Ah hell and then when we were out on the side walk and she touched my arm all I wanted to do was pull her into my chest and never let her go. Instead, I stuck to my stupid ass plan and pulled away. If my shifty face while telling her about talking with Brett didn’t give away that I was hiding something, then pulling away from her touch certainly did.
I can’t even blame her for thinking somethings wrong. Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my emotions, especially from her. And on top of that I’ve never in my life, pulled away from her touch. Since high school I usually try to do everything I can think of to get her to touch me, whether it’s hug her or just stand to close to her so she has to brush up against me. I know I’m pathetic, sue me.
It’s probably a good thing I never play poker or plan on being one of those scary ass detectives that participate in the good cop bad cop scheme, I’d screw that up in two seconds flat. That’s a promise. I know I need to give her some space otherwise I’m opening myself up to a whole heap of questions and I just don’t think I can handle that.
Not because I would cave or anything unmanly like that, but let’s be honest I can’t lie worth a shit. It’s not like it’s some skill I once had and lots over time, no I’ve never been able to, just ask my mom. I’ve tried plenty of times over the years, but it wasn’t until later I found out I practically squeak like a frickin’ rubber duck when I try to lie. Which is a lie itself because I’m one hundred percent man and men don’t squeak.
Anyways, long story short, I suck at lying and Harmen knows better than anyone when I’m trying to hide something so the best game plan from this point forward is to just keep my distance. Only until I figure out how I’m going to get rid of the trash and then I’ll get my girl back. Yes. My girl. Mine. Dammit now I just sound like one of those birds from that Disney movie about the funny fish.
Once I walk into the office I make my way to the back corner of the overly small room that’s considered the Academic Records Office. I’m one of many student workers that help out in the office throughout the semester, but thankfully today I’m the only one so I get the pea sized desk all to myself. While the computer boots up I contemplate what to do.
Over the last couple days since I talked with Brett I’ve been battling with myself about how far I’m willing to go to get rid of him. It’s not that I want to get rid of him per say, I know I’ve said it before but there is something off about the guy. It’s just this feeling I get whenever he’s around and I feel like as Har’s friend it’s part of my job description to vet him before he gets to comfy around my girl.
I’m typically a guy who plays by the rules and doesn’t abuse the trust other people give me, but I feel like the dirt bag is hiding something and I just want to find out what it is. Call me curious. I’ve been debating whether or not to look at his information we have at the records office from when he was still a student. I’m pretty sure just the idea of doing it and knowing how much trouble I’d be in if anyone found out is giving me hives. All I know is since the idea popped into my head a couple days ago I’ve been one itchy son of a bitch. And I can’t open my mouth to try lie my way through it or Lord knows I’ll start squeaking all over the place.
While mentally slapping myself, I have to remind myself that I’m doing this to protect Harmen. Alright, I made the executive decision to have a peak at Mr. Model’s file. Well that was easy. Mention Harmen and apparently my brain decides to break all kinds of laws. I just won’t speak about it and then I hopefully won’t blow it. I’m a man, I can do this.
I just have to keep reminding myself I’m doing this for Harmen, to keep her safe and happy. And also because I hate the guy and I’m a nosey son of a bitch, but if anyone asks I’ll just leave that last part out. Thankfully it’s slow today and its only Mrs. Anderson and me in the office so I just have to wait the old bat out. I figure once she goes to lunch and I’m left covering by myself that’ll be the best time to break the law. With less witnesses and what not.
A couple hours later I notice Mrs. Anderson is packing up her stuff to take off for lunch, so it’s now or never. “Have a good lunch, Mrs. Anderson,” I say like the innocent law abiding student I’m trying to tell myself I am.
“Think you can hold the fort down while I’m gone, Mr. Beck?”
“Yes ma’am, don’t worry about me,” I say flashing her my winning smile hoping to get her out the door.
“Okay, then I’ll see you when I get back in an hour,” she says as she walks out the office door with a wave over her shoulder. As soon as she’s out the door I take a deep calming breathe, look over my shoulder to double check I’m alone and decide to get down to work.
I pull up Brett’s old information in his student file to see what I can find. Nothing seems out of the ordinary right away, just a copy of his admission paper work and a copy of his ID photo. Ah, he’s such a handsome son of a bitch. Ha! Not.
After I flip through a few more things I stop when I come to a completed transcript with a school logo I don’t recognize on the top. From a quick glance it looks like a completed undergrad degree, but that can’t be right. I snap a picture, hoping I can figure out where it’s from later. After looking through more things I see his transfer paperwork from a law school and a finished degree. What the hell.
That doesn’t make any sense though, why would someone complete law school and then come back to college? I flip a couple more pages over and go back to see that the transcript I spotted first is a finished transcript from a college in Los Angeles. I also see his most recent transcript from the year Harmen met him shows that he registered for classes, but then dropped all of them at the last minute. Thoroughly confused, I flip back to the beginning of the pile and pull his admissions paperwork again to take a closer look.
I start to read over the paper and nothing looks out of place just like I thought before, until I get to his birthday. The birthday he listed says he would be two years older than he told Harmen he is. Why would someone lie about their age and say their 25 when they’re really 28? I knew he was in the graduate program when we first saw him at the bookstore a couple years ago, but I’ve always wondered why he didn’t participate in the graduation ceremony.
I assumed he didn’t want to walk and just received his diploma in the mail, but maybe he never finished it? I honestly think I’m getting a headache from how confused I am. Everything else seems to make sense until I see the emergency contact he filled in. By the name she seems to be a woman and the address he listed puts her somewhere is Los Angeles. This just keeps getting more and more strange.
I take a quick glance up at the clock and see that I’ve already been digging through this stuff for forty-five minutes. I snap a few pictures of the admissions paperwork and transcripts and put everything back where I found it before Mrs. Anderson returns from lunch.
After everything is back in order and put away, I sit down in my chair and can’t stop my mind from running. Why would he lie about his age? And who the hell is the woman he listed as his emergency contact? He told Harmen from the start he has no family left, so is it a long lost relative? But if that’s the case and he knows her name and address then she isn’t very lost apparently. But they don’t have the same last name so she’d have to be from his mom’s side.
Maybe she’s a family friend or even just a friend since he apparently has no one else. I mean, that’s the only logical explanation I can come up with. Besides just the emergency contact, what the hell is up with the transcript from a school in Los Angeles and the partial law school transcript? Why would someone want to hide those kind of things and why would he come to a community college if he already has his undergraduate degree? I’ll be honest; I wouldn’t step foot back on this dingy college campus if I already had a degree and had been accepted to a law school.
I knew there was something off about the guy, but I never thought he was lying about things like this. There’s obviously got to be a reason why he’d keep these things from Harmen, right? I mean what possib
le reason would he have to lie to her, and to the whole school really. There’s definitely something going on and I’m going to make sure I’m the one to figure it out. There isn’t a chance in hell I am going to give him an opportunity to hurt my girl, even if I upset her in the process, I know she’ll understand that I’m just trying to look out for her. At least once it’s all said and done, I hope she will.
Chapter 10
Harmen
I walk home after my classes feeling like the whole day has passed in a haze. I don’t even remember going to my classes, that’s how preoccupied my mind has been since Gray left me standing outside the diner this morning feeling more confused than ever.
I can’t get past the feeling that he’s hiding something from me. Actually let me rephrase that, I know he’s hiding something from me. I just can’t figure out what it could be. I know things have been kind of strained between us lately, but we have always been honest with each other. Our whole friendship has been built on honesty, even if it may hurt one or both of us.
Sometimes the truth hurts and I learned that the hard way when I tried to tell Grayson I loved him back in high school. He told me then and there that he didn’t want to do anything that could ruin our friendship, because for him it was the most important thing in his life.
Looking back at it now, I should have known he wasn’t interested in me like that and probably never would be, but the naïve high school girl I was couldn’t see past how I was feeling and how much it hurt to be rejected by my best friend. Over the months that followed graduation I got over my love for him and it became easier for us to get back to how we used to be and now how we are. I’m clearly moved on from the love I had for him in high school, I mean it’s pretty obvious I’m over it.
In my brain I know he wouldn’t lie to me, but I can’t help the little pesky bitch that’s just relentlessly pounding in the back of my head telling me he’s hiding something. I keep seeing the look on his face when he was telling me about meeting up with Brett and about the flowers he says he gave me. It’s like he was trying to convince both of us that’s all it was. These are the thoughts that have been pestering me throughout the day and have now followed me all the way home.
I go to unlock the door of his, or should I say our, apartment and find that it’s already open, which is strange for it being only a little after four. Usually I’m the first one home every day since Brett always works late, which is fine by me.
Thankfully I don’t hear a serial killer rifling around the apartment as I walk through the front door, even though I probably wouldn’t hear them until actually I saw them or they kit me over the head. That’s just how my brain works, no use in trying to change it now.
As I walk further into the apartment the first thing I notice is the suit jacket Brett was wearing this morning laying over the arm of the couch in the living room. Maybe he is home? Wouldn’t that be a nice surprise.
I set my bag and coat down, then cautiously make my way towards the kitchen where it sounds like someone is messing around with pans. I round the corner to see Brett bent over the stove trying, and I use the term trying very loosely since I’ve never seen him in the kitchen doing anything other than eating or drinking, but right now it looks like he might be trying to make something on the stove.
Did I wake up in an alternate universe this morning or something? Maybe I fell and hit my head and I can’t remember? Oh, maybe I got hit by lightning, even though it hasn’t stormed in weeks, maybe it struck me while I was walking to the diner this morning and I just didn’t notice. You never know, it could’ve happened.
What else could possibly explain this extremely strange day. First, Gray was acting odd this morning and he seems to be keeping something from me. Then I come home to find my boyfriend home early and not just that, but he’s cooking in the kitchen. Cooking. Holy shit, that just doesn’t happen.
I hesitantly step into the kitchen since I don’t think he heard me come in and tentatively try to make my presence known without freaking him out. I know how much he hates it when he thinks I sneak up on him, and after the day I’ve had I don’t really want to deal with that too.
Before I can chicken out I quietly say, “Hey, what’re you doing home so early?”
Once he hears my voice he slowly turns around and flashes me that insanely handsome smile that makes my insides shake with excitement every time he directs it at me. Even since that first day in the bookstore it makes me all flustered. I mean is it hot in here or is it just that smile? Phew.
“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in,” he says resting his hip on the counter while facing me.
“What’re you doing home so early, is everything okay?” I ask with a little panic in my voice, I mean why else would he be home so early? Maybe someone died? Oh, no please don’t say someone died.
“Did someone die?” I ask before I even realize I say it out loud. My damn mouth has a mind of it’s our apparently.
“No Harmen, God no, nobody died, why is that the first thing that pops into that gorgeous head of yours?” he asks while slowly making his way over to me.
After taking a deep breath I look up at him and smile, “Ugh, you’re right I’m sorry, I don’t know why my brain went there. It’s just so strange for you to be home this early. Wait, are you cooking?” I can’t help but ask that with a little bit of humor in my voice after sniffing the air like a dog to confirm that he is in fact trying to cook something. I mean come on, the man never cooks how can I not find it kind of funny.
“Well yeah I was hoping to try make spaghetti before you came home as a surprise but I couldn’t find the right pan and then I didn’t know what to do with the jar of sauce. I tried to look it up on my phone but it was taking too long so I just put it in the first pot I found and turned it on. I figured what the hell, it shouldn’t be that hard to heat up the sauce.”
I swear my ovaries are going to burst with how damn cute he is right now. He’s always so sure of himself, it’s a little strange to see him almost nervous and lacking confidence in something. He’s usually so serious about everything too, it’s nice to finally see him let loose a little bit.
As I look at him and am about to say something I see smoke coming from over his head and I mean I know he’s smoking hot, but I don’t think he’s literally smoking. I look around him to see the pot he put on the stove that must contain the sauce is currently smoking like it’s trying to get high.
Before I can say anything else, I sprint around him and pull the burnt sauce off the burner and turn in off while waving my hand over the pot to try clear some of the smoke that’s gathered in the kitchen.
I can’t help the laugh that leaves my throat as I take in the burnt sauce and the look on his face that tells me he has no idea what happened. “Honey, please tell me you didn’t put it on high and just leave it on there,” I ask while laughing and shaking my head.
“Yeah, I wanted to try and make it fast so I figured high was the way to go.” He shrugs while looking a little embarrassed. Again, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look embarrassed. I really must have woken up this morning in an alternate universe.
Once the smoke has decided to calm itself down I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his middle and squeeze tight while looking up at him and smiling. “Well hot is okay if you make sure you’re watching it, so next time just make sure to stir it and keep an eye on it. But I love you for trying.”
“I love you too. I just wanted to come home early for once and try surprise you that’s all, I’m sorry I couldn’t do it.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry. It’s the best surprise ever after the day I’ve had to find you home early.” I reach up and give him a kiss on the cheek then untangle my arms from him and step back a little.
“I’m glad you’re home because I wanted to ask you something if that’s okay?” I ask hoping he’ll be honest with me about his chat with Gray. Since I know Gray was lying to me earlier I might as well ask my boyfriend. That much I’m sure of.
“Sure, of course you can ask me anything,” he says sweetly.
“Okay so, I met with Gray this morning for breakfast since I haven’t seen him in a while and he brought up the fact that he stopped by your office a couple days ago. Is that true?”
I can see the second his demeanor changes and it’s at the mention of Gray’s name. I quickly continue before he can get too mad. “He mentioned that he stopped by your office and you two hashed everything out. It made me really happy to hear that, but I couldn’t help feeling like he was hiding something. Did anything else happen while he was there?”
He takes a deep breath before he answering my question. “No not that I can remember. I’m not sure why he would be keeping something from you, but you know I’d never lie to you,” he says with his charming smile.
I can’t help but feel like there is something neither of them are telling me and it’s really starting to piss me off. What would change to make Gray keep something from me? He’s never lied to me before so why would he decide to start now? It just doesn’t make sense to me, I’d expect it from Brett, which probably says more about our relationship than I care to dig into right now, but not from Gray.
I feel his soft fingers lift my chin up, making me notice the strange look on Brett’s face. I can’t quite tell what it is but it looks like a mix between confusion and hesitation. Maybe he’s as confused about what Gray said as I am?
“Hey, it’s going to be alright, I’m sure it’s nothing. Okay?” I just nod with his fingers still holding my chin up.
I know he sees the questions floating around in my eyes, but I do my best to mask them so he doesn’t get too upset because let’s be honest, that’s the last thing I need to deal with right now.
He releases my chin softly, but stays in front of me and clears his throat. “So I have something I wanted to talk to you about, which is kind of the reason I came home a little early.”
I look up at him and notice he almost seems nervous. Could this day get any stranger? Why would he be nervous, I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve never seen him like this before. That realization puts a pit in my stomach thinking of all the possibilities of this talk he wants to have.
If Only I Knew Page 7