Henry could no longer see the words. Tears fell on the page. It was all so incredulous that Julean was watching Elvis Presley the same night and time that he was. He remembered Elvis singing True Love and then just the first part of Love Me Tender before he got up and went to his room to savour the song that he and Jenny shared. It was a miracle that the other Elvis Presley song would find meaning in his and Julean’s heart as well.
Henry got up and made his way to the record changer and pushed the button. Two records would play in the next few minutes that would carry him away into a dream land of his two loves. First it would be True Love followed by Love Me Tender. He played the songs every day; the lyrics had become a part of his life and gave him solace when he came home from the gallery or when painting. He already wore out six 45 rpm record singles of each song.
Henry made his way back to the sun-room and gazed out the window. He usually stood there and hummed along with the songs allowing loving thoughts of Jenny and Julean to fill his heart. But long after the second song had played Henry suddenly became aware of the irritable scratching noise of the record player needle moving gently up and down as the finished record rotated round and round. Surprisingly his thoughts were neither filled with Julean or with Jenny. Rather it was of the third woman coming into his life.
“Ivania,” Henry muttered. “Yes, Ivania, where do you fit into all of this? Is there enough room for you in my heart?”
Chapter Nine
As Jenny went to get ready to see her mom, the phone rang. It was Chloe.
“Hi, Chloe, it’s so good to hear from you! I was actually going to call you this evening.”
“It’s been almost three weeks since we talked and Dad and I were wondering how the court proceedings were going and how you are holding up in all this?”
“It was over yesterday, Chloe. It didn’t turn out too much in my favour but I’ll manage. And yes, it is stressful when a husband and wife have to go to court and fight each other especially when children are present…in any case it’s over.”
“Will you be leaving the estate, Auntie?”
“Yes, I’ll be moving to my apartment early next week. It will be quite an adjustment for sure. But I’ll take one day at a time and see what happens.”
“Have you and J.J. resolved your differences yet?” Chloe wanted to know.
“No, I’m afraid not. He blames me for the demise of the marriage and won’t listen to my side of the story. I just don’t know what else I can do when he seems so reluctant to even discuss it.”
“Oh, Auntie, things are piling up on you lately. I hope J.J. sees how foolish it is not to try and resolve this and develop a closer relationship with his mother.”
“I do too, Chloe. But enough about this! How are you and Robbie doing?”
“We are doing fine. Dad is on the planning committee for a Campus Crusades Conference coming up in November and I’m really enjoying my PhD studies in Clinical Psychology. Also, I am volunteering at a pregnancy centre where women come for counseling and to discuss their options when faced with an unwanted pregnancy. We also help women who have had an abortion and are regretting their choice. I’m learning so much and gaining more confidence in understanding some of the problems many women have who have had an abortion. It’s not just the secrecy, guilt or shame they are dealing with, but it can take the form of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and so many other symptoms.”
“Yes, I can see how complex post-abortion trauma can be, Chloe. Especially the struggle many women have deciding an abortion is the solution to their problems, only to find out the tragic and devastating consequences of their decision.”
“That’s right, Auntie. There are so many hurting women who are not only struggling emotionally but spiritually, physically and relationally with their boyfriends, husbands and family.”
“That’s wonderful that the centre is providing help for women in both cases.”
“Yes, it’s so important for women who have had an abortion to know that we are here for them, with love and compassion, to help them. So many girls feel bad about themselves and try to hide what they did. We are not here to condemn them, but to accept them and help them to heal, to bring their wounds out into the light, and let them know that they are not alone.”
“Oh, Chloe, how do you begin to help someone who is deeply troubled by the past like that?”
“What we are finding is that one-to-one counseling is not sufficient and so many women are afraid to bring it out in the open to even talk about it. There is a wonderful ministry called Rachel’s Vineyard* that is rapidly spreading across the country. It’s a weekend retreat program that uses a group approach to dealing with the trauma of abortion. The group consists of a caring team of women and men who have experienced abortion, counselors, clergy and others who share the love and mercy of Jesus with the retreat participants. It’s proving to be very effective at treating the emotional and spiritual wounds left by abortion.”
“I can see that it is a more collaborative approach. And I suppose when a participant shares their story it encourages others to identify and is able to help them bring their pain to the surface, as well.”
“That’s exactly right, Auntie. The entire support group is right there to help and compliment each other in assisting each person in the retreat.”
“It sounds wonderful, Chloe. Have you been to one of the retreats?’ Jenny wanted to know.
“I was at one a month ago and I haven’t been the same since. I finally understand what Dad has been telling me for years, that it’s experience in the world that makes what you have learned or are studying hit home and make sense in a whole new way. This was such a profound experience for me. While I counseled women for months and still did not really help them at a core level, in a matter of a three day weekend I saw how this group approach, using the healing and loving power of Jesus and His teachings immediately brought about an amazing change in their lives. They began to see and understand how many of their thoughts and actions were motivated by the deep hidden pain. It was unbelievable how their relationship with their aborted baby, with themselves, their husbands and others changed dramatically, if not miraculously!”
“That is so beautiful, Chloe. To be in such a safe environment and surrounded by a loving team of people. And I like what you said that the mother develops a new relationship with their aborted child; that the infant was not just some “thing” that was destroyed, but their child. I think it would be so hard for a mother to find any meaning in what was done without this suppressed truth surfacing to the fore. ”
“That’s the key, Auntie. For many women the act of abortion seemed like the right thing to do at the time. They soon realize however, after the fact, that it was senseless and cannot find any justifiable reason for having had an abortion. And as I said, many women feel remorse, guilt, shame and try to hide what they did. The retreat operates on such a deep emotional level that the mothers see an entirely new way of responding to their aborted child. They find meaning in something that was meaningless. They discover and encounter the truth of God’s love and forgiveness. The mothers discover the truth of the love they denied in their hearts for their own child and also the truth of the love and forgiveness that their child in heaven wants to return to them.”
“That’s so healing, Chloe, it touches my heart.”
“It’s an incredible retreat. The women throughout the encounter are accepted and loved and forgiven. Jesus is present through the acceptance and love of others. I now understand why Dad is so committed to Jesus. He not only had a personal healing experience himself but has seen it in many others as well.”
“Yes, I remember that happening when your dad and Tammy or rather your mom were dating.”
Jenny was so impressed by Chloe’s growth and understanding and desire to help others. What a beautiful difference she was making.
Chloe gently broke the
silence with a sharing that lay on her heart. She began softly. “Two weeks ago at one of my counseling sessions I met a lady that knew Mom. She said that Mom had convinced her to carry her child and not abort it. What convinced her more than anything was when Mom shared with her her own pregnancy and at one point in her life she too considered abortion as an option—”
“But Chloe, your mom was under tremendous pressure and abortion seemed like such an eas—”
“I know what you’re going to say, Auntie, and you don’t have to defend Mom’s position on that. I totally understand and I talked to Daddy about it too. He admitted that he was the one trying to pressure Mom into doing it. But he was so wrong and to this day feels such regret for even thinking about doing such a horrible thing.”
Jenny often thought about that too. If Tammy had carried out the abortion, Chloe would only be a memory of a horrendous act that was done. How many Chloe’s are out there that never survived and could have made such a difference to the world had they been born?
Chloe broke into Jenny’s thoughts, “I see what Mom went through in the girls that I counsel all the time; they are in a crisis and have tunnel vision. They see abortion as the quick and easy solution and don’t foresee the long term consequences of their actions. In the pressure of the moment, they don’t realize that the guilt and shame they feel now is nothing to what they will feel for terminating their child’s life. For many they either rationalize or have been told that a fetus is not human or a real life until it is born.”
“It’s hard to understand how we can dupe our minds into thinking that the infant growing in our wombs is not a real human life!”
“Yes, it’s amazing the rationalizations we come up with. But what I wanted to talk to you about and… oh, Auntie Jen, I hope you don’t mind me saying this but when I talked to Daddy about all this he told me that you too were once pregnant and had a baby girl. He wasn’t sure because it was such a long time ago when Mom shared it with him, but he thought your little girl’s name was Camilla? Is that right?”
Tears were surfacing in Jenny’s eyes. She had wanted to share Camilla with Chloe so many times and how she had pretended to bring up her little girl vicariously through Chloe. It was the only way Jenny knew how to keep the memory alive and what it would have been like to raise her daughter.
“Yes Chloe, I did have a little girl and I was too young to raise a child and my mom didn’t feel that she could do it at that stage in her life. But I hope some day to see her. She would be two years older than you and so I often compared her to you and how you’ve grown and developed into such a fine young lady.”
“Have you had any contact with her, Auntie?”
“No. I wish I knew where she was. I would contact her in a heart beat. At times I just ache to see her and hug her and tell her how sorry I am that I couldn’t raise her myself.”
“Oh, Auntie, it must be so hard for you. I can feel the pain and sorrow in your voice. It’s similar to what I see in the eyes of so many mothers who have had an abortion and regret having done so. At least in your case you gave life to the child and a right for it to live and hope that one day you will be reunited.”
“Yes, Chloe, I believe that with all my heart that one day we will…”
The phone went silent as thoughts of her sweet daughter crossed the screen of her mind. It wasn’t just thoughts of her daughter that overtook Jenny, but also of her first love. Henry was there the night she had conceived and how often she had wished that it was Henry who was the father! The thought of she and Henry being married and raising Camilla was a fantasy she had played out many, many times. Jenny still believed that one day they would all be together.
Chloe broke into Jenny’s thoughts again, “Can I ask you something? If it’s something that you’d rather not talk about just say so…”
Jenny remained silent…
“Do you ever think of the man that fathered Camilla …?”
Jenny was a little startled by the question…
“Yes, Chloe I often think of him and wonder if he knows somehow that he fathered a child that night…” Tears surfaced into Jenny’s eyes again and her words trailed off.
“Auntie… have you forgiven him for what he did?” Chloe wanted to know.
“Yes, Chloe, I have. I don’t want any negative thoughts to surround Camilla and the circumstances of her conception or birth. I know the father was drinking that night and perhaps if he had been more in control of himself, his actions may have been very different. But for some reason it happened and I have accepted it and forgiven him. I harbour no ill will and I pray for him often. I prefer to think of all the good that is yet to come out of this.”
“Oh Auntie, you are such an angel. Mom was so right about you. You accept things with such peace. A few of the girls that have come into the centre were raped as well and have such a difficult time forgiving and coming to terms with it.”
“It is very difficult to deal with, Chloe, and as you know, we are all different and have different tolerance levels. If you can help them to forgive, it’s so important that they free themselves of that past hurt. If at all possible, I recommend that they see their pregnancies to full term and give up their child for adoption, like I did. I know if I had aborted Camilla, the pain and sorrow that would be in my heart and soul for having terminated her life would have been devastating.”
“The other day a mother who had considered abortion came into the counseling centre with her three week old baby. She was radiant, Auntie, and so happy she had decided to give birth. The infant was tucked in a cloth sling hanging from her shoulders. It was covered over with a blanket and hanging just below her heart. It looked as though she were still pregnant with the baby. As she stood in front of me she uncovered the baby’s face bringing it into view. Oh, how my heart and eyes lit up at the sight of this beautiful newborn.”
“What a sight that must have been, Chloe! I can just picture its sparkling little eyes peering out at you.”
“It was so cute, but, Auntie, it was so symbolic of a baby still in the mother’s womb and then delivered out into our presence. It occurred to me that that very child could have been in her womb on the table waiting to be aborted! The blanket was just as symbolic as the mother’s skin!
“If only mothers could lift the blanket of their skin and see the little infant they are about to have destroyed. It’s a little human being that wants to live, to be nurtured and to be loved just like they do. Its heart is beating just a few inches away from theirs. They would see a little bundle tucked in feeling so safe, warm and protected just like the three week old baby was tucked in so snug in the cloth sling…”
“That’s a beautiful analogy, Chloe. And you are right, there is no difference in the feeling of security both infants feel but there is a night and day difference between the mindset of the two mothers. In the one, there is a deep love and caring and an ever ready willingness to defend and protect the infant with her life. While in the other mother I think there must be so much fear and confusion and pressure and lack of accurate information and unfortunately it leads to the conclusion for her that her life will be terribly, adversely affected. Unfortunately it comes down to considering only her life and the way she wants to live it even if it is to the detriment of her own child within their womb.”
There was a long silence between the girls. What Jenny concluded from Chloe’s astute comparison of a new born baby under a blanket to that of a baby in a mother’s womb under her skin hit them both to the core.
“I’ve seen film clips of the different ways abortion is done and I still can’t get it out of my mind; it’s such a horrendous act. I wish that the mother’s womb was transparent like a glass dome and both the mother and doctor can see how the limbs are torn from the infant’s body, their heads crushed so it can be removed from the womb. It’s not surprising Auntie that so many women who make the choice of abortion regret wh
at they have done. As I said earlier, it’s manifested in so many ways. There is not only the personal pain and suffering but it can have devastating effects on all those around them; husbands, children and work place. It just seems so needless and sad.
“It’s hard to understand how a doctor can advise a woman it’s okay to have an abortion without that understanding. Surely they must see the detrimental affects of it all the time.”
“Yes, Auntie, I just don’t get it. Men and women choosing careers in medicine train for years to learn how to save lives and then specialize in killing the lives of innocent, defenceless children. Imagine terminating the lives of countless infants at the request of mothers who would find a child in some cases as an inconvenience or terminating as a form of contraception or because it interferes with their life style.”
Jen thought how mature and purposeful Chloe was. It was amazing how the very girl who was on the verge of being aborted was now championing a cause to prevent it. Tammy and Robbie would have suffered so much had they gone through with the abortion. And to think that this beautiful girl would never have been anything other than a painful memory of guilt and sorrow.
“One would think that the safest place for a baby is in the mother’s womb and yet, in all too many cases, it’s becoming the most dangerous place. It’s unbelievable, Chloe, that I should even make such a bizarre, senseless statement!”
“That’s so true, Auntie. When Mom was alive she used to say all the time that a woman is given the awesome blessing to carry and house the gift of life from the moment of conception.”
Chloe remembering her mother’s words began to cry. She could barely utter the sad words which followed, “Instead of smelling a newborn infant ready to be cradled in her arms, the odour of death fills the air and empty arms reflect the terrible deed that was done.”
Jenny was feeling the heaviness of the conversation. She too, missed her friend so much. She too recalled the many times Tammy would say that we should rejoice and celebrate the miracle of life not its termination. How was it possible that the world should have come to such a place in our evolution that we have legalized the killing of millions and millions of children? It was as if Chloe had read Jenny’s mind.
The Angelic Occurrence Page 11