Taking Control (The Control Duet Book 2)

by Lindsey Powell

  If only I had told him how I felt all those years ago. It could have been so different.

  Cal and I have always had a solid connection, but it never seemed like the right time to act upon it.

  I feel like the right time will never come.

  If only, what if, if I had just… I could play those questions on a loop in my head forever.

  I shouldn’t be thinking about Cal in this way, not after all of the damage that has been done.

  No one wants a damaged woman.

  Michael wins.

  I lose.

  No one will want me because I will never be the woman that I once was.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Time’s up

  I can’t breathe.

  My throat is closing in, getting tighter and tighter.

  I try to call out, but the crushing force won’t let me.

  I try to suck in some air, but my windpipe feels like it is collapsing, stopping me from taking my next breath.

  I force my eyes open, the air stinging them.

  I try to focus, blinking rapidly, but I wish that I hadn’t bothered. The image staring back at me is the one that fills me with fear.

  Michael.

  His face inches from mine.

  A sickening smile on his face.

  An evil glint in his eyes.

  My arms reach up and I hit him as hard as I can. My hands balled into fists connect with his cheeks.

  He doesn’t even waver.

  I feel time slipping by. Valuable seconds of my life ebbing away.

  I can see black dots.

  My panic ratchets up several notches. I’m supposed to be safe here, in hospital. He’s not meant to be here.

  “If I can’t have you, no one will,” he whispers as he leans closer to my face.

  My hands go to his at my throat, and I desperately try to wrench his fingers off of me.

  Tears well up in my eyes.

  Where is Cal? Why isn’t he here? How did Michael get into my room? Why won’t he just let me go?

  He’s never going to allow me to have peace.

  I will forever be his prisoner.

  Michael wins.

  I lose.

  I let my hands fall back on the bed.

  I stop struggling.

  I close my eyes, shutting out the image of Michael’s hate-filled face looking down at me.

  I picture Cal, his handsome face, his caring eyes.

  In this moment, it has been reaffirmed for me that it has been Cal all along.

  Cal’s my soulmate. My one true love. The one that my heart belongs to, and always has.

  “Goodbye, my love.” I mouth the words, no sound coming out.

  I wish that we had figured it out earlier, but it’s too late.

  My time is up.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  One moment

  Cal

  I only went to get a coffee.

  I only left the room for a few minutes. I hadn’t been able to sleep, my eyes fixated on Lucy. My need to make sure that she is safe overriding my need to rest.

  All it took was a few minutes for him to get to her.

  For him to hurt her.

  For him to take her from me.

  Entering her room and seeing him bent over her bed made me see nothing but fucking red. The rage that tore through me was like nothing I have ever experienced before.

  I found a strength I didn’t even know I possessed as I grabbed Michael and threw him across the room. He crashed into the wall before collapsing onto the floor, his eyes wide with shock.

  I wanted to kill him.

  I wanted to make the bastard suffer.

  He doesn’t deserve to live, but I couldn’t act on impulse. Lucy needs me, and I need her.

  I stayed by her bed, pushing the buzzer to alert the nurses that they were needed.

  The fucking monitors should have alerted the nurses that something was wrong, the ones that keep a check on Lucy’s heart, but my eyes quickly flicked to the screens to see that they were blank. No power, and I can only assume that the bastard shut them off.

  And where the fuck is the security guard?

  Michael struggled to his feet, regaining his composure.

  Lucy stayed deadly still beside me. I couldn’t even see her chest moving to notify me that she was still breathing.

  I wanted to devote my attention to her, but I couldn’t. Not with him in the room.

  “Get out,” I growled.

  Michael squared his shoulders, and I presume his stance was meant to intimidate me, but he needn’t have bothered. He doesn’t scare me, and he fucking knows it.

  His tactics won’t work with me.

  He’s a fucking parasite, a coward that preys on those that let him in.

  The worst kind of man.

  I continued to press the nurse’s buzzer, wondering where the fuck they were.

  “She’s mine,” Michael answered possessively. “She will always be mine, and she’ll always keep a piece of me with her. She won’t ever be able to let me go.” He stalked forwards, a smirk across his face.

  Anger flooded through me. “You need to leave.” My teeth clenched, and my hands balled into fists.

  “She wants me here,” he continued. Fucking delusional. “She needs me. She doesn’t know how to survive without me.”

  I laughed, I actually fucking laughed at him and his ridiculous ramblings.

  “She loves me, and she knows that coming back to me is the best thing for everybody,” Michael said, his warped mind shining through.

  “Best thing?” I barked back. “Are you referring to the hate that you spew at her on a daily basis? Or is it the way that you batter her body, bruise her skin and make her feel worthless?” I gritted my teeth harder; so hard I’m surprised they didn’t crack.

  “You’re just jealous,” he spat at me. “You want her, and I’m the one that gets to keep her.”

  Michael is the biggest asshole that I have ever met, and I’ve met a few. I struggled to gain control of my emotions as Michael’s hands balled into fists and his arm started to move backwards. He had clearly had enough of talking and decided to turn things into a physical fight. I have to admit that I was surprised that he was squaring up to me, seeing as I have a more than fucking good chance of fighting back without him overpowering me.

  I shouted out for the nurse’s, needing them to get in here and see if Lucy was still okay, still breathing, still alive.

  Michael’s arm moved forward, his balled fist coming towards my face.

  I was ready.

  I wanted nothing more than to pummel this prick into next week.

  I wanted to watch the life drain out of the fucker that hurt the only girl to ever have my heart.

  As I prepared to fight back, adrenaline surged through me, but Michael’s arm abruptly stopped before he was pulled back a couple of steps, his body jerking, his face morphing into shock.

  Two security guards appeared either side of him as they held him away from me, and away from Lucy. The one looked pale as fuck, and so he should, seeing as he should have been manning her door. I could only presume he took a piss if his unzipped flies are anything to go by.

  My eyes went to the three nurses and the doctor behind. One nurse was clutching her cheek, and when she pulled her hand away, I saw the angry red mark.

  A mark that had no place being there.

  A mark left by a beast, a monster, a fucking low-life.

  A mark left by Michael, who was now trying to fight his way out of the guards hold.

  One nurse ran over to Lucy, bending over her, checking her pulse as I prayed that she was going to be okay.

  Lucy. A woman that views herself as weak, but really, she’s the strongest of us all.

  She’s been through pain, she’s experienced the foul-mouthed rants of a man who claims to love her.

  Lucy. My light. My love. My heart. My queen.

  She may not believe me when I say that I love her, but I do.
I’ve never loved anyone more.

  I am a coward for turning my back on her to go and travel the world. I should have asked her to go with me, enjoy life, be together.

  I will forever live with regret.

  I will forever berate myself for not stepping up and being the man that she needed me to be.

  And as I look back to Michael, his teeth bared like some fucking psycho, I make a promise to myself that I will uncover more dirt on this bastard. I will make sure they throw away the fucking key when they lock him up for his crimes. I will be there to witness his sentencing, to watch them lead him to a life locked in a cage.

  But for now, as the guards remove him from my sight, I turn my attention back to Lucy, lying lifeless on the bed as the nurse’s and the doctor do whatever it is they need to do to bring her back to me.

  I sit.

  I wait.

  I would wait forever for her if that’s what she wanted.

  I’ll always be here for her.

  I’m never leaving her again.

  And if she leaves me first, then I know that I will never be able to forgive myself for all of the mistakes that I’ve made.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Demons

  Lucy

  “You’ll always be mine, Lucy.”

  “I’m a part of you now.”

  “You’ll never be able to let go.”

  Smack.

  Pain.

  “You’ll bow down to me for the rest of your life.”

  Kick.

  Punch.

  “If I can’t have you, no one will.”

  My heart shatters.

  My knees give way.

  “Look at you. Pathetic. Weak.”

  “Embarrassment.”

  “Dependent.”

  “I am the only one who can love you.”

  Tears blur my vision.

  Silent sobs catch in my throat.

  My head pounds.

  My pulse weakens.

  “Mine.”

  “Mine.”

  “Always mine.”

  I gasp for breath as I sit up, willing the pain to go.

  I can’t do this.

  I’m not strong enough.

  The sweat pours down my face, the droplets rolling down my back as I look around the dark room, expecting to see him stood over me.

  Michael.

  My worst nightmare, but also my reality.

  My breaths come thick and fast as I adjust to my surroundings.

  I’m not led on the floor.

  I’m not curled into a ball, trying to protect as much of my body as I can.

  Michael isn’t looking over me.

  He isn’t even in the room.

  But Cal is.

  He’s sat in a chair beside my bed, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling slowly.

  Breathe in.

  Breath out.

  Inhale.

  Exhale.

  Slow and steady.

  I try to calm my mind and my heart from the brutal dream that forced me into a frenzy.

  Dreams are meant to be full of happiness, of hearts and rainbows, of what the mind desires and what the heart holds closest to them.

  But my dreams aren’t like that.

  Mine are full of darkness, of disease, of being beholden to the worst kind of terror.

  I try to find my happy place, I try to ease my racing thoughts, I try, I try, I try.

  I’m so fucking sick of trying.

  A tear falls down my cheek, my throat feeling bruised as my senses catch up with my brain.

  Michael was here. His hands around my throat. My life flashing before my eyes.

  Except, my life only showed me one man.

  The one currently asleep in the chair beside me.

  Cal.

  He’s my life-line. My strength.

  I’ve been fooling myself for so long, that I had blinkers on. I ended up in relationships with men that were entirely unsuitable for me. Tom. Michael. Both of them deceived me. Both of them lied to me. And both of them hurt my already-bruised heart.

  The tears continue to fall, coming thick and fast.

  I don’t try to stop them, I need to let them go, relieve some of the stress that threatens to pull me even further into a black hole that wants to rule me.

  And with the tears comes the sobs that rack my body and make my ribcage silently scream from the marks that will mar my body forever.

  Tonight, Michael tried to kill me. I always knew that he would. He warned me, but I thought that I could fight him, fight my tormentor. But I failed. I let him get so deep in my brain that I failed in protecting myself.

  I don’t know what happened after I passed out. I mean, I know I’m alive, but a part of me wishes that he had ended it all. Ended my suffering and the pain that shows no signs of abating.

  My sobs become louder, echoing around the room.

  “Hey,” I hear Cal say, but I can’t look at him, I keep my head hanging in the shame that engulfs me.

  I feel his weight by the side of me as he sits on the bed.

  “Lucy, look at me,” he says softly, and the softness of his voice makes me cry harder. He shouldn’t be being nice to me.

  I fucked up.

  I made the wrong choices.

  Me, me, me.

  I shake my head, my tears dripping onto the thin sheet that covers my legs.

  “Baby, please,” he pleads, and the pain in his voice jumpstarts something in me. I slowly raise my head until my eyes lock with his. His handsome face is blurry, but I can still see every single emotion in his blue pools. I can see the worry that lingers there, and I hate that I am the one causing it.

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. God, I should just have that phrase tattooed on my forehead, I’ve used it so fucking often.

  “Shhh,” he says as his hands move up to cup either side of my face. His thumbs gently wipe the tears that continue to fall from my cheeks. “Lucy, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I do,” I say, as I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. It hurts to talk, the pain radiating through my throat from the inner bruising that Michael has caused, and my voice still comes out as a whisper.

  “No, baby, you don’t.”

  “Please, Cal, don’t try and make out that I didn’t play a role in all of this.”

  It’s my fault.

  My weakness helped to fuel a monster that blinded me.

  “I know that you’re hurting right now, and I know that my words aren’t going to have much of an effect at this moment in time but hear me when I say that none of this was your doing. You never asked for this, Lucy. You never asked for a man to shatter your trust after you gave it so freely––”

  “Cal, you need to stop making excuses for me––”

  “I’m not making excuses,” he says, cutting me off like I did to him a few seconds ago. “I’m telling you what you need to hear. You are the bravest, strongest, kindest woman that I have ever known. You, Lucy, are a fucking soldier. I can’t even begin to imagine what that asshole has done to you, and I know the road ahead is going to be painful, but you will heal. You will fight and become even stronger than you are now. You will battle, because I know that you will never give up.”

  His words.

  Oh, his words.

  How I wish that they were true.

  If only I could believe them.

  If I could just take them, swallow them and let them take over all of the uncertainty that I feel.

  If.

  Always if.

  “And you’re not going to face that battle alone,” Cal continues. “I will be beside you. I will be with you. I will be everything that you need me to be.”

  “You can’t do that, Cal. You can’t just stop your life to hold my hand, it wouldn’t be fair to you.” I would hate for him to take pity on me. I know he wants to help, but fuck, it’s going to take more than a quick therapy session to untangle the multitude of mess in my head. And I’m not sure I want
him to see when the bomb drops, and I can no longer keep up the pretence of being okay.

  “I will never force you to do anything that you don’t want to do, and I know that this isn’t exactly the best time to say what I’m about to but… What kind of a man would it make me to walk away from the woman that I love?”

  I suck in a breath.

  He’s told me he loves me before, and I have always dreamed of those words coming out of his mouth, but now it feels tainted, abused, just like me.

  “Cal, you’ve always loved me as a friend, I know that, but I’m not your responsibility.” I hate each word that comes out of my mouth, but I can’t allow myself to think that I am worthy of a deeper love. Not now. Not ever.

  Cal shifts forward, so that he is closer to me, his hands still on my face, his body a whisker away and his forehead resting against mine.

  “I really always have had shitty timing with speaking the truth, Lucy, and when it comes to you, I’ve kept quiet for far too long because it’s never been the right time for us…” His voice trails off as he takes a deep breath and my heart feels a little flutter of something other than fear.

  “You have had my heart from day one. From the moment that I met you, I knew. I knew that you were the other half of me. When I say that I love you, know that I mean as a friend, as a soulmate, and as the only person to ever make me feel like they are my reason for living.

  “I’ve been a coward, I’ve run away, I’ve been absent for too damn long. But I’m not going anywhere ever again. I’m here to prove that I am worthy of loving you. I’m here to show you that you are everything a man desires. And I will wait. I will always wait for you. And if you never want me, then at least I won’t have to live with the regret that I have carried around since I was a kid.

  “I don’t want to scare you, and I don’t want you to feel as if you have to answer me now. Just… I just…” He seems lost for words as he looks at me, and my heart shatters for a completely different reason.

  Cal loves me.

  I love Cal.

  I’ve never told him, and the pain that pierces my aching heart tells me that I may never tell him. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can be the person that he needs me to be.