth free, and we both gasped. Then I kept kissing. Across his jaw and down his neck. He tilted up his head, giving me access, and I licked and nipped in the direction the arrow tattoo on his neck pointed.
I wanted to sink my teeth into that spot. I wanted to suck the flesh and leave an I was here mark so the arrow pointed to it like a lit sign pointing to things that needed extra attention.
Just the thought, just the intention of doing it, made me growl like a predator. With the sound, I thrust my hips forward and pinned Arrow even farther against the locker. My fingers curled in the edges
of the flannel and T-shirt, yanking the fabric away from that spot.
Something changed in the air. It took a second to break through the haze of fucking need, but it did. Arrow’s body was rigid now, and instead of just being pinned between me and the locker, he was plastered against it as if he were trying to get away.
The hands against my sides were vibrating they shook so much. I even felt a slight tremor in his knees.
I lifted my head, mere inches from the spot I was dying to own. His lips were pink, glossed, and slightly swollen from the way we’d gone at each other.
But instead of the hazy, horny look in his eyes I expected, there was panic…
Fear.
I backed up instantly, even though it felt like prying a tongue off a frozen pole. I couldn’t bring myself to let him go completely, so one hand remained pressed against his abs.
“What did I do?” I asked, my voice rough.
He glanced at me, then looked away. His head shook once in the negative.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“I… I can’t.” His voice was shaky.
I felt compelled to say something, to understand. The vibe in the air was unmistakable, but I didn’t comprehend it. “You know I’m not going to hurt you, right?”
Arrow didn’t say anything. Instead, his gaze remained averted. His quaking hands fell away from my sides, and it felt I was losing something, something I fiercely wanted.
“Hey,” I said a little more forcefully, a little angrier than I intended. My hand caught his chin, forcing his face toward mine. “Who hurt you?”
His eyes searched mine. The fear went away, but left in its wake was obvious misery. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“For what?” I demanded.
“It’s always there.” He went on as if he were speaking to himself and not me. The dark eyes that were so much like a vise to my chest swung to me, piercing with desolation. “I can’t do this.”
I dropped his chin, caging his body with my arms, pressing my palms against the locker. “Do what?”
He gestured between us, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “This. I thought I could. I want to.” His voice cracked. His eyes begged me to understand. “God, I want to. But just now—” He stopped, shaking his head. “I’m afraid I’ll just bring you down with me. The only thing worse than what I’m saying now is to someday have you look at me and realize you made a mistake.”
#Blur (The GearShark Series Book 4) Page 21