The Angelic Occurrence

by Henry K. Ripplinger

  If only… Jenny’s thoughts drifted off to what might have been, but she reigned herself in. She didn’t want to go there. It would be too painful to dwell on that possibility. She would only drown in thoughts of regret. Decisions were made on her behalf a long time ago and the years of time had done their damage. It was too late. She knew that Henry was married and had four children and was a successful artist.

  It could have been me at his side, if only… No, Jenny, it’s too late for “ifs” or what might have been, and it’s too late for blame. What is done is done.

  Once again, her gaze rested on the envelope. She turned it over and over until she noticed the stamp. As she studied the stamp, she noted that it had their home address on it, but the date stamp behind it read differently from the special delivery stamp.

  “Oh my,” she said. “Henry sent this letter just before Christmas in 1956, then, almost seven years later, just after Daddy died, it was sent by special delivery to our home…” Jenny looked at her mother. “How did this happen, Mom? Who could have sent this letter to us after Daddy’s death?”

  Once again, her mother was too choked up to speak. She just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.

  The letter had been kept from her not once, but twice. Another realization struck her that she had been home at the time the letter was delivered! Jenny snapped her gaze back up at her mother.

  “The brown paper bag! The letter was in it. You hid it in there the day it was delivered, didn’t you?”

  Her mother stared transfixed at Jenny.

  Jenny was on the trail of discovery, but the truth would not bring her satisfaction or any consolation, rather it was all a trail of sorrow. Her mind flashed back in time as she vividly recalled the scene in the kitchen.

  “It was right there on the kitchen table, the brown paper bag folded over at the top with Henry’s letter hidden inside. I even picked it up and held the bag in my hand. It was just inches away. And then…,” glaring at her mother, her voice raising, Jenny concluded, “you snatched it away from me. Mom, you took away my life, my hopes, my dreams! Sure, I was engaged to James, but we still were a long way from being married. There was still time… time to correct it all.”

  Her mother shook her head.

  As Jenny looked down at the letter, she thought about the last one she’d written to Henry. It too was sent in December, a week before Christmas! Both Henry’s letter and hers were sent almost simultaneously!

  As she brought the letter closer to her, she felt something heavy shift inside. She shook it from side to side and as she did, the memory of her weighted letter flooded back.

  “Mom, when I sent my last letter to Henry just before Christmas, I put a pewter angel inside as a Christmas present. Could it possibly be that Henry sent one to me, as well? At the same time? Oh, Mom, could this be possible? And, is that what Daddy was referring to? ‘The letters, the angels. Deliver the angelic letters’, just before he died? I still dream about that, Mom.”

  Again, Edith didn’t respond.

  Jenny now desperately wanted to open the letter. She had to know. She slipped her little finger into the slight opening at the end of the envelope. She visualized Henry sealing the envelope and tried to feel his lips and the moistness of his tongue as her finger slid along the edge of the envelope flap, gradually tearing it open. Jenny’s heart hammered against her ribs, as her hand moved away from the open envelope and looked inside.

  She gasped!

  Jenny was speechless. She looked at the angel in awe. She tilted the envelope and the angel flew into her waiting hand. She set the envelope on her lap and studied the angel more closely.

  “Mom, it’s identical to the one I sent Henry. This is unbelievable, what are the chances of this happening?” The angel felt so warm, almost as if it had just left Henry’s fingertips. She knew he had kissed it, sending along his love. They had both believed their guardian angels would look after them. She brought the angel up to her lips and tenderly kissed it.

  Oblivious to her mother’s presence in the room, Jenny closed her eyes and whispered, “Oh, Henry, how I longed for this moment to receive your letter and now it is here, but… it’s all too late.”

  Edith looked on. She could only imagine what was in her daughter’s heart. Edith wanted to reach out and hold her child, to console her, but she couldn’t. She had alienated herself from that privilege as a mother long ago by the dreadful decision she had made. She had been the cause of it all, and was now paying the price of her actions.

  Jenny’s chest heaved under the weight of her grief and distress. The sight of her daughter’s forlorn figure stabbed pangs of guilt and shame into Edith. But would this act of self-condemnation be enough to pay for the price of her wrongdoing? Would she lose her daughter along with her self-respect? That question burned through Edith’s mind and heart as she sobbed again.

  Jenny cupped the angel in her hands and brought it to her chest. She bowed her head and closed her eyes, savouring the gift and miracle revealed to her. The same angel. Identical! The inscription on the bottom edges, exactly the same: “Watch over my beloved.” Unbelievable!

  As memories of Henry flooded back into her mind, Jenny sat motionless, as still as statue, frozen in time, reliving all those precious moments they’d had together.

  A peaceful aura grew within the room. Jenny knew it was her closest friend coming to comfort her.

  “Thank you, Lord, for giving us the warmth and peace of the sun,” whispered Jenny. Even though her eyes were closed, she knew and felt the intimacy of her consoler. The sun had moved further to the west and streamed in through the bedroom window. It streaked across Jenny’s face, highlighting her golden hair and shimmering upon her white skin. She looked as angelic as the angel she held. Jenny so loved the sun; like nature, it soothed her and gave her life. She now likened its warmth to that of Henry’s touch, its light to Henry’s love. The air she was breathing sweetened.

  Knowing that at the very least, Henry and she had kept their promise to each other, a sense of consolation filled her. Jenny opened her eyes, again, and looked directly at her mother who stared back, her eyes pleading to be forgiven. Her mother looked so spent, Jenny was unsure if she should go on. But she had already waited too long for the truth, she just had to know one more thing.

  “Mom, do you think Henry received my last letter with the angel in it, too?”

  “Yes, Jenny, your letter was sent to Henry’s home, too.”

  “Then, Henry must have received it. Then he knows I kept my promise to write, too!”

  “Unfortunately, Jenny, Henry’s mother didn’t give the letter to Henry, either.”

  “But why!? Why on earth would she do that?”

  “Because at the time, Henry was two weeks away from marrying another girl.”

  “Oh, Mom… Oh, Mom,” was all Jenny could say. She understood their reasoning. But was it too late…?

  “You and James were scheduled to be married as soon as you both finished university and so we both agreed not to show the letters to either you or to Henry.”

  “Oh, Mom,” Jenny lamented.

  Wanting to get it all out, Edith continued, haltingly at first, but then once she started, the words came out in a torrential rush.

  “Mrs. Pederson and I made a pact never to show you and Henry the letters we received. And yes, Henry’s letter was delivered to the house the same day you walked into the kitchen and saw the brown paper bag on the kitchen table. I had just finished speaking to Mrs. Pederson. We had just made the pact and I couldn’t let you see the letter. Henry was about to marry someone else and with you engaged to James…” Edith was repeating herself desperately trying to get Jenny to understand their motive…

  “Don’t you see, Jenny? We both thought it was for the best. It should never have happened. I was so concerned about you and Henry at the time, that you would get pregnan
t, that we moved so many times and that your relationship with Henry would go nowhere. Please understand, Jenny. I know we did wrong, but at the time, I was so sure it was the right thing to do. It was not your father, it was all my doing. I made him go along with it and he suffered so much for it.”

  Edith’s voice cracked and trembled as the horrible truth poured out. The confession became for Edith a full and complete catharsis of the mind and heart. All the old, dark, evil things she’d kept secret gushed like fresh blood where they had become congealed, effectively blocking the passage of any personal peace for too long. But even after having revealed all and completing her confession, where a look of deep relief should have appeared on Edith’s face, there was only fear. Would her daughter, sitting in judgment before her, find forgiveness in her heart? Edith hung her head, no longer able to look into her daughter’s eyes, and sobbed uncontrollably.

  “Oh, Mom,” Jenny said, shaking her head, “how could all this possibly have happened? I wonder what Henry would have done if he had been given the letter? What would I have done? Yes, it was seven years later. We’d both found new partners, but still…”

  Edith looked up at her daughter. She knew what Jenny was thinking, but couldn’t say a word. What else was there to say?

  Finally, Jenny looked down at the letter still resting on her lap, waiting to be read. She laid the angel on her lap and picked up the envelope. She took out the letter and unfolded it as she knew Henry had imagined she would when she received it. Slowly, very slowly, Jenny read what Henry had written to her over 30 years ago…

  Dear Jenny,

  It’s almost Christmas, and just about four months since you left. I was thinking today that the only gift I would ever want for the rest of my life is to receive a letter from you.

  I sent a box to your dad’s company address almost a month ago. It was filled with all the letters I’ve written to you since the day you left. I hope you received them. If you did, could you please tell me why you haven’t written back? Even if you no longer care or have found someone else, just let me know. It is so hard not to hear from you.

  I wanted to send you one last letter, along with a little Christmas gift. I’ll always remember how much you loved your guardian angel. I went shopping after school today and as I walked past Eaton’s, I saw this angel shining underneath the star at the top of their Christmas tree. It was exactly what I was looking for— a guardian angel to protect you always and to remind you of my love for you. I hope you like it and will wear it around your neck all the time.

  How do you like living in Ottawa and how are you doing at your new school? Have you made a lot of friends? I like Grade 9, and maybe you won’t be surprised to hear that of all the subjects I am taking, I like art the best.

  Oh, Jenny, I sure miss you. I miss your smile, your sparkling eyes, the way you talk and the way you walk. I especially miss holding your hand and just walking along with you. I often find myself dreaming you are beside me as I walk to school, but it’s just a dream and so empty without you.

  I am looking forward to the Christmas break and working full-time in Mr. Engelmann’s store. I just love working there and seem to keep coming up with new ideas to increase business. Mr. Engelmann is great to work for and I am learning so much from him.

  I made a special wish to the bright star of the east tonight, to send out my love to you. I hope and pray that you get this letter and my gift. Every night I pray for my guardian angel to talk to yours, so that together they can find a way to bring us together again.

  Even though we are far apart, you are forever in my heart. I will love you always. Have a merry Christmas!

  All my love,

  Henry

  Jenny had to stop reading several times before she finished the letter. Henry’s words of love and longing touched her heart so deeply. Tear after tear fell on the letter as she read words that she’d longed to hear for such a long, long time.

  Oh, Henry, I love you so much, too.

  Her heart ached to be held in Henry’s arms and to tenderly kiss his lips. If only they could go back in time and change it all.

  Edith watched her daughter read a letter she should have received when she was 15. It would have been her first love letter, a letter she was entitled to. Edith’s own first love letter rested in the very same keepsake chest that she’d hidden Jenny’s letter in. Yet, she had denied her own daughter that same joy and memory, until now.

  Watching Jenny as she read her cherished letter, she ached as her daughter pined, or cried out in sadness or smiled through her tears. As the full reality of her actions came over her, Edith felt her daughter’s pain, her sorrow, and her regret perhaps even more so than Jenny herself.

  Regaining some composure, Jenny read and re-read Henry’s letter. She couldn’t get over the wonder of it all. Not only was the pewter angel the same as the one she had sent him but, unbelievably, the very last paragraph was identical as well! After all those years, Jenny still remembered almost every word she had written to her loved one.

  She heard him say the words as if he were there, as if she were looking into his eyes:

  Even though we are far apart, you are forever in my heart. I will love you always. Have a merry Christmas!

  How she longed for his touch, for his lips touching hers, for his heart beating next to hers…

  Oh, how cruel life can be at times with all of its twists and turns. Jenny folded the letter and carefully slid it back into the envelope. She picked up the pewter angel, brought it up to her lips, again, and kissed it, knowing immediately that she would retrieve the silver chain she wore when she was fifteen and put the pewter angel on it.

  I will wear it always, as a lasting reminder of our love.

  She dropped the angel into the envelope and then slipped the letter and its precious contents into a side compartment of her purse where there was no danger of the angel or letter coming out. She would protect this letter for the rest of her days.

  She set the purse on the floor beside her and straightened on her chair. She then slowly looked at her mother.

  Edith had watched her daughter’s every move. She could see and feel the deep love Jenny still had for Henry, a love she’d cut off and tried to destroy, but all her attempts had been futile.

  While they had succeeded externally, internally it was still there, yearning to come back. Ted had known the entire time. He was so sensitive to it and could see it in Jenny’s eyes where I was blind to it all. The hurt, guilt and shame of what they were doing had killed him. And now, as she gazed at her daughter, she hoped and prayed that she had done the right thing in telling her. That her daughter would understand what she did and find within her heart the compassion to forgive her.

  Jenny’s first reaction was deep disappointment and anger towards her mom and dad. She wanted to express it more than she already had, she still felt so much hurt and regret. But once again her forgiving nature took over. What good would it do? Her father was dead. Her mother was on in years and nearing her death as well. Enough suffering had been caused by all this already. It must end somehow, here.

  At least she knew the truth, that Henry hadn’t abandoned her, that he still loved her.

  Finally, Jenny spoke. “Well, Mom, you did what you thought was the best at the time. We all do things we regret later. I know I have done my share.”

  It was difficult for Jenny to utter these words of understanding, but she knew it was the right thing to do. She had never been a vengeful or merciless person. She couldn’t hold grudges or stay angry for long. She loved life and people, and always sought peace and understanding. She ignored her anguish and continued with a reconciliatory tone in her voice.

  “Thank you for giving me the letter. You did the right thing. I know how hard it must have been for you to do so. It would have been best from the start. But, what is done is done. It’s over. It’s okay, Mom.”

/>   “Oh, Jenny, thank you, thank you,” Edith blurted out, as tears of relief washed down her cheeks once more. She opened her arms wide.

  Jenny could see the freedom she’d brought to her mother and in spite of the sorrow still lingering in her heart, she rose then bent down towards her mother and whispered tenderly and sincerely into her mother’s ear,

  “I forgive you, Mom, and I love you.”

  Each word Jenny uttered lifted Edith upwards. They were gems; jewels in her heart that she would treasure to her dying moment. The adrenalin rushing through her body gave Edith such strength that she crushed her daughter against her chest so fiercely it took Jenny’s breath away.

  “What’s the matter with you two? Not at it, again!” exclaimed Millie with a stern voice, as she walked into the room. She looked at Jenny and in a tone which bordered on an impending scolding, continued, “It’s too hard on your mother, Jenny.”

  “Oh no,” blurted Edith, in defence. “This is the happiest day of my life.” I feel so free.

  “We are not upset with each other, Millie, we are loving each other,” Jenny replied, her tone devoid of any defensiveness.

  Millie looked at both of them furrowing her brow, somewhat puzzled by it all.

  Jenny looked tenderly into her mother’s eyes and said, “It’s really love, Millie. True, honest-to-goodness love perhaps for the very first time in years and years.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Father Engelmann and Henry got out of the car and made their way up to Henry’s parent’s home. The screen door was open and the aroma of Mary’s beef stroganoff wafted out to the men, whetting their appetite immediately. Mary heard their laughter and ran to the front door to meet her favourite guests.

  “Hello Father! Henry! Oh I could hardly wait to see you!”

  “I was looking forward to coming as well, Mary.”

  “Hi Mom,” Henry said as he kissed Mary’s cheek. “I see Jeremy’s Jeep—”