I don’t want to speak to him, my skin crawling as he massages my arm.
“I thought that we could go out today, maybe go for a spot of lunch?” His feeble attempt at trying to put right what he has done wrong. I remain silent, afraid that if I speak then I will really tell him what I think, and that would only cause me more trouble.
“Look, Lucy,” he starts and gives a resigned sigh. “I shouldn’t have behaved the way that I did. I just get so panicked that you are going to abandon me.” His words are ones that I have heard numerous times before. He may as well play them on a fucking loop. They’re hollow, meaningless.
“I’ve been such a jerk, and I am truly sorry. I just… I love you so much.” Blah, blah, blah. I switch off as he continues to prattle on about how he can’t live without me, etcetera, etcetera.
I wonder if there are other women that he has done this to?
I wonder if I am the first woman that he has kept prisoner?
A tingling starts to make its way down my arm as life pours back into it. I want to whimper from the sensation, but I know better than that. He would only enjoy my suffering despite his apologies.
“I need you, Lucy.”
And that’s the problem. He thinks that he needs me to survive. He can’t see past his insecurities to realise that needing someone doesn’t mean you have to control them. It shouldn’t even come down to need, it should be about wanting someone, loving them and having them love you back without torturing them so that they are too scared to walk away.
I have to take him down.
I can’t allow him to do this to another woman.
I can’t allow him to continue to do this to me.
I will make him pay.
I have to.
Chapter Fifteen
Help is on the way
“Are you still not hungry?” Michael asks as he devours the lasagna in front of him whilst I push my food around my plate.
“Not really.”
“Come on, Lucy, I’ve said that I’m sorry. I thought that we were okay now?”
Oh, sure, a night of being locked to a fucking bed can all be cast aside because you have said sorry. Not to mention the humiliation of waking up in clothes that were wet with my sweat and urine, because nobody can hold their pee all night long whilst being handcuffed to the bed.
He really is delusional.
Of course, I had no choice in coming out for lunch. Michael decided that was what we were doing, so here we are, sat in Alan’s, putting on an act for the outside world. Except, I can’t act today. I can’t put on a mask and pretend that everything is fine. I can’t hide how broken I truly am.
“Eat. Some. Food,” he commands, his patience wearing thin. I pick a chip up from my plate and take a bite. It tastes bland and I struggle to swallow. Feeling bile rising, I excuse myself and go to the toilet. Michael eyes me suspiciously as I leave the table. Lord knows what he thinks I am going to do.
I enter the toilets and lock myself in a cubicle before I bend over and start to retch. Nothing comes up which doesn’t surprise me. There isn’t anything to come up except for the bite of chip I just consumed.
Shaking, I lean against the toilet door and close my eyes.
How have I let it come to this?
I’m that broken record again, asking myself the same shit, repeating it, getting on my own damn nerves.
A light tap on the toilet door has me jumping a mile and panicking that it’s Michael.
“Lucy?” Kim’s quiet voice says, making me instantly relax. “Is that you in there?”
I unlock the door and fling it open, immediately drinking in the sight of Kim’s friendly face. She smiles at me before pulling me into a hug. My body trembles in her arms. She’s here, and God does it feel good to see her, even if it is in the fucking toilets of a restaurant.
She leans back after a moment, her eyes glistening as she looks me up and down.
“Jesus, Luce, you look awful.” I scoff at her, but I know that it’s true. Pale with sunken eyes and a smaller than usual frame, I am almost unrecognisable to myself let alone others.
“I’m okay,” I say as I wipe my few tears away. I can’t let Michael see that I have lost control of myself here. It will only piss him off.
“No, you’re not,” Kim says. “And I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Sorry? What for?”
“For being such a cow. For not being there for you when you clearly needed me now more than ever before.”
“Oh God, Kim, it’s me who should be apologising.”
“No,” she responds firmly. “You are going through something and I can’t even imagine what it’s like. Cal explained a few things to me. I’ve been so hurt and angry that I’ve been blinded to the truth. I thought that you had chosen him over us.”
“Never,” I whisper, her words impacting my ability to speak any louder. “How did you know I was in here?”
“I saw Michael through the window and figured you wouldn’t be too far away, so when I saw him sat on his own, I took a guess that you would be in here, and I want you to know that I want to help you too,” she says as she grabs my wrists, causing me to grit my teeth from the pain. She instantly lets go. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” My go-to-answer that I can’t seem to change.
“Lucy, please tell me so that I can help.”
Whether it is the fact that I need to unburden my hurt on someone else or whether it is the fact that I already know that I have been in here too long, I don’t know, but whatever the reason, it has me pulling the sleeves of my top up, showing her my wrists. Kim’s hands fly to her face, covering her gaping mouth. A few tense seconds pass us by before she looks me in the eye and speaks.
“We’re going to make sure he goes down for this, Lucy. He won’t get away with it.”
“He won’t,” I agree.
“Cal told me that I need to––”
“Take photos.” I finish her sentence for her.
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe that I am doing this,” I say as she pulls out her phone and logs another round of evidence of the abuse.
“You sure you wanna stick this out? You can come with me now.” I sense the urgency in her tone. I desperately want to take her up on her offer, but I can’t, I need more than the few photos I have to put this asshole away.
“I can’t let another woman go through this, Kim. I have to make sure that he can never harm again.”
“But you have some evidence, Lucy, you can take the pictures that you do have to the police.”
“It’s not enough. I don’t want him to just get a slap on the wrists, Kim. I know I could go to the police and get a restraining order, but do you really think that is going to keep Michael away from me? Because I sure as hell don’t. I want him to suffer, to be locked away for a very long time. I need more, and I deserve justice, and not just some little piece of fucking paper that would tell him to stay away from me.”
I can see that she wants to argue with me, but she holds back and nods her head instead.
This moment, right here, solidifies our bond and repairs what was broken. Kim is back, as is Cal, and that’s all the strength that I need to know that I can see this through.
Their support, and their belief in me, renews my fight. If they can believe, then so can I.
I can do this.
Chapter Sixteen
Shutdown
“What’s taken you so long?” Michael asks when I return to the table.
“Sorry, I don’t feel too good,” I say as I sit back down and try to calm my racing heart.
“You do look a little pale,” he replies, assessing my appearance. I feel sweat beading across my forehead as I notice Kim exiting the walkway for the toilets. Michael has his back to her, but I must let my eyes linger a little too long as he starts to turn around.
Anxiety spikes through me.
If he sees her then I’m fucked. He will know that I lied about why I took so long, althou
gh I’m definitely not lying about feeling ill. My stomach churns and I have to think on my feet.
Think, pressure, excuse, it’s all too much.
“MICHAEL!” I yell.
People around me go silent and look over. Michael’s head whips back to look at me, utter shock and confusion on his face.
“Lucy?”
“I… I…” I go blank, my heart pounding, my vision blurring. The stress that I feel in this moment is like no stress I’ve experienced before. My whole body trembles. I feel hot, clammy.
Michael’s eyes get wider with each passing second.
My throat tightens and my whole body starts to feel numb.
Oh God, what’s happening?
Why do I feel so weird?
My vision blurs further as I feel myself start to lean to one side.
Shocked murmurs from people around us assault my ears, and the last thing I hear are gasps before my eyes shut and my world goes dark.
Chapter Seventeen
A little peace
“Is she going to be okay?” I hear Michael ask as my world starts to come back into focus.
I keep my eyes closed and allow myself a few more moments of peace from his controlling and abusive world.
“She should be, but we won’t be one hundred percent sure until she wakes up.”
“Oh God.” I can hear the worry in Michael’s voice, but I don’t feel any sympathy for him.
He caused this.
He is destroying me, one day at a time.
He deserves to be fucking worried.
“Can I stay with her?”
“I’m afraid not. I’ve already let you stay longer than you’re meant to.”
“But, she will want me here. I can’t just leave her on her own.” Now he’s panicked, and I pray that whoever it is talking to him that they don’t change their mind.
“We will phone you if there is any need to when she wakes up. For now though, Lucy just needs to rest.”
I could hug whoever it is that is standing their ground. Maybe this is one person who can see past Michael’s bullshit ‘nice guy’ act. “Visiting starts at eleven in the morning, so you are welcome to come back then unless we phone you.”
“Please, Doctor. I just want to be with her,” Michael pleads.
Doctor?
What the hell is going on?
“I understand that but I’m sorry, you need to leave, now. I’m afraid I can’t authorise you staying here because Lucy’s condition isn’t classed as critical.”
Condition?
Oh God, what’s wrong with me?
My mind goes into overdrive thinking about all of the possibilities.
Michael sighs loudly. “Fine.” He sounds pissed off, and I thank my lucky stars that I won’t be at home with him to be his punching bag tonight.
I hear footsteps shuffling around before a door clicks open and then slams shut a few seconds later.
I slowly count to ten before opening my eyes. It takes me a few minutes to adjust to dim lighting and I look around the small room.
Clinical.
Clean.
Quiet.
I am hooked up to a drip that is feeding some sort of clear liquid into me. I don’t even care what the liquid is, I’m just grateful that I’m here and that I finally have some distance from Michael.
God, how pathetic. I’m actually happy to be in a fucking hospital just so I can get away from him.
Michael has been made to leave.
He’s gone.
There will be no walking on eggshells, even if it is just for one night.
There is no need to feel unsafe here.
My eyelids feel heavy.
My mind wants to rest.
And as I close my eyes, I feel happy that this will be the first night in a long time where I can go to sleep without worrying.
I can finally get some peace.
Chapter Eighteen
Uncomfortable questions
I wake up to find a nurse stood at the end of my bed, looking at some paperwork.
“Good morning,” she says cheerfully, a bright smile breaking out across her face.
“Morning.” My voice is croaky, and I attempt to clear it.
“Here you go, honey,” the nurse says as she puts the paperwork down, goes over to a small table by the window and picks up a glass of water. “I bet you’re thirsty.”
I nod at her and she hands me the glass. It only takes me a few seconds to drink the lot.
“Would you like some more?”
“No, thank you, I’m good.” I smile at her as she takes the glass from me and puts it back on the table.
“I’m just going to go and notify Doctor Malone that you’re awake.”
“Okay.” The nurse exits the room but returns moments later with, I presume, Doctor Malone.
“Good morning, Lucy, I’m Doctor Malone.” He has a kind face, a killer smile, and I feel myself smiling in return.
“Hello, Doctor.”
“I know that you probably have some questions for me but let me just run a few quick checks before we talk about what happened.”
“Sure.”
The Doctor asks me a few basic questions and then takes a look at the same paperwork that the nurse had in her hand when I woke up. He peers at the amount of liquid left in the drip bag, and seemingly satisfied he dismisses the nurse. Once she has left the room and closed the door, Doctor Malone pulls up a chair and sits himself next to my bed.
“Lucy, do you mind if I call you by your first name?” he asks.
“Not at all.”
“Okay, so,” he starts, taking his glasses off and putting them on top of his head. “You may be a little hazy on what led you to be in hospital, so I’ll tell you what I know.”
“Okay.”
“You were out at lunch with your partner where you fainted, and an ambulance was called. You were brought here early yesterday afternoon, where we ran a few tests to determine the cause of why you fainted.
“Now, usually a person fainting isn’t a massive cause for concern when there are no known underlying medical issues, but your heart was beating a little faster than we would have liked, hence running further tests.”
He speaks with authority but exudes assurance at the same time. I feel like I should be worried, but Doctor Malone is speaking in a way that keeps me at ease. Probably a good thing seeing as I have been through enough worry and stress to last a lifetime.
“Lucy, your blood pressure was dangerously high, and this contributed to you having a panic attack, which led to you passing out.”
I remain quiet, taking in what he is telling me.
“On top of that, you were dehydrated, hence the drip going into your arm.”
I look at my arm, just for something to focus on.
How am I going to explain it away?
How can I make excuses to a Doctor about why my blood pressure was high?
I could say that work has been stressing me out? That puts Michael, and ultimately myself, in the clear.
“I don’t want to overwhelm you, Lucy, but I have to ask about the various bruises on your body. Have you been in an accident recently?”
An accident.
I almost wish that were the case.
Bruises can be explained away by an accident, but what Michael inflicts on me is no accident.
But I can’t tell a Doctor that.
He can’t protect me.
He’s only a medic, and I don’t have anywhere near enough evidence to go to the police yet, not if I want Michael to be put behind bars for the long haul.
“I fell.” I almost roll my eyes at how that sounds like a lame-ass excuse, but this Doctor has no reason to think that Michael abuses me, so my internal panic is over nothing.
“How did you fall?”
“Down the stairs. It was silly of me really. I tripped over a pair of my shoes,” I say with a nervous laugh. “Michael told me to put them away, but I didn’t listen.”
“Ah, yes, Michael. He took some persuading to leave you here last night.” Doctor Malone pauses, and I feel like he is assessing my reaction. I keep my face still, giving nothing away, I hope. “He said that he would be back when visiting hours start at eleven.”
Although I already knew that after hearing Doctor Malone and Michael talking last night, it still hits me that in less than two hours Michael will be here, demanding that I go home with him. He will probably force me to discharge myself if the Doctor won’t let me go.
“I know that you came in here with Michael, but I took the liberty of contacting your next of kin,” Doctor Malone informs me. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“A lady called Kim will be here soon. I have allowed her to come in before visiting starts.”
I feel emotion sweep through me at the Doctor’s kindness, my eyes filling with unshed tears.
There is still kindness in this world, Lucy.
He stands up and pulls his glasses back down to sit on his nose. “I will be back later to check how you’re doing, and to take a proper look at your wrists.” He looks at my wrists and I follow his gaze. They’re both bandaged.
The handcuffs.
The broken skin only showing a fraction of what my broken heart has been through.
“Doctor Malone?”
“Yes, Lucy?” he says, giving me his kind smile.
“Um, if Michael arrives whilst Kim is still here, could you…” My voice trails off as I lose my nerve to say what I need to.
“Don’t worry, Lucy, Michael will not be allowed in this room, and I have to tell you that I have had to inform the police about what has happened.”
“Because you know,” I say quietly. I close my eyes and feel a sense of relief wash over me.
Someone else knows.
They can see it.
They can’t ignore the bruises.
“I hope you understand that because of my job, I wouldn’t have been able to turn a blind eye. I had to inform the authorities about your injuries.”
Taking Control (The Control Duet Book 2) Page 5