The Last Summer Girl: A Coming of Age Love Story

by S. C. York

  “I understand. I just wish you wouldn’t let Blake’s drama come between us. I’m hurt. No, I’m angry that you’ve never invited me to your place in Boston or told me why you reconciled with your parents so quickly after everything they put you through.”

  “Vanessa! I told you I’m at work. I can’t get into this with you. I’ll call you later.” He hangs up, and I’m shaking. I’m so angry and scared at the same time. Our relationship has always run hot and cold. But I’m still determined to make it work.

  The rest of the day ticks by and I receive a few texts from TJ, still begging to talk. I punch out angrily then snatch my gym bag from the office. Changing in the lobby restroom into my workout gear, I push open the back door and walk out into the late afternoon air but I welcome the heat, already worked up as it is. I decide to run Route 1 instead of my normal route.

  Jerking on my earbuds I do a few quick stretches in the parking lot, then pump my legs. My sneakers pound on the hot pavement taking me out of town. Letting my mind go blank, Rihanna croons This is What You Came For to me as I pass M bar, the train station, Sea Swirl, and the Inn at Mystic. I continue toward my favorite place, where hopefully I can calm down.

  Three and a half miles later, I turn right onto Route 1A and enter Stonington Borough. My skin’s coated in sweat but I don’t care. My headband keeps it from running down my face and I push on.

  Climbing up the overpass I turn down Water Street. I run against traffic so I can always see cars moving toward me, giving time to react in case a driver’s texting and swerves. Out of the corner of my eye, a car approaches slowly in the opposite lane, intentionally keeping pace with me. Pulling out my headphones I look over concerned. My stomach fills with bricks and I get nauseous as I look him in the face. He hits a button and his window zooms down. “Vanessa, can you talk for a second?” I plug my earbuds back in and turn away, ignoring him.

  “Vanessa, come on!” I hear him yell from across the road. I refuse to look over and turn up the volume, hoping he gets the hint. I take a deep breath and focus on the finish, just a half mile down the road.

  “Vanessa!” I barely hear as he grabs my elbow, jerking me back. Turning my head, my long ponytail hits his face as I glare up at him.

  “Get your disgusting hands off me, Blake,” I yell, ripping off my earbuds.

  “Vanessa. Please just give me five minutes. I was driving home from work and saw you jogging. I need to clear the air.”

  “Blake, I’m just not ready. Can you even comprehend what you did? How in covering your own lie, you killed Eva? You shattered not only her heart but her self-esteem. You destroyed everything she’s worked so hard to overcome. Strong as steel Eva is gone, gone! I don’t even know where the hell she is, literally! You are a selfish bastard!”

  I wrestle my arm out of his grasp and turn away. Before I can get into a full stride he’s in front of me. He gently but firmly grabs me again and pleads his case.

  “Vanessa, please can we go somewhere, people are staring.”

  For the first time I look around and notice we are outside of Noah’s. One of the most popular restaurants in the Borough and it’s about dinnertime. Although not as touristy as Mystic, Stonington still gets its fair share. I want to cause a scene and embarrass the hell out of him but thinking of Ryan, I hold back.

  If I want to be with him, I know reckoning with Blake is something I need to do. My shoulders sag with defeat, sensing my acceptance he lets me go and takes a few steps back. “Come on, get in,” he gestures over where his Tesla is parked illegally. Across the street the powerful engine hums quietly.

  “No. I’m all covered in sweat. I wouldn’t want to leave any stains in your fancy car.”

  “Vanessa, it’s fine. Let’s just go.”

  “No. I know where you live. I’ll jog over and see you in five.” I step around him shaking my head and make a hard-right turn. Charting a new course for the Foster compound.

  My sneakers crunch on the shale driveway as I walk around to the side gate under the arbor. There she is, Her Majesty still regal in all her glory, gracing the Foster’s backyard. Blake’s leaning against the bow railing looking out across the water.

  “Hey—so you wanted to talk?” I shout up at him.

  “Vanessa, come on up. I’m glad you made it.”

  “No. I swore to myself I would never step foot aboard again. You need to come down to me.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yep.”

  “Okay,” he shrugs and pushes his body off the railing. Turning around I walk over to the garden where I waited for Eva that summer night. It seems like it was a lifetime ago, not only a few short months.

  Blake comes over with a bottle of cold water and I reluctantly take it from him. He rakes a hand through his tousled blond hair, and I realize this is the first time, he isn’t perfectly groomed. His clothes are wrinkled and without the cover of his aviators, his eyes are bloodshot.

  “You look like shit, Blake.”

  He sits awkwardly across from me, staring into the Koi pond for a long moment, “I know. My dad thinks I’m using. He’s furious that Eva’s gone and is convinced it’s because I’m on drugs again.”

  “Well, are you?”

  “Don’t be such a bitch.”

  “Whatever, I’m out of here. I didn’t even want to come in the first place.”

  “Don’t go. I’m sorry—I’m falling apart here, Vanessa. Please just give me a chance.”

  “Why? Why should I listen to anything you say?”

  “For Ryan, he loves you. Please just stay.”

  “Only if you tell me the truth, all of it.”

  “I don’t even know where to start,” he sighs.

  Taking a long gulp of water, I lean back and prop up my feet up against the rock retaining wall.

  “Start at a place where it makes sense. How did we get here?”

  He hisses out a long breath of air and hunches over.

  “I knew something wasn’t right ever since I was a young boy. Something always felt off, but I could never pinpoint it. I had a great childhood with lots of good memories but when my mom became ill, I was terrified.”

  “I can only imagine,” I murmur and give him a sympathetic smile encouraging him to go on.

  “She fought hard. The cancer was brutal. Every time we thought she might have a chance and be clear of it, they’d find more. She had a double mastectomy but it was too late. It had spread everywhere and as I watched my beautiful mother wither away. I buried the part of myself that wanted to be free, deeper and deeper inside. I pushed it down deep. My teen years were tough. I struggled with so many different feelings and you’ve met my father. I couldn’t have this conversation with him.

  “Charles was strict, he raised me to respect a higher education and run a business. Feelings, emotions—forget it. I guess not having anyone I could blindly trust with my feelings started my alter ego. I’ve lied so much. I pretended to play the part too well. For a time, I deluded myself that I wasn’t gay. I thought that maybe I had changed, and my attraction to men was just a teen phase. But obviously, it wasn’t. I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “Why did Eva have to take the fall?”

  My eyes burn for her and this time I cry for someone other than myself.

  “You have to understand, Vanessa, I had no one. Nobody to take me in their arms and kiss my tears away as I cried by myself stuck in that mausoleum of a house every night, while I wondered why I was more attracted to James instead of Jenny.

  I was terrified that if my father found out, it would be worse than the bullying I’d receive at prep school.” He pauses and shudders as he gazes at the home he grew up in, “Sometimes I’m still terrified of Charles.”

  “Blake, it’s not like that anymore. Why can’t you come out now? You can get legally married to anyone you want, for Christ’s sake. Charles terrifies me too, but you can’t live this way anymore. It’s not worth it.”

  “Even if everyone in my scene a
ccepts it, I can’t lose him. As uptight and traditional as Charles is, he’s the only parent I have left. His approval means something to me.”

  “I get that. I have both my parents but I struggle to get along with my mom. Nothing I’ve achieved ever seems to make her happy. But, Blake, you’re all he has left too. This can’t go on. You need to find a way to tell him who you are.”

  “I know. I’m scared, Vanessa.”

  I get up and give him a sweaty hug. He probably doesn’t get many genuine ones and I can’t hate him anymore now that I’ve heard his story. Forgiving him for Eva’s fall though is something I can’t do yet.

  “I’ve been so angry at you for what you did to Eva but I can’t stand to see people hurting. I’m so sorry you feel scared to tell your dad about this but you must. Ryan will be there for you.”

  “Thanks, Vanessa. Your support and understanding means so much to me. I feel sick over what happened with her. I swear if anyone could turn me on to women it would be Eva. I tried so hard. I loved being with her as a person but something was always missing. I couldn’t fully engage. Jesus, what have I done? I never let myself go too far with anyone emotionally. I would just play the part of a womanizer to keep them all at bay, so no one would ever get invested.”

  “Well, you broke more than Eva’s heart. Blake, I think you broke her.”

  “I know. Her spirit is strong. I thought her strength could lift me out of this. Being a part of your group this summer was the closest I’ve ever had to real friendship, besides Ryan.”

  “What about TJ? Are you still together?”

  “No. It was only a one-time thing. You saw us that night…we were both drinking heavily. His guard was down. I mean sure, I bantered with him, borderline flirted all summer. The truth is I think I took advantage of him in the situation, putting him in a tight spot between me and Eva.”

  “When we were in Newport it seemed like you had already told him you were going to break up with her. Are you sure more wasn’t going on between the two of you?”

  “I might’ve mentioned to him relationships are not my thing and that I was feeling suffocated. I told him I was going to break things off with her after her birthday. But he definitely was on to me.”

  “Yeah, you could say that, literally.”

  “You are always the snarky one, Vanessa. I do feel badly. I wish he would return my calls and texts so we can both get closure.”

  “Shit! You mean TJ’s been alone this whole time? I’ve cut him off. He must be hurting so bad. How am I going to fix this?”

  “It’s not your place, Vanessa. We all have to find our own way.”

  My phone buzzes on the bench next to me. Ryan’s name lights up the screen and I answer it quickly.

  “Hey, Ry, I’m at Blake’s. Can I call you in a bit?”

  He gives a short snort on the other end, “Seriously?”

  “Total happenstance, but here we are talking over in the Fosters’ beautiful garden.”

  “Vanessa, that means a lot to me, I’m so glad that you are at least giving him a chance. I’ll call you later. I’m just leaving work. It’s been a long day,” he sighs into the phone. I hear the stress and exhaustion in his voice.

  “Okay, talk to you soon, bye.”

  I hang up wanting to resolve things with Blake. He’s given me a lot to think about.

  “Are you going to tell your dad this weekend when you’re in Boston?”

  “That’s the plan. Ryan’s been very supportive and I couldn’t get through this without him. I had a pleasant conversation with his mother, Lila. She’s been wonderful.”

  “Ryan’s parents know?”

  “Yes. It was their idea to have us go to Boston to do this. They offered to help Charles if he needs it.”

  “Well, good luck, Blake. I wish you well.” We both stand and I give him another sweaty hug.

  “Vanessa, if you get a hold of Eva tell her—never mind,” he sighs. “I guess there’s nothing I could say.”

  “Probably not, the best thing you can do is honor her. Take this by the balls and don’t apologize for who you are and don’t look back, Blake.”

  I resume my jog down his driveway and head to my original destination. It only takes me ten minutes. I’m here. I walk all the way out and perch on the farthest rock. The tips of my sneakers are a breath away from the waves breaking.

  It’s low tide and the sea is calm tonight. It’s always windy here and I’m cold. I realize, I don’t have the energy to make it back to Mystic. The sun’s setting behind me anyway. I walk back to the bench facing the Atlantic. It stretches beyond the sky and it’s all I see. This is the same bench by the flagpole that Ryan and I sat on all those nights ago. I grin remembering how I kissed him like my life was ending.

  A few sailboats cut across the Sound chasing the last drops of this summer day before it’s gone and I know how they feel. There’s something about August. Every year I both love but dread this month. The weeks seem to go by faster bringing me closer to the fall. That’s probably it, the reminder that the next season is around the corner bringing change. The past few years, that change has meant going back to college. But this year, I’m leaving home and living on my own for the first time and I’m scared of being alone.

  I’ve been so caught up in the fallout from Eva’s birthday weekend that I’ve conveniently pushed back the reality that I’m moving in a few weeks. But how can I leave like this? Without TJ and Eva? We swore to each other this was going to be our summer. God, all it took was meeting Blake Foster that night at Esker and now everything is ruined.

  Picking up my phone I hit Eva’s number and pray that she’ll pick up. But her phone goes straight to voicemail, where an annoying automated voice tells me her mailbox is full.

  Sighing in frustration, I clench the phone and glare at the water.

  Why is she so stubborn? I want to be there for her. She needs to deal with this, not shut the world out. Where the hell is she? Blowing out my breath I know there is someone who also needs me, whom I’ve been neglecting. I scroll down and hit TJ’s number.

  “Vanessa? Thank God!”

  “I know, TJ. It’s just been a lot, you know?”

  “I know.”

  “Can you come get me? I ran from work all the way to Stonington Point and didn’t really think about running back and it’s going to be dark soon.”

  “Stay put. I’ll be there in ten.”

  “Thanks, TJ.”

  “No, thank you for finally dignifying my existence.”

  “TJ, nothing will ever separate us. But what you pulled was crazy.”

  “I know. Let’s talk when I see you.”

  “Definitely,” I say disconnecting.

  I climb into TJ’s beat-up Ford pick-up. It’s old but spotless. My eyes warily meet his and I’m expecting this moment to be awkward but it’s not. Being with TJ is like putting on a pair of comfortable old jeans, familiar and reassuring. How did he hide his secrets from me, or was Eva right? Do I live in my own bubble of naiveté?

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” And just like that, we’re back.

  “Where to?” he asks me turning around in the gravel lot.

  “Over to the Inn, then home to shower.

  “I’m relieved that you called. I’ve been a complete mess.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just everything that happened was such a complete shock. I never saw any of it coming. TJ, am I so blind? How come you never confided in me? I’ve been your friend for two decades. And you couldn’t tell me that you’re gay?”

  “I’m not gay.”

  My head snaps back and my mouth drops. I stare over at him completely dumbfounded.

  “Then can you explain to me why you were naked with Blake in his hot tub? It was hands down the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen. But, TJ, why?”

  TJ sighs and rubs the back of his neck with one hand, the other steers his truck.

  “You thought it was hot, huh?”

  “Yes. It�
��s a moment permanently burned into my brain, but I need an explanation.”

  “I’m bisexual. I like men and women. I never lied to you about the girl I met earlier this summer. I find people, in general, attractive—Blake, he’s in his own league. I was dying to touch him, but I couldn’t handle the afterburn.”

  “I’m confused. How did it all happen? Did you just go in for a kiss? Oh, wait, did he make the first move?”

  “Vanessa, I still don’t kiss and tell. My ten minutes with Blake is on lock down.”

  “Only ten minutes?”

  “Okay, it was probably more like twenty.”

  “Oh, my God!” I groan. “Why did I ask? Anyway, did Eva ever cross your mind or was it too full of lust for Foster?”

  “I was completely wasted that night so I finally had the courage to act on my attraction. I pushed aside any guilt that I had about him belonging to Eva. The truth is, I’ve been jealous of her all summer.

  When we hung out up on the bridge, I could study his face and his body as much as I wanted to, without anyone catching or suspecting me.”

  He pulls up next to my parked car and I search his face. My hand is on the door handle but I don’t want to get out—I want to hear more.

  “Follow me to my house. We need to continue this conversation.” I slide behind the wheel of my MINI and as I pull out of the hotel he’s behind me. My eyes meet his through my rearview mirror. He looks just as sad and lonely as Blake. I’ve been so consumed with anger at them both. I was completely convinced that they were carrying on some illicit affair behind our backs. When in fact, they are just lost boys trying to find themselves and failing miserably. But I know Eva won’t see it that way. She would never lie about who she is but own it. She would’ve handled this totally different. Hell, if she was into girls she’d throw her own coming out party. Eva doesn’t understand weakness of character on any level. She might never forgive them or get

  over this, which puts me square in the middle of something I’m not sure I can handle.

  Jumping out of the shower, I wrap a large fluffy towel around myself and hastily brush out my hair. Bending at the waist, I grab another towel and twist it around my long locks. I rush eager to get back to TJ who’s waiting for me downstairs. God knows what will happen if I leave him alone too long with my mother.