The Redemption

by S. L. Scott

  The pressures I feel when we’re apart are gone, happiness taking over. Knowing we don’t have much time in such a perfect place, I ask, “Why did you bring me to Neverland tonight?”

  We cruise along in our flying pirate ship, past the ticking alligator before stopping over London. While staring out over the city below, he says, “How we left it at the beach that day… I make mistakes. A lot of fucking mistakes, bad decisions, and sometimes have poor judgment.”

  Tilting toward me, he adds, “But I’m getting better every day.” He pauses and by his expression, I get worried, gripping the bar even tighter. “I used to wish you and Cory would break up. I had convinced myself that if you did, I would tell you how I felt about you. But you guys never did, and I’m glad. What used to be selfish wishes turned into something else. I liked you two together. You guys had the kind of relationship I wanted, one I envied. I need you to know that because of you and the boys, I would have traded places with him on that plane if I could. I loved him, Rochelle.”

  Looking down, I can’t bear to hear him say that. “I know you loved him, but no, Dex, don’t say that. He didn’t have a choice and neither do we, so there’s no point in thinking like that.”

  “It’s the truth. Cory taught me to treat the ones we love with respect and to love them deeply.” He shifts in the seat. “So even though I’m breaking our rule and bringing the past into Neverland, I need you to know that I understand how much you loved him. I’m not trying to replace him. I can’t, but I want…” Dex looks away.

  My voice is lower, just above a whisper when I ask, “What do you want?”

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  Just as our ship begins to move again, I slide my hand across the hard plastic seat and find his. “You won’t. I promise.”

  Our ship comes safely back into harbor and I hope our relationship follows the same path. I’m about to say something, but the attendants are excited to see him. He thanks everyone, shaking their hands and posing for three photos before we walk out.

  Bob is waiting for us when we step outside. He claps his hands together once and asks, “How was Peter Pan’s Flight?”

  Dex looks over at me and answers, “Perfect.”

  “Are we ready for the magic to continue?” Bob asks.

  I nod, excited to see what else is in store for us.

  Bob starts walking quickly. “Stay close and follow me back this way. To the castle we go.” I love the adventure he takes us on. We find our way to a secret entrance on the side and go up an elevator. Dex is smiling and in this most unique and fun situation, I see the guy I met down on Sunset again. I’ve started to treasure these little moments that take us back to a time when life was so much easier.

  When the elevator doors open, my breath is taken away. A fire is roaring in the fireplace and a table for two is set up in front of it with a bottle of champagne chilling on ice. Bob pulls out a chair for me and I sit just as Dex does.

  “Cinderella and Prince Charming?” I say, “You’re pulling out all the stops, Mr. Caggiano.”

  “Not all of them. I’m saving some for another day.”

  The champagne is poured and Bob disappears, leaving us inside the private suite of Cinderella’s Castle.

  I take a sip, then ask, “I thought this place existing was just a rumor.”

  “Nope, it’s real.”

  “It’s beautiful. Ornate and over the top. Exactly how it should be.”

  A waiter walks in with two pieces of chocolate cake and sets them in front of us. When he leaves, I lean on my elbow and smile. “I think I’m in Heaven.”

  “You deserve Heaven for the Hell you’ve been through.”

  I stare into his eyes astounded by his ability to say such perfect things at the right time. We clink our glasses, toasting to that. The first glass of champagne is gone and after eating my cake, I ask, “Dex, are you wooing me or trying to win me? Because either way, you’re doing an excellent job.”

  “Good to know. But really, I’m just trying to make up for everything.”

  I sit up straight, and say, “You keep saying you make all of these bad decisions and screw up, but I don’t see you that way. Maybe I should.” I think of Firenza. “I really should after finding you…” I don’t bother since I don’t want to drag up the past right now and ruin the evening.

  He’s silent as he stands. Leaning his hand against the mantle, he stares into the fire below. “The madness of love is the greatest of heaven’s blessings”

  “The madness of love feels fitting.”

  “Plato has a way with words. I have that tattooed.”

  “Where?”

  “It’s the inscription inside the shield on my heart.”

  Slowly, I stand up and walk to him. Touching his shoulder, he turns. His fingers unbutton his grey shirt while keeping his eyes on mine. The shield of armor, his family crest is revealed. Dex takes my hand and presses it flat against his skin that’s been heated by the fire, and whispers, “It’s been too long since you’ve touched me.”

  The silence of the room exaggerates every swallow and breath I take. I drop my gaze from his eyes down to his chest and see the quote printed on the arched top of the tattoo. “Does this shield represent your family name or protect your heart?”

  He cups my face, and says, “Both,” then kisses me.

  Going against everything I’ve said, Dex affects me like no other. He’s gotten under my skin. Inside of Cinderella’s Castle, I back up, pulling Dex with me toward one of the beds behind us. I take his shirt off and kiss the warm skin of his shoulder. When I look up, he kisses me as his hands slide up from my waist to my ribs, his thumbs running along the sides of my breasts. Slipping my arms around his neck, I pull myself against him. “Make love to me, Dex.”

  His breath covers my mouth as he pulls away. “No, it’s not time.”

  “Time is irrelevant. We’re living our own fairytale. I want to feel you again.”

  “I want more than just a physical connection to you, sweetheart. I want to own your soul the way you’ve taken possession of mine. It won’t be quick and it won’t be easy, but I’m gonna win you heart and soul, so much so that you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”

  As much as his words hit that soft spot in my heart, they also make me want him even more. “I’m already begging.”

  He chuckles. “Nope, you’re not quite there yet.” Backing away from me, he picks his shirt up off the ground. “And sadly, our time is up.” The grandfather clock in the other room chimes the hour as if on cue. “We have to go.” He buttons his shirt while I’m left dumbfounded, confused, and downright horny.

  Disgruntled, I huff as I walk past him and head for the stairs, needing to burn off the rage I’m feeling over being abandoned in this state.

  Bob is downstairs with the same big grin he’s been wearing all night. “Did you have a nice time?”

  “I did, until the end,” I reply without thinking.

  “Oh, my apologies. Was something not to your liking?” he asks while Dex laughs.

  I quickly clarify, “No, no, no. You were all wonderful and the service was impeccable. My date on the other hand seems to think teasing a woman is the way to her heart.”

  Bob nods, understanding without me having to go into the details. He clears his throat as he looks over at Dex. “Well, I’m glad Disney could be of service tonight. Mr. Caggiano, is there anything else we can do for you or Ms. Floros?”

  “No, as Ms. Floros mentioned, it was perfect—”

  “Perfect,” I scoff, still frustrated… sexually.

  Bob smiles. “Wonderful. Follow me then and I’ll walk you out.”

  We follow, side by side, but behind Bob. The stragglers from the park are making their way out as well. I feel Dex’s hand tap against me and then he loops his little finger with mine. I’m not really mad at him, but definitely confused, so I whisper, “What does tonight mean?”

  “It means when the time is right, we’re gonna be together.�
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  “The timing isn’t right?” I know it’s a dumb question, but I guess I feel that maybe the timing is right, finally. What am I missing?

  “We rushed into it the first time and the second time. This time, I’m not rushing, I’m changing so when we’re together, I can savor and appreciate you.”

  “So you won’t appreciate me if we get together now?”

  “No. Because I still have to work on sorting my life out first. But I want you to know there’s no one else for me. There never was.”

  His sweet words hit me like an arrow straight to the heart. His gentle side is so unexpected from the tough armor he wears for the public on a daily basis. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

  “I don’t need you to say anything. I just need you to know I may not ever be perfect, but once we’re together, I’ll always be true to you.”

  “And in the meantime?” I find myself chanting quietly, hoping he says what I want to hear. Please say you won’t date anyone. Please say you won’t date anyone.

  He stops, pulling me to a bench, and sits. I do as well and I notice Bob stops up ahead, giving us a moment of privacy. Dex takes both my hands in his, then brings one to his lips and kisses the inside of my wrist. “I’m not gonna ask you to put your life on hold, Rochelle. I think you’ve done that for too many years already. But I will ask that you keep me in your heart.”

  My mouth drops open. “You’re letting me go?”

  “No, I’m letting expectations that are impossible for me to live up to go.”

  “So while you’re sorting things out, you won’t wait for me?”

  “I’d love to make you a million promises, but right now I can’t.”

  Disappointment settles in. “That’s why you wouldn’t be with me at the castle?”

  He nods, releasing one of my hands. “It would have been so easy to make love to you and then tell you I need space.” Dex presses his hand to my cheek and I find my eyes closing to the touch I missed so much, relishing it. He says, “I remember how it feels to be with you, to be inside you. But my life is a mess and I don’t want to drag you and the boys into it.”

  I open my eyes, no tears to cry this time. My sentimental side touched by his thoughtfulness as my rational side agrees with his decision. “It’s like we always knew, we can only be together in Neverland.”

  “It’s learning how to make Neverland reality. One day I’ll figure it out. You deserve it, Rochelle. You deserve magic and more.”

  “You say that I deserve so much, but so do you, so much more than you know.”

  Standing, he offers me a hand up. “Maybe one day I’ll believe you. Until then,” he says, signaling toward Bob who has stepped forward, unsubtly tapping his watch.

  After taking a deep breath, I exhale long and slow. “Until then…” As soon as I say it, I start to worry how long ‘Until then’ will be and don’t bother finishing.

  Dex and my goodbye at the main gate of Disneyland doesn’t last long enough, but it’s sweet and when I lay my head on his chest, he embraces me with love.

  I drive home replaying every part, every word, and every minute of our time together. Dex has grown, but he still has issues to deal with, addictions, and his family. He thinks he’ll be whole, be better, be deserving if everything comes all tied up with a bow and wrapped up in a neat package. Life doesn’t work that way. I know this firsthand.

  But who needs tidy or pretty, bows, or happy ever afters? Romance is about the journey, the good, the bad, ugly and pretty, the highs, the lows. I don’t need perfect and I don’t want it. I want to be happy and enjoy this life I’ve been given. I want my kids happy and to be surrounded by love. I want that for Dex too and if that means he needs time to figure his life out, then I’ll give that to him.

  Strength and understanding guide my direction over the next week until finally, late one night, I realize how saying goodbye to Dex was like giving a piece of my heart away and hoping it finds its way home again.

  The stars seem to sparkle tonight, so unlike most LA nights. Where are the clouds and the smog? I prefer when the weather suits my moods. My mood didn’t seem to faze Mother Nature, which kind of bothered me.

  I pull a handful of grass blades, hold it up in the air, and let them fall to the ground. There’s no breeze to carry them, so they land on my stomach as does my youngest when he comes and flops down.

  Grunting, I say, “Careful, buddy. You’re getting big.” CJ stands and I lift my legs, then bend at the knees. “Let’s do airplane.”

  He moves quickly, always loving when we do this. I brace myself as he adjusts his belly onto my shins. When I lift, he squeals in happiness. “Look at me,” he says.

  “Look at you. You look like Superman.”

  His arms go wide and his legs straight out, and he says, “Superman needs to go potty.”

  “Eeps.” I set him down and he runs inside.

  Neil comes running from the swing set and stops next to me. “My turn. My turn.”

  “Yep, your turn.” Neil rests on my legs and I lift. His smile is so sweet, so happy that I smile too. His arms automatically go out and his legs straighten.

  Straightening my legs even more, I say, “Great Superman, Neil.”

  “My turn next.” I turn to see Dex standing there.

  My legs wobble when I hear his voice, but I steady them along with my heart. Glancing over at him, I smile, not able to hide my happiness.

  “Dex!” Neil says, “Look at me.”

  “I’m looking, bud. Good job. How’s the drumming?”

  Neil shrugs, throwing himself off-balance, so I lower my legs quickly so he lands on his feet safely. With a smile meant just for me, Dex eyes me. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I reply. It’s not hot out, but I feel hotter all of the sudden.

  “Beth let me in. Hope it’s okay.” He licks his lips and it’s hard to take my eyes off of his mouth, making me gulp.

  Neil stands there, glancing between us.

  Lifting up on my elbows, I say, “I’m free.”

  Dex questions, “Free?”

  “You said it was your turn next.” I signal to my legs.

  Neil laughs. “Mom is strong, Dex. She never drops us.”

  “That’s good to hear. I think I’d rather be base though.” He comes and lies next to me in the grass. “Airplane?” he offers with a wry grin and slips his shoes off.

  I nod as I get up. Positioning myself with his feet against my stomach, I reach down and our fingers entwine as our hands come together. The heat between us sparks fading embers back to life. He lifts up, surprising me, and we both laugh.

  “Do Superman, Mom,” CJ says, running outside, delighted by the sight.

  “I’m Wonder Woman.” I release Dex’s hands and put my arms out and straighten my legs behind me. The boys start chasing each other, running around us in circles.

  Beth calls the boys inside for homework. She gives me a knowing wink. “I’ll just stay a little longer so you guys can talk.”

  “Thanks,” I reply before turning back to him.

  Dex stares into my eyes and says, “I never thanked you.”

  “Thanked me for what?” I ask, reaching down until our hands are connected once again.

  “What you did for me that day. Coming to Barstow with Tommy and then… rehab.”

  Remembering what Johnny said to me years earlier, I say, “You don’t have to thank me. The Resistance is a family. We take care of one another.”

  He nods a little before lowering me back to the ground. When he sits up, I sit down across from him. Lowering his gaze to the ground, he pauses. Just from his body language I brace myself. When his eyes meet mine again, I see the remorse in his entire expression. “I wanted to die.”

  Much like I was doing before he showed up, I grab a handful of grass, ripping it from its roots. This time from anxiety over the topic. “Why?”

  “I couldn’t see the big picture.”

  “You were blinded by the details.”<
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  “I was cursed by the memories.”

  I glance down needing a second, then say, “Memories of me?”

  His fingers run over my knee, then his hand stills. “I hadn’t done drugs since Cory’s death, but I did them that night. I took everything I could find and then called friends who gave me more.”

  “They’re not friends if they gave you drugs, Dex. They’re enemies.”

  “Drugs are good about keeping your perspective skewed away from reality. Let’s just say my perspective was skewed.”

  I don’t mean to snap at him, but it slips out. “Where’d you meet those girls?”

  He clears his throat. “I don’t know.” His tone then changes, lowers, just like his hand does as he replies, “I don’t know how I got to Barstow either. I just remember that ride to rehab.”

  “That was a hard ride to take.”

  “God, that day sucked. But yeah, I never thanked you. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t been there for me.”

  “Tommy was there too.”

  “Tommy…” He shifts his weight and stands up. “…He’s been a good friend to me.” When he looks down, I see the words he’s going to say in his expression. The embarrassment he feels coloring his words. “I was ashamed you saw me like that. But you should know that you were the only reason I walked out of that motel room.”

  “Dex,” I say, feeling the pressure on my chest, making it harder to swallow. I take his hand and lead him to the tire swing.

  “I wouldn’t have left for Tommy. I know it. But then you were there… I hated myself for letting you see me like that. I hated myself in general. But I only got up because I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t put you through anymore pain with the pain you had already been through.”

  We sit opposite from each other and I cover his hand with mine on the chain. “You always say you’re not a good guy, but a bad guy wouldn’t have thought twice about my feelings in a time like that.”

  He doesn’t blush but I see that the compliment embarrasses him in a good way. “Do you remember that night at my party?” he asks

  “I could never forget.”