Now And Always (Crown Creek)

by Theresa Leigh

  That’s because Lila was in J.D.’s arms.

  She had his eyes. I’d known that from the moment I saw her. At first I’d been upset by it, but now I could see their beauty. They fit her in the same way her fuzzy, whisper-light hair that reminded me of a duckling’s down fit her. She was the best of all of us.

  All three of us.

  “Hey, how was work?” Ethan called across the lawn.

  I eyed J.D. but then shrugged. “Exhausting.”

  He grinned. “Sounds like you need to go out.”

  “Huh?” I stared at him like he’d stopped speaking English. “Go out? What is this ‘go out’ you speak of? I don’t ‘go out.’ I’m a mom.”

  “Well, you go out tonight,” he said, standing up.

  “What about the baby?”

  He looked at J.D., who cleared his throat. “I thought…I could spend some one-on-one time with her, maybe? Just her and her papa?”

  Ethan kissed my cheek. “While Daddy and Mommy spend some one-on-one time with each other?” he murmured in my ear.

  I shivered. “But it’s Halloween,” I protested weakly. “I bought all the candy for the trick-or-treaters.”

  “And I told you not to do that because no one ever comes way out here to trick-or-treat.” He tugged on my arm. “Come on. You need a break.”

  I grinned at him. He always took care of me. It was amazing how nice it was just to allow him to.

  Ethan grabbed his keys, then stopped on the stoop. “Call me if you need anything, man,” he said. I watched him extend his hand. J.D. looked surprised, but then took it. “You got it,” he said, and my daughter’s two fathers shook hands. I kissed our daughter’s downy head and inhaled her sweet scent, and for one moment I considered staying put.

  Then Ethan grabbed my hand and yanked me to the truck. I put up a little bit of a fight. But not much.

  “So where are we headed?” I asked, once we were on the road.

  “How was work today?” he asked, smiling evasively.

  I blew out an exasperated sigh, because he did that on purpose. He knew I couldn’t resist talking about work. “Kelly actually said no to me today.”

  Ethan gasped and clutched his heart.

  “I know, isn’t it awesome?” I sighed happily. “She’s come so far.”

  I looked out the window as the scenery passed. My arms felt so light without my daughter nestled in them. I felt like I might float away without something to hold me down, so I quickly reached over and snatched Ethan’s hand in mine. He gave me a squeeze.

  “Where are we going?” I asked again.

  He blew out a sigh. “Um, you’ll know soon enough, I guess.” He made the turn onto Mill Street.

  “Are you taking me to the Crown? On a Friday?” I teased.

  “Believe it or not, it’s open other days of the week besides Thursdays.” He turned on his blinker and pulled into the lot where, one year and one week ago yesterday, I had sprinted away from him in a fit of rage that had changed my life forever.

  “Claire, if I’m going to get out, you have to let go of my hand.”

  I laughed and unclenched his hand from mine. But I grabbed it immediately upon exiting the truck.

  I never wanted to let him go.

  “Heyyyy!” our friends shouted from the back table.

  “What the hell? It’s Friday!”

  “We can meet other days than Thursday, Claire. God.” Ethan rolled his eyes and pulled out my chair, seating me at the head of the table for some reason.

  “But I can’t drink, I’m still breastfeeding,” I protested as Taylor brought over a round of champagne glasses.

  “It’s not champagne, it’s cider,” Ethan said, carefully extracting a glass for the tray and handing it to me.

  “Are you sure? Because it really looks like champagne.” I lifted it to my lips.

  “Claire, no!” Ruby cried as I took a big sip, intending to spit it out if I was right.

  Instead I gagged, and then gasped and fished the object out of my mouth before it lodged in my throat. “What the fuck?” I demanded, staring dumbly at the ring in my hand.

  “Oh my God.” Ryan clapped his hand to his forehead. The rest of my friends were staring at me like I’d finally lost it.

  But Ethan was doubled over with laughter. “She almost swallowed her ring because she wouldn’t listen.” He sank down onto one knee, still wheezing.

  Ruby squealed.

  Ethan wiped the tears of laughter away from his eyes and grabbed my sticky, cider-y hand. “Claire, I’ve been thinking about this moment since the day I met you in seventh grade.” He took the ring from me and grimaced. “Ew, it’s kind of sticky.”

  “At least it’s not in my stomach right now.” I winced and then grinned sheepishly.

  He cupped my face and kissed me hard. “You’re right. My proposal didn’t go as planned, but it’s perfect anyway because it’s us. Will you marry me, Claire?”

  “Yes! Right away! Right now!” I looked at my friends. “Naomi, aren’t you a minister or something? Let’s do this.”

  “You don’t even want to plan your dream wedding?” Willa looked like her world had turned upside down.

  I shook my head and kissed Ethan again. “All I want is to be with you,” I whispered.

  “Good. Let’s do that then.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Hey, it’s Halloween,” he murmured in my ear. “I brought you a costume.”

  From his battered satchel, he pulled a bent and crooked halo. “From last year?” I gasped. He nodded.

  “I saved it. I don’t know why except it felt important.”

  I grinned and righted it on my head. I was wearing a costume, but I didn’t need it to feel good. I already felt like I was in heaven.

  Epilogue

  J.D.

  “You’re looking out the window like a kid waiting for Santa.”

  Maddox doesn’t like being ignored, so I didn’t turn around, lift my finger, or otherwise acknowledge his wise-ass remark in any way.

  My brother was an asshole, but he’s a smart asshole. He knew how to exploit weaknesses almost as well as our Dad did. Probably why he was always the favorite. “Seriously,” Maddox snorted, forever laughing at his own jokes. “What happened to your balls, man? Claire King keeping them in a box under her bed?” He paused before going in for the kill. “Who gets this excited over babysitting?”

  I growled and turned away from the window, almost as pissed at myself for falling into the trap he’d laid as I was at him for setting it in the first place. “It’s not babysitting if it’s your own damn kid, asshole,” I said, glaring at him. “I haven’t seen Lila in a week.”

  “And babies change so fast,” Susanna added from the kitchen. My brother Rocco’s girl belonged to a huge family and helped raise a lot of her little brothers and sisters. Sometimes I wondered if the only reason Claire trusted me with our daughter was because Susanna was around.

  She came into the living room, wiping her hands with a dishtowel and then flicked it at Maddox. “Stop it,” she scolded him. “Let him be excited.”

  “I wasn’t trying to start shit,” Maddox grumbled. He didn’t do well when he was outnumbered, and talking back to Susanna would earn him a beatdown courtesy of Rocco, with an added tongue-lashing from our sister Grace, who possibly loved Susanna even more than Rocco did. Mad pouted like a little kid, mumbling to himself as he shuffled his way back up the stairs. The distant sound of a door slamming made both Susanna and me laugh.

  Susanna gave me an encouraging grin. “You’re keeping her for the whole night, right?”

  I nodded eagerly. “I have the crib all set up in my room, so if she wakes up in the night she won’t bother you guys. I hope.”

  “She won’t bother us at all. I’m just excited that if a baby cries in the night, I’m not the one who has to take care of it.” She tucked a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear as her eyes took on that faraway look they always got when she thought of her life on the compoun
d. Then she startled back to the present. “But if you do need help, J.D., you can always ask, you know.”

  I shook my head firmly. “I got it.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. Touching my arm gently, she said, “It’s okay to ask for help, you know. You don’t always have to do things by yourself. You have nothing to prove.”

  Didn’t I, though? I had to prove I was going to be a decent father to this little girl. Claire said she trusted me, and Ethan and I seemed to have reached an uneasy truce, but I was keenly aware that it could all implode at any moment. One false move, and I would lose not only Lila, but any hope I had for my reputation in this town.

  I was saved from having to explain this by the sound of an approaching engine.

  “They’re here!” Susanna cried. Unnecessarily, because I was already out the door.

  As Claire’s white Jeep pulled into the driveway of my father’s house, I couldn’t help but think about how much things had changed for the better. A year ago I was knocked upside the head, grieving the triple heartbreaks of my father dying and the discovery of the secrets he’d kept…

  And Lo.

  Every day, Rocco badgered me about throwing those letters away. “You’re just hurting yourself for no reason, man,” he’d yell, threatening them with a lighter. And then I’d punch him and wrestle that bundle out of his hands because there was a reason to hurt myself by keeping them. A good reason.

  I had to remember she was gone.

  Lo was gone, and I had a new life now.

  I was Papa.

  “There’s Papa!” Claire sang out from the driver side as Ethan came around to the back and started fiddling with Lila’s car seat. For a split second, I weighed my options. Was it better to see my little girl sooner or to give Ethan space? The guy was still a little jumpy around me, not that he didn’t have a good reason, and I was trying like hell to be less of a shitty person these days.

  But then again…Lila.

  “Hey there, princess!” I called, maneuvering myself around Ethan’s shoulder to mug for my little girl. She had Claire’s blond hair growing in little tufts of downy softness on her head, but those eyes were pure Knight. And even though they weren’t filled in yet, I could tell I’d cursed the poor girl with my eyebrows. Grace was already putting money away in what she jokingly called “the waxing account.”

  Ethan turned with my—our—daughter in his arms. He whispered something into her little ear as he eyed me.

  I waited with my hands in my pockets, trying to look as unthreatening as I could. I’d even worn a long-sleeved shirt to hide the tattoos, and my hair was combed to the side instead of straight back like usual.

  I looked like a fucking accountant, but if that’s what it took, that’s what I’d do.

  “Here’s the number of where we’re staying,” Claire said, pulling a piece of paper from a clipboard—of fucking course this girl owned a clipboard—and handing it to me. “I also wrote down my parents’ numbers and all my brothers'—”

  “Yeah, I’m not calling them,” I grumbled. But she shot me a look, so I dutifully folded it and tucked it in my back pocket.

  “Thanks for doing this, man,” Ethan said, not meeting my eye. He still wasn’t handing over Lila.

  “You guys have a good time.” I looked at them both, and I didn’t waggle my eyebrows or make lewd motions with my hands. Maybe I really had changed.

  “We will.” Claire gave Ethan a look.

  He gave her his easy smile in return. “You be good,” he whispered to Lila. “Daddy loves you.”

  “Mommy does too.” Claire kissed her daughter’s plump cheek and gave her chubby fingers a squeeze. Then gave me a look that should have set me on fire. “You sure you got this?”

  "I promise you, I would rather cut my own heart out than let anything happen to her.” I squeezed Lila's other hand. “Papa loves you too,” I told her.

  She yanked her hand back and waved it in the air. “Buh!”

  My jaw dropped. “She just said Papa!” I crowed. “See? We’re gonna have a blast. Now give her here and get the hell off my property.” At their shocked faces, I laughed. “I’m kidding, will you relax?”

  “No,” Ethan growled. But he kissed Lila one more time and then put her in my arms.

  I hefted her high on my hip. “Wave to Mommy and Daddy,” I told her. “Like I showed you last week. Can you wave?” I demonstrated for her, and soon both of us, father and daughter, were waving to the retreating Jeep. I looked like a damn idiot and I didn’t give a shit.

  I had my little girl for the next twenty-four hours, and nothing could stop my smile.

  “So what should we do?” I asked Lila once the Jeep was out of sight. “You want to just chill for a sec?” As soon as I took her inside, my family would descend on her. Lennon was always buying these ruffly little outfits for her. They were always too small or too big, but he’d insist she wear them anyway so he could see her in them. More often than not, they were scratchy and made her cry.

  No, there was no need to head back inside right away. It was a beautiful April morning. Everything smelled like wet earth and chlorophyll. The leaves were just starting to bud out, and the neighbor’s forsythia was a bright yellow blaze of color in a still muted world. It was pretty.

  Having a daughter made me notice pretty things.

  I walked around with her a bit, bouncing her on my hip as I pointed out all her favorite things. She was fascinated by the chain-link fence that separated our yard from the neighbors’ and loved to stick her little fist through the holes. So we did that for a while. I pointed out the blue jay that screamed at us from the bushes, and we listened to a far-off dog barking while I tried to get Lila to say woof woof.

  Then she started getting squirmy. “Okay, you sick of Papa talking your ear off? I get it. Here,” I said to my daughter. “Find a bug to eat.” I plopped her down on the grass and settled down on the front stoop. Lila grabbed a fistful of grass and immediately shoved it in her mouth. “No, I said bug,” I laughed, fishing the green bits from her gummy mouth as she spat. “Can you say bug?”

  “Bug,” came a familiar voice.

  I looked up.

  She’d dyed her hair black. She looked thin, almost to the point of unhealthy, and there was a new tattoo on her chest, the black tendrils just poking up from underneath her tank top. It took several moments for my brain to register who she was, but my heart knew right away. It started lurching around inside my chest, like a trapped animal scrambling to get away.

  She frowned down at Lila. “You have a kid?”

  “Yeah.”

  The corner of her mouth turned down. “When did that happen?”

  “Where are you parked?” was the only thing I could think to say. I hadn’t heard any cars.

  “I walked. From the bus station.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. It was such a familiar gesture that for one minute I forgot all the years that had gone by. I forgot the pile of letters on my coffee table and smiled at her. “Since when do you walk anywhere?”

  Her lip curled in a snarl. “Since when do you have a kid?” she shot back, fire burning in her eyes.

  Some protective instinct I didn’t know I possessed took over, and I snatched Lila up from the grass. As hot anger surged through me, I turned my body to the side, unconsciously shielding my daughter from that horrible sneer. “What the fuck?” I turned and spat on the ground before demanding, “What do you want, Lo?”

  THE END

  J.D., Lo and the rest of the Knights will kick off a brand new series set in Crown Creek with Last Chance Hero, coming May12, 2020. Pre-order right now to read their sweet, sad, and steamy love story the day it comes out! CLICK HERE->

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  Excerpt from Sweet Crazy Song

  Ruby

  The piano music died away. There was a stray cough that sounded like Principal Donovan's persistent dry hack. Then, silence.

  After a moment, Foster King stood up. His family watched him as he stood at the end of his row of chairs, unfolding a piece of torn notebook paper and smoothing it on his thigh before he walked stiffly to the podium in front of us.

  I leaned back and blinked. Watching him meant I had to look at Gideon's casket for the first time. This was the funeral of a man who filled some of the empty space my father left when he died. Not all of it. Who could have?

  But now the emptiness was the size of two dads.

  My ribs were stuck in place, not expanding or retracting, glued with grief.

  When she heard me take a deep, desperate breath, my friend Willa reached over and covered my hand with hers. "You're okay," she mouthed. Always the mother hen, even at a funeral. She handed me a tissue and then reached past me to hand one to Sadie who was sitting on my left. Sadie took it without looking, her eyes faraway, dreaming of being in some place nicer than a funeral home at ten in the morning on a gray November day. Willa nodded as I wiped my nose. "You're okay," she repeated, nodding like the force of her love could make it true.