by Kamisa Cole
“I should run around with a jock strap then,” he called after me and I groaned again, but this time it was echoed from the other side of the apartment.
Clearly River didn’t like that idea much.
After making my way downstairs I spotted Sav sitting in his truck at the curb. “I waited forever,” he whined, and I punched his shoulder, unable to hide my grin.
“Got laid?” he asked, arching a brow. I hadn’t, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be happy.
“Nope.”
He started the car. “Blowjobs count.”
I rolled my eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I didn’t get a blowjob, either. However…” I glanced at him for a moment. “He did put on one hell of a show to convince me to sleep with him.”
Sav shot me a look and then turned his attention back to the road. “He stripped?”
I didn’t answer.
“He showered and made you watch?”
Again, I stayed silent.
“Come on, man, you cannot say something like that and then not tell me. Not that I want to imagine Alec naked because… Boy, but… Man, I always like hearing hot stories.”
I arched a brow. “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t imagine my boyfriend in any position with you, or in any state of undress… Unless he’s wearing three coats and takes off the top one.”
Silence greeted my statement. “Boyfriend?” Sav finally echoed and I felt a blush creeping up under my scruff.
“It’s what you call a person you plan on sleeping with regularly and want to wake up next to, right?” I felt stupid talking about this, and the term toxic masculinity crossed my mind. I couldn’t say that I’d been raised like that. No, instead I’d been raised rather loveless and while I could handle it, I sometimes wondered what it would have been like with a different mother.
“Yes,” Sav finally replied. “That’s what you call it, but I didn’t know you even knew the word relationship existed. I mean… Before we started at DiverCity I… I mean…” He cleared his throat, fumbling for words. “I know you’ve let guys suck you off. I saw it once. I didn’t think you even knew the guy’s name. Like… Nameless seemed to be your thing. Even if some fucks lasted longer than others. And…I didn’t think we could talk about it.”
Wow, that made me feel like a shitty friend. “You’ve been my best friend ever since… I think, ever since we met. I… don’t know.”
“It’s what love does to you.”
I instantly shook my head. He was the second person using that word. “I don’t want to be in love with Alec.” And I didn’t want to be. Love meant you were vulnerable, and easily broken. Nope, I wasn’t there, and certainly wasn’t keen on it, either.
Savage groaned. “Honestly, for real? I mean… You still think you have a choice?”
“Clearly. My mother chose to not love me, and that was when it was supposed that she had to love me. And my adoptive mother made it clear that you didn’t give your heart until you wanted to.”
We arrived at the store he decided to pick the furniture from and he turned to me. “So, if Alec tells you he’s in love with you, you tell him it’s his own damn fault? His decision? Because from where I stand, from what I’ve seen of the world, that’s not true, and if that will be your reaction—”
“It won’t be,” I cut him off, meaning it. “I’m not going to say that. And love is… You… Can we please not talk about this? He hasn’t said it, and I doubt he even knows what love means, so…”
Sav threw open the door and got out. I followed, knowing he was furious.
“You should go back to calling him Baby Boy, because clearly you don’t trust him to be a man.”
“We don’t know that. We still don’t,” I pointed out quietly. “I believe him, it’s all I can say, but… We don’t know, do we?”
Savage glanced around, then leaned in. “Considering the fact that you don’t know if you’re committing a crime or not, and haven’t slept with him yet, I’d say you definitely love him, because what other reason would there be for you to not take your hands off him, huh?”
Libido. Need. Lust. There were a dozen words, and while some started with ‘l’ none of them was the one he was implying.
After all… If I was in love, wouldn’t I be the first to know?
ALEC
Once Kash was gone, I showered and changed before finding Cam in his room. I knew there was something called privacy and politeness, but I didn’t want to give him the chance to keep me out.
He sat by the window on his desk, knees drawn up, and I couldn’t remember if he’d ever looked as small as he did that moment, especially when he usually was such a vibrant person.
His room was clean, as always when I’d been in here, and I wondered if he’d ever been a messy teen. Almost couldn’t see that in him.
Settling down on his bed I cocked my head at his back. “So, what’s going on?”
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Yeah, I saw that. Did… Did River ever…do something to you? Say something?” I didn’t think that would be it, but you never knew.
With a long sigh Cam turned, his feet dangling off the desk. “He’s just… I don’t know how your high school was, but I was out and proud, and River resembles everyone I hated in high school.”
I arched my brows. “Tall?”
Cam gave me an annoyed look and then stood, starting to pick up things that didn’t need picking up. “Handsome and knowing it. The perfect waves in his chestnut hair, even teeth, hazel eyes that can be more green or brown depending on his mood, all muscle—and painfully straight. As in, so straight they’ll always hate the gay kid, will always push him around, taunt him, hurt him. Things like that.”
I nearly coughed at the implications, wondering if this was what he dreamed off at night. “You know… I don’t think River is like that.”
Cam snorted. “Handsome? You probably just can’t see—”
“Scared of the gay guys,” I interrupted. “He didn’t blink when passing Kash and me. He didn’t wince, didn’t grit his teeth, nothing. He just looked exhausted, and then relieved because he thinks Kash will hold my nightmares at bay,” I baited.
Cam didn’t react, and if I’d have been looking somewhere else I would’ve missed the way his lips tightened for a second. “Nightmares? What is he talking about? You don’t have nightmares.”
Bingo.
“No. In fact, I sleep pretty deeply. Always have.”
“Huh.” It was all he commented and I reached out, stopping him from fidgeting. He didn’t move, didn’t pull his wrist free from mine.
“Wanna tell me about that? Because he’s clearly heard something, and while he said it probably was Dory’s bad music, I think it wasn’t. Also… If you’re afraid of River, why don’t you move out?”
Cam hesitated for a long moment and then sat across from me on the bed. “I like the apartment, and I’m not exactly afraid of him. I… I just wonder what…” He shook his head and then started over. “I just worry that one day it will be like high school all over again. He’s drunk, brings his buddy over, and they think the gay kid is the perfect victim to be forced on his knees and…and…”
He didn’t finish and he didn’t need to. I shivered just with the implications and decided to grab River the next time I saw him to talk to him. I had no idea if it would do any good, but I felt as if Cam needed to know that River had no problem with him being gay.
There was something I knew Cam wasn’t telling me, but I had the feeling that no amount of pushing would get him to open up.
I also didn’t mention the part where I doubted River had much time to get drunk. As if on cue we heard the front door close and we knew he was gone. Dory never left before noon, and well, Cam and I were together. Instantly my best friend’s shoulders sagged.
“Are you worried about being attracted to him anyway?” Because that rang through his words, too: the attraction to River.
“I-I… No. I mean, he�
�s not ugly, but I’d rather have someone like Kash.”
I grinned. “Reluctant and only going back and forth with you because he’s worried he’s too old for you?” Or you’re way too young for him? But I didn’t say that out loud. I didn’t know how often I could bring that topic up with people before they started doubting my age too.
“Protective, and head over heels. God, the way he looked down at you earlier, his expression all soft. The way he held you against him…”
I wished I’d seen that too, but then, things always seemed to look slightly different looking from outside in. To me he’d looked as if he wanted to mark me again, to not be gentle, but then my fantasies may have played into that as well.
“I don’t think Kash and I are what you should strive for. I mean… He’s hot as fuck, and protective, but there is a twelve-year age gap between us, and he struggles with that more than I do. I did make things official this morning and I hope he realizes that means we’ll be doing this, but… Protective also means he beats up my father when he sees him, and that might end with him in jail.”
Cam’s lips quirked up at the side. “You can’t deny it’s kinda hot, him being ready to give up his freedom so your asshole father won’t come back. Plus, you could visit him in prison and then give him all the goodies.”
“You know, he’d probably be the one who’d have to be careful when showering in prison. His ass is incredible.”
At this Cam finally laughed, the shadows hanging over him slowly vanishing. “Hey, listen… You can always come and wake me up when you have one of those nightmares, you know? I’ll always talk to you until you calm down.” And I meant that.
He stood, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, it’s not that bad. I don’t have them often, and I’d rather not talk about them. I won’t lie, I don’t like thinking back to high school and…. I’ve been to all the psychologists in the world, and I’m good. You know me. I’m always good.”
I did know that, but now I also wondered if that was just a front so people wouldn’t ask the hard questions—or get close to the real Cam.
KASH
I walked into the bar, the place was crowded, and spotted Sav overlooking the dance floor. It was his favorite place and I didn’t mind putting him there because, frankly, he saw tension before others did and that made him the very best in here.
“Hey,” I greeted Nash, leaning over the bar. “How is it so far?” His eyes swept through the club part of the building.
“Intense. There was a lot of making out and rubbing against each other. Rutting if it got worse. Sav had to break up two couples because they basically were about to pull their cocks out in the middle of the dance floor, but other than that…” He shrugged and wiped the counter.
I turned around and rested my elbows on the bar. I was eager to see Alec, but I also had a job to do. Nyra and Shay had mentioned a group of guys being here. They’d been sober when the door, but Nyra had mentioned that they seemed to be sports fans, and they often caused trouble. As much as I wished it wasn’t true, most of those groups ended up either violent—beating other fans up—or slimy, hitting on women in the worst way. And then there were those who turned extra homophobic because they got a boner from watching some guys make out.
I’d seen it all, and when I spotted the group and the shot glasses, I knew they were well on their way to be drunk.
Gage came and joined me in front of the bar. “Hardly any food going tonight. I’m closing the kitchen early. Ben already left; Cam and Alec are cleaning up and have decided to dance some. I know he won’t drink, but… He won’t drink, right?”
I nodded even though I wasn’t Alec’s keeper. “He needs this job. I doubt he’ll risk it,” I admitted just as the two in question stepped out.
I didn’t know how he did it, but Alec’s eyes fell on me instantly and he beamed, dragging Cam along before coming to a stop in front of me, touching my chin in a silent question. I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. I’d been thinking about him all day—hard not to when remembering the way he’d knelt in his living room—and didn’t care what people thought I felt or didn’t feel. I had him, and he was mine for as long as he wanted to be. He’d labeled us and I was going with that label.
The l-word-bridge was a different thing, but I’d worry about that the moment he said those words.
I wouldn’t lie, I hoped they were a long way off.
“Hey Baby…” At the last minute I remembered to not call him Baby Boy although by now it was just a term to express my infatuation with him, a term of endearment instead of a reminder about his age.
“You can call me Baby Boy,” he whispered and, although it was loud around us, I knew what he was saying. However, I did remember his vehement protest before, and I didn’t want him to think I didn’t believe him about his age.
I cupped his cheek and then leaned in. I had no doubt he’d understand me either way, but I wanted to be closer just for a few seconds. “I know you and Cam are off dancing. Come and find me before you leave so you can grab my key, if you want.” And I hoped he would because I wanted him in my bed when I came home. I didn’t care if he’d be awake. I hadn’t known I was a cuddler until I’d slept next to him last night.
At least I was with him.
He nodded, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek and then eyed me for a moment before whipping his shirt over his head. “You don’t mind, do you?” he challenged, and I grabbed the shirt, then brushed a fingertip across his nipple.
“I know you’re mine, so why would I be mad others get to look at you?” Maybe he expected me to be jealous but, despite what we’d been through, I didn’t think he’d touch another man like that. The way he’d teased himself last night, had put himself out there without knowing how I’d react. He was mine without a doubt.
“I like that answer. Will you be inside?”
I chuckled, then shook my head. “I’ll be manning the door. I don’t exactly like working with a boner, and you don’t need a watch dog.”
“He’s perfect, told you,” Cam stated from next to us. “And yes, I eavesdropped because I’m fucking jealous. Get over it. Can we go, Alec?”
My boyfriend grinned, gave me another quick kiss, and then was off, vanishing in the crowd of people. I pushed the corner of his shirt into my pocket, not caring how it would look, and was about to go back outside when Gage grabbed my arm.
“Looks good on you, that boyfriend title. It’s not gonna be easy.”
I shrugged. “Nothing ever is. Listen, when the buttheads over there cause trouble, let me know. I’m calling Dan in to join us. I’d rather have five people here than just the four of us. It’s unexpectedly packed.”
Gage nodded. “I noticed that too. Shay and Sav are doing a good job in here but I wouldn’t mind a third pair of eyes. We can handle most things, but you look more impressive with your security vests.”
It was when I went to turn away that it struck me how civil this talk had actually been. “Are you on drugs?” I asked, turning back to Gage.
He blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”
“You’re being nice to me. I’m worried.”
He rubbed his close-cut beard. “You risked your job for one of ours. You keep this bar the hotspot it is by keeping it safe and, as much as I hate to say it… Your team fits. Maybe even better than the team before because…”
I cocked my head. “Because it’s more personal for us? Most of us aren’t just allies, but part of the community.”
He shook his head. “I don’t care what you categorize yourself as. All I mean is you and your team belong to this club. They get the vibe, you fit. That’s all. And now, don’t tell anyone I got mushy with you or I’ll beat you up.”
I didn’t reply anything, just turned away with a shit-eating grin, thinking that sometimes life couldn’t be better.
KASH
Although Alec hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol he was high on dancing, giggling all the way home. He was suggesting one
naughty thing after the other, and while I let him talk my mind catalogued it all.
That he wondered how it would be to be pressed down, hands immobilized, while I pushed into him. How it would feel to be eaten properly, teased and tasted, and if he’d like it.
How it would feel to top someone, to be the one giving the pleasure, deep inside the other one. That one stuck with me the most. Not because I was a bottom or diverse, but because never before had I thought about wanting it or allowing someone to top me.
In fact, I’d never even teased myself there because topping had come so easily to me, but…
“I think I’m a bottom, but… You know… I’m curious,” he babbled, and I finally placed my hand on his thigh.
“How about you stop talking about all those things until I’ve got you in the shower, and then, maybe, we can discuss more?”
He waggled his brows at me. “Can we discuss with lips and body parts instead of words?”
Since he’d teased me the whole way, I got out of the car, waiting until he followed me and then pressed him into the car stomach first, leaning in until my body covered his. “I want to finger you, tease you wide open, and then push into you nice and slow. I’ve been thinking about it for so long, and I wonder how it’ll be to have your sexy ass swallow me up.” It wouldn’t happen tonight, but he didn’t need to know that.
Alec moaned, as responsive as ever, and I couldn’t help but push my hips into him. I didn’t think we’d manage to reach the bed before the first orgasms were shared, but that didn’t matter.
He was all mine all night and I had hours to feast on him despite it being two in the morning.
Team breakfast would happen without us.
Again.
I unlocked the door and we were barely inside when he started to undress and was then standing in front of me, naked and still sweaty from dancing.
“Bathroom,” I ordered, because I would not be teasing him right behind the door.
It didn’t matter how much I wanted it.
Instead of listening he stepped in and kissed me tenderly. I liked his confidence, liked the way he knew how to properly tease me without being boyish about it.