by Grace, Kenna
His jaw went slack. “Elliott!” he bellowed. “You need to tell him.”
I rested my elbow on my knee and buried my face in the palm of one of my hands. “Do I?”
“Are you serious right now?”
After drawing a deep breath, I sat up straight and faced him again. I clasped my hands together. “Look, we broke up. He wanted to see someone else. He didn’t want to be with me. What am I even supposed to do, just send him a message?” I threw my hands into the air. “Surprise, I’m pregnant.”
Adam gave me a sympathetic glance. “It’s the right thing to do.”
His words shot through me like lightning. I knew he was right. I knew telling Clay was the right thing to do. But I wasn’t sure that I could. Suddenly, my phone started to ring. I snaked it from my pocket and checked the home screen.
It was Clay. Again.
I stared at his name for a few seconds before finally hitting the ignore button. I tossed the phone beside me on the couch. It was the third time in the last hour that he’d called. Each time, I ignored it.
“Was that him?”
My lips pressed together as I nodded my head.
Adam reached across me and grabbed my phone. He navigated to my call history. “Jesus, you’re ignoring him?”
A nervous chuckle escaped the back of my throat. He’d called a few times already, but I had no idea why. He hadn’t left a voicemail, and I couldn’t build up the courage to accept the call. I had no idea what he wanted to say, but really, did it matter? After all, he was the one that wanted to go on a date with some other omega. “I just…” I paused for a second, to wipe the tears that began swelling in my eyes. “I just can’t. Not right now.”
Adam scooted closer and put an arm around my shoulder. “It’s going to be all right,” he said, giving me a comforting squeeze.
I chuckled again and wiped away the few tears that escaped with the back of my hand. My entire body felt like it was shaking. “Thanks,” I replied. “For being here.”
His lips tugged up into a smile. “I’ll always be here for you.”
My breath stuttered as I exhaled. I still felt lost and had no idea what to do, but having Adam here, I couldn’t express my gratitude enough.
For a few minutes, neither of us said anything.
“So,” Adam said, finally breaking the silence. “Besides being a complete mess and having no idea what to do,” he continued.
My lips pulled into a smile as I fell into a fit of laughter.
“How do you feel about being pregnant?”
My breath felt like it was being pulled from my lungs as my heart pounded hard against my chest. A blanket of warmth caressed my body as I processed his question. “Terrified. Nervous.”
Adam nodded his head.
My eyes shot down to the floor. I’d always wanted a child. Not once was this how I ever envisioned it going, but regardless, I couldn’t help but also feel a sense of relief. I knew my biological clock was ticking and time was running out, but I was pregnant, and the baby was healthy. “But,” I continued, bringing my eyes back up to meet his, “I’m sort of, I don’t know, happy?”
He blinked a few times. “Yeah?”
I swallowed hard and nodded my head. Tears were beginning to swell in my eyes again. “Back at the clinic, I was terrified. I always wanted a baby, but a baby right now, with a guy things just ended with, was the last thing I wanted. The last thing I needed. All I could think, was why me? Why now? You know?”
“Yeah, I understand.”
My lips pulled up into a big smile as I thought back to the moment I was laying on the medical chair and watching the monitor, waiting for confirmation. “But then I saw the ultrasound. My heart stopped. Adam,” I said. “Right there, right on the monitor. It was a baby. My baby. And I loved them. Immediately. I had no idea what I was going to do and nothing was any easier, but at that moment, it didn’t matter. It was so beautiful.” A steady stream of tears began to trace down my cheeks. I wiped them away again with the back of my hand as I tried to choke them away.
Adam held me even tighter. I nestled my head against his chest and took a few deep breaths. “You know,” he said. “Maybe Clay will feel the same way.”
I sat back up straight and ran my tongue across my lips. Clay wanted to be with Charlie, not me. The last thing he wanted was to find out he got some omega he didn’t want to be with pregnant. “Clay and I are over. Hell, after all I put him through, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought I got pregnant on purpose.”
“Maybe,” Adam agreed. “Or maybe, just because the two of you aren’t seeing each other anymore, doesn’t mean he won’t want to be part of his child's life. I’m sure this wasn’t exactly what he planned as well, but it’s what happened. Two things can happen. One, you tell him and he doesn’t want to be part of the kid’s life, and you’re no further ahead than you are now. Or, two, he realizes it isn’t ideal, but wants to be there for his child. The ball’s in his court. Either way, he deserves to know.”
The realization that Adam was right weighed heavy on my shoulders and a wave of guilt for considering not even telling Clay came crashing down on me. As much as I wished I didn’t, I still had strong feelings for him. I could deny it all I wanted, but the fact would still remain.
We weren’t together anymore, but that didn’t change anything when it came to our child. Neither of us planned it to be this way, but now, it was about more than just the two of us. If I really cared about Clay, and I did, then Adam was right. I needed to tell him.
I held out my hand and Adam handed me my phone.
“You’re doing the right thing.”
I navigated to my contact list and selected his name. I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell him, or how he was going to take the news, but this was something I couldn’t back away from. Not for the sake of our child.
I’d let him know I was pregnant. Let him know that I didn't expect him to be involved. If he wanted to be, though, I wasn’t going to deny him that. I wished things had turned out different between us, but this was how it ended up.
“Can we meet somewhere? We need to talk.”
For a few minutes, I just stared at the message, reading it over and over again. I took one last deep breath before finally hitting send. I tossed the phone onto the couch next to me and looked back to Adam. “Well, I guess now we wait.”
Just then, no sooner than the words had left my mouth, my phone dinged.
“Apparently not long,” Adam replied.
I picked it back up and read the message aloud.
“Titanic Memorial Park? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Something I need to tell you too.”
My eyes went wide after reading the message. What was it that he needed to tell me? I glanced up to Adam, who looked just as puzzled as I was sure I did. “What do you think it’s about?”
He shrugged. “I have no idea. You think he could have already found out some way?”
I shook my head. There was no way it was possible. The only people who knew were Adam, the doctor, and the radiologist who took my ultrasound. “Not a chance.”
* * *
The entire taxi ride to the park felt like a complete blur that lasted an eternity. The entire time my mind was rushing at a million thoughts a second. I knew I was making the right decision, but that didn’t stop my stomach from churning.
When I finally got to the park, I paid my cab fare and started scanning the open field and connecting trails to find Clay. Despite how anxious I felt the entire way here, I wasn’t sure, now that I was here, if I was going to be relieved to tell Clay or terrified. I was trapped with my thoughts in the cab, but I still had no idea how I was going to tell Clay I was pregnant with his baby. The torment in anticipation and imagination seemed preferable now that I was here.
Ten minutes passed and there was still no sign of Clay. Another ten minutes. Ten more. I checked my phone for notifications, but I hadn’t received anything from anyone. It didn’t seem like Clay,
but I couldn’t help but consider the fact that maybe he’d changed his mind and just wasn’t going to show up.
Suddenly, off in the distance, I heard a familiar tune I couldn’t quite place. It was close enough I could catch a note here and there, but far enough that that I could only pick up the notes that travelled with the breeze.
I focused all my attention on the sound as it played. It was so familiar, but somehow, I knew it wasn’t quite what I knew.
With each passing minute, the music grew louder and clearer and I knew I was on the cusp of scratching an itch I still couldn’t quite yet reach. Suddenly, my brows arched. Wait… It wasn’t… was it?
My eyes shot to the trail to my left. It sloped down, but my ears knew which direction the music was coming from, even if I couldn’t yet see its composer. It sounded so familiar now, but still different. Quicker and more upbeat, but on the tip of my tongue.
Just then, right before the name of the song could slip between my parted lips—a man with an acoustic guitar. Then, two others. A bassist and keyboardist. In the middle, a third. I squinted my eyes and shielded the sun with my hand. The third walked without an instrument, but alongside the others no less. “Nocturne?” I guessed aloud. It wasn’t performed by Blanco White though, it was a cover band adding their own spin.
They came closer and closer a step at a time and then… “Clay?” The faceless shapes began to take form as they approached and there was no doubt who the man in the middle was any longer.
I stood frozen in place until they were only feet away and my jaw hung slack in equal parts confusion and disbelief of what and who I was seeing.
The music went a few octaves lower and Clay took a few steps closer.
“What… Wh—What’s going on?”
His lips tugged up into a smile. “I screwed up, Elliott.”
My mind began racing even faster than it had back in the cab.
“I screwed up hard. I pushed you away. The best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I—I don’t understand. What’s going on right now?”
The music cut out and Clay took another step closer. “Blanco White. Nocturne, right? It’s one of your favorite bands.”
My brows arched. “I mean, yeah. But why? How?”
The man playing acoustic took a spot next to Clay and whispered something into his ear. Clay pulled his wallet from his back pocket and slid him a couple notes. He and the other two people began to walk back in the direction they had come from.
“How?” he said nervously. “Saw them a little earlier ago setting up outside a brewery. Their act got delayed a couple hours, so I made them an offer.”
“But why?”
His smile faded and his eyes fell to the ground. “Because I messed up,” he said again, looking back up at me. “Because you weren’t who I thought you were. Because you were better. Because I was too stupid to realize it.”
My heart started to pound in my chest. “Clay, I need to tell you—”
“I fucked up, Elliott.”
I said nothing. I could say nothing.
“You don’t have to give us another chance. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. But I know I’d always regret it if I didn’t tell you that I want to try. Try and make it work. Try and see what happens.”
My mouth opened, but still, nothing.
His hand reached out and caressed mine. “You don’t have to say yes.”
Finally, I gained enough composure to form a sentence. “Clay, it’s not that.” I pulled away from him.
“Then what?”
I shrugged and shook my head when I found myself at another loss for words.
“We don’t have to pick up where we left off. We can start over. A clean slate.”
His pleas tugged at my heart strings. I needed to tell him. He needed to know.
“I just want to give us a second chance. When you told me you weren’t who I thought you were, I was hurt. I had heard so many times how perfect this Charlie was for me. When I was with you, everything always seemed perfect. When you told me the truth… I didn’t know if I had these feelings I was feeling for you or for who I thought you were.”
The air felt like it was being pulled from my lungs and I could feel the tears starting to swell in the corner of my eyes.
Clay reached back out and took my hand again. I knew I should pull back, but I couldn’t. I already messed things up once by not telling him the truth, and if a second chance was what he wanted to give us, I couldn’t keep hiding things from him.
“Elliott, I’ve told you everything I wanted to say. What do you think? Do you want to give this another go?”
“Clay, I’m pregnant.”
18
Clay
Clay
My jaw hung slack and I could feel the blood drain from my face. “You’re what?”
His gaze fell to his feet. “Pregnant. Ten-ish weeks according to the doctor.”
“I—I—I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t have any expectations, I just thought you should know. You don’t have to be involved, if you don’t want to be. And if you don’t want to give us another shot, well, I can understand why.”
My stomach started to churn. “Of course I want to be involved. Why wouldn’t I?” He looked back up at me, surprised.
“I just thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I mean, you wanted to go out with Charlie. Your perfect match, remember?”
The churning in my stomach started to make me feel sick. “I—” I didn’t have the words to express how much I regretted what I had said.
His hand pulled away and his face went cold. He started to turn around to walk away.
I reached out my hand and grabbed his wrist. “Don't.”
Elliott turned back around.
“I want to be involved in our child's life and I want to be involved in yours.”
His brows arched as if he was surprised.
“We both made some mistakes. I don’t want this to be another one.”
His lips parted. “What do you want to do?”
I thought about it for a second. Him being pregnant didn’t change anything. After all, I’d always wanted a child. I didn’t think it would happen this way, but that didn’t change how I felt about Elliott. “I don’t have all the answers. But I know I want to be part of our baby’s life and if you feel the same way I do, then I want to try and make things work between us.”
“Things won’t be the way they used to.”
“I know they won’t, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be better than how things were.”
Elliott looked deep into my eyes. “I want to give it another shot, Clay. I really do. But if we do, I think we should take things a little slower, you know?”
I nodded. “We can take things as fast or slow as you’re comfortable with.”
His lips tugged up into a smile. “You really mean that?”
“Every word.”
19
Elliott
The blazing summer heat had come and gone and now we were lucky if we hit our average July temperature once or twice a week. It was September now and it wouldn't be much longer until the leaves on the trees turned shades of yellow, gold, brown, and red. It wouldn’t be much longer after that, when they would start to fade and die and fall and the skies would turn dark and the air would smell of rain.
My baby bump was getting big now. Not huge, but noticeable even with a sweater a size too large.
“So, do you think it’s a boy or girl?”
I shot Clay a sideways glance and a crooked grin. “I really hate no idea.”
He wet his lips with his tongue. “But like, do you think it feels more like a boy or girl?”
My lips tugged up into a smile. He was giving my pregnancy intuition much more credit than he should. “Clay, I really have no idea,” I said, laughing.
“Oh, come on. Take a guess.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’
m guessing we won’t find out until either I give birth or my next ultrasound.”
Clay sighed.
The past couple months had been a little awkward at first. I wanted to try and slow things down a bit, but it was harder than I thought it would be to take a step backwards when we were as close to each other as we had been.
After the first couple weeks, things started to fall back into place and all the awkwardness was just a distant memory. Besides the fact we hadn’t been physical since we decided to give us another go, it almost felt like everything was the same as it had been.
Still, it was a near impossible task to keep my hands off him.
Clay and I were walking through the downtown core and taking in the scenery. Walking around wasn’t exactly one of my favorite hobbies, but the doctor had told me exercise was important during pregnancy. Since I was already higher risk due to my age, I was willing to do almost anything to make sure nothing went wrong before or during the delivery.
“Well, what would you prefer? A boy or a girl?” Clay asked.
My brows arched and I gave him a playful shove. “I don’t care either way, you dork. Do you?”
He let out a laugh. “No, but I was just checking.”
After a few more minutes, we had made it around a couple blocks and were now standing outside my front door. I glanced down at my feet and smiled nervously. “Thanks for coming out with me, you didn’t have to.”
“Hey, if the doctor says you need exercise during pregnancy, then I’ll sign up for a marathon with you if that’s what you want to do.”
I rolled my eyes and let out a laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to have to take it that far.”
He leaned in a little closer and I could feel my body reacting. I wiped my palms along my pants and swallowed. I wanted to take things slow, but if he kissed me right now, I didn’t think I’d have it in me to pull back.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.