I knock lightly on his open door as he looks up and spots me. His face instantly drops when he sees me standing at his door, but he recovers quickly. He almost looked afraid to see me, like he was slightly panicked. I mean I know I’m an intimidating guy, but really?
“Hey Grayson. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Smug son of a bitch recovered pretty quickly from his look of terror.
Stepping into his office and looking around I say, “Nice office. I was hoping to talk to you quick. Sorry about just showing up, I hope that’s okay? I don’t have your number so I figured this would work.”
“Sure, come in and have a seat.” I sit down in the overpriced arm chair across from his desk.
“As nice as this visit is, I’m hoping you won’t be offended if I ask you to keep it short? I have some work I have to get done before a meeting I have in an hour.”
“No that’s just fine, I’ll keep this short.”
“Glad to hear it. What can I help you with?”
“I just wanted to come and clear the air. I know Harmen is important to both of us, but I hope you know I will always be in her life. We’ve been best friends since we were little and I don’t think that will be ending anytime soon.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I hope you get that I will be the most important man in her life. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon or ever if I can help it. Look,” he says leaning forward and resting his crossed arms on the desk, “I know you’re in love with my girlfriend. I get it, I am too obviously. But I hope you respect that I am her boyfriend and hopefully one day in the near future her fiancé and then husband, while you are and always will be just her friend. You missed your chance in high school and now it’s time for you to move on,” he says with a smug smile on his lips and he leans back in his chair like it’s a throne.
This dick really thought I was here to try steal her away? Okay so maybe I want to, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to. If I ever end up with Harmen I want it to be because she wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with her and I want her to realize that on her own. Not with me breathing down her neck, which I’ve always wanted to do but that’s a topic for another time.
“I’m not here because I’m in love with Harmen, contrary to what you may believe. I actually came here to see if we could clear the air. I don’t think either of us plans on leaving her life anytime soon, which means we will have to be able to be around each other without open disgust written on our faces. I’m not saying we need to be buddy-buddy because let’s be honest, hell would probably freeze over before that were to ever happen. But for the sake of the girl stuck in the middle don’t you think we can at least be civil?” Somehow my statement must have struck the wrong cord with him because now he looks down right menacing.
“Alright Grayson, let me frank. You and I will never be friends. Harmen is my girlfriend and yes she may be your friend, for now, but if I have anything to do with it you two won’t be friends for much longer. She only has the need for one man in her life and that man is me. I know you’ll probably leave here and call her as soon as you’re out of the building. You’ll tell her how I’m trying to force her to choose and how I’m trying to sabotage your lifelong friendship, but news flash, she won’t believe you.” The more this guy opens his mouth the more I want to kick him in his berries just for the hell of it.
“Excuse me? Are you threatening to ruin my relationship with Harmen?”
“No Grayson, I would never threaten you or your relationship with my girlfriend. I think you will sabotage it all on your own, I mean how many fights have you guys had in the last week? I’d say you’re actually doing a great job of it already. Don’t you think?” he asks with a smirk that tells me he really thinks he’s going to win this. Well game on asshole. No one takes my girl away from me.
I’m seconds away from going full Tarzan on his ass and starting to pound on my chest to show him who the real man is. Just as I’m getting ready to open my mouth and tell him off he stands from his desk and starts walking towards the door.
“Where are you going? We’re not done here,” I say to his back as he reaches the door.
“Actually yes we are. I have a meeting to get to, but I’m glad you stopped by so we could clear the air.” With that he turns and walks out the door leaving me sitting in his office wondering what the hell just happened. I seem to be wondering that a lot lately.
I know I need to tell Harmen what Brett said today, because I truly don’t think I can hide it from her. No matter what he says I have faith that she’ll believe me over him any day. Except today about the flowers I guess. But I try not to let that get into my head because I know it was a onetime thing. Just as I stand up out of the chair and turn towards the door Brett steps back in the doorway.
“Oh and Grayson, thanks for the flowers. She loved them.” With a nasty smirk on his lips he turns and disappears into a conference room like he didn’t just drop a nuclear bomb.
I’m pretty sure I continue to stand in his office for five minutes after he leaves with my jaw laying on the floor. I knew he took my flowers and gave them to Harmen himself, but I didn’t think he’d actually come straight out and admit it. I’m not sure what kind of game he’s playing, but I know I’m going to do whatever I can to figure it out before it’s too late. And maybe that means not telling Harmen everything I know until the end.
Chapter 8
Harmen
Later that week I get a text from Gray asking if I want to meet up for breakfast. Since I first brought up us not hanging out together as much we haven’t gone to breakfast, which is huge seeing as how we used to go almost every morning. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve realized just how much I miss spending time with him. I don’t really have any other friends besides Gray which means I’ve been spending all of my time with Brett. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But at the same time I miss my best friend.
It’s especially hard to be away from someone you are used to seeing and talking to almost daily. When you become that attached to someone it’s hard to put some distance between you, so I have to remind myself almost every day why I put that distance there in the first place.
You’d think after a day or so I would have moved on and been okay with the new way our relationship works especially since I was the one who changed it. But no matter how hard I try to forget, or how hard I try my best to focus on Brett, I can’t get rid of the intense pain I have in my heart. I feel like I’m purposely pushing away a part of me and internally it’s killing me, the worst part is at the end of the day I have no one to blame but myself. And knowing I’m hurting Gray in the process, yeah that’s even worse.
I go to the corner café after telling Gray I’ll meet him there and spot him sitting in our regular booth. He doesn’t see me yet, which gives me a chance to study him without him noticing, which also helps me seem like less of a creep.
His regular styled black hair looks disheveled, almost like his been repeatedly running his hands through it. I also notice his green eyes look almost dull compared to the brightness that’s usually in them. As I get closer to the booth he looks up and spots me. I’m expecting to get a bright Grayson smile or a sexy smirk, but instead I’m on the receiving end of a tight lipped smile, which for some reason makes me pause. Looking at the hurt I see in his eyes makes me feel like a I have a ten-pound boulder sitting on my heart, slowly killing me from the inside out.
As I take a closer look at him I notice the dark circles that have a made a home under his eyes. It looks like he hasn’t slept for days. I finish making my way to the booth and take a seat across from him on my side.
“Hi,” I say with a tentative smile.
“Hey,” he answers with a look on his face that tells me he’s sad about something.
“What’s wrong? You seem sad about something.”
“I’ve just missed you that’s all,” he says with the same sad smile. I reach across the table and grab one of him hands and give it a
squeeze.
“Well, I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry for freaking out so much lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know you’re just looking out for me like you always do, I just apparently didn’t want to hear it.”
“I probably could have done it differently, but I just want what’s best for you and I don’t think that’s him. That’s all,” Gray said.
Oh lord almighty and heavens above give me strength. I came here wanting to get my best friend back without any talk of Brett, but I’m starting to think that’s not something I can just wish will happen.
“I appreciate that, but can we just leave it at that for now? I just want you to accept my relationship with Brett. I know you don’t like him, but can you just pretend? For me?”
“Now that you mention it, that’s why I wanted to have breakfast with you. I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Why do I get a feeling I’m not going to like whatever it is that’s causing him to be this upset? And on top of that I absolutely hate when someone says they want to talk about something. I mean come on, are you trying to give me a heart attack? My brain jumps to the worst possibility first; it’s just how I am I can’t help it. Like maybe he hates me and doesn’t want to see me anymore. Oh, or maybe he has a new girlfriend?
Wait, I thought he was still with that stripper chick? But now that I think about it I haven’t seen her around for a while so maybe he cut her loose while he could. Oh wouldn’t that be good news. Fingers crossed it’s something like that. Focus Harmen, good Lord.
“Okay, what is it?”
“I went to see Brett at his office a couple days ago and talked to him.”
“You what?” I ask with what I’m sure looks like a stunned look on my face. That was definitely not what I prepared to hear him say. I told you I always think of the bad things, never the good ones.
“I went to see him at his office because I didn’t exactly have his number and I wanted to try clear the air.”
“Seriously?” I think he’s starting to get annoyed with me questioning him now. Oops. But, I mean come on. What’s changed in the last two weeks that didn’t happen in the last two years to make him put an effort in now? I’m just confused, that’s all.
“Yes Harmen, seriously.”
“Is that all you’re going to tell me? That you went and tried to clear the air with my boyfriend? You’re just going to leave me hanging?”
“No, I’ll tell you what we talked about if you can calm down and stop asking questions long enough and for me to do so. Think you can handle that?” he asks with an amused expression on his face.
Laughing lightly, I leaned back in my chair and say, “Yeah I can do that. Sorry I just got confused and then I got excited. I thought it was going to be something terrible, you know how my brain works. This is what I’ve always wanted to happen and now that it is I just want to jump up and down saying praise Jesus. Okay now I’m rambling, I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet.”
He just laughs at me with a slight shake of his head and an adoring smile and mimics my move of leaning back in his chair and getting comfy.
“Okay so like I was saying, I went to his office in hopes to talk with him and clearing the air in hopes of finding common ground. Well, that common ground is you. We talked and just kind of got to know each other better since we’ve never done it before. We will never be buddy-buddy but we agreed to not show so much open disgust when we see each other from now on. And that’s it.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes, Harmen that’s it. Quit questioning me so much would you,” he says with a big huff.
If I didn’t know him so well I would believe him, but I know him better than he probably knows himself so I know he’s not telling me something.
“That’s a lie. There’s something you’re not telling me, Gray. I know it.” He just sighs and rolls his eyes like it’s this big inconvenience I know him so well.
“No there isn’t. I’m telling you what happened. I thought you would be happy?”
“I am happy, Gray! I just feel like you aren’t telling me something.”
“Well, I’m telling you everything. I’m telling you that we agreed to be civil to each other from here on out. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Of course that’s what I want. I can’t even tell you how much it means to me that you were willing to do that for me. But you promise you’re not hiding anything from me? You know I can take it if you are right?”
“Yes Har, I promise. Nothing else happened. I just wanted to tell you so that we can go back to being friends. I miss seeing and talking to you all the time.”
I go from not believing Gray, to believing every word that comes out of his mouth at the drop of a hat. Or actually I should say at the drop of my heart. That makes no sense, but oh well.
My heart and I are so happy right now I think we could both burst. If we did decide now was the moment to bust I know Gray would be there to tape both of us back together, just like he’s always done no matter what. That’s why I love him so much, and always have. Well, not like I love Brett, right? No. That kind of love ended in high school, I think.
Now I love him in a completely platonic way. Oh yeah super platonic, yup yup yup. I just don’t stare into his bright green eyes for too long anymore or look at his dimples and chiseled jaw. Yeah he’s basically my brother, and my heart feels the same way obviously.
I snap out of yet another internal monologue and find Gray staring at me. Oh lord have I been staring at him this whole time? I’m probably drooling. Let me check. Nope I’m good. I make a quick recovery and say, “I miss you too. These last couple weeks have been absolutely horrible not feeling like I could call or text you at any time. There were so many dumb little things that I wanted to talk to you about, but I didn’t know if I could.” Sadly, I look down at the table, upset with myself for putting a strain on our friendship in the first place.
“Of course you could have called or texted me at any point, Har. You should know by now that I always want to hear from you, even when we’re fighting. You’re my best friend.”
“And you’re mine. I know I didn’t say it right away, but thank you for going and talking to Brett. I know you probably didn’t want to, but it means so much to me that you did. I can’t even begin to explain it,” I say with a smile that’s probably splitting my face in two as I speak.
“I just wanted to make you happy. That’s all I ever want to do.” Ugh and then he says swoon worth shit like this that makes it hard for me remember that I’m supposed to be looking at him like a brother.
Why couldn’t he have loved me the way I loved him in high school? We could have avoided all of this and been happy together. What the hell Harmen? Stop thinking like that. It’s in the past and Brett is your future.
Sometimes I swear I talk to myself more than I talk to other people, but who really needs a bunch of friends when you have your subconscious right? Not me that’s who, I just need one. One very handsome swoon worthy best friend. Oh good Lord brain knock it off!
We talk for a little while longer, catching up on what we missed in that last couple weeks of awkward avoidance, then decide it’s probably time to get going to class. Gray goes up to the counter to pay our bill while I grab my things and decide to wait for him by the front door. After he’s done he comes up and opens the door for me to go out before him. Did I mention that he’s a total gentleman too? Oh yeah, I have myself a very gentlemanly brother. Lucky me.
As I turn to ask him if he wants to walk to class, I notice he looks more reserved than he did five minutes ago. His green eyes have gone back to the dull color they were when I first saw him this morning. I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but as I open my mouth to ask him, he interrupts me. “Well thanks for meeting me for breakfast, but I have to get to work so I’ll talk to you later.”
“What do you mean you have to get to work? Where are you working? And why didn’t I know you got a job?” He leans back on his hee
ls and rubs the back of his neck with one of his hands as if he’s unsure how to answer my question.
“Well I got the job I applied for at the Academic Records office on campus as a student worker and I started last week. I figured you were still mad at me for being an ass so I didn’t think you’d really want to hear about it.”
“Of course I would have wanted to hear about it,” I say as I reach out to touch his arm only to have him take a step back. What the hell? He’s never stepped away from my touch. I was just touching his hand in the diner not that long ago, what’s changed since then?
I drop my hand before continuing, “Well I’m glad I know now and I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks Har, but I better get going so I’m not late.”
“Oh yeah, of course. I don’t want you to be late. I’ll talk to you later and thanks for breakfast,” I say awkwardly while looking down at my feet on the sidewalk.
“No problem, thanks for meeting me. I’ll talk to you later. Bye,” he says with a small smile as he turns around and crosses the road to walk towards the main building on campus.
I stand there for a couple minutes and look after him wondering what it is I missed. He has never shied away from my touch, it used to seem like he almost wanted me to touch him. I know there is something he isn’t telling me, but I can’t figure out if it’s about Brett or something else. Either way, I know I need to find out.
Chapter 9
Grayson
I walk into the main building on campus feeling a little bad about breakfast with Harmen. I went into it knowing I needed to pull back a little bit, but I had a little more faith in my abilities to do it subtly than I apparently have. Anyone in a ten-foot radius could probably tell I was hiding something from her.
If Only I Knew Page 6