by Toni Aleo
Her face lit up. “That would be awesome. I’m scared.”
“Don’t be,” he said with a crooked grin. “I’ll be right beside you.”
“I love you,” she said, and as he watched a tear slowly roll down her face, his heart broke a little bit in his chest.
“I love you, baby,” he promised and he always would. “And, babe?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s going to work. I can feel it in my bones.”
Another tear fell as she nodded. “I hope so.”
“It will,” he promised. “And what you want will be in your belly instead of under the tree.”
She let out a sob as she nodded, and he knew in his heart that this was going to work. It had to.
It just did.
All Audrey wanted for Christmas was to get pregnant.
It was actually on her list of things she wanted for Christmas. It also included a new pair of Louis Vuitton heels and maybe a purse. Oh, and she would really like a locket from Tiffany’s with Tate and Penelope’s picture in it. It was a short list, but at the top was having a baby. Which was really a gift for Tate.
He constantly reminded her that Penelope and she were enough, but she could see it in his eyes. He wanted what everyone else had and that was a lot of damn kids. She wanted that too. She had always wanted kids, but when she learned she couldn’t have them, she let it go. But then she got pregnant by the grace of God, and for the last five years, all she’d wanted was for it to happen again.
Not saying that Penelope wasn’t her world, because she was. Her sweet baby was everything she could ever have wished for. She was her mini me, but Audrey really did want to have another. Just one more. She wanted a sibling for Penelope. Maybe a sister like she had or even a brother. She didn’t care. She just wanted someone for Penelope to grow up with, but most of all, she wanted to be a complete woman.
Someone who could provide Tate with everything he wanted.
“You’re shaking,” he informed her, kissing her temple. She was lying on her back, her legs up in stirrups, waiting for the longest thirty minutes of her life to end. The doctor had just inserted the embryos into her, and she was praying to God one of them stuck. She’d had spent many sleepless nights researching this process and had driven herself mad with worry, but she had to believe in this for it to work. She had been sad for far too long, and if it didn’t work, then she would pick a surrogate.
They would have a baby.
Or maybe they would adopt?
She wasn’t sure, but she hoped this worked.
“Please, let this work,” she whispered to herself, but Tate was there, his arm wrapped around the top of her head, rubbing her jaw as his lips dusted her cheek.
“It will,” he whispered back, kissing her again, the hair on his jaw tickling her.
She closed her eyes as she sucked in a deep breath.
It would work.
Two weeks later, Audrey wasn’t so sure.
She just felt off. She was cramping and she was sure that she was miscarrying all of the babies they put in her. She wasn’t sure, but her hopes were down in the dumps. Not even seeing her precious, sweet daughter make cupcakes had lightened the mood. They had made Christmas cupcakes to take to the hospital Tate was volunteering at that afternoon. She loved when he did this, and she was even more excited that she and Penelope got to go. They were going to spoil the “sick babies,” as Penelope called them, and Audrey loved how excited her daughter was about going. But even standing there, watching as Tate and Penelope read to a couple little girls, she couldn’t smile.
Tomorrow was her appointment where they would do a blood test to see if she was pregnant. She kept telling herself she was, but it just didn’t seem real. Why was she cramping and hurting so bad? Some people said they experienced the same, but it wasn’t that common. She was going to make herself sick with worry, and what good would that do?
As she let out a long breath, Piper leaned into her and smiled.
“Stop.”
Audrey shook her head. She loved her best friend, but even right now, Piper couldn’t make her feel better. She wouldn’t feel better until she knew one way or another.
“It’s going to be fine,” Piper reassured.
“And what if it isn’t?”
“Then you try again, or you adopt, try a surrogate. There are other options.”
“I want to carry my own child,” she whispered, tears stinging her eyes. “I want to be the wife Tate deserves.”
“You are,” Piper said, squeezing her arm. “And I know for a fact he has told you that. So stop this. Be happy you have a healthy husband and daughter because some people don’t even get that.”
“I know, but—”
Lifting her daughter, Katarina, up on her hip, Piper shook her head. “No, no but, you’ve been doing this for far too long. Look around, Audrey. These people are fighting for their children, begging the good Lord above to save them so they can keep loving them, and you have it all. You have a loving husband, a gorgeous daughter, and they are healthy. What else do you really need? You’re being selfish and hurting yourself. The stress and the depression are going to have you pushing up daisies, and then Tate and Pennyloo will be alone. Do you want that?”
Audrey swallowed hard as she blinked back the tears. Her heart hurt because Piper was right. She was being selfish. She had everything she could ever want. A successful business, family that loved her, and like Piper said, a husband and daughter who thought she hung the moon and the stars. She was blessed. To the extreme. And maybe instead of wanting more, she should be grateful for what she had. She wasn’t even supposed to have been able to have kids, and she’d been convinced she would never find a man to love her because of it, but Tate loved her without children. He loved her no matter what.
So why was she making such a huge deal about this?
Disgusted in herself, she looked around the room at all the families who watched as their children tried to enjoy the day. It brought tears to her eyes. She had spent so much time worrying about having babies when these people were struggling to keep theirs. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she took in a deep breath and let her shoulders fall.
“No, I don’t.”
“I know,” Piper agreed. “So stop. If tomorrow you’re not pregnant, then that is God’s will and let it go. You have it all, and you’re awesome on top of that.”
Audrey smiled as she blinked back her tears, nodding her head. When she looked up, Tate was looking back at her, his eyes intensely on hers, and she smiled. A real smile. Just for him. He loved her, and boy, did she love him. He was everything a woman could hope for, and he did everything in his power to make her happy. She wanted to do the same, and she thought that was having a baby, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was just loving him that would make him happy. He had told her that, and if she got her head out of her ass, maybe she would start to listen.
Standing up to his full six foot seven glory, he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her temple. “Thinking hard?” he whispered before placing a small kiss to her head again.
She smiled, lacing her fingers around his thin frame. “Just thinking about tomorrow.”
“Not stressing, right?”
She shook her head. “Not anymore. I’ve decided that if I’m not, then I’m done. We have everything we need.”
“You’re right, and I’ve told you this a billion times.”
She smiled at his statement as she ran her fingers down his jaw. “I’m sorry I’ve been a crazy lunatic for the last four years. I should have listened to you sooner. I should have realized I have everything I need with just you two.”
He cupped her face, his eyes boring into hers as a smile pulled at his lips. “I know how you are. You want to please and make everyone happy. You’ve driven me insane—I’m not going to lie—but I love you. So it’s okay. I’ll take the crazy any time of the day as long as I get to kiss you whenever I please.”
She grinned as her arms went around him, running her nose along the bottom of his jaw. “Like now?”
“Yeah,” he said with a grin. “Now is great.”
When he dropped his mouth to hers, she closed her eyes and lost herself in his kiss. His lips were always so soft and inviting and hit her straight in the gut. When a little body came between them, Audrey pulled away, smiling as she looked down to find her daughter watching them. Her eyes, blue like the ocean, were wide as she looked up at them, her arms tightening around Audrey’s leg.
“Mommy, is it cupcake time?”
Audrey nodded. “It is! Let’s eat.”
Kissing Tate’s jaw, she went to step away, but he stopped her, his fingers lacing with hers as his eyes met hers. “Tomorrow though, you’ll get your Christmas wish.”
She smiled. “Santa came five years ago and gave me you and our daughter. There isn’t anything else on my list.”
He laughed. “Liar, I know you want those shoes.”
“Oh yes, those shoes I do need.”
Wrapping his arms around her, he chuckled before kissing her cheek, and then they were off to hand out cupcakes. As they spent the rest of the afternoon at the hospital, she would have been lying if she’d said she hadn’t thought of the following day. But instead of the feeling of dread and nervousness in her belly, she pushed to be positive. She wasn’t going to stress anymore. She wasn’t going to worry. If it happened, then she would be elated. If it didn’t, then she would accept that and move on.
She had everything she needed.
But as she sat in the chair the next day, a needle in one arm and her other hand clutching Tate’s, her stomach was back to knots. She tried so hard to be positive, but her emotions were everywhere. She wanted to be excited for the possibility, but she also wanted to be realistic. This probably wasn’t going to happen. Also, her pregnancy test was faint—not a no, but not a yes—and that was a disappointment. She had read that when people were pregnant, their tests were bright and happy, but hers wasn’t sure. It was as if her body wasn’t sure if it wanted to be pregnant or not.
“We’ll know in a couple hours. Why don’t y’all go to lunch?” the nurse suggested, and Audrey nodded as she looked over at Tate.
“Sounds like a plan,” he agreed, and soon they were at the closest steakhouse. They ate in silence. Well, Tate ate; Audrey picked at her salad.
“I thought we said we weren’t going to stress?”
She let out a breath as she nodded. “I’m not stressing, really. It’s more I’m nervous.”
He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Don’t. Either way, we are happy. Right?”
She laced her fingers with his and looked deep in his eyes. She could see her whole future in his eyes. The two of them raising Pennyloo, going on trips, watching Daddy win, and building Audrey Jane’s into something that maybe Penny would want. Even though Audrey was pretty sure her baby was going to grow up to help people. Maybe as a doctor or a missionary. They would send her to college, and one day Tate would walk her down the aisle. It was all there, and the whole time she would be completely and entirely in love with him.
“Right,” she agreed. “I love you, Tate Ooooooodder.”
He smiled at his nickname from her and leaned across the table, his lips only a breath away. “And I love you a hell of a lot more than that, Mrs. Ooooooodder.”
As he pressed his lips to hers, Audrey’s eyes fell shut as her mouth moved with his. She felt completely whole. As if nothing else could touch her.
That was, until her phone rang.
Slowly they parted and looked down at her phone to see that it was the doctor. Sucking in a deep breath, she looked at Tate but he was staring at the phone. Reaching for it, his hand still cupping her face, he hit answer and then the speaker button.
Looking at her, he said, “Hello?”
“Can I please speak with Audrey Odder?”
“This is she,” she said breathlessly, and Tate moved his thumb along her jaw soothingly.
“Oh, hey! Okay, so your levels are well past five hundred! You’re pregnant!”
Tears were streaming down her face before the doctor even finished talking. Her heart felt as if it was pounding so hard it was going to break her ribs. She felt as if she were flying or dreaming. Was this really happening?
“Really?”
“Yes! Congratulations!”
A sob left her lips as she covered her face, crying into her hands. She was pregnant. She was going to have a baby. Tate’s baby. Dropping her hands, she looked across the table and met Tate’s tearful gaze.
“We are having a baby.”
Dropping the phone, Tate pushed the chair back and came around, pulling her out of her chair. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he kissed her hard as he picked her up off the ground, holding her as his mouth moved with hers. Pulling back, his eyes bored into hers as his lips curved in the biggest smile she had ever seen. She knew her smile was probably bigger.
She had prayed and wished for a baby for the last four Christmases, and finally, she was pregnant. She decided she didn’t need anything else on that list because she was loved by the two most amazing people in the world and was also pregnant.
What more could she ever want?
“Audrey is pregnant!”
Erik Titov looked over at his wife and smiled. She looked gorgeous, as always. Wearing black tights with a long purple sweater, her dirty-blond hair was down along her shoulders, her makeup done nicely, while her purple lipstick shone on her lips. She looked delectable, and he couldn’t wait to get her home. Yeah, his family was in town, but surely they wouldn’t hear too much.
They were on their way to his benefit where they would give over one hundred disadvantaged kids hockey equipment and Christmas presents. It was one of his favorite benefits, and he was excited to see the faces of the kids as they opened all the things that he and Piper had personally picked out for each of them. Hearing that his best bud and his wife were expecting, though, took his excitement up another level.
“Really?”
“Yup!” she basically cheered as she typed wildly on her phone. “She is nervous she might miscarry, but surely she’ll be good, right?”
He nodded. “Let’s hope so. They both want this really bad.”
“They do,” she said with a nod. “Even though yesterday we were talking, and I told her she was being selfish. I was worried she would be mad, but she wasn’t. Thank God. I really need to get a filter sometimes.”
“I love your no-filter ass.”
She smacked him playfully as they pulled into the arena. Shutting the car off, he got out and helped her out before slamming her door, pulling her into the crook of his arm.
“You look hot tonight,” he told her, giving her an exaggerated wink. “I think I need you to put out when we get home.”
She giggled, wrapping her arms around his waist. “With your mom and dad at the house? Please.”
“We’ve done it before.”
Her face turned red, and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. “Maybe.”
“No maybe about it,” he decided. “I’m going to do you against their door.”
She gasped. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“You wouldn’t stop me,” he challenged back.
Her grin told him everything he needed to know. She wouldn’t. And when she said that, his body went hot. His wife was still too hot to trot and drove him absolutely mad with lust. It was hard to stay off her most of the time, but she did have a job. And he did have to play hockey. Also, both of them had to be parents. He was pretty sure that Dimitri and Katarina wouldn’t want to see Mommy and Daddy having sex every five seconds. No matter how badly they wanted each other.
Kissing her temple, he closed his eyes and took in her scent. When he held her like this, cherishing her, he couldn’t help but think how he’d almost pushed her away. How he almost didn’t have everything he hadn’t known he needed, and when he thought about that, h
e hated himself. But then she would look up at him, her crystal blue eyes shining, her lips curved in such a sinful way, and he knew that she loved him. With her whole soul. And he loved her just as much, if not more.
“I love you, Piper.”
She grinned, moving her fingers through the hair on his jaw. “I love you too. Come on, it’s cold as hell.”
He chuckled as he reached for the door and headed inside. Once inside, the many kids greeted them and the festivities started. They had catered some BBQ, and Audrey had supplied the cupcakes along with a huge cake shaped like a hockey stick. When it was time for all the kids to get new equipment, Erik was swallowing back his tears. Moms were crying, kids were bursting at the seams with excitement, and wrapping paper was flying everywhere. He always cherished it when someone told him thank you or when they made a huge deal about something they’d gotten them.
He didn’t have it easy growing up. It was hard, especially after his brother, Jakob, left home. Instead of presents, he got his ass beat. Instead of a big holiday dinner, he usually ate Spam and crackers. It was hell, but he knew because of it, he was the man he was now. A good man who loved his wife and kids more than anything in the world and made sure they all knew that. But he would have time to spoil his family on Christmas.
It was time to spoil his hockey kiddos now.
When they all started opening the gifts that he and Piper had picked out, their faces were priceless and something he would always hold near to his heart.
Knowing that he brought some light to a kid’s Christmas when their home life wasn’t good was really the true meaning of the holiday.
With Dimitri and Katarina in their stroller, Erik pushed the kids through the Green Hills mall in search of Tiffany’s. He hated shopping, but they had to get something for Piper for Christmas. He was leaving in a few days for a short road trip before Christmas, and he wanted to make sure the kids got to help him pick something out. Getting rid of Piper and his parents was a feat, but he managed it. Now if Dimitri could stop throwing his sippy cup out of the stroller and Katarina could stop crying, life would be grand.