“I understand.” I should have informed them before now, but I needed as much evidence as possible. Sending a domestic abuser to prison is a battle women face every day, and I don’t believe that just one hit would have held enough power to have him locked away for a long time. I want to know that he isn’t getting off lightly, and I want to know that I am safe.
Safe to recover.
Safe to walk down the street.
And safe in the knowledge that he is away from me for years.
“There will be a security guard stationed outside your door, and the police will be speaking to Michael to make sure that he doesn’t come near you. Of course they will want to speak to you, but only when you feel ready,” Doctor Malone informs me, and just that piece of information has me feeling safer than I have in a long time.
“Thank you, doctor,” I whisper.
He smiles and excuses himself, which I’m grateful for because I need time to process that this is really it.
This is my escape.
This is my time.
I finally made it.
Chapter Nineteen
Unexpected visit
Five minutes after the Doctor leaves, the door to my room opens again, a frantic looking Kim rushing in. The door shuts behind her and then she’s by me, pulling me into her arms, hugging the life out of me.
I wince slightly from the impact, the pain still present in every limb, but I also smile from the closeness, smile from the warmth, and smile for the strong bond that we have. I never should have doubted it, but I’ve been plunged into darkness more often than not lately, and it’s hard to keep focused on the light.
I hear Kim start to cry and I clench my jaw, close my eyes and try to hold myself together. I’m barely hanging on as it is.
“Oh, Lucy,” Kim says as she lets me go and stands back, her eyes connecting with mine. “What happened? I mean, I saw you, sitting at the table with him, and I got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. What did he do? I thought he kept himself in check when he was in public?”
“Stop,” I say as I curb her questioning for a few minutes. “I had a panic attack and my blood pressure was too high. Ultimately, it contributed to me fainting and, voila, here I am.”
“I’m sorry,” Kim says with a sniffle. “I don’t mean to cry all over you.” She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her top and I take her hand in mine.
“I’m okay, Kim,” I try to reassure her. I’m alive so there’s that. For now.
“I wanted to come last night, when the Doctor phoned, but he said you were sleeping and that you needed to rest.”
“That’s Doctor Malone. He’s really nice.”
“That’s good. He sounded pleasant when I spoke to him.”
We go silent for a few seconds before Kim speaks again. “You can’t go back to him, Lucy.” Her eyes plead with me, her grip on my hand tightening a little, and I can hear every bit of emotion that she is feeling in her words.
“I know, and honestly, I’m not sure that I have a choice anymore. The doctor has had to inform the authorities of my injuries. I don’t think the evidence that I have is enough, but I may just have to hope that it is.”
“And when you get out of here, you’re not going back to that apartment,” she says.
“I don’t want to go back there.”
A clearing of a throat startles both of us, and our heads both turn to look at the door.
“Good, because you’re not leaving here unless you’re coming with me…”
Chapter Twenty
Hero
Neither of us had noticed that the door had opened, too wrapped up in our turmoil of my current situation, so his appearance was sudden and unexpected.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper.
“You didn’t think that I was going to not come and visit, did you?” he asks, moving into the room more and closing the door behind him. I shrug my shoulders and bite my bottom lip. I’ve kept the tears at bay but seeing him is pushing me to the brink.
Kim backs away, allowing him to take her place. His hand reaches for mine, lifting it as he places a light kiss on the back.
“Hey, you,” he says with a smile.
“Hey,” I manage to choke out as the first tear escapes.
“I’m gonna go and get us some coffee,” Kim says and then leaves the room.
“I’ve missed you.” His voice, God, it makes my broken heart swell.
“I’ve missed you too.” I barely get my words out as my elation from seeing him almost chokes me. He sits on the edge of the bed but keeps his body facing me. I move forwards, and as much as it hurts, I wrap my arms around his neck. His arms go around my waist, but he is careful not to squeeze me. He saw my bruises, and he will know that they are still there, with more added to the collection.
“I’ve got you,” he says quietly in my ear. “I won’t let him hurt you anymore, Lucy. I love you too much to watch him destroy you.”
His words open the floodgates that I have been desperately trying to keep shut. My grip on Cal tightens and I bury my face in his neck. He rubs my back, allowing me time to get my emotions out. I’m an absolute mess.
I’ve attempted to try and get some of my independence back.
I’ve allowed myself to believe that I can show Michael that he is going to pay for what he has done.
I’ve made out that I’m some sort of shitty heroine that has vowed to battle him.
I’ve hidden my feelings. Buried my true self.
And for what?
To end up in the fucking mess that I am in now?
To stop him from abusing another?
To give him more opportunities to push my health to decline, not to mention my mental state?
My two closest friends have seen me battered and bruised.
I’ve shied away from contact with others.
I’ve allowed Michael to have full control.
I never had a chance of getting it back.
I let him do this to me, and now I’m tired.
Tired of the pain.
Tired of the heartache.
Tired of the reign of terror he has over me.
I want my life back.
Cal gave me a lifeline once before, and I threw it back in his face.
Now he’s giving me another one, and I’m going to take it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Peace is shattered
“So, how did you manage to get in here before visiting hours?” I ask Cal once I have calmed down.
“Kim sorted it with the doctor that she spoke to.”
“Oh.” I must ask her how she sweetened up the doctor, although I have a sneaky suspicion that she may have hinted to Doctor Malone some of what I have been through recently, confirming what he already seems to suspect.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to see you since last week, but it’s hard to get to you with Michael shadowing your every move,” Cal says, his eyes looking so fucking sad. I hate that he looks at me that way. I never wanted to be weak, but that is what Michael has done to me. Weak, pathetic, useless.
“I know,” I reply, my feeble answer being the only one that I can give. Cal doesn’t need to give me any explanations or apologies. He isn’t beholden to me, and that scares me.
What if he decides somewhere along the line that I’m too much hassle?
That being near me causes too much pain?
Or what if he simply decides that he doesn’t love me anymore?
I’ve lost sight of all hope that used to live within me. Michael has made me question everything, and I let him do it for so long. Not doubting myself is something that is going to take time to stop doing, and I’m afraid that I may never recover.
The door opens to show Kim trying to balance three coffees in her hands.
“Ouch,” she says as she walks in and kicks the door closed behind her. “Bastard coffee.” She walks quickly to the table by the window and puts the coffees down. “Those cups are fucking boili
ng.”
Cal and I both laugh at her.
“It’s not funny, I could have burnt myself,” she says, trying to scold us but failing as the smile creeps across her lips.
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Cal says as he gives me a wink.
“Me? Dramatic?” Kim scoffs. “Oh please, you carry three boiling hot coffee cups and see if you don’t find them ridiculously hot.”
I enjoy the light-heartedness of it all. It’s something I have been missing for so long. There’s no stress in this room right now, and that’s because these two have got my back. I know that, I just need to keep reminding myself that I am not alone.
However, Kim’s next question has dread pooling in my stomach. “Is Michael coming to see you today?”
“Of course,” I reply with disgust. “In fact, I’m surprised he’s not here already, regardless of the visiting times.” I know that I heard Doctor Malone telling him the visiting times, but Michael doesn’t like listening to rules; not unless he’s the one making them.
My eyes flick up to look at the clock on the wall opposite me.
Ten-thirty-seven.
Only twenty-one minutes until visiting starts.
Just twenty-one minutes until my nightmare begins all over again.
I can already feel the anxiety creeping up on me. The doctor said that he wouldn’t let Michael in here, but it’s hard to believe that he won’t come barging in anyway.
“Lucy?” Cal says, breaking through my thoughts. He’s stood back beside my bed, his hand lightly covering mine. “You okay, babe?”
I look down at his hand, wishing that things could have been different. My heart still has love. For Cal. Only Cal. It’s always been Cal. I just got a little sidetracked in order to realise it.
“Yeah,” I reply with a smile. “I just… I’m nervous.”
“You don’t need to be.”
“I wish that were true.” I sigh.
“It is true, Lucy,” Cal urges, taking both my hands in his. “He’s not going to get anywhere near you.”
I know that Cal thinks this is the case, but I know different. “He will if he wants to.”
And boy will he want to get at me.
Cal goes to speak again, but I stop him.
“Listen, Cal, you can tell me over and over again that Michael won’t touch me or hurt me again, but it’s just words. I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic, but I’ve lived in fear for months. I’ve spent most of that time wishing that I was dead, just to escape the pain that he’s caused me.”
I swallow the lump in my throat as I continue to speak. “I have dreamt of re-winding the clock and doing things differently. I’ve dreamt of my life without him, but that’s all it is. A dream. Michael won’t leave me alone, not until he is punished for what he’s done. And when I tell him that I’m not leaving here with him…” My voice trails off as my mind runs through the many things he will do. Shouting, screaming, punching, kicking… It could be anything. His reactions can be far from predictable.
I hear Kim sniff and notice that she is crying, whereas Cal is looking at me intently; like he wants to protect me, wrap me up in cotton wool and keep me safe.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, his jaw clenched, his hands squeezing mine, his eyes fierce.
I am about to thank him, tell him that I am grateful that he wants to stick by me, but a loud voice makes my blood run cold.
“LET ME SEE HER!”
My bubble of peace just burst.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hiding in fear
“Shit,” I say as my heart thumps. “Oh God.”
“It’s okay, Lucy, just try and keep calm, you don’t want your blood pressure shooting up again,” Kim says in a soothing voice as she comes to stand beside my bed, taking the spot that Cal has just vacated.
Cal is now waiting by the door, ready to defend me if Michael manages to come stomping in here.
“Keep calm? Keep calm? I don’t know how to do that anymore, Kim. I don’t know how to make the fear that he elicits in me stop,” I say, panicked.
“SHE’S MY FIANCEE, AND I WANT TO SEE HER!” More shouting. More anger.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Slow and steady. One breath at a time.
Another voice speaks, and I prick my ears so that I can make out what is being said.
“I’m going to have to ask you to remain calm, or you will be removed by security.” It’s Doctor Malone.
“Get out of my way, old man,” Michael says, and a part of me fears for Doctor Malone’s safety. “LUCY!”
I put my hands over my ears, not wanting to listen to Michael rage anymore.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Don’t let him rule you, Lucy.
Don’t give him the satisfaction any longer.
Kim leaves my side and goes over to Cal. “Open the door,” I hear her say and I drop my hands from my ears.
“No! Don’t!” I reply desperately, knowing that all hell will break loose if Michael sees Kim and Cal in here with me. Especially Cal. He hates Cal, and Cal doesn’t deserve to suffer because of me.
“Open the door, Cal,” Kim repeats, her tone firm, ignoring my pleas.
“LUCY!” Michael shouts again.
“Kim, what are you saying?” I ask, shocked that she would even suggest opening that fucking door.
“I’m going to tell him that he’s not welcome here,” she says as if it’s no big deal.
“Are you crazy?” I hiss at her, abandoning my breathing techniques and allowing the anxiety to flow through every fiber of my body.
“He won’t do anything to me, Lucy, and he needs to be told that he can’t come here and visit you.”
I stare at her with wide eyes.
“No, Kim, you’re not saying anything to him,” Cal interrupts. “And neither is Lucy.” My heart momentarily calms for a second, thanking the lord for Cal being level-headed. But that calmness doesn’t last long as Cal thrusts the door open and slams it shut behind him.
Oh God.
Fuck.
I need to get out there.
I need to stop this.
I can’t do any of this anymore.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
I move to the edge of the bed, feeling a little dizzy as I do.
“What do you think you are doing?” Kim asks as I scramble off the side of the bed.
“I have to go out there. I can’t let him hurt Cal.” My panic levels are rising with each passing second.
Kim marches over to me, hands on hips as she stops in front of me, stopping me from taking another step. “I don’t think so.”
“Kim, Michael is pissed and seeing Cal here will push him over the edge. Oh God, I should never have involved you guys.” All of my doubts rush to the surface, and I start to berate myself for letting the two people that I love the most in the world get so tangled up in my problems.
“Yes, you should. We’re your friends, Lucy, we love you, and we both want to get you as far away from Michael as possible.” She grabs my shoulders and squats down slightly so our eyes are level. “Cal will be fine. I will be fine. But you won’t be if you don’t let us help you. You know that you can’t fight him alone, Lucy.”
“But Cal…” My tears fall, drenching my cheeks.
“Stop worrying. Cal knows what he is doing, and he’s doing it because he wants to.”
“How can you both be so brave?” I whisper, needing to understand their confidence.
“Oh, honey,” Kim says, pulling me towards her for a hug. “I can’t speak for Cal, but this has nothing to do with being brave. The difference here is that I’m not scared of Michael, whereas you are, and after everything he has done, I would be surprised if you weren’t scared. He plays on your fear, and he knows that he can’t do that with me or Cal.”
“I’m tired of being scared.”
“I know,” Kim says as she hugs me a little tighter.
The only trouble is, I have no idea where to start.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Holding on
A few long, tense minutes pass before Cal comes back into the room.
“He’s gone,” Cal informs us. I breathe a sigh of relief, but I’m pissed that Cal put himself in harm’s way.
“Why the hell did you go out there?” I ask, my eyes wide, my voice high-pitched.
“Because there was no way that he was coming in here.”
“Yes, I know, but fucking hell, Cal, he’s not above hurting you to get to me.”
“I’m gonna go and get some more drinks,” Kim says as she scurries from the room. She clearly doesn’t want to watch me have an epic meltdown at Cal.
“All that matters is that he’s gone, Lucy,” Cal says calmly, walking towards me.
“He’s not gone.”
“He was escorted out by security. I watched him leave.”
“In person maybe, but not up here,” I say, tapping the side of my head. “What if I can never get rid of him? What if I spend the remainder of my life looking over my shoulder?”
Right now, that prospect seems worse. The not knowing, the uncertainty.
“It won’t seem like it now, but in time you will move on, and you’ll be able to move past all of the hurt and anger.”
“I wish I could believe that,” I whisper, my emotions getting the better of me as I start to sob again.
Cal takes me in his arms and holds me as I tremble violently.
“I’ve got you,” he says softly, tightening his hold. “We’re going to get through this, together. Michael will pay, and we will live happily ever after.”
Happily ever after seems so far away.
If only I had the same amount of belief as Cal.
If only he had been around when I left Tom.
Taking Control (The Control Duet Book 2) Page 6