The Christmas Holiday

by Maxine Morrey

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good. They said the food would be about half an hour.’

  ‘Great. I’m actually quite hungry now.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘You’re always hungry. That doesn’t count.’

  He laughed. ‘That is true.’

  We were stalling and we both knew it.

  Hunter rubbed a hand over his jaw. ‘I’m not exactly sure how to start with all this. I’ve gone over what I’d say to you if I ever got the chance a million times. But now I’ve had all these weeks with you beside me, and now you’re in front of me, and I’m not even sure where to begin.’

  ‘Tell me where you went when you left. I did my best to avoid people for a while because I didn’t want to talk about it, but when I did ask about you, no one had any idea where you were.’

  ‘South America. To start. Like I said.’

  ‘You always wanted to go there.’

  ‘Yeah. I went to the agency and told them I’d take whatever the next job was so long as it was soon. I didn’t care what the pay was. I just had to get away.

  ‘And you got away to South America.’

  ‘I did.’ His hand went to his chain and his tanned fingers curled around the ring momentarily. ‘When you handed this back to me, I was so devastated and angry and, I guess, just bewildered. For the previous three years, all my thoughts of the future had always contained you. And then everything changed and I didn’t know where I was. My first knee-jerk reaction was to sell the ring. When I went to the agency, they’d just had this job come in for National Geographic. I knew they wanted to give it to someone better known, but I literally begged them to give it to me, to give me a chance on this. The woman eventually relented and I left that night. I’d planned on going to a jeweller’s that day, but I just didn’t get a chance, with packing my stuff and catching the plane. I told myself I’d sell it when I got to the next big city. I stuck it on here so I wouldn’t lose it.’

  ‘But you didn’t sell it.’

  He rubbed his jaw then let his hands drop back to where they’d been resting on his thighs. Flexing his fingers a couple of times, he picked up the story again.

  ‘The place I was going was the back of beyond. I had to get a couple of transfers to get there and then travel by Landrover for another hour or so after that. On the second transfer, I was in this rickety rubber-band plane, flying over incredible swathes of dense forest. It was all pretty amazing until the plane started making some weird noises, and coughing.’

  I didn’t say anything but I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

  ‘The pilot was saying something, and I spoke hardly any Spanish back then so I had no idea what it was. One woman started screaming and the guy across from me, a big guy, made me look kind of puny, he started crying, at which point I was really starting to think it just wasn’t my week.’

  ‘Oh, Hunter.’ My voice was barely audible.

  He gave me a smile and continued. ‘Everyone else in this little plane is praying and clasping their rosaries. I listened to this little engine cough one final time before it all went quiet and I knew that was it. There was nowhere to glide this thing to. We were heading for the trees. My hand went to your ring and I gripped it so hard and thought back to all the good times, your smile, your laugh, the way you’d look at me after we’d made love. I thought, if I’m going to die, I’m going to do it thinking of the woman I still love more than anything in the world.’

  My chest was tight and it hurt when I swallowed, but I didn’t want to interrupt.

  ‘The moment I took hold of that ring, I heard the pilot say something and people started looking out of the windows. Just in front of us, in amongst the trees, was a clearing. We were already losing height, we had no engine and the pilot had been looking for a place to glide to. All around had been nothing but forest and then this. He got it down, with a few feet to spare before we’d have been straight back in the trees.’

  ‘Was everyone OK?’

  ‘Yeah. A few bumps and bruises – it wasn’t exactly the most elegant of landings, but he did a fantastic job of getting it down in one piece. It was pretty amazing. Everyone was hugging each other, total strangers, all crying and laughing. This incredibly scary moment actually became really life-affirming.’ His hand went to the chain. ‘After that, I don’t know, I guess it was a little bit of superstition. I just found myself kind of disinclined to let go of this.’

  He read my face and smiled. ‘I know. Having the engagement ring you were handed back become your kind of good luck charm does sound a bit unusual.’

  ‘I’m so glad everyone was OK.’

  ‘Yeah. Me too.’

  I hooked my hair back behind one ear. ‘But that wasn’t where you got the scars.’

  He shook his head and lifted his coffee cup to his lips. I waited.

  ‘I was in Syria covering the civil war there, three years ago now. Javier, the journalist I was working with, was great at getting stories from the people who really mattered, not just the talking heads. The people really paying the price in any situation. He’d found a doctor who wanted to talk to us, and show the conditions and injuries he was dealing with, and we were on our way to the hospital when we got caught in a bombing raid.’

  My nails dug into my palms as I waited for Hunter to continue.

  ‘We were sitting ducks in the jeep so we got out to try and get to shelter. In all the confusion and noise and dust, we got separated from each other and the raid just kept coming. I eventually found Javier and…’ He paused, swallowing hard. ‘He was in a really bad way. I managed to get him to shelter and some incredibly kind people helped me try and stop the bleeding and take care of him. The raid seemed to have passed and I hadn’t seen our translator since it started. I needed to make sure he was OK as well as get help for Javier. I was halfway across the street when the bombing resumed. I remember light and pain and screaming but I don’t know if that was me or someone else. At one point, I looked down and saw all this blood and touched it. I remember it was warm and thinking how odd it was that the blood I had on me from carrying Javier would still be warm. I think it was probably just as well I was too spaced out from blood loss and shock by that point to realise it was my own. I’m not sure how well I would have handled that.’

  Hunter moved from the chair and knelt in front of me, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears that now streamed down my face.

  ‘This is partly why I didn’t want to tell you.’

  I shook my head. ‘No. Please. Go on.’

  Hunter studied me a moment before resting back on his heels. ‘There’s not really a lot else to say. The people I’d left Javier with saw what happened and risked their own lives to run out into the street and drag me back to the relative safety of the building. Ironically, we ended up meeting the doctor we’d been planning to after all, just under very different circumstances. I was supposed to have been taking photos and instead he ended up picking shrapnel out of me. I can never thank those people who took care of us enough. Without them, I definitely wouldn’t be here now.’

  ‘Was Javier OK?’

  ‘He is now. It took a long while. He was close to losing his leg but he was adamant that wasn’t going to happen. And Javier’s the kind of guy, once he knuckles in on something, whose mind it’s pretty damn hard to change. But he’s doing great now. I know the leg still gives him trouble, but he knows, like I do, that things could have been much worse. We were pretty lucky that day.’

  His words made me laugh and cry at the same time and I fumbled in my pocket for a tissue.

  ‘Lucky? Hunter, you were blown up by a bomb! How is that lucky?’

  ‘Because I could have died and I didn’t. Because my friend could have died, and he didn’t.’

  There was something else. Something he still wasn’t telling me.

  ‘And the translator? The one you went out to look for?’

  Hunter’s brow creased and he looked away. ‘We found out later he’d been killed in the ra
id. I never should have lost sight of him.’

  I leaned forward, and lifted his hands from his knees, holding them together, within my own. ‘I’m so sorry. I truly am. But you can’t blame yourself for that. You mustn’t. I can’t even begin to imagine the chaos that surrounds a moment like that. And you helped save one person. You helped Javier survive and go home to his family.’

  ‘Touma was just a kid. Nineteen years old. I should have protected him. He should have been able to go home to his family too.’ Hunter’s eyes were rimmed with red and the crack in his voice alluded to the pain and frustration that loss still held for him.

  ‘You can’t protect everyone, Hunter. I know you want to. You always did.’

  He met my eyes and the smile was sad.

  ‘I’m so sorry about Touma.’

  He nodded, accepting the condolence but not yet ready to speak.

  ‘I understand now why you’re so keen to know exactly where everyone on your team is. At least I’m assuming that’s where it stemmed from.’

  ‘Yeah. I know. I’m a pain in the butt about that but I can’t help it.’

  ‘It’s perfectly understandable.’

  He pushed himself up and made to go back to the chair.

  ‘Sit here. It’s more comfortable.’ I shuffled up the couch a little and Hunter lowered himself down.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me all this before?’

  He blew out a sigh and slumped down a little on the sofa. ‘Because I didn’t want to upset you. As much as you hate it, like you said, it’s in my DNA to want to protect the people I care about. I knew it would upset you; even though you didn’t feel the way you once had, I knew you wouldn’t be able to remain unaffected by it. As much as you appear the tough cookie, I know how deeply you feel things. And because I guess I wanted to keep you apart, in my mind, from everything we saw and experienced there. When I thought about you, it was like you were separate from it. An escape.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘Now was the right time to tell you. Even if you don’t feel the same as I do, it was still something you deserved to know. I pushed you away when you tried to help me. I saw the pain and confusion – and hurt – on your face. I shouldn’t have done that. But the thought of letting you in and then letting you go again?’ He shook his head. ‘And I didn’t want to ruin your trip by upsetting you. I know I kind of did that anyway—’

  ‘No! No, you didn’t. I wanted to help you if I could but I had no right to expect you to share with me just because we’d once meant something to each other.’ My fingers reached out and touched my engagement ring.

  ‘I’m guessing it wasn’t quite the lucky charm you hoped.’

  His hand wrapped gently around mine and laid against his chest. ‘I think it was.’

  I closed my eyes and felt the tears begin to flow.

  ‘Oh no, no, no.’ Hunter’s voice was soft as he pulled me closer, letting go of my hand and wrapping his arms tightly around me, one large hand cradling the back of my neck, his fingers reaching up into my hair. ‘Please don’t. You know I hate it when you cry.’ He dropped a kiss on my head, which only served to increase the flow of tears.

  I pushed back and his arms loosened but stayed around me.

  ‘I don’t care. You nearly died! I’m allowed to be upset about that.’

  ‘I feel like I should apologise.’ He pulled a face.

  I shook my head. ‘I knew you’d been out there but I didn’t know for how long, or what happened. There’s been a whole slew of media personnel killed over there, Hunter. All these people trying to get the world to see what’s really going on and either being targeted for doing that, or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You could have been one of those statistics! I can’t bear to think of what I would have done if I’d seen your name added to that list. I mean, I know we weren’t friends any more, but the thought of you actually being gone… entirely…’

  ‘Mia. I’m not, though. I’m here. Now. With you. And quite frankly, that’s exactly where I want to stay for the rest of my life. It always was. I don’t expect you to make a decision now. It’s been kind of an emotional day and I don’t want you to say something, or do something, you might regret tomorrow, or in a few days’ time. I have no expectations from you. If you’ve moved on, and you’re happy where you are, then I really am genuinely thrilled for you. It’s all good. It’s just, like I say, when an opportunity comes around I’m a little less inclined to ignore it these days. I had to tell you how I still felt. I’m sorry if you feel that was wrong, or if you feel pressured, because that’s really not what I intended to do.’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t. And I’m glad you did. I think I’m still processing it all, to be honest. And I want to get it right this time. For both of us.’

  He smiled, and I could see the uncertainty in his face. But I couldn’t promise him something before I knew it was right. God knew he’d been through enough.

  ‘Hunter, I hurt you before, and when you left… it was like all the colour drained out of my life. Everything was just grey and numb for so long. I never want either of us to feel like that again. Ever. We both know we’re good together. Great, in fact. But we also know we’re capable of causing each other an incredible amount of pain when things go wrong.’

  He nodded, a sad smile on his face as he studied his hands. ‘So, what you’re saying is things are best left how they are.’

  I wrapped my hands around his. ‘No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying you’re so incredibly important to me that I need to be absolutely sure I’m making the right decision for the right reasons. Not just because I missed you beyond anything I can put into words, or because you very nearly died, or because I still fancy the pants off you something chronic.’

  The serious look he’d held as he’d kept his focus on our joined hands curved into a smile.

  ‘OK?’ I whispered, leaning my head against the side of his jaw.

  ‘Of course. Take as long as you need. Please.’ His voice was low and raw and it would have been so easy to make a decision about our future together right there and then. But I steeled myself. We both deserved better than that.

  A knock at the door broke the moment and made us turn.

  ‘Dinner.’ He dropped a gentle kiss on my cheek and stood, heading for the door while I fussed about with a tissue and did my best to tidy my tear-streaked make-up as he and the waiter set up the table.

  We sat at the table and ate, talking about the trip, television series and films we’d seen and books we’d read. It was normal and mundane and inside I knew it was all the more precious because, in one split second, I’d nearly lost my chance of ever seeing him again.

  ‘You’re not really watching this, are you?’ Hunter’s voice drifted into my thoughts. We’d sat on the bed after we’d eaten to watch television and had gradually slunk down on the pillows until we were pretty much horizontal.

  I rolled my head towards him. ‘No, I am… ish.’

  He grinned. ‘Ish.’

  I pulled a face. ‘Well, neither are you.’

  ‘Actually, I know exactly what’s going on.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Nope. Not a clue. I think I fell asleep.’

  ‘You did.’

  ‘You should have woken me.’

  ‘Why? You’re obviously tired.’

  He shoved himself up a little onto his elbows. ‘It doesn’t say much for the manners of a host if he falls asleep while he still has guests.’

  ‘I don’t think you need to worry too much. I promise I won’t report you to the Bad Hosts Society. Or would it be the Good Hosts Society who’d need to know?’

  ‘You could do both. Cover all your bases.’

  ‘Good idea.’

  He grinned down at me and I suddenly didn’t care what else he was bad at because I knew there was at least one thing he was really, really good at.

  ‘I ought to go,’ I said, springing up so quickly Hunter almost tipped ba
ckwards off the bed in surprise.

  ‘OK.’ He glanced at the complicated-looking watch on his wrist. ‘I guess it is getting late.’

  ‘Umhmm.’ I didn’t dare look at him as I straightened my dress and found the shoes I’d kicked off after dinner, concentrating instead on buckling the straps on the four-inch platforms. When I finally raised my head, Hunter was looking at me, bemused.

  ‘What now?’ I asked, but feeling my ability to be grouchy with him had been somewhat sapped. In fact, I knew for sure there was a smile dying to get out and shine on my face.

  He nodded at my shoes.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You know your room’s right next door, don’t you?’

  He had a point.

  ‘I do know that.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Would you like to put this on too?’ He held out my coat, which I took from him with a look.

  ‘Just because you nearly died doesn’t mean I’m going to forgive you every time you’re a smart arse.’

  ‘Fair enough. What’s the percentage then? I think seventy per cent is pretty fair, don’t you?’

  ‘Twenty might be more like it.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Carry on and it’ll go down to fifteen.’

  ‘You’re quite the negotiator.’ We were by the door now, the only light coming from the flickering of the television and the bedside lights, which had both been switched to low. Hunter had one hand on the door handle and the other resting in the pocket of the dark-wash 501s he wore.

  The heels I had on brought me closer to his height, although I still had a way to go to catch up. I tilted my head a little and met his eyes, my own lingering on his lips momentarily before I did so.

  ‘Goodnight, Hunter.’

  ‘Goodnight, Mia.’

  His eyes were dark in the low light but I knew his voice, and I knew that look.

  ‘I should go,’ I said, sounding pretty unconvincing even to my own ears.

  ‘Yes. You probably should.’ Hunter’s words agreed with me, but the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes said something entirely different.

  ‘Hunter…’ I whispered as he lowered his head and placed the softest of kisses on my mouth.