Secrets Between Us

by Valerie Keogh

‘Tia,’ Ellie called gently as she moved into the room, suddenly and frighteningly aware of how little she knew about her sister. Fifteen years. She’d changed so much in that time, it was likely her sister had too.

  Tia finished folding the jumper, put it into the suitcase that lay open on the bed, and only then did she stand, brush her hair back and smile at Ellie.

  Stunned, Ellie took a step backward. She hadn’t expected dramatic change; they were identical twins, for goodness sake, but if she’d expected their different life experiences to have had some impact, different choices to have made a superficial difference, she was disappointed. Unbelievably, they even wore their hair the same length, loose and slightly curling. Tia wasn’t wearing make-up, she guessed, but at the weekends Ellie favoured natural make-up that was so subtle as to be almost unnoticeable. To all intents and purposes, looking at her sister was like looking in a mirror.

  And, for the first time, as she felt her gut curl, she didn’t feel doubt, she knew with certainty that she’d made a terrible mistake.

  10

  Ellie gritted her teeth when Tia came towards her with a raised hand and gently touched her cheek. She would have stepped back, but she was conscious of the deputy behind her. Conscious too, that Tia didn’t mean any harm, not even when she moved the hand on her cheek to pat it lightly and say, ‘You’re me.’

  Lost for words, Ellie looked back to where Felix Porter hovered in the doorway. She could change her mind, couldn’t she? Then the noxious smell hit her once more, and she knew she couldn’t. Not now. Taking a deep breath, she said, ‘Hello, Tia.’ There was so much to say, and nothing to say; so much had changed and, terrifyingly, nothing had changed. She forced a smile. ‘We need to get going,’ she said to her, ‘we can chat later.’

  She turned back to the deputy. ‘Has she much more stuff?’

  ‘No,’ he said, and nodded toward the suitcase, ‘that’s it. The heavier stuff was sent yesterday, they promised it would arrive in a day or two. It was books and folders mostly. Tia likes to collect things.’

  ‘More clothes, too, I hope,’ Ellie said, staring at the small suitcase open on the bed. She caught his eye, saw the negative in them before he needed to say a word. ‘Surely she must have more clothes than this?’ Ellie said, horrified that everything Tia owned fit into this one little suitcase.

  He shook his head and shrugged. ‘She had everything she needed, Mrs Armstrong.’

  Ellie felt a stab of remorse. She should have come to see her, or at least she could have phoned and asked if she needed anything. But if she had, would she have heard the she has everything she needed and hung up, satisfied. Probably, she admitted.

  ‘We’d better get going,’ she said again, with a gentle smile for her sister.

  Tia nodded. Turning, she closed her suitcase, picked it up and stood with it in her hand waiting to be told what to do next.

  ‘Don’t forget your coat,’ Porter said from the doorway.

  Immediately, Tia dropped the suitcase and took her coat from where she’d left it on the back of the only chair in the room. She put it on, buttoned it, and picked up her suitcase again.

  Ellie expected her to show sadness when, in the reception, they were met by some of the staff and other residents who had come to say goodbye. They hugged her and wished her well; some, Ellie noticed as she stood waiting, had tears in their eyes. But Tia showed little emotion, merely accepting their wishes and hugs with a slight smile.

  Ellie glanced her way as they drove down the long winding drive away from the school. ‘Are you sad to leave?’

  Tia turned to stare at her. ‘Why would I be?’

  Ellie swallowed. Why indeed?

  The journey back to the airport was made almost in silence. Now and then, Ellie asked her if she were all right and Tia nodded, her eyes glued to the scenes they passed. As they approached the airport, Ellie became worried. Tia had never been in an aeroplane, she might be terrified.

  But, to her relief, when she explained to Tia about flying, she accepted the concept in the same passive way she seemed to accept everything else. Ellie had been afraid the world outside St Germaine’s would be overwhelming. If it were, if Tia were nervous or afraid, she didn’t show the slightest sign. Inside the airport her almost blank expression was replaced by a wide-eyed fascination as she took in the sounds and smells of the busy airport. She constantly stopped to stare at things, reaching out a hand to run her fingers along each new surface they passed.

  Ellie quickly became conscious of people staring and pointing fingers and frowned. It was starting already. Opening her bag, she took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on. They helped, a little.

  Putting a hand on Tia’s elbow, she increased her pace. ‘We have to walk quickly,’ she explained to her, ‘we don’t want to miss our flight.’

  To Ellie’s relief, the flight was on time. Apart from a brief moment at check-in, where eyebrows were raised as she handed over her passport and Tia’s identification, she kept her glasses on, hiding behind their ridiculously oversized frames, glad for the first time she hadn’t listened to Will and gone for something much more discreet.

  At Stanstead, they waited for Tia’s suitcase. Fascinated by the luggage carousel, she shouted out in delight when she saw her suitcase appear out of the tunnel and, before Ellie could stop her, she rushed to grab it, elbowing people out of the way in her haste.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Ellie reassured her when she missed it and it disappeared around the bend of the carousel. ‘Watch, it will come around again in a minute.’ She kept a hold of her arm, murmuring wait into her ear when the case did appear, releasing her when the case trundled in front of them. Tia grabbed it and pulled it from the belt, her face beaming with such pleasure it brought a smile to Ellie’s face.

  Outside, rain had started to fall as Ellie guided her sister toward the taxi rank. There was a queue, but it wasn’t endless. As the taxi negotiated the streets of London, Tia sat forward and stared, her mouth slightly open. She said nothing and Ellie, watching her, wondered what was going through her mind. It was such a contrast to the quiet of St Germaine’s. For the first time, she wondered if they were being fair to her by bringing her to the city. As if she’d read her mind, Tia turned to look at her, a serious expression on her face. ‘I like London,’ she said.

  Ellie met her gaze. She wished she could say she was welcome to stay with them as long as she wanted, but she wasn’t going to start their reacquaintance with a lie. ‘It will be like a holiday for you until we can find somewhere else like St Germaine’s,’ she said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

  Tia’s expression didn’t change. ‘I like London,’ she said again and with a nod turned back to watch the passing scenery of the city streets and the people who milled about as the taxi stopped in traffic.

  Ellie bit her lip. She turned to look out the window as they passed a darkened office block. All she could see was her reflection. With a gulp she shut her eyes, keeping them shut until the taxi slowed to a stop over an hour later.

  ‘This is where we live,’ she said, paying the driver. It had stopped raining, so she stood on the path for a moment after the taxi had gone, giving Tia time to take in her surroundings. If she’d expected her to be impressed by this evidence of her success, she was disappointed; she smiled in the same way she’d done at the luggage carousel.

  ‘There’s an apartment down on the lower-ground floor,’ Ellie explained as they passed the well-camouflaged gate in the fence that gave entrance to the steps leading downstairs. ‘There’s a very nice gentleman living there, Mr Dempsey, you might see him now and then.’

  It wasn’t like her to babble. She stopped, fished in her bag for the door key and opened the front door. ‘Come in,’ she said, standing back to let her in. ‘It’s nice to be home.’

  Tia stood looking at her, her expression inscrutable. Ellie pinned on a smile. Was that the way she looked, did people think the same of her? ‘Would you like to go straight to your r
oom,’ she asked her, ‘or have a cup of tea? Or there’s coffee, if you’d prefer?’ She knew what she wanted: a large, no make that a very large, glass of wine. On the flight home, when she’d really wanted a drink, she’d been struck by the sudden realisation of the responsibility she’d taken on and had an espresso instead.

  ‘My room, please,’ Tia said.

  ‘Great, follow me.’ Ellie could hear the forced jollity in her voice. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she led the way, stopping and smiling at Tia before pushing open the door to the spare bedroom. She’d cleared the room during the week, removing the clutter that had drifted in over the years, dressing the bed in pale-pink bed linen, adding a small desk and chair. She’d also added a television, in case she liked to watch TV late at night or early in the morning.

  Tia looked around the room but said nothing. Ellie, who had really made an effort to make the room as homely and comfortable as possible, was a little taken aback at her lack of response, then she remembered her bedroom in St Germaine’s, and the miserable few clothes. Really, what did Tia have to thank her for?

  ‘You can put your stuff in there,’ she said, pointing to the wardrobe and chest of drawers. She hadn’t meant right away, of course, but she’d no sooner made this remark than Tia lifted her suitcase onto the small table, opened it and started unpacking.

  Ellie was about to explain that there was no urgency but stopped when she saw the contents of Tia’s suitcase. She’d been horrified when she saw that all her clothes fit in one miserable case, now she was appalled at the clothes themselves; basic white, now faded-to-grey underwear; two pairs of cheap, unbranded jeans; a few long-sleeved T-shirts that had seen better days; a couple of out-of-shape jumpers and a few other unidentifiable garments with one common denominator: grey. What colour they had started out as Ellie had no idea but guilt, her companion for the day, once again twisted her gut painfully.

  ‘Hang on,’ she said and went to her bedroom. When she’d moved in with Will she’d been surprised at the small amount of space available for her clothes. She’d said nothing, squeezing her suits and shirts alongside his, leaving some of her clothes in suitcases until she needed them. A few weeks later, she arrived home after a hard day at work to discover he’d organised a surprise for her. He’d brought her upstairs, his hands over her eyes, and shown her what he’d had done. A door had been knocked through from their bedroom into what had previously been a small spare bedroom. Builders had closed off the door from it to the hallway and fitters had lined it with shelves and hanging racks. It was a perfect dressing room and she’d squealed with pleasure. Of course, it didn’t take long to fill it. And there was so much she didn’t wear.

  Frowning in concentration now, she took down blouses, trousers and skirts, grabbing the hangers together, taking them and dropping them on her bed. She returned for T-shirts and jumpers, dropping them on top of the rest. ‘That should do it,’ she murmured and, grabbing the lot, brought the bundle to Tia’s bedroom and placed them on her bed.

  ‘Here,’ she said with a smile. ‘I don’t wear half the clothes I have, have a look through these, see if there’s anything you like. Tomorrow,’ she continued, seeing her twin’s eyes light with excitement at last, ‘I’ll take you shopping for underwear and other stuff you’ll need.’

  Tia moved to the mound of clothes and picked up a jumper. Her hands caressed the fabric, holding it to her face. ‘So soft,’ she said, ‘is it really all for me?’

  Ellie felt a catch in her throat. Why hadn’t she sent her things over the years? ‘Yes, it is. Would you like to change into something while I go and make dinner?’

  Tia nodded. With a sigh of relief, Ellie left her and headed to the kitchen. She’d planned a simple dinner: fillet steak and salad. Will had gone to a football match. Normally, he would have gone to the pub afterwards, drowning sorrows or celebrating success; whichever the case he was usually pretty drunk on his return. But not today, today he’d promised to have only a couple of pints, come home for dinner and meet his sister-in-law for the first time.

  Ellie resisted the temptation to open a bottle of wine. The day had been long, tiring and emotionally draining, and she hadn’t eaten. It would be safer to wait. Slipping an apron on, she started dinner, feeling herself relax as she prepared the marinade for the steak. She poured it over the meat and put it to one side before starting on the salad, slicing tomatoes, peeling and chopping cucumber and beetroot.

  The steak was grilling and she was just putting the salad-bowl onto the dining room table when Tia opened the door slowly and made her entrance in Ellie’s cast-offs. She stood a moment in the doorway before moving into the room and then suddenly, like a child, she did a twirl.

  ‘This is my favourite,’ she said, spinning again.

  Ellie could see why. The gossamer-thin white voile blouse made her look angelic and the white silk skirt, brushing the floor, added to the effect.

  Just as Ellie was about to say it wasn’t really suitable, that she must have added the outfit by accident, she heard the front door open and then Will’s voice shouting a cheery, slightly inebriated hello.

  Tia, startled, moved backward towards Ellie so when he walked in they were standing almost side by side.

  Ellie had told him that she and Tia were identical twins, but she hadn’t warned him how alike they were, maybe because she’d hoped it was no longer true. But all the evidence she needed was right there on his face: disbelief coupled with confusion. For a moment, Ellie was certain he wasn’t sure which of the two women in front of him was his wife.

  Before Ellie could move, before she could stop him making a mistake she’d find impossible to forget, he moved toward her. She smiled in relief. Of course, he’d recognise her. She was just being silly, oversensitive.

  ‘Tia,’ he said, reaching forward to peck her on the cheek, ‘how nice to finally meet you.’

  11

  Will, hearing Ellie’s quick intake of breath, realised his mistake immediately and tried to laugh it off. ‘Just joking,’ he said to his clearly horrified wife, his laugh sounding forced even to his ears.

  He turned to face his sister-in-law. ‘Tia,’ he said. ‘How lovely to meet you. Did you have a good journey?’

  Ellie, still reeling from the shock of his mistake, answered for her sister, her voice tight. ‘It was fine, the flight was on time. No problems.’ Turning to Tia, she pointed to one of the chairs, ‘you can sit there, Tia. Dinner is ready.’

  ‘Can I help you?’ Will asked. She ignored him. With an embarrassed laugh, he turned to Tia again and gave her a friendly smile, ‘I hope your room is all right.’

  Tia looked at him and blinked rapidly.

  ‘It’s pink,’ Will tried again, helplessly.

  She smiled. ‘Yes. I like pink.’

  Will gulped. It was just like looking at Ellie. And then he frowned. No, it wasn’t, not really. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his wife’s face as relaxed as Tia’s. ‘Sit, please make yourself comfortable,’ he said. ‘I just need to go and wash up, I’ll be back in a minute.’

  By the time he returned, dinner was on the table, the sisters sitting opposite each other, his plate at the end. ‘This looks nice,’ he said appreciatively, sitting down and giving both women an awkward smile. ‘Ellie is a good cook,’ he said to Tia. ‘I hear you worked in a bakery?’

  As a conversation starter it didn’t work. Tia looked blankly at him, her mouth slightly open. Will picked up his knife and fork and cut into his steak, trying to ignore the heat of Ellie’s stare.

  ‘Didn’t you bake bread? At St Germaine’s,’ he tried again between mouthfuls.

  Tia nodded. ‘Every day. Brown bread.’

  ‘Very good,’ Will said and then, glancing up to see both women looking at him, he qualified, ‘the steak. It’s very good.’

  Tia hadn’t started hers. Ellie, a hint of panic in her voice, said, ‘Don’t you like steak?’

  Her laugh rang out, an earthy belly laug
h that made Will grin and Ellie frown. ‘Is that what it is?’ she said, her laugh reducing quickly to a giggle that continued as she explained, ‘I didn’t know what it was. I’ve never had steak like this before.’

  Ellie’s frown, like Tia’s giggle, continued. ‘It’s fillet steak, Tia. Very expensive and very good. Eat it up, you must be hungry.’

  Still smiling, Tia picked up her knife and fork and proceeded to cut the steak and eat. She ate quickly, barely slowing to nod or shake her head in reply to the questions Will threw her way. Did she enjoy the flight? Was she sad leaving St Germaine’s?

  Eventually, he gave up trying to make conversation and concentrated on his dinner, ignoring the occasional baleful glance from Ellie.

  Tia’s plate was empty well before either Will or Ellie had finished and he watched as she put her knife and fork down carefully, side by side.

  ‘Did you enjoy that?’ he asked, expecting another nod.

  Tia smiled at him, a dazzling smile that lit up her face, animating it and making her even more like her sister. ‘It was very nice, thank you.’

  ‘Good,’ he said, avoiding looking Ellie’s way.

  ‘There’s some apple tart and ice cream,’ she said, standing and collecting the plates.

  Will watched her go without a glance in his direction and sighed before turning to look at his sister-in-law. He wondered if they’d made the right decision. How would he feel if he had to live with his double? In a flash of understanding, he thought this was why Ellie hadn’t spoken much of her sister in the past. She was a very strong-willed, independent woman – and she was one of a pair. But not quite. It gave him a headache just thinking about it. It hadn’t helped that he’d mixed them up. What an idiot he’d been.

  He glanced over to where Ellie was scooping ice cream, her face a picture of concentration and he shook his head. He’d always known she wasn’t as tough as she liked to make herself out to be, but now, suddenly, he saw a vulnerability he hadn’t known existed. He looked across the table at his sister-in-law. What had Ellie said? Everyone loved her more than me. He frowned. That was fifteen years ago. They were children then, but was Ellie worried that not enough had changed since? They certainly still looked identical. Maybe she was afraid everything else would be the same too? He needed to be more careful.