by Grace, Kenna
Dr. Slurry looked to me and answered what I hadn’t even asked. “It’s the heart beat.”
My lips started to tremble and tears began to swell in my eyes. Laughter. Crying. Anxiety. One after another, emotion after emotions, repeating in an endless cycle. I reached a hand out to the screen and touched my baby. “It’s so small.”
He nodded. “Believe it or not, right now, its only about the size of a strawberry. Already though, all the vital organs are fully developed and beginning to function.” He pointed to certain areas of the small shape on the screen. “Cartilage and bones are already forming.”
“Is it, I mean, do you know or can you tell?”
“If it’s a boy or girl?”
I nodded my head.
He slightly shifted the transducer. “No, not yet. It’s still a little too early to tell.”
“How far along?”
His head shifted from side to side. “At this stage of development, I’d say about ten weeks.”
Ten weeks. I pressed my lips together to stop them from trembling. I squeezed my hand into a fist. I was already thirty-three and I knew the older an omega was, the higher risk the pregnancy was. “Is it healthy?”
“From what I can see so far,” he said. “Perfectly.”
My lips pulled to a smile until my cheeks began to hurt and the video monitor faded from focus as tears swelled and stained my face as they fell.
Just then, Dr. Slurry removed the transducer from my stomach and the screen faded to black. He passed me a few tissues.
I used one to wipe the tears from my face and the other to clean the ultrasound gel from my stomach.
While the doctor cleaned up the station and recorded some information on the computer, I took a few moments to collect myself. Reality hit. What was I going to tell Clay? Should I even tell him? I didn’t want him to be with me if it was only because I was having his baby. At the same time, he had the right to know.
Dr. Slurry interrupted my train of thought. “It’s important you stick to a healthy and balanced diet from this point on. Something high in fruits and vegetables, protein, dairy products, and plenty of water. This is to ensure the baby has access to all the vitamins and nutrients it may require. Eat small meals often and don’t forget the importance of outdoor exercise. It’s just as beneficial, if not more so, during pregnancy.”
I opened my mouth, but words failed me again. I took a few deep breaths. “Is there anything I should avoid?”
“Do you smoke or drink?”
“No, I don’t smoke. I have the occasional drink, but I’ll be sure to refrain.”
He nodded. “Great. Some other things to avoid would be fatty, spicy, and salty foods. Coffee, tea, with the exception of peppermint, which can help with the nausea. And finally, you should try to limit sweets. Now and again is fine, but abusing them may lead to the increased risk of diabetes. For both you and your child. Remember, you’re eating for two now, and its twice as important you pay attention to what you’re consuming.”
“Is—Is there anything else I should know?”
“It’s imperative that you closely monitor the state of your bowel movements to eliminate the possibility of emergency constipation. As I’m sure you’re aware, it’s important your weight increases as your pregnancy progresses. If at any point you decrease in weight, it is essential that you immediately see a physician.”
He passed me a stack of informational pamphlets. “These will answer any of the questions you may have in the coming days, but if you have a concern or can’t find an answer to a question, please, don’t hesitate to give us a call. In addition, we have your contact information, so we will be giving you a call in the coming weeks to schedule a twenty-five-week ultrasound to view progress and ensure no complications arise as your child continues development.”
“Th—Thank you,” I stuttered, gripping the pamphlets tightly.
As soon as I exited the clinic and stepped out the doors, I was hit by a wave of panic. A jolt of anxiety. An avalanche of raw emotion. Suddenly, my phone started to ring. Clay. My shaking fingers snatched it from my pocket. My heart stopped. I swiped to accept the call and brought it to my ear.
“So, what’s going on, dude? Flu? Case of bad chili dogs?” Adam asked teasingly. “Or was I right and you have a case of the breakup blues? I can totally help if it’s the breakup blues.”
My lower lip trembled as I fought to produce even a hint of sound. “I’m—”
Adam cut me off. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m going to come over tonight with a bottle of vodka. If it’s a cold or flu, some Russian water will sweat that right out of you. If its breakup blues, let’s drink until we only see black. For your sake, I’m hoping it isn’t food poisoning, though. Can’t imagine food poisoning and vodka going—”
“Adam, I’m pregnant.”
16
Clay
It had been a couple weeks since Elliott and I split up and I couldn’t seem to get him off my mind. I found myself checking my phone several times a day, hoping to see his name pop up from a missed text. Naively, I told myself I was fine. That I was over him.
I was on my way to Moxie’s, a popular brewery that opened up a few weeks back. The paper had been raving about it, but that wasn’t the reason why I was so excited to check it out. No, today I was meeting Charlie. The actual Charlie.
When I finally got to the brewery I made my way towards the entrance. A van was parked out front with a few people pulling out some music equipment.
Standing by the front doors to the brewery, I nervously shuffled back and forth. As excited as I was, I also couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. Elliott and I weren’t together anymore, but I still felt like what I was doing was wrong.
I shook the thought from my head. Elliott was the one who’d complicated things. It was his fault, I reminded myself. I cleared my throat and took a couple deep breaths to prepare myself for seeing the person Nick described as my perfect match. “Now, or never,” I said aloud.
I opened the doors to be greeted by someone at the front desk.
“Welcome to Moxie’s. How can I help you today?”
“Uhh, I’m actually here to meet someone. This is kind of awkward, but it’s actually a blind date. Not quite sure who I’m looking for. You don’t happen to remember if someone else came in a little earlier by themselves, do you?”
His lips tugged up into a smile. “Actually, I know exactly who you’re talking about. Showed up about ten minutes ago and requested a table on the patio.” He pointed down the room to the backdoor. “Just this way. I can take you if you’d like?”
I shook my head. “That’s fine, thank you.”
“Well, good luck. He’s the one sitting by himself.”
My lips pressed together as I gave him a nod. This was it. I made my way to the backdoor and pushed it open. I scanned the patio looking for the omega sitting alone. It didn’t take long before I spotted him halfway down the wooden patio.
My heart started to race and another wave of guilt washed over me. Charlie was an attractive enough omega. Nick said he thought we would be perfect together. I loved everything I heard about him. So, why did this feel so wrong? Why couldn’t I stop thinking about Elliott?
I was here now, though, and it was too late to turn back. Things were over between the two of us. I pressed on.
“Charlie?” I said, making my way to the table.
Caught off guard, his eyes opened wide as he looked up to meet me. His lips pulled up into a bright smile. “Clay,” he replied, standing from his seat. He extended his hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
Awkwardly, I mistook his motion for a hug and went in for one as such. When I realized my mistake, I corrected myself, pulling back to extend my hand, but when I did, Charlie had moved his arms out for a hug.
Charlie let out a nervous laugh and brushed the mix-up off. He shook my hand. “Pleasure.”
We took our seats. The whole scenario felt embarrassing. It was nothing
like when Elliott and I met each other. With Elliott, I was just as nervous, but everything just felt… right. I mean, a hand shake? On a date? I felt like I was meeting a colleague for lunch. “Hope you weren’t waiting long.”
He shook his head. “No, not at all. Just got here a little early to make sure I wouldn’t be late. Still getting used to the New York traffic. Have you lived here long?”
“Yeah, I mean not too long, but it’s been a few—”
Charlie’s phone started to ring and he held up a finger to me as he snaked it from his pocket and accepted the call.
My jaw hung slack with shock.
“Mmm. Yeah, I’ll be able to make it,” Charlie said to whoever was on the other side of the call. “Well, for that price, the venue better be making sure the works are by someone with a name people recognize. I’m tired of these hipsters who got a paint set on sale, splashing a few colors on a canvas and making up some story about the emotions behind it.” He ended the call.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, so like I was saying, I’m originally from—”
Before I could finish my sentence, the omega stuck his finger back up. “One sec.” He unlocked the screen to his phone and started tapping away.
My skin started to burn with disbelief and I glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed and was as shocked as I was. I couldn’t imagine being with literally anyone I’d agreed to meet with, and then answering calls or replying to text messages mid conversation. Even if the call was urgent, I could think of a hundred different ways to approach the situation better than cutting someone off and shushing them with a finger.
After another moment or so, Charlie finally pocketed his phone and offered an oblivious, unapologetic smile.
“Everything alright?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yeah, why do you ask?”
“Just thought there might have been an emergency.”
Charlie started to laugh. “No, no emergency. Well, unless you consider a second-rate gala charging a first-rate fee to see paintings I could look at for free spray painted under a bridge.”
“Oh, that’s right. Nick told me you were big into art.”
Charlie nodded and took a sip of his wine. “Yeah, I was actually at a gala just last weekend. It was a little more expressionist than I normally like, but it seemed to draw in a decent crowd. I’m more of a surrealist than anything, I suppose. Then again, it’s tough to find modern surrealists. I mean, anyone who picks up a brush can splash some paint around and claim it as such.” He let out a laugh. “What about yourself? Surrealist? Modern? Expressionist? Cubism?”
I shook my head, not quite sure what the hell he was even talking about. “Me?”
“Mm.”
I licked my lips. “More of a paint by numbers type of guy,” I joked.
Charlie raised a brow and gave me an unsatisfied “Mmhm.”
Elliott found his way back into my thoughts. “I’ve done a sort of paint night type thing though.” My lips tugged up into a smile as I thought back to that night with Elliott in my living room. “Had a great time.”
Just then, Charlie condescendingly snickered. “Pfft, paint nights. If you ask me, they’re just an excuse to feel like you’re doing something hip while getting drunk.”
My eyes opened wide. I couldn’t believe this was the person Nick had told me about.
“So, I’m curious. Whatever happened to meeting at the station? Nick told me there was some sort of mix-up, but he didn’t go much into detail.”
I chuckled. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
He shrugged. “Try me.”
“No, no,” I said after giving it a couple seconds of thought.
“Come on, why not?”
The last thing I wanted to do was talk about Elliott. I already couldn’t get him off my mind. Charlie rested his chin on a closed fist and looked at me with eyes that said he wasn’t going to let this up.
After a couple moments of silence, I gave in. “Alright then,” I said. Leaning in towards the table, I rested my weight along my forearms. “Well, I was at the station when I thought I spotted you. Nick hadn’t shown me a picture, but he matched your description. We started talking and one thing led to another and before I knew it, we found ourselves out on a date. Coffee, pool, drinks, you know, the whole shebang. Started seeing each other more after that night and things were going well. I mean, they were going great. Wasn’t until Nick stopped by to ask why I stood you up that I found out, well, that it wasn’t you I had been seeing.”
“Are you serious?”
I nodded. If it hadn’t happened to me, I would have thought the story sounded too crazy to be real. “Totally,” I assured him. “Know what threw me off the most, though? He was actually a great guy. I mean, pretending to be someone else’s blind date aside.”
“What?” he blurted out, sounding more confused than if I had told him I didn’t believe in global warming. “Sounds like a total weirdo. Who goes around pretending to be someone they aren’t?”
A jolt of electricity shot up my back and adrenaline coursed through my veins. Elliott wasn’t a weirdo. Sure, he’d made a mistake, but that didn’t make him a bad person. “I think most people go around pretending to be someone they aren’t,” I fired back.
Charlie looked at me with wide open eyes.
I took a few deep breaths to try and collect myself. I stood by what I’d said, but it wasn’t until I had cooled off for a moment that I started to see things more clearly. I wasn’t over Elliott. Not even a little. Even after things were over between us I still felt protective of him.
Disappointment and regret began to fill every fiber in my body. I threw my head back and slowly exhaled. Reality had finally begun to set in. Letting Elliott walk away, no, pushing him away, was the biggest mistake I’d ever made. Nick had told me so much about Charlie, but it wasn’t until I met him that I realized all he’d told me was what I wanted to hear. He’d told me the best things about him without mentioning his faults. And I wasn’t judging him, Charlie or Nick. I had good qualities, but I knew I also had many faults.
If you met a perfect person, it would be easy to see yourself spending your life with them. The reality, though, wasn’t like that. Perfect doesn’t exist. You need to take the good with the bad. When you love someone, it isn’t solely because of their good qualities. Sure, they’re definitely part of it, but to love someone you need more than perfect. You need imperfect. Flaws. To be able to see the worst in someone and love them for that part of themselves, and love them even more because of it.
I had taken what I’d heard from Nick about Charlie and romanticized him into being someone perfect for me. It wasn’t fair to Elliott. It wasn’t fair to Charlie. And it wasn’t fair to myself. It may have taken me until now to figure things out, but I finally did. Charlie was never the perfect person for me. I had already found the omega who perfectly complemented me, Elliott. I was just too stupid to realize it at the time. I knew what I needed to do. “This was a mistake.”
“Excuse me?”
“I shouldn’t be here.”
Shocked, he raised his brow and ran his tongue across his lips before speaking. “And where is it you should be?”
My lips tugged up into a smile. It wasn’t where I needed to be, it was who I wouldn’t mind being anywhere with. “Take care of yourself, Charlie,” I said, standing from my chair. I grabbed my blazer hanging from the back of it and threw it on. “I know my getting up and leaving might seem like this didn’t go well, but I assure you it did. Not for us, but by no fault of your own. We’re just two different kinds of people. It might be too late, but I have an omega to see.” I placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Hang in there, you’ll find someone.”
Charlie sat there with a confused look stained on his face. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Ummm, thank you.” He swallowed back. “I think.”
I gave him a nod, pulled my phone from my pocket, and dialed Elliott’s number. I raised the
speaker to my ear and took off towards the back gate of the patio, nearly knocking right into the band members I saw on my way in.
“Good luck,” Charlie called out just as I rounded the corner.
One ring. Two rings. Three. And then, suddenly…
“Elliott Shores is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.”
17
Elliott
I paced back and forth, up and down the halls. The shock still hadn’t completely set in yet. Suddenly, someone started knocking on the front door. I made my way over and swung it open.
“What the hell, dude,” Adam said frantically. “You’re messing with me, right? You’ve got to be messing with me.”
I swallowed back hard and shut the door behind him. I searched for the words to reply, but my mind drew a blank. My jaw hung slack.
His eyes opened wide as he studied my face. After couple moments, his gaze shifted to the floor. He looked back up to me. “Are you sure?”
All I could do was nod my head.
“How the hell did that happen?” he asked, sounding as much in disbelief as I was currently feeling.
I took a deep breath and moved to the living room and took a seat on the couch. Adam took a seat next to me.
“You used protection, didn’t you?” His eyes stayed glued to mine. “Please, tell me you use protection.”
I sighed. I wasn’t stupid, of course I used protection. “The condom broke.”
Adam threw his head back and shut his eyes. After a few moments, he opened them back up and looked over to me again. “Does Clay know? What are you going to do?”
My heart felt like it sunk from my chest down to my stomach. I had no idea what I was going to do. The entire situation was just so surreal. It felt like a dream from which I couldn’t seem to wake. I shrugged and shook my head. “No, he doesn’t know. As for what I’m going to do, I’ve been asking myself the same thing since I found out.”