Perfect You

by Elizabeth Scott

  "Me too."

  "Really?" We were walking almost close enough for our shoulders to touch, and I had a sudden (and insane) desire to tell him about last night, about talking to Anna. To ask him what he thought. I wondered what he was thinking now, and wished I could ask him why he was asking me about Jennifer's party.

  "Yeah. See you around?" he said, and gave me that look again, the intense one that made me want to shove him up against a wall and kiss him until I couldn't breathe.

  "Sure." I was proud of how calm I sounded. Almost sophisticated, even.

  Then I walked outside, saw my father sitting in his car wearing the stupid carrot hat he'd been talking about, and realized I was never going to be sophisticated. Not that it stopped me from asking Dad if I could take the night off. Or telling him to never ever wear the carrot hat when he was anywhere near school.

  "In fact, just don't wear it when you're not at the mall," I said.

  "I forgot I had it on," he said, grinning at me. "It's just so comfortable that I--"

  "I'm still not wearing one, Dad. And what about tonight? I don't have to work, do I?"

  "I'd like to give you the night off, honey. But what if it gets busy?"

  I looked out the window and forced myself to take a deep breath. "It's not usually busy.

  And I worked by myself when you and Todd went to the movies. And that time you did that thing at the library."

  "Your mother has to work tonight, so she won't be able to take you anywhere."

  "I'll get a ride." I didn't know how I'd do that, but I'd think of something. If necessary, I'd even ask (shudder) Grandma.

  "Big plans?" Dad actually sounded curious, and when I glanced at him he was looking at me strangely, almost like I'd grown horns. Or was wearing a carrot hat.

  "Not really. I just want to go out, that's all."

  "You're growing up so fast," he said, and I realized he was looking at me so strangely because he was doing that choked-up thing parents do when they realize that you're sixteen and not, say, three. "You know, if there's ever anything you want to talk about, or any questions you might have--" "Dad, if I don't know about sex by now, I'm pretty much doomed, don't you think?"

  "Maybe I wasn't talking about . . . that."

  "I heard you say the exact same thing to Todd after you caught him and his girlfriend doing it in his room."

  "All right, all right," Dad said hastily, his face bright red. "So you've heard my little speech about being responsible before. I still mean it, though. You can talk to me about anything."

  I knew he meant it. He'd die of embarrassment if I ever did ask about sex, but he'd at least die trying, and that was nice to know, especially since a lot of the time it seemed like he saw me as a vitamin pack mule. "Thanks, Dad."

  "Hey, Kate," he said when I was getting out of the car at home, "have a good time tonight, okay?"

  I nodded.

  "You're a special girl, and I hope you know that you should wait until you meet a guy who appreciates you for who you are before--"

  "Tonight isn't about a guy, Dad." And it wasn't. Not exactly. I mean, I was just going to a party, and if a certain someone happened to be there, then he was there. It wasn't like it was a big deal or anything.

  I reminded myself of that a lot, especially after I'd changed clothes for the fourth time.

  And after I caught myself having imaginary conversations with Will. (Good--Him: "Kate, you're so beautiful, I can't stop thinking about you." Me: "You're so sweet. Tell me more." Bad--Him: "Oh, hey, Kate. I didn't see you. I was too busy making out with Sarah." Me: "I didn't see you either, because I was looking for my . . . my date." Him: "Date? You? Oh, that's funny. Sarah, isn't Kate funny?") Once I'd finally found something to wear that wasn't totally hideous, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Grandma was already in there, examining two identical-looking eye shadows.

  "Bought these today, darling," she said. "Which one looks best?"

  "Whichever one will let you let me use the bathroom."

  She laughed but didn't move. Typical. "You look nice. Are you going somewhere?"

  "To see some friends."

  "What time are you leaving?"

  What time? Great. I'd spent so much time thinking about Will asking me if I was going to be at the party that I hadn't thought about the actual party. "I'm not sure. I mean, soon."

  Grandma frowned at the eye shadows. "Maybe I should have bought a third color too."

  I gave up and grabbed my toothbrush, then headed to Mom and Dad's bathroom.

  By the time I'd gotten my breath as minty fresh as I could and left a message for Mom saying I'd call by midnight for a ride home, I realized I still needed a ride. I hyperventilated in the front hall for a while, trying to figure out how I could get Grandma to take me there without having to talk to her on the way, and just when I'd realized it wasn't possible and I'd have to spend the night at home, Todd came in and said, "Hey, loser, Dad said you were going out. Guess he was wrong."

  "Not that it's any of your business, but I am going out. What are you doing here?"

  He grinned at me. "Dad said I could take off early. He felt bad because I had to stay and help out this afternoon so someone could go home and get ready for her big night. So, how is standing in the hall working out for you?"

  I saluted him with my middle finger. "You're such a disease."

  "Todd, darling, is that you?" Grandma called from the living room. "Come here and say hello."

  Todd's eyes got wide. I grinned at him and, in my loudest voice, called out, "Grandma, he's--"

  "Stop," he whispered, cutting me off. "What do you want?"

  "A ride," I whispered back.

  "Fine," he said, and jerked his head in the direction of Grandma's voice. "Tell her I'm not here."

  I rolled my eyes at him, but said, "He's not here, Grandma."

  "I thought I heard him."

  "No, it's just me." I looked at Todd, who was edging toward the door, and clamped one hand onto his arm. "And I'm going now, Grandma. Bye!"

  "That was so wrong," Todd said when we got outside. "I can't believe you were going to rat me out to Grandma. I'd never--"

  "Spare me," I said, and got in the car.

  Jennifer's party had definitely started by the time I got there, because Jennifer S. came up to me as soon as I walked in. She was upset because Jennifer M. and T weren't talking to her. "I even heard them say they don't like my shoes!" she said, and then burst into tears.

  "They're nice shoes," I said, looking around for Will.

  "You think?" She sniffed, and wiped her eyes. "I like yours."

  And that's how I ended up discussing shoes with Jennifer S. for two hours while she pretended she wasn't watching everything Jennifer M. and T. did, and I pretended I didn't care that Will wasn't there.

  That's right. Wasn't there. Will hadn't come.

  I'd really thought he would, that he'd asked about tonight and the party because--well, because he'd wanted me to be here. I was so stupid.

  I wanted to go home, but as soon as I told her I was leaving, Jennifer S. started to cry again and begged me not to go because she didn't want to be alone. I could relate to that.

  Naturally, I ended up standing by myself, holding a drink that was so strong my nose stung every time I lifted the cup toward my mouth. I finally ducked outside and dumped it, tossing the cup away as I came back inside.

  Will wasn't coming, Jennifer S. had forgotten me now that Jennifer M. and T. were talking to her again, and there was no reason for me to stay. I started looking for a phone, wishing for once that I still had a cell. They'd been one of the first things to go when money got tight, though, and I hadn't cared since I wasn't getting any calls.

  I finally found a phone in the living room. Actually, it was Jennifer S.'s cell phone, and I borrowed it out of her purse right after she'd run up to me and said, "Get this. Jennifer T. is mad at Jennifer M. because she totally disappeared with her boyfriend even though she swore she was going t
o help with the party. Can you hold my purse? Jennifer says I need to look more streamlined."

  She didn't even wait for me to say anything before she thrust the purse at me and ran off, so I felt justified in using her phone. Virtuous, even, because I didn't even look at her text messages, just called home.

  Grandma answered and said Mom and Dad were talking, but that she'd tell Mom to come get me.

  "If Mom sends Dad, tell her to remind him that I left the address on my note."

  "What? I'm sorry, darling, this phone is beeping at me. Your brother is certainly a popular young man."

  I snorted. He was, but that was because none of the girls who called seemed to understand that when Todd said, "I'm an actor/potter/poet," he meant, "I live at home, and am one with the sofa."

  "Of course," Grandma said, "I doubt these young women realize his primary career is watching television."

  Huh. Maybe Todd wasn't totally off when he said I sounded like Grandma.

  Oh crap, I sounded like Grandma.

  "I gotta go," I said, and hung up. And then, just when I'd realized I'd wasted my whole night AND was capable of thinking exactly like a woman who lent new meaning to the term pain-in-the-ass, I saw Will.

  Chapter twenty

  He'd clearly just come from work, because he was in his Sports Shack uniform, and he'd brought Sam with him. You could actually hear everyone fall silent for a moment because Sam didn't come to parties like this. He went to parties thrown by people like Tara. Or Anna.

  Anna wasn't with Sam, though. I wondered about that, but only for a second, because Jennifer M. appeared, trying too hard to act casual around Sam and practically flinging herself at Will, who didn't seem to notice me even though I was basically right in front of him.

  I dropped Jennifer S.'s phone back in her purse and set the whole thing down on a chair, then went into the kitchen. My plan was to head out into the backyard through the door I'd used to ditch my drink before, and then circle around to the front of the house and wait for Mom or Dad to show up.

  Sam and Will came into the kitchen too, Sam nodding at something Jennifer M. said and smiling the slightly bored smile he wore whenever he talked to anyone who wasn't someone. Will was sauntering over to a pizza Jennifer T. had miraculously produced despite the fact she'd told everyone there wasn't any food left ages ago.

  I headed toward the door, reaching it just as I heard Will say, "No, man, I haven't been with anyone tonight. But maybe I can talk someone into leaving with me," grinning as the guys around him laughed and a couple of girls, including Jennifer M., giggled and shot him hopeful looks.

  I laughed. I couldn't help myself. Will was so full of shit and tonight . . . tonight couldn't end fast enough. I'd dressed up and hoped and I was so tired of doing that, so tired of dreaming and being unable to stop it despite the fact that I'd seen, maybe better than anyone here, what dreams could do to you. Anna had a dream, it had come true, and she wasn't my friend anymore. My father had a dream, and I had to sell vitamins and share a bathroom with my brother and grandmother because of it.

  A couple of people heard me laugh and looked over. I shrugged, like I didn't care that people were staring even though I did, but as I started to turn away I saw Will looking right at me, like he knew where I'd been all along.

  "In fact," he said, still staring at me, "I know for sure that this uniform," he gestured at himself, "drives some women crazy. Make-out-with-me-behind-the-mall crazy." Sam laughed, and most everyone else did too. But Will didn't, and a couple of the more observant girls didn't either. I saw Jennifer M.'s mouth open and her eyes light up as what he was saying sank in, and felt myself blush as she looked at me, connecting the dots of a story about Will and a mystery mall skank.

  I don't think I'd ever wanted anyone to drop dead as much as I wanted Will to in that moment. Not only had he basically let everyone know that we'd hooked up, he'd made it sound like I was so crazy for him that I'd make out with him anywhere. He'd made me sound like I was just another girl in his never-ending parade of them.

  He'd made me into what I'd always known I was to him: nothing. He'd made me into what I'd been stupid enough to pretend wasn't true.

  I guess he saw me realize that because he grinned, that adorable, dimpled grin I'd prided myself on being immune to when I hadn't been immune to it at all, and said,

  "Hey, Kate, do you want a slice?" holding up a piece of pizza.

  Maybe it was a peace offering, or even his stupid way of apologizing, but all it reminded me of was before. Of him buying me a slice of pizza. Of me thinking that him asking about the weekend meant something.

  Of me pretending he'd asked me out.

  I threw my shoe at him. I would have picked something better, but it was all I had to work with. At least I hit him in the head, my shoe connecting with a loud smack before bouncing off him and landing in the middle of the pizza.

  Will stared down at the ruined pizza and then looked at me, a mixture of shock, hurt, and fury in his eyes. Then he picked up my shoe, went over to a window, and tossed it outside. I realized what he was doing as soon as he picked it up, but by the time I got to him he'd already thrown it and people were laughing.

  "That was my shoe," I said.

  "No, really?"

  "You know what?" I said, so furious the words just poured out of me. "I wouldn't run around saying that someone wants to make out with you behind the mall. Because, really, how crazy about you can she be? Just think about it. You, and the back of the mall, where they keep the trash. Sounds like she's figured out where you belong." Then I turned around and glided outside.

  At least as much as anyone can glide with only one shoe on.

  "You think I'm trash?"

  I looked behind me. He'd followed me outside. His forehead was still a little red from my shoe, and he looked pissed off.

  Good.

  "Let's see, you come in and announce you're making out with me behind the mall because I'm so hot for you I can't help myself? I guess I could have called you the most amazing guy ever, but somehow that just doesn't seem to fit," I said, and started digging around in the seemingly millions of bushes in Jennifer T.'s backyard.

  "I don't get you," he said. "One minute you're sticking your tongue down my throat, and the next you're throwing shoes at me."

  "Look who's talking. You ask me about my weekend, but don't ask me out. You ask me if I'm coming here and then don't show for ages and then, when you do, you talk about taking someone else home and then make me sound like I--" I broke off and wished I'd get sucked into another world through one of the stupid bushes. A world where I hadn't just said all the things I had. A world where it wasn't so painfully obvious that I liked him more than he liked me.

  He walked toward me. "I couldn't get here earlier. I had to work. And when I asked about the weekend, I wanted to--"

  "I don't care."

  "Then why did you bring it up? And why won't you ever let me finish saying anyth--"

  "I brought it up to prove you're a jackass. A 'Hey I'll make out with you because you work at the mall and no one else is around' jackass. A 'Hey come to a party so you can hear me talk about how I can pick up someone else' jackass. A 'Hey, watch me throw shoes around' jackass." My voice was wobbly and my eyes burned, like I was going to cry. I told myself it was because I'd gotten a finger snagged on a branch.

  "Wait, you threw your shoe at me because you think I kiss you just because you work at the mall?" he said, and then laughed.

  I stared at him, incredulous. Laughing? Now? Great. I was SO glad I'd blabbed my brains out.

  "You are the strangest girl I know," he said. "You won't even talk to me for more than ten seconds unless we're at the mall, so how could I ever kiss you anywhere else? And who do you think I was talking about when I said I wanted to talk someone into leaving with me?" "I'm not strange," I said, straightening up and brushing dirt off my hands. "Just because I don't find your brand of bullshit . . . oh. You were talking about me?"

  "D
id you see me looking at someone else?" he said, and then he kissed me.

  I forgot about finding my shoe.

  In fact, I forgot everything and we ended up on the ground, tangled in Jennifer T.'s endless shrubbery and each other. I only opened my eyes once, registering branches and the shadow of Will's face, head thrown back as I yanked at the buttons on his shirt, and that sight was enough to dazzle me.

  Well, that and the enormously bright light that suddenly blasted my eyes, causing Will and me to freeze, blinking like mole people.

  "Kate, are you out here?" Jennifer M. said, sounding alarmingly close. "Jennifer T. said I should come look for you. And, hey, if you can hear me, have you seen Will? Because he-- oh. OH."

  "Hi," I said, registering her as a gossipy blur as I pulled my shirt down and tried to yank all the bits of whatever plant I was lying in out of my hair. "I was just looking for my shoe."

  Jennifer, now swimming alarmingly into focus, held up something that looked an awful lot like my lost shoe. "It was right by the door."

  "Thanks," I said, trying not to hate her for staring at Will like she wanted to undo all the shirt buttons he was refastening. (Not that I wanted to do anything like that. At least, not with her around.) "Oh, and your brother's here," she said, glancing distractedly at me before looking at Will again. "He's inside."

  Todd? If Todd was here that meant something had happened because he was not the kind of guy to give up his weekend to drive me home. Especially not after I'd pretty much blackmailed him into driving me here. What could have happened? Something with Mom? Or Dad? Or both of them?

  I ran inside, only to find Todd talking to Jennifer T. and looking down her shirt as she leaned forward to show off her cleavage. Somehow, when I'd seen her do what she called "the move" back when we were hanging out, I never pictured her using it on my brother.

  "What's wrong?" I said, and Todd looked at me and started laughing.

  "You look--" he sputtered.

  "Shut up," I muttered, and dragged him to the door.

  "What's wrong?" I asked again when we were outside, elbowing him after he kept laughing.

  "Nothing," he said, grinning as we got in the car and he pulled out onto the street. "I went by the house just now to borrow some money from Mom--and say hi--but Grandma pounced as soon as I walked in and told me to come get you. Great hair, by the way. And the one shoe look? Very nice."